Time ticked by, second by second. After what felt like an eternity, Zhou Gu'er finally regained some awareness. She fought back the fear and anxiety in her heart and peeked around with eyes that had adjusted to the darkness.
She couldn't make out the other objects in the room, but the area around the kang bed was clear.
Six people were sleeping on this one kang bed.
Her adoptive father, her adoptive mother, herself, her two younger sisters, Zhou Feng'er and Zhou Duo'er, and her younger brother, Zhou Cai.
She remembered this. Before her adoptive father sold her to Zhang Da, she had always slept at home like this. The whole family of six slept on one large kang bed, right up until the day she was married off to Zhang Da.
'How did I end up back on my family's big kang bed?'
Zhou Gu'er couldn't understand what was happening, so she pinched her own thigh.
It hurt. A lot.
Zhou Gu'er barely managed to keep herself from crying out.
'I wouldn't feel pain in a dream, and it shouldn't hurt in the underworld, either. Even if I died, there's no way I'd be with my adoptive family again. Besides, my adoptive father has been dead for years; he's probably been reincarnated by now. Why would he be waiting for me?'
'So what is happening to me?'
Zhou Gu'er didn't understand.
Suddenly, a possibility occurred to her.
Zhou Gu'er's mouth fell open in shock. 'It can't be!'
'Aren't we supposed to believe in science? That there's no such thing as gods and ghosts? All those TV shows and movies about traveling back in time are just fiction. How could I have actually gone back to the past?'
The only reason Zhou Gu'er could even conceive of this possibility was because of the countless modern TV shows and movies about rebirth and time travel. The idea came to her quickly, but that didn't mean she believed it.
'But if I don't believe it, then how do I explain what's right in front of my eyes?'
And just a moment ago, her adoptive father had said he was going to sell her to Zhang Da. She remembered marrying Zhang Da when she was nineteen. Even though she wasn't of legal age, such things didn't matter in the village. After a small reception with two tables of guests, she became Zhang Da's property.
'That means I can't be nineteen yet. So, what year is it?'
'Right, my adoptive mother said I had a fever.'
She rarely got sick, but she did remember having a fever when she was eighteen. That day, her adoptive father had forced her to go up the mountain to gather firewood, claiming they had run out. She had no choice but to go. While she was on the mountain, a heavy rain began to fall. She returned home soaked to the bone and came down with a fever. She recalled being sick for several days, but even then, her adoptive father forced her to get up to cook and do chores. She didn't get a single day's rest, and on top of it all, he still berated her endlessly.
'What in the world is going on! Have I really been reborn and returned to my eighteen-year-old self?'
'No! It can't be! This has to be a dream. My heart must have acted up, and now I'm in the hospital, dreaming.' With this thought, Zhou Gu'er drifted back into a hazy sleep.
The next time Zhou Gu'er woke up, she was startled awake by a barrage of curses.
She shot upright, her mind still fuzzy.
'Is my daughter and son-in-law here to scream at me again?'
An indescribable heartache gripped Zhou Gu'er. 'No one wanted something like that to happen. I'm more heartbroken than they are, but they still insist on blaming me!'
'Is it my fault? Honestly, they have no right to blame me. But that's not how they see it. They don't like me; they hate me. They show up at my door to fight and hurl insults. It chills me to the core, but what can I do?'
A wave of sorrow washed over Zhou Gu'er. 'What a life I've led. At my parents' home, I had to endure my adoptive father's abuse. After I got married, my husband either beat me or screamed at me. I had a daughter, and I thought she would be my pillar of support. But from a young age, to avoid a beating from her own father, Zhang Da, she would shift any blame onto me. When she watched her father beat and curse me, she would just stare coldly. She never felt any sympathy for me. She never once thought of me as her mother.'
'I finally managed to raise her. After her father died, she and I were still distant. She pressured me for money to buy a house, and then later, she...'
Zhou Gu'er felt her eyes burn. 'Didn't I tell myself I wasn't sad anymore? Why does my heart still ache so much?'
"Why aren't you up making breakfast? Are you trying to get yourself killed?! You do nothing all day, lazy as a pig! What's the point of feeding you? Get your ass up, or I'll give you a thrashing."
The furious bellow snapped Zhou Gu'er back to her senses.
Staring at her adoptive father standing before her, Zhou Gu'er couldn't seem to snap out of her daze.
Her adoptive father was in his forties, looking just as she remembered: thin and dark-skinned, with a mouth full of yellow teeth and dull, lifeless eyes. His most distinct feature was a face covered in pockmarks. He was an utterly unremarkable man, yet it was this very man who had controlled her destiny. During her time in his home, she had endured endless misery, and then he sold her off to be a wife, condemning her to a life of even greater hardship.
A surge of hatred rose in Zhou Gu'er's heart. 'It was all his fault. If it weren't for him, I never would have suffered so much.'
She didn't want to see her adoptive father. 'This has to be a dream,' she thought, glaring fiercely at him, wishing he would just disappear.
"You dare glare at me? Are you tired of living?! You looking for a beating?"
Seeing Zhou Gu'er glare at him, Zhou Mazi felt his authority had been challenged. He swung his arm back, ready to strike her.
Before Zhou Gu'er could react, someone rushed over from the side and grabbed Zhou Mazi's arm.
"Don't hit her. Her fever still hasn't broken. Just let her rest for today."
Li Hua clung to Zhou Mazi's arm, pleading with her husband.
"Bullshit! A little rain is going to kill her? She eats my food and lives under my roof, so if she doesn't work for me, what damn use is she?"
Zhou Mazi brutally snapped at his wife, then flung his arm to shake Li Hua off. However, he didn't raise his hand to hit Zhou Gu'er again.
Seeing the veins throbbing on his forehead, Zhou Gu'er didn't doubt for a second that if he got truly angry, he would charge over and beat her.
"I'll do Gu'er's chores today. The child never gets a moment of rest. Now that she's sick, she has to rest for at least one day. Besides, we still have Feng'er and Du'er, don't we? They can both work. Don't worry, things will get done."
Li Hua's voice wasn't loud, but her words were firm.
"Go on and protect her. That little brat isn't even your own flesh and blood, so why are you defending her? Now get the hell out of my way. If you make me late for my meal, see if I don't beat you to death."
Zhou Mazi spat out another curse and then turned and left the room.
"Quick, lie back down. You rest today. In a little while, I'll bring you a bowl of ginger water. You need to sweat the fever out to get better."
Once Li Hua saw Zhou Mazi leave the room, she hurried forward to help Zhou Gu'er lie back down.
Gazing at the face before her, Zhou Gu'er felt her eyes well up with tears.
'Is all of this real?'
'Have I really returned to my eighteen-year-old self?'
Her adoptive mother was only forty, but she looked closer to fifty. Her skin was rough and sallow, her eyes ringed with wrinkles that made her look far older than her years. Yet, this was the youngest Zhou Gu'er could remember her looking. Her lasting image of her adoptive mother was as an old woman with a full head of white hair and no teeth.
'Have I... have I really been reborn?' Zhou Gu'er pinched the back of her hand, hard, still finding it impossible to believe.