Sometimes, I wish I could fight with someone—from the heart. I wish I could smile with someone, genuinely, from the heart. There's a kind of love in those little fights... but I've never felt that. Maybe nature never wanted me to feel it.
I'm at the metro station. Everyone's busy on their phones, chatting with their partners. A boy in front of me keeps gazing at me... What does he want from me? Do I look beautiful to him? Does he desire me? Or is he just daydreaming... like other men do?
Normal men don't stare like that. They can't do such a cheap thing. If they admire you, they do it from the heart. But finding true love... feels harder than reaching Mars.
I looked away, toward the window... the tall buildings, the chaos of the city. My eyes felt empty, like I had lost everything.
When I reached the office, everyone was clapping.I looked at everyone, pretending to smile, trying to understand what was happening... but I was clueless. "What happened?" I asked Sarah. She was smiling and dancing.
"Ohh, Mr. Rajveer is getting married!" she laughed.
Maybe it's happiness for them—for all the employees—but for me, I was shocked. I thought he liked me. He was never harsh with me, always gave advice, understood me, even invited me to his birthday party. But I guess he did all that just because I work under him.
I wasn't made for love... no one can love me. I smiled back and started clapping like I was happy—but I never was.
It's not like I loved him, or that I wanted to date or stay with him. But the thought that he might like me... that was beautiful. Even if it wasn't real, it gave me confidence. It made me feel that someone, at least someone, liked me—that I wasn't an unlikeable person.
But all those feelings disappeared in a second. He's going to marry someone from our department. I never even knew he had a girlfriend in the office. He's tall, handsome... but still, how could I have believed...?
Anyway, I have to accept it. No one will ever love me. And maybe... beauty really doesn't matter.Or maybe... if beauty truly matters, then I was never the beautiful one. Maybe people only fall for those who wear their hearts on their sleeves, who smile louder, love openly, cry without shame. But me? I kept everything inside—quiet, hidden. Maybe that's why no one chose me.
In my hand was the invitation card for Rajveer's wedding. Of course, I didn't want to go. But I had to—for the company, for work, so no one would doubt me or ask, "Why didn't you come?"
It's hard to keep making excuses. People even question the simplest things. They like to ask everything... Why are they so interested in other people's lives?
Maybe because that's their source of happiness—seeing someone struggle to fake a smile, watching them lie with a made-up excuse. They enjoy it, deep down. I get it now.
At the restaurant, everyone was smiling. Sarah was sitting beside me, eating biryani with her hands. She's really an extrovert—she doesn't care what other people think of her. She just does whatever she wants.
But me? I stay silent. I keep everything inside. Why is it so hard for me to express my own emotions... my own feelings? Why do I let people talk behind my back? Why do I never fight for what's mine? Why do I overthink even the smallest things—even the tiniest decisions?
I remember once, my mother told me, "Don't speak before you think." Maybe I took that too personally... and over time, I made it part of my personality. Slowly, I became the silent girl. The one who always stays quiet. Who never talks loudly—not in school, not in college, not even at work.
"Aria, are you dating someone?"
The girl asked casually. I didn't even know her name, but everyone else called her Shraddha. It took me a moment to respond. I wasn't sure what to say.
Should I tell her, "I had someone, but we broke up"? Or just say, "No, I don't have anyone"?
That's what normal people would say. But me?
I simply replied, "No," in a low voice—so soft she could barely hear it.
Still, she seemed to understand... not through my words, but through the way I looked when I said it.
Then she went back to talking with her group. Yeah... they all had their own little circles—four or five people—laughing, sharing everything.
But I didn't have a group. No one ever made me a part of theirs.
Maybe because I stay silent.
Yes... if you don't talk much, people assume you're boring. Or that you just don't want to be included.
But they don't really understand...
That you do want to be part of something. You just don't know how.
I honestly don't know what to talk about. What topic is right? Politics? Music? Movies?
But even then, my opinions are different. My political thoughts don't match theirs. My taste in music is unusual. Even the movies I watch belong to a different genre.
There's no one whose personality matches mine. And maybe that's why... I always end up alone.
They all finished their dinner. One by one, they stood up, laughing, chatting, getting ready to leave. Then they all looked at me.
It was my turn to pay the bill.
I quietly opened my purse, took out the money...
And as I did, they all walked outside—without even waiting.
No thank you. No smile. Just gone.
I handed over the amount.
I greeted the owner of the restaurant with a small smile as I handed him the money. He nodded kindly—maybe the only person who noticed me tonight.
For a second, I stood there, watching the empty chairs, the leftover plates, the laughter fading outside.
Then I slowly turned and walked out to join them... even though it already felt like I wasn't really part of them.
"Aria, sorry... my car is full," Sarah said, almost sounding disappointed.
They were all already seated—Sarah in the driver's seat, Shraddha beside her, and the other three packed into the back.
"It's okay. I'll take the bus," I replied, trying to smile.
Without another word, Sarah started the car and drove off. I stood there... alone.
The sky was dark, scattered with stars that felt like they were watching me quietly. I took a deep breath, holding my bag tightly in one hand—not sure if it was to control my emotions or to stop myself from falling apart.
I waited... under the silent sky, pretending I was okay.