My voice sounded pathetic in my ears, pleading. But I had no choice, I'd go on all fours and beg Ms. Duval if I had to.
"I don't want to be alone tonight," I added, not caring how desperate I sounded.
"I like it when you beg," she finally responded, her voice breathy and amusement dancing in her eyes. "But we're only sleeping. Nothing more."
I wanted more, but I was willing to settle for just sleeping. "Okay."
"If you don't mind…" she came back into the room. "I sleep with no clothes on."
I gulped. "That's fine with me." I turned my head, careful not to move my lower body as I followed her every movement.
This time it was yellow lace, her boobs blooming like a sunflower through it. I figured it was a size too small from how her boobs spilled over at the top.
The color made her already pale skin shine under the bedroom lights. I couldn't tear my eyes away as she snapped the lace loose, letting it fall to the ground. I could already feel the heat begin to pool at my lower stomach.
I should look away but I can't.
My willpower was no match for the sight before me. She switched off the lights, but even in the dark I could make out her silhouette as she crawled into the bed.
She turned to me as she laid down, her breath hitting me softly in the face. "You should get some sleep, I'll take you to the clinic in the morning."
I nodded, then realized she couldn't see me. "Okay."
Except—I could do anything but sleep, not when Ms. Duval was right there in front of me, completely nude and bare. Letting herself be vulnerable in front of me.
"Why did you want to leave?" she asked which startled me because I'd assumed she was already asleep.
"I…I…"
"Don't give me the crap about going back to your world. I want the truth."
It stung that she didn't believe me. But, who would?
"That's the truth," I whispered into the dark. "It's okay if you don't believe me. Just…don't…say I'm crazy or anything. I already feel like I'm actually losing it. Nothing makes sense to me anymore."
She was quiet for a while and it made me worry that I've upset her again. "I'm sorry," I blurted out.
"Tell me about it. Your world I mean. I'll try to understand you."
A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. "My life back home wasn't exactly rosy. So I turned to books and writing for an escape. It was the only time I was happy, away from the chaos of my family. I could create whatever world I wanted, I was in control. It made me feel less pathetic."
"Mhmm." She urged me to go on.
"I liked thinking about what characters to write next. No matter how much I tried, my main characters ended up being an extension of myself."
"And I'm one of your main characters?"
"Yes."
"In what way am I an extension of you?" I could tell she was genuinely curious and not trying to make a mockery of me.
I thought of the best way to answer. "You're who I wish I was. Confident, poised, graceful, and defiant in a way that soothes my thirst for human connection. If that even makes sense."
"And Mary?"
I swallowed hard. "She's me. Wanting things that would end up ruining her. The only difference is I'm scared to go for what I really want. But Mary…she charges in with her heart first without thinking of the consequences."
She hummed. "In my opinion, you two are nothing alike."
I shot up in surprise then hissed when pain shot down my legs. "Different?"
"Mhmm." I felt her fingers in my hair. "You're more…human."
I almost laughed, relaxing against the pillow when her fingers massaged my scalp. "What does that even mean?"
"Mary was obedient but cold. She listened to every word I said, but it was a rebellion of sorts. And before, when I called you her name, it wasn't because I mistook you for her."
"What?"
"I know you've heard the rumors of what our relationship was like. I wanted to make sure you weren't here because you felt like you needed to step into her shoes. You're your own person, Mary."
I didn't know what to say to that.
"I'll say one more thing before we sleep. If you're so convinced this is a fictional world you created as an escape, then you should be grateful that you finally get to live out your dreams. Here, your life isn't as miserable and you can be happy if you want. This is your new reality, make the best out of it."
I didn't have any response to that. And even after I heard her soft snore I stayed awake, thinking about her words.
Maybe she was right.
In this world I could explore my deepest desires without fear that my parents would condemn me. I could finally be myself.
.
.
Warm light on my face woke me up to an empty bed. I slowly stood up from the bed, chest bare, and walked through the apartment. But Ms. Duval was nowhere to be found.
I found a bowl of fruits and a note tapped on the cover.
'Morning class. Go to the clinic after breakfast. D.'
My lips lifted in a huge grin. She'd gotten up early for class and cut up fruits for me before leaving. I ate them in a hurry before freshening up and wearing the set of uniforms she'd laid out on the sink.
Instead of heading to the clinic I went to my dorm. I already missed the first class, so I went to get my books for the next class.
I'd assumed everyone else was in class until I heard the sound of heavy breathing coming from one of the rooms.
Curiosity got the best of me and I looked through the small opening in the door. I saw one of the sisters, her back pressed to the wall and a student kissing her like she was life itself. I could tell because she was in uniform.
I drew back in shock, my shoes squeaking against the floor.
They stopped. "Who's there?" the sister asked.
I turned and ran out of the dorm, I couldn't let them know it was me. I didn't stop until I was a panting mess in front of the class.
Luckily there was no teacher in so I slipped into my seat beside Charlotte.
She looked at me, surprised. "I thought you were gone. I woke up and you weren't there, you didn't show up in class."
"I got caught by Sister Agnes."
She gasped. "The headmistress?"
"Yes," I bit out.
Her eyes swept over me. "And she let you go?"
"I was punished dearly for it. I can't even begin to tell you the horror of it."
"What will you do now?"
"Nothing. I've decided to explore what this school holds for me." I remembered Ms. Duval's words. "This might be my only chance to live the life I only ever dreamed of."
Something seemed to gleam in her eyes. "I'm glad you chose to stay."
My eyes lifted when Ms. Duval walked into the class. "Me too," I said with a smile.