I crouched behind a dumpster in a narrow alleyway three blocks from the palace. My heart was thumping, not from fear, but from the sheer adrenaline of a successful heist.
"Status Window," I whispered.
A flickering screen hissed into existence. It looked like a corrupt file from a 90s retro game, bleeding purple static at the edges.
[User Status]
Name: Seraphina von Lapis (Glitch_User)
Level: 5
Class: None (Select a Class to unlock Skill Tree)
Title: [The Exiled Thief] [Engagement Breaker]
Stats:
STR: 8 (Wet Noodle)
AGI: 25 (Speedrunner Tier)
INT: 15 (Average)
LUK: ERROR (System cannot calculate)
Unassigned Stat Points: 20
Inventory: [King's Legacy Storage Ring (Ancient)], [15,000 Gold], [Half-eaten Macaron]
"Twenty points?" I grinned. "The System must have given me the 'First Blood' bonus for robbing the Male Lead."
In most stories, the protagonist would put points into Strength or Magic. Not me. I knew how this game engine worked. If I boosted my Agility high enough, the physics engine wouldn't be able to track my movement speed, causing my "hitbox" to lag. In gamer terms: I'd be untouchable.
I dumped all 20 points into AGI.
[AGI: 25 → 45]
[Warning: Movement speed exceeds NPC perception. Minor 'Rubber-banding' may occur.]
Suddenly, the world felt slow. The falling rain seemed to hang in the air for a fraction of a second longer. I felt light—dangerous.
"Now, to liquidate the assets."
I pulled a hooded cloak out of a nearby laundry line (a classic RPG move) and headed toward the "Grey Market." In the game Emerald Hearts, there was a hidden merchant named Old Man Barnaby. He was an NPC meant for mid-game gear upgrades, but because he lived in the slums, I could reach him now.
I found the shop behind a door marked with a scratched-out crow symbol. Inside, it smelled of ozone and forbidden enchantments.
"We're closed," a gravelly voice barked from behind a pile of rusted armor.
I walked to the counter and slammed the Prince's golden ring down. The glow from the gem illuminated the shop's dusty corners.
Barnaby, a man who looked like a dried-up raisin in a wizard's hat, froze. He squinted, then his eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Is that... the Royal Seal? Girl, do you want to be executed? Or are you just insane?"
"I'm a businesswoman," I said, leaning on the counter. "I need this fenced. No questions, cold hard cash, and I want a 'Black Card' for the underground auctions."
Barnaby looked at the ring, then at me. Above his head, his status flickered.
[NPC: Barnaby]
Greed Level: 95%
Fear Level: 40%
"I can't give you full price for this," he hissed, his fingers twitching toward the gold. "It's too hot. I'll give you 50,000 gold and a set of Tier 1 Assassin gear."
I laughed. "Fifty thousand? The Tear of the Goddess inside that ring is worth a million on the black market. Give me 200,000, the Black Card, and a 'Hidden Class' advancement scroll, or I'll walk out and tell the guards I found this in your shop."
Barnaby paled.
[Skill Activated: 'Intimidating Glitch']
(Your voice distorts slightly, sounding like several people speaking at once)
"Fine! Fine!" Barnaby scrambled to the back. "Just take it and leave! You're a demon in a silk dress!"
[TRANSACTION COMPLETE]
[Gained: 200,000 Gold]
[Gained: 'VIP Black Card']
[Gained: 'Hidden Scroll: Shadow Weaver']
As I tucked the gold into my virtual inventory, a massive red notification blocked my view.
[WORLD EVENT TRIGGERED]
The Crown Prince has declared a State of Emergency.
Current Bounty on 'Seraphina von Lapis': 500,000 Gold.
Male Lead 'Alaric' is currently 200 meters away and approaching fast.
"Fast?" I muttered, looking at the door. "But I haven't even picked my class yet."
The door to the shop burst open. Alaric stood there, his silver hair disheveled, his sword drawn. He looked less like a Prince and more like a man who had just realized he'd been played by a pro.
"Seraphina!" he roared. "Return the ring, and I might only cut off your hands!"
I looked at the Hidden Scroll in my hand, then at the Prince. "Sorry, Alaric. I don't do returns or exchanges."
I ripped the scroll open.