2
The journey to Oldale Town wasn't a "journey" so much as it was a high-speed kidnapping.
Because May was so excited to show me her "gains," we blew right past Professor Birch's lab. I tried to point at the building, but May just yelled, "LATER, JAKE! THE MUSCLES ARE PUMPING!" and hauled me into the tall grass. By the time I realized I was a Pokémon Trainer with exactly zero Pokémon, we were miles into Route 101.
It didn't help that May's "training" method involved her literally suplexing a Poochyena that tried to ambush us. The poor thing looked at her, snarled, and five seconds later it was being driven into the dirt with a perfect bridging suplex.
"May!" I yelled, clinging to a tree for dear life. "That is a wild animal! You're supposed to use Torchic!"
"I'm weakening it for him!" she chirped, as her Torchic watched from the sidelines, looking both terrified and inspired.
The problem? Pokémon are communal. You punch one Poochyena, the whole pack decides the weird humans are a threat. We spent the last three hours being chased by a literal horde of angry Zigzagoon and Wingulls who viewed May as a raid boss and me as the easy-to-kill loot drop.
The Campfire Stream: Night 1
We finally set up camp just outside Oldale. I was physically deceased. My legs felt like overcooked noodles, and my "Stamina: 0" status was blinking in my mind's eye.
"Lens, go live," I croaked. "Title it... 'I survived May Maple: Day 1'."
The drone hovered, the soft blue glow of the screen illuminating the clearing. The chat flooded in instantly.
[Chat Log]
SilentRed: [GIF: Pikachu drinking coffee]
IceCreamQueen_C: Jake! You look exhausted. Did you even get your starter?
Clone_02: The footage of the girl suplexing the canine was... illuminating. Her power level is nonsensical.
NurseJoy_044: Oh dear, do you need some Revives? For yourself, I mean?
"No starter, IceCreamQueen," I sighed, leaning back against a log. "We missed the lab. I am currently a Pokémon Trainer whose only defense is a girl who thinks 'Close Combat' is a suggestion for her own fists."
Behind me, May was setting up a tent with one hand while eating a giant sub with the other. The tent poles were bending under her grip. "I'm sorry, Jakey! We'll go back tomorrow! Or I'll just catch you something with my bare hands!"
"Please don't," I muttered.
I turned back to the camera, flashing the "Nat 20" Charisma smile even though I was dying inside. "Anyway, Chat. Q&A time while the Sitrus Berry tea brews. Give me something good."
[Chat Log]
DragonTamer_Lance: How do you plan to lead a team with no physical presence? A trainer must stand with their Pokémon!
WaterFlower_Misty: Ignore him, Jake. Just get a Water type. They're easier to wash. Question: What's with the girl's strength? Is she part Machamp?
StoneLover: Ask her if she likes Mega Stones. Or just stones. I have many.
"Lance, I lead with my vision and my voice. Mostly because if I try to stand with them, I'll trip," I answered. "And Misty? I'm convinced May's dad, Norman, fed her Iron and Protein instead of baby formula."
May hopped over, sitting way too close to me. The log groaned under our combined weight (mostly hers). She leaned into the camera frame, her damp hair smelling like Pecha berries and sweat.
"Hi, Chat!" she yelled. "I'm May! I'm gonna be the best there ever was! Jake is my manager!"
"Manager?" I blinked. "Since when?"
"Since you're too pretty to fight!" she laughed, throwing an arm around my neck and pulling me into her chest. It was like being hugged by a warm, incredibly firm boulder. My face was buried in what I can only describe as "the reason the stream's heart rate monitor is spiking."
[Chat Log]
PervySage: CLIP IT! CLIP IT NOW!
IceCreamQueen_C: ...That seems unnecessarily close.
SilentRed: [GIF: Surprised Pikachu face]
OfficerJenny_12: Do we need to conduct a welfare check, Jake?
"I... can't... breathe..." I wheezed.
May let go, giggling. "Oops! Sorry! Anyway, story time? Jake, tell them about that time back in Littleroot when you tried to climb a tree to save a Wurmple and got stuck for four hours."
"We do not talk about the Wurmple incident on stream, May!" I hissed, my face turning red.
"He cried!" May told the camera, leaning in close. "He actually cried because a Pinsir looked at him funny!"
"It was a large Pinsir! And I was six!"
The chat was moving so fast the Rotom-Drone started to overheat. I checked the viewer count—we were hitting record highs. People loved the dynamic: the charismatic, physically useless "Isekai" guy and the Amazonian powerhouse who didn't understand her own strength.
"Alright, alright," I said, trying to regain some dignity. "We're cutting the stream here for tonight. I need to sleep, and May needs to... I don't know, go bench press a boulder so she can relax."
"I was actually gonna go do some squats!" May chirped.
"Case in point. Goodnight, Chat. Tomorrow: We actually get a Pokémon. Hopefully one that doesn't want to suplex me."
"Zzzzt! Ending stream! Sweet dreams, lovers!" Lens buzzed.
The red light went out. The silence of the Hoenn woods took over, save for the crackle of the fire and the sound of May actually starting to do squats in her pajamas.
I looked at the stars. I had no Pokémon, my legs were on fire, and I was traveling with a girl who could probably beat a Primeape in a wrestling match.
"Arceus," I whispered, "You really have a weird sense of humor."