Chapter 145: Why Is Konoha So Obsessed with Shit?
"Uh… First Hokage-sama, Second Hokage-sama, you've both misunderstood. This has nothing to do with the Uchiha."
Sarutobi Hiruzen, the only one who knew the truth, wore an awkward expression.
"Yeah, I also feel like it shouldn't be what Second Hokage-sama said. Our family had a pretty good relationship with Mikoto's family."
"Oh, you mean the Uchiha clan head's family from back then."
Seeing an opening, Kushina quickly chimed in and added an explanation.
"Is that so? Then could it be that Danzo bastard?"
Senju Tobirama frowned and shifted his suspicion.
That Danzo kid was always sneaky. He was probably dissatisfied with me passing the Hokage position to Sarutobi, so he went and developed Shit Release…
"It has nothing to do with Danzo either."
Hiruzen immediately broke into a sweat.
Danzo already had more than enough blame pinned on him. There was no need to dump something like flinging feces onto his head as well.
"Then, Monkey, just tell us who did it already! You keep denying everything without saying anything, what's that supposed to mean? Are you letting us guess here for fun?"
Hashirama grew anxious.
He really wanted to know who had constructively pioneered a brand-new branch of the Will of Fire, the Will of Shit.
The original Will of Fire, where leaves burn and turn into nourishment, referred to the literal sacrifice of predecessors for the next generation.
The Will of Shit, on the other hand, referred to someone who, for the sake of the village, was treated like stinking dog shit, despised by everyone, yet still turned into nutrients that nourished the village.
It fits perfectly with the definition of "a ninja is someone who can endure everything."
The Will of Shit, how great it is!
"It was Naruto."
With no other choice, Hiruzen sighed and named the culprit.
"Naruto? Why would he do something like that?"
Kushina was stunned, but she quickly filled in the blanks herself and found a reason.
"I understand now. Naruto must have grown up without parents, bullied by others, and blamed us for abandoning him."
Kushina didn't consider the special treatment Naruto might receive as the Fourth Hokage's son.
After all, she herself, someone from Uzushiogakure, an ally of Konoha, and personally adopted and cared for by Uzumaki Mito, the First Hokage's widow, had still been bullied anyway.
So she naturally assumed that Naruto, lacking parents, had suffered bullying from Konoha villagers who were inherently fond of picking on others.
"Uh… more or less."
Hiruzen hesitated, then decided to tell the truth. After all, he was already dead.
"I never told Naruto about you and Minato."
"Naruto often played pranks just to attract attention. Splashing paint on the Hokage Rock was a regular thing for him."
"Is that so? Wanting attention… That sounds a bit like Obito."
"But Naruto… isn't because he has a girl he likes, he is just lonely, right?"
Kushina sighed softly.
"Yes. That's right."
Hiruzen's expression carried a hint of guilt.
There was no doubt about Naruto's loneliness during his childhood.
But what was very strange was this: the basic setting was that Naruto had no friends at all when he was young, and in his own memories he was always alone.
Yet in certain situations, scenes would suddenly be inserted of Shikamaru, Choji, and others happily playing with Naruto as kids, to prove that they had been good friends since early childhood.
That was terrifying.
It was on par with how, in the new 'Romance of the Three Kingdoms', the Battle of Wancheng clearly never happened, yet everyone's memories still included Zhang Xiu and Jia Xu.
Naruto was clearly alone throughout his childhood, yet at some point, everyone's memories suddenly gained this illogical, perfect childhood segment.
Who the hell secretly used Kotoamatsukami?
Why is Naruto being alone from childhood considered a basic setting?
Because in the very first episode, Iruka being the first person to acknowledge Naruto is the starting point of everything.
If Naruto had already had friends before Iruka, then Naruto wouldn't have had such an intense emotional outburst.
Moreover, during the Fourth Great Ninja War, when Naruto activated shared memories, everyone saw him alone, watching others play together, looking utterly desolate.
If Shikamaru and Choji had already been his friends back then, that would be ridiculous.
Playing happily with Shikamaru and Choji during the day.
Then in the evening, they go home for dinner, and Naruto starts staging memories, sitting on the swing and suddenly becoming lonely.
Does that make any sense?
In any case, at least for now, nobody had been hit by Kotoamatsukami.
"Let's put aside the issue of children being bullied for now. You're saying he used paint?"
Senju Tobirama broke the heavy atmosphere. After asking Hiruzen, he turned to look at Kushina.
"Was it really paint?"
Kushina also reacted, frowned, and asked the Third Hokage.
She had already wiped her hands clean, of course. There was no way she could bring dirty stuff along as evidence.
So there was no way to verify it again.
Kushina herself began to suspect that she might have been overly sensitive and mistaken it.
Maybe it really was just yellow paint?
Maybe Naruto had heard that Minato's nickname was the Yellow Flash, and since he also had blond hair, Naruto planned to use yellow paint to "color" Minato a bit?
Even if it was just random graffiti, paint would be far more acceptable.
"Oh, Minato's was indeed shit."
Hiruzen kindly added an explanation.
The relieved smile that had just appeared on Kushina's face instantly froze.
"Why?"
Why was there discrimination like this?
"It seems Naruto's budget was limited. Paint is relatively expensive, so after painting the first three, he didn't really have enough left…"
"But every time, I made that kid clean it up. What you touched today, Kushina, was probably just a bit that Naruto didn't clean very carefully, some residue left behind…"
Hiruzen explained awkwardly.
"Haha, that kid has great potential."
"Big Brother, stop laughing for now."
Tobirama cut off Hashirama's laughter and looked at Hiruzen.
"Then what about what the passersby said when my brother and I arrived, the story about a Sharingan sucking a septic tank?
"Come to think of it, weren't the Uchiha clan wiped out, leaving only Uchiha Sasuke and Uchiha Itachi? Which one of them did it?"
"That was Kakashi."
"Uchiha Kakashi?"
"Uh… Hatake Kakashi."
Hiruzen briefly explained how Kakashi obtained the Sharingan, then went on to clarify what the villagers had said: "It happened during Orochimaru's Konoha Crush plan. One of Konoha's septic tanks exploded."
"In order to protect Konoha, Kakashi used the Mangekyō Sharingan's space–time ability to absorb all the exploding shit into his Sharingan."
"The Sharingan itself already placed a burden on Kakashi's body. Using the Mangekyō like that caused Kakashi to immediately pass out."
"It's just… very strange. For some reason, Kakashi woke up a bit too quickly."
"Big Brother, you didn't secretly inject that Kakashi with some of your cells, did you?"
Tobirama looked at Hashirama with suspicion.
"Bullshit!"
Hashirama instantly exploded: "I'm dead right now, how am I supposed to give cells? And I only just learned about this at the same time as you! Tobirama, what kind of nonsense are you thinking?!"
"And besides, why would you use the verb "inject" for giving cells anyway?"
(End of this chapter)