Utterly exhausted, he found himself once again at the center of the pentagram. The pointer turned to the next and now final symbol: Guilt and Sloth. He saw chains and an hourglass floating before him. A pull seized him, and the chains shot out, binding him and refusing to release him. Slowly, then faster and faster, he was drawn into the vortex of mist and fire.
Suddenly, he stood in utter emptiness and darkness. The carnage had ended. It was over. The sounds had vanished. No more galloping. No more screaming. No more dull thud of metal on bone. And not a single, tiny breath. He had thought that the end of the noise would bring salvation, but the silence was worse. He stood here, but his family was still gone. The strangers' blood clung to him, but there was no trace of his family's.
"I gave everything, I took everything—and still got nothing in return!" he cried into the void. "I fought for you! I killed for you! I burned for you! But you didn't come! Why?!" his voice broke. "Perhaps… perhaps you saw me… Perhaps you saw what I've become? Did you turn away from me?" Tears streamed down his face. "But I love you so much! My beloved Lysandra! My two little rays of sunshine, Elenya and Lyrielle!" He saw their faces right before his eyes, so close yet so far away. "I love you more than anything in this world! In this life as in every other! If only I could embrace you one more time!"
He paused, then whispered the old vow: "In virtute et fide vos semper eligam. – In virtue and fidelity, I will always choose you."
His veins, his heart—no, his whole body was ablaze. "I wanted revenge. But all I got was emptiness!" "Each of them had a face. A name. A family. A story I didn't want to hear. I convinced myself they were to blame." He shrank deeper inside. "But now I wonder how many of them had someone kneeling like me. How many daughters are now waiting for their fathers who won't return? How many wives are waiting for their husbands?" "I killed your murderers. And I buried innocents with them." "I wanted justice. I only created more guilt and suffering."
"It's… quiet. Too quiet. Rage carried me. Now nothing carries me anymore." "I could leave. I could keep fighting. I could spill more blood until there's nothing left. But for what? You're not coming back. And I… I've already left." "Perhaps this is my punishment. Not death. Not the pain. But the knowledge that I could have stopped. That I could have left it alone. That I didn't." "So I stay. I sit in this emptiness. I let it fill me. If I don't move anymore, I can't destroy anything anymore. If I do nothing anymore, at least I can't hurt anyone anymore. Perhaps stillness is the only thing I'm still good at."
But before he could finish the thought, the longing for flesh and blood overwhelmed him again. And the whisper… it didn't come from outside. It rose from the silence within him, like cold breath from an open wound. "You're right," it said. "You've lost everything!" He clenched his teeth. He didn't want to hear. But the voice was gentle. Patient. "You did what had to be done! Who stood up for your family?! Don't you owe it to your family?!"
His hands trembled. Not with anger. From hunger. "They would have suffered if you had hesitated. You spared them that." He saw faces again. Broken bodies. Eyes looking at him in death. "No..." he whispered. "Yes," the darkness replied. "You set them free." His stomach clenched. The longing now burned deeper than the guilt. "And you know it! That this is the only right thing to do!"
He thought of his lover and his daughters. Of their laughter. Of their warm hands. "They would have wanted you to be strong. Not weak!" He finally sank to his knees. "I don't want this anymore," he breathed. The darkness smiled in his voice. "You want peace. And I can give it to you." An image formed in his mind: No pain. No memories. Only warmth. "Blame me," she whispered. "I'll bear it for you."
His breath came in ragged gasps. "You don't have to decide anything anymore. You don't have to feel anything anymore." The craving for flesh and blood now pulsed like a heartbeat. Not wildly. But steadily. "Let yourself drift. Don't get up again." He closed his eyes. And for a moment... the darkness felt like forgiveness.