I opened the box and found the three notebooks, along with a photo album filled with pictures of us from the past three months we spent together, as well as her personal belongings and a photo of the two of us from the day we went out for ice cream. She had insisted so much that I finally gave in, and to get back at her, I ate her ice cream and smeared it all over her face.
I then opened the first notebook, which explained everything that needed to be explained.
…
I had just finished writing the three books I had prepared for Léon. Honestly, because of him, I ended up writing a letter and books, but with the time I have left, it's the best I can do.
I had just finished, and that's when tears began to fall from my eyes. My life was coming to an end, and I was afraid of death. If only I could stay…
I think what scares me the most isn't leaving — it's losing him. That idiot I'm in love with… I want to stay with him. I wish that even after my death, no woman would ever get close to him, that he would only love me, even if it's a hopeless wish. If only I could stay and be the one who marries him, who spends time with him, who loves him, bears his children, and grows old with him…
I hate you sometimes, you know that, Léon? You make things so difficult… because I love you, and I don't want to leave you.
Since I was little, I've lived an unbearable life because of my rare and incurable illness. My parents only discovered it after I was born, so they couldn't terminate the pregnancy. They always told me they loved me and didn't regret me, but I know that having a child you know will die soon is the saddest thing in the world.
I still remember their happy faces when my sister was born. Unlike me, she was healthy. She looks like me, except she will live… She's like a replacement my parents made to compensate for the loss they expected with me.
It broke me. I couldn't bear it. So I set myself a goal in life: to make sure no one would forget me — to leave a mark on people.
My first idea was to get perfect grades, but I quickly realized it was useless. Teachers forget us eventually, and I was no exception. Then I tried to stand out in competitions — I finished first many times, but it meant nothing. I would appear in the local newspaper for a week at most. I tried to stand out in sports, and that's when I had a cardiac arrest. Luckily, I was saved in time, and that's when I was hospitalized because things were getting worse.
I gave up my goal. Sometimes reality reminds you of your place — and that was my case. It showed me that I would inevitably be replaced like everyone else, and that I had no place in this world.
Then one day, out of nowhere, Léon appeared in my life.
I really didn't like him at first — maybe because he tried to socialize with me, and I hated that. I've always been antisocial. I don't want people to get close to me out of fear of being rejected, and even more because I knew I would leave before them. But no matter how much I refused, he insisted again and again.
I eventually gave in, and I don't regret it one bit. With simple jokes, he erased all my pain and replaced it with a radiant smile.
Now I know my life wasn't in vain, because I met him. He showed me that if I wanted to be remembered, I just had to be myself — because only when I was with him did I feel like me, and I knew someone would never forget me.
These three months I spent with him marked my life, and thanks to that, I regret nothing. I even managed to forgive my family because of him.
It was when I least expected it that I fell in love — and he became my first love.
I then wrote a second book where I put all my thoughts, ideas, secrets, and goals — everything I would have liked to do. I want to leave it to him so he can know me by heart, and so that even if I'm not here, he can feel like he's talking to me.
The third book is more subtle. I imagined our life if I were still alive, and I wrote it so he would know what we could have been. Maybe what I'm about to say is selfish, but I hope he won't love anyone after me — that I'll be the last…
You know, Léon, out of all the doctors I've met, you're the only one who managed to heal me — not with medicine, but with your devotion and your love for me. Keep going. Heal as many people as you can. Don't let anyone in need suffer alone.
I love you… A woman who loves you madly.
…
As I finished reading the three books, I finally understood the pain and suffering she had endured her whole life. But it also gave me strength — because she didn't regret me, and because I was able to help her the way a real doctor would.
I knew I had to continue on this path, even if it hurt…
My tears wouldn't stop flowing. No matter if I'm a man or not — right now, only the death of the woman I love filled my heart and my thoughts.