Mel
"Sara, wait!" I stopped her before she could cross the residence's doorway. I ran after her, incredulous at her sudden reaction. "Why are you leaving?" I asked, my voice filled with confusion.
I heard her teasing laugh as she turned around, as if she were enjoying my bewilderment far too much.
"I see I couldn't avoid the inevitable…" she murmured, almost theatrically.
"I don't understand what you're talking about…" I replied, frowning.
"Mel, if you keep this up, you're going to have a huge problem. So stop being so close to Judith," she warned me seriously.
"Sara, you know she and I…" I tried to explain.
"No, no," she interrupted immediately, raising her hand as if to stop me. "You need to stop now… unless you're feeling something for her. You know…" She smiled mischievously, running her finger along the palm of her hand, implying. "Don't you feel something more? Like… wanting to be close to her?"
"Normal," I replied, though my voice sounded weak, hesitant.
"And what is 'normal' for Mel Castle?" she asked, raising an eyebrow with evident curiosity.
"Well…" I fell silent.
The silence grew heavy, as if all the things I didn't want to say were floating between us.
"How much I want to be with her…" I finally let slip, not entirely convinced.
Sara raised her eyebrows, amused, almost enjoying my discomfort.
"You never tried any of that with me," she said mockingly, as if my confession had given her an advantage.
"That's not what we were doing, we were just playing," I defended myself.
"Of course you're playing… an adult game," she emphasized, her eyes locked on mine. "But remember, Mel: Judith already has Amber. Don't get any illusions. If you want to have fun, that's fine, because as you told me, you're both free… but don't fall in love, Mel," she warned, pointing her finger at me threateningly.
"That will never…" I tried to deny firmly.
"No, no, Mel. You should never say 'never' or 'I will never' because, in the end, that's exactly what ends up happening," she said with a touch of drama.
She turned as if to leave, but at the last second, she spun back around.
"Almost forgot… I'll be staying in the city for a few days. And guess who's also here…" she asked, though she didn't wait for my answer. "Jade."
I stayed silent before managing:
"Oh…" was all I could say.
"Just 'oh'?" Sara repeated, mocking my tone.
The name Jade hit me like an unexpected blow. It had been years since I'd seen her, and honestly, she was the one who chose to walk away.
"Yes, just 'oh'… because I seriously doubt Jade would come looking for me to catch up after five years without seeing each other," I replied sarcastically, making it clear that wasn't going to happen.
"Who knows, my dear Mel? Dress up, and maybe one day she'll walk into your room and catch you in the same situation… just like I found you with your wife," she teased brazenly.
I just rolled my eyes, tired of her insistence.
"I won't take up any more of your time, I'm leaving," she said before kissing my cheek.
And just before pulling away, she whispered in my ear with a mischievous tone:
"Go to your wife, my ears are burning from how much she must be insulting me for keeping you here," she mocked again.
"Go already," I asked in a barely audible voice, wishing she would stop teasing me.
The truth is, right now I don't have space in my mind for Jade or any other thought except how I should behave around Judith. I must be careful, not exaggerate, maintain appearances. That's the only thing I repeat to myself over and over.
However, I've surprised myself realizing that I've made progress in understanding various situations. That progress gives me, in a way, peace, because I know everything will be fine. I never thought someone could teach me so much, and even though it's hard to admit sometimes, lately I can't help thinking about her… even when I'm right beside her.
There are moments when, without her noticing, I watch her from the corner of my eye. I don't know why I do it, but I like seeing her while we share the same space. I feel good when I'm with her. And this past weekend, I missed her… a lot. I'm sure I'm getting used to her presence, because that's why I miss her and because I want to be with her.
It will be sad when, inevitably, she goes back to her life and moves away. I just hope this feeling fades quickly when she's no longer by my side. But deep down, I know it won't be that easy.
Lately, my body has also been hurting. Maybe it's because I sleep on the couch. And how do I know? Simple—I just woke up with a sore, stiff neck, unable to move it.
"Good morning, Mel," Judith gently touched my shoulder, her gesture full of affection.
"Good morning," I replied, without turning to look at her.
"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned by my discomfort.
"No… I can't move my neck," I confessed with a sigh of pain.
"You slept badly, let me see," she said without warning, her fingers resting on my neck.
And then I felt it: like an electric current running through my skin, down from the base of my neck, disappearing deep into my spine. An involuntary shiver ran through me, making me hold my breath.
I don't know if it was the pain or the closeness of her warm hands, but my heart started beating faster.
What was that? Why do I feel this way just because she's touching my neck? And most importantly, why don't I stop her? My body is frozen, as if her hand has paralyzed me. I want to stop her, but at the same time, I want her to continue.
And after several seconds, while Judith rubbed my neck, I realized.
I'm not stupid or naive; I can recognize desire. But… when did I start wanting her?
"You have to stop, Mel Castle. She's your friend; you should never feel desire for a friend," I repeated to myself mentally, almost hysterically. "What's happening to me?" I asked myself anxiously. "Stop feeling this way, you must stop right now," I screamed inside, scolding myself.
"You must have slept badly. Can you move it now?" she asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I tried moving my neck—and I could.
"Yes, thank you," I said, standing up abruptly and leaving the room.
I reached the mansion's backyard, feeling like I could finally breathe again.
"What do you think you're doing?" I whispered to myself, panic lacing my words. "What do you think you're doing? She's your friend," I murmured, feeling panic wrap around me.
The panic took hold, and I had to steady myself by placing my hand on one of the trees in the yard.
"How can you let yourself get carried away by something so primitive, Mel Castle? You're not an animal—you have self-control. I know you're flesh and blood, but you're also rational. Why are you acting like this?" I scolded myself, clenching my fists, annoyed at having felt this way about Judith.
I know she's beautiful, but there's no excuse for my thoughts. I reminded myself, "Don't forget—she loves Amber." I clenched my fists even tighter, furious. The mix of anger and shame clouded my mind. I decided to leave the residence with my pajamas still on.
I took my car and drove off. I didn't care how I looked; I just wanted to get away from Judith. I drove aimlessly, letting the air rush in through the windows. I spent the whole day in the middle of nowhere, parked in my car, scolding myself over and over for these thoughts.
Since I hadn't taken my phone, no one interrupted my self-reprimand. I was alone with my thoughts as time dragged on. In the afternoon, when hunger finally hit—not just because it was lunchtime, but also because I hadn't had breakfast—I decided to return.
While driving back, I thought of Judith along the way. Maybe she was confused seeing me leave like that. Perhaps she would scold me for not telling her about my problems. Maybe she even thought that if my neck hurt so badly, I had gone to the hospital without telling her. This last concern hit me immediately: if that were the case, she must have been worried.
I felt a lump in my throat. Part of me wanted to go back, to apologize, to explain something… but I didn't even know what to say. The only way I could think of to apologize was to buy a pizza from my favorite place. It might not fix anything, but at least it would be a gesture.
I arrived and found the place relatively empty. Several people glanced at me strangely when they saw me in pajamas, but I didn't care; I was already there. I ordered my pizza and waited patiently, trying not to be bothered by the murmurs around me.
When they finally handed it to me, I reached for my card to pay. At that moment, I was grateful for the habit of keeping a card in my car "for emergencies." This wasn't exactly an emergency, but it was a clear example of what could happen: I had left the house as I was, without thinking, without anything with me.
On the way back, I was about eight hundred meters from the entrance to the residence when I saw Judith's car parked next to another. I slowed down and, with a sudden lump in my throat, saw Judith inside her car with Amber.
A strange emptiness formed in my stomach, a weight that made me grip the steering wheel tightly. And then, through the rearview mirror, I saw them kissing.
"Wow, they're back…" I whispered to myself, a lament disguised as a smile. "I'm happy for her."
A small smile, more bitter than sweet, formed on my lips as I continued driving.
When I arrived at the residence, Nicholas informed me that Judith had gone out to look for me over two hours ago. I just nodded and told him I would call her. I hesitated for several minutes before doing so; I didn't want to ruin her reconciliation with Amber. Still, I finally dialed her number. To my surprise, she answered immediately.
I told her I was already home, and before I could add anything, she just said:
"I'm on my way."
She hung up immediately.
Exhausted, I collapsed onto the couch where I usually slept, turned on the TV, and opened the pizza box. I needed a distraction, and a comedy series seemed like the perfect excuse to forget the weight on my chest. I was managing to escape reality; I was on my second slice when suddenly, I heard the door slam open.
The loud noise made me startle. I jumped up immediately, and in the sudden movement, the pizza box fell to the floor, while a large piece I still had in my mouth made me choke.
"Melissa, where the hell have you been?!" Judith's furious voice cut through me like lightning.
I barely managed to swallow the bite and bent down to pick up the box quickly, avoiding her gaze.
"Hi, Judith. I just… went out for some air," I said, my voice shaky as I swallowed.
"Air? And you can't get that here? Or anywhere else in the house?" she scolded, mercilessly.
Her words weren't just full of annoyance; there was also a clear undertone of concern. I froze, holding the battered pizza box, not knowing how to apologize.
"I thought you were feeling bad this morning, and yet you leave without a word… do you have any idea how that made me feel?" she said, fists clenched, her voice full of frustration and restrained anger.
I stayed silent for a few seconds, swallowing my own guilt. I felt a weight on my chest as I realized I had caused her that worry. Finally, I approached her cautiously, afraid that any sudden movement might make things worse. Gently, I tucked a strand of hair that had fallen across her face behind her ear.
"I'm sorry, Judith. Really, I didn't mean to worry you. I just…" I sighed before continuing, stumbling over my words awkwardly. "…I felt the need to be alone and think about everything that's happening."
I lied. And I knew it. I had promised her I wouldn't do this again, but I could never confess the real reason. It wasn't necessary. I shouldn't. After all, I had already been reminded—or rather, she had reminded me—that she's with Amber. And I had no right to think of her the way I was. I had to respect her, above all else.
"And you couldn't just say that? Even if it wasn't to me, you could've told Nicholas or anyone…" she replied, a hint of frustration in her voice, but also with the tone of someone who felt hurt.
"I'm sorry. It won't happen again, I promise," I assured her, my voice firm, trying to sound convincing. I tried to lighten the mood, lift the tension, and raised the pizza box. "Want some pizza?"
She looked at me incredulously at first, but seconds later she smiled faintly, as if a crack had finally appeared in her anger.
"Are you going to give me the pizza that fell on the floor?" she teased, raising an eyebrow.
"It got ruined…" I answered dramatically, playing along. Then I corrected myself. "Just kidding. Only the box fell; the pizza stayed intact inside."
"I'll just take one," she agreed, extending her hand.
The atmosphere lightened, and for a few minutes, we shared an almost comfortable silence, accompanied by the taste of pizza. However, inside, my thoughts were still tangled, remembering that I had seen her in her car with Amber.
That same night, before going to bed, I was leaving the bathroom when I heard her voice calling me from the bed. Judith gestured for me to sit beside her.
She told me, her eyes shining, that she had gotten back together with Amber. Her voice was full of an almost childlike happiness, an emotion she couldn't hide. She confessed that she never thought Amber would reach out, but her mother had given her the address of the residence, and how Amber had called her to talk, determined to fix everything, and was waiting for her outside. That explained what I had seen hours earlier.
I listened in silence, and although something inside me twisted, I was genuinely happy for her. I saw on her face such a wide, sincere, and in-love smile that it filled me with curiosity. I wondered if this is what someone looks like when they are truly in love. And amidst that doubt, a small smile escaped me, inevitable.
"I'm happy for you, Judith," I said, and I meant it. Then I added, "And did you tell her we only have, exaggeratingly, nine months left until we divorce?" I reminded her.
"Ten, we have ten months left," Judith corrected me.
"That already feels like nine," I joked, trying to lighten the moment.
Unconsciously, my hand slid toward her face and caressed it gently.
"Soon you'll be back with her," I said as my palm brushed her cheek tenderly.
It was then that I realized what I was doing. I lowered my hand discreetly, as if nothing had happened. What are you doing, Mel Castle? I scolded myself mentally as I smiled at her as if everything were under control. Again, you're exaggerating, overstepping the limits of friendship just to offer support… I continued scolding myself.
I was grateful that Judith had taught me so much and that we had practiced, because one thing I was sure of: I didn't want to repeat mistakes or cause misunderstandings like the one with Jade. That must never happen again.
"We should go to sleep," I tried to get up, seeking to escape that uncomfortable moment.
But I couldn't. Judith took my hand decisively.
"Tonight you'll sleep in the bed. I'll take the sofa," she told me, in that tone that didn't allow for discussion.
I immediately shook my head, almost reflexively.
"No, no, Judith…"
"Yes, Mel. Your neck is probably still sore, so I'll sleep on the sofa tonight, and I don't want any objections," she warned firmly.
"Jud…" I tried to reply.
"No complaints," she repeated, curtly, leaving me no room to protest.
I only sighed in resignation, and before giving up completely, I offered another solution:
"What if you sleep on the other side?" I said cautiously.
Judith stayed still, thoughtful, evaluating my words.
"I wouldn't want the situation to be misunderstood… because I'm back with Amber…" she finally responded, with a certain discomfort.
That struck me as strange. She had never said something like that before. Both Judith and Amber had always trusted each other completely. So why now? Why those words?
"It's more about…" she tried to explain.
"I understand," I interrupted quickly.
I didn't want her to feel obligated to give me explanations, nor did I want to put her in an awkward position over this situation.
"But just for today, I'll sleep here," I warned her with a smile.
She returned my smile, and we went to bed.
The following days went by almost the same way, with routines that seemed to repeat themselves, though I started to feel an occasional unease that I couldn't quite decipher. That's when I realized how much I missed painting, how much I needed to paint more often and not just once a week.
I had a little secret with Nicholas… or rather, he discovered it. On the first weekend Judith went with her parents, I took the opportunity to buy everything I needed and set up a room that I turned into my personal art refuge. When Nicholas found me in the middle of the process, I tried to hide it, but there was no way. In the end, I had to confess and ask him to keep it a secret, because I still didn't want to tell my wife anything, to which he, surprised, agreed.
Since then, every Saturday I would lock myself in there. I painted from morning until the early hours of the morning, as if that space absorbed all my energy. I only stopped painting one day, the day my energy was so overwhelming that not even art could calm me.
One early morning, I woke up with the urgent need to return to the canvas. I thought Judith was sleeping deeply, but I discovered she was a light sleeper. I was surprised to see her get up and ask me if I was going to the gym again. With a tired smile, I answered no, that I was just going to make myself a sandwich because I was hungry. In a way, it wasn't a lie: I did make the sandwich, but I didn't eat it in the kitchen. I ended up painting and eating at the same time, lost in colors and shapes.
As the days passed, I realized something inevitable: I had to get used to the idea that Judith would soon be back with Amber. That weighed on me more than I wanted to admit. So, with a mix of resignation and strategy, I decided to start distancing myself from her little by little. I didn't want it to become unbearable when the time came to stop seeing her.
My first excuse was exercise. I told her I was going to start training at night to end up more tired. She nodded, unsuspecting. That went on for an entire week, until once again Judith announced that she would be going with her family. She warned me that she would return early Monday morning, before the staff arrived, because she wanted to spend some time with Amber.
When she told me, I felt a slight emptiness in my stomach, as if something had been ripped away all at once. Yet, I hid it and simply wished her luck. She smiled and left.
That Saturday, as always, I devoted myself entirely to my new painting. I didn't have a fixed plan; rather, I let my hands speak for me, letting my fingers decide what should appear on the canvas. I became so absorbed in the work that I forgot to eat, as I had done many times before. Time became liquid, invisible. Only when a slight dizziness shook me did I realize I had been at it for too long. I ordered something light to eat so I could continue.
Still, while waiting for the food, a different feeling washed over me: painting was no longer just an escape—it was becoming my way to endure, my way of coping with the idea of losing the closeness I had with Judith. And though I kept telling myself I needed to get used to her absence, there was something inside me that refused to accept that reality.
Just as I finished painting, my food arrived. I had barely sat down when the phone rang: it was Sara. I had completely forgotten that the day before she had asked me to have coffee tomorrow, and as I suspected, she was calling to remind me.
"Yes, of course, see you tomorrow," I replied quickly, without overthinking it.
I returned my attention to the food, and once almost finished, I went back to the canvas. I looked at it in silence, trying to decipher what I had created. I couldn't find any defined shapes, only smudges and inaccurate strokes that seemed meaningless. And yet, I liked it. I only added a few touches while finishing my sandwich. When I was done, I covered it with a cloth and headed to the bedroom.
I didn't turn on the light. I let the silvery moonlight, filtering through the window, guide my path. I undressed as I crossed the door, clumsily removing the overalls and kicking them off with my feet. I turned on the bathroom light and stepped into the shower.
The water slid over my body, washing away traces of paint I didn't even remember touching. Some green and blue stains had stuck to my stomach as if claiming their space on my skin. I paid them no mind; I closed my eyes and let myself be carried away by the feeling of cleanliness.
Afterward, I took my dirty clothes to the laundry, started a wash, and waited, taking the time to dry my hair. After all of that, with a sense of relief, I went to bed.
"It must be around four in the morning," I thought, yawning."Well, I don't have anything to do tomorrow anyway," I told myself as I slipped under the covers.
I snuggled in and turned to lie on my side. As soon as I shifted, I noticed the sheet was slightly lifted. I opened my eyes abruptly, slightly startled. With my heart racing, I carefully reached out to check what it was. It wasn't soft like the pillow. It wasn't the blanket. It was… something else.
Quickly, I turned on the bedside lamp and nearly screamed, though I managed to hold back.
"What the hell…?" I whispered.
There, in front of me, was Judith, deeply asleep. Or at least it seemed so. I watched her in complete silence, my mind blank. What was she doing there? How hadn't I noticed her before?
I froze for a few seconds that felt like an eternity. Then, with extreme care, I got up and moved to the sofa. I didn't make a sound, not a single sudden movement. I lay down, trying to calm my breathing.
I didn't understand what had happened. Maybe something at her parents' house, maybe she would tell me tomorrow… or maybe not. What I did know was that Judith wasn't someone who stayed quiet. If she had really seen me, she wouldn't pretend to sleep. At least, that's what I thought.
With all those doubts pounding in my mind, I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep.