"—Subaru!"
Ahh, whaddya know. Turns out I can hear something.
The sigh of relief was the last thing Subaru did before his mind fell into a deep, deep sleep.
10
When Subaru came to, his mind had entered a world of darkness once more.
Having lost his body, Subaru Natsuki continued to hover in that vast, empty space as nothing but consciousness.
As usual, the world had neither ground nor a discernable sky.
Nothing but darkness spread out before him in an ephemeral dream, one he would forget when he awakened.
"—I love you."
But in that blank, hollow world of nothingness, there was an charming "someone" he couldn't meet anywhere else.
Always it gave Subaru a soft, numbing throb, as if he were filled with joy at a painful embrace.
"—I love you."
The darkness unwound, the shadow formed, and the captivating "someone" appeared, approaching Subaru as she whispered her love.
He could not see the expression on her face. However, that "someone" was likely spinning words of love with a face drenched with anguish.
He wanted to be touched. He wanted to be longed for. Reflexively, Subaru's heart was drawn in.
He wanted to respond to her love, to repay her for it. He would never be able to repay love granted to him with anything less than love of his own. And yet— "—Subaru."
He heard it. A lovely voice from other than "someone" was calling his name.
His thoughts alone understood. A lovely voice apart from the "someone" filling the dream with black shadow was calling him to the world of white light.
As he understood this, a white light, something that should not exist in the land of darkness, was born.
"—I love you."
"—Subaru."
Simultaneously, the voices were tossed his way. He wanted to respond to the shadow's love. He absolutely had to respond to the love of the light.
He realized that his mind was being drawn away from the voice of that "someone" toward she whose voice reached him from the land of light.
The voice of that "someone" held grief at the state of Subaru's heart, for she was being left behind.
Two arms woven from shadow stretched out, but they did not reach his incomplete body. As Subaru grew distant, he heard the voice tremble, sadly calling out as it sought him over and over.
"—I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you."
"—Subaru, please."
The whispers of love repeated over and over, whereas the call of his name contained a simple plea.
Remember who you are.
Remember what you have to do.
Remember the words you must exchange, in the world where you belong.
He couldn't stay there.
So—
"Next time, I'll probably come to meet you."
With nonexistent lips, surely unable to convey his feelings, he spoke his farewell to the "someone" fading in the distance.
They were words of departure, an oath that they would meet again. That "someone" let out a small gasp.
Then Subaru's mind was enveloped by a light that blotted out the world of darkness as he slowly melted away.
"—I'll be waiting."
That echo was the only thing left as Subaru Natsuki was torn from the ephemeral dream…
11
His mind floated up through the sea called sleep, breaking the surface called waking as his eyes opened.
The tears of his waking eyes stung them like poison. His blurry vision saw thin, wavering violet.
Her breathtaking beauty was so close that they practically breathed the same air, truly close enough for the hot breath from her pink lips to reach him —making him nervous enough to die on the spot.
"Isn't your face a bit close?!"
"Wah! Ah, Subaru! You're awake! I'm glad, really I am."
The violet that was so near turned out to be Emilia's eyes; the realization that it was her face that had been close enough to breathe on him snapped his mind awake. As Subaru flew into a panic, Emilia watched him, patting her breast with a look of pure relief—the angle was odd.
"Emilia-tan was super close while I slept. So this heavenly feeling against my head is…"
"You don't need to say it out loud. It's a lap pillow. Not bad for…a good sleep?"
"How can I complain? There's no pillow that's more luxurious than this.
It's a pretty nice reward for working so hard."
Subaru shot her a teasing smile as he let his head rest upon her without complaint. As he did so, Emilia pursed her lips in a small smile, quietly gazing upon Subaru's smiling face.
The mood had shifted. It had changed from each making sure the other was safe…to their exchanging the feelings lying beyond that.
"Errr, can I ask you about a few things? For instance… Right, is Patlash okay? I remember I felt like she was licking my face right before I passed out…"
"Goodness, and there's so many things I want to ask, too… That land dragon was licking you quite awhile after you passed out, too, Subaru. She really, really raised a fuss when people tried pulling you away, and if Otto hadn't had a word with her, she might never have left your side."
"Whoa, Patlash, how far are you gonna take this loyal dragon thing? I'm falling in love."
They'd known each other for only two days, but the number of ordeals they'd been through together was already unmatched. If Crusch was going to give him a reward for helping deal with the White Whale, he couldn't even conceive of one besides Patlash anymore.
"She was badly burned, but her life doesn't seem to be in danger. I conducted the initial treatment, but Sir Wilhelm is having Ferris examine her right now, so…"
"Eh? Ferris caught up, too?"
Subaru was both relieved and surprised to hear Ferris's name come from Emilia's lips. The kingdom's greatest healer having joined up with them was good news. And the fact he was there meant—
"Does this mean I've been sleeping for a long while?"
"Two or three hours, maybe? Don't worry, thanks to conversation mirrors, Ferris and them were able to link up, so all the wounded people are all right."
Emilia smiled pleasantly. One of the conversation mirrors originally owned by the Witch Cult rested in her hand. It was the one Subaru had kept for communicating with the expeditionary force left back in the village. She'd used it to converse with Ferris and the others, which accounted for the smooth rendezvous.
"So everyone's gathered around here, huh?"
"Ferris is still treating people… Julius, too. I was surprised. I mean, I would never have imagined you and Julius together, Subaru."
"I had a reason for that bluer than the mountains and higher than the seas. Explaining the circumstances of that subject from part one would get really long and messy, y'see…"
The relationship with Julius that had surprised Emilia was difficult to explain with words. Or rather, that very moment, even Subaru didn't know how to describe it.
If he had to put his complex emotions into a few short words that represented his overall appraisal of the man—
"I will hate that guy forever."
"What's with saying that all of a sudden?"
"I was trying my best to express the feelings I have for him that are hard to put into exact words… So where is everyone right now?"
Not wanting to talk about that any further, he switched topics. "Let's see," said Emilia, making a small, strained smile at Subaru's demeanor as she spoke. "Ferris told everyone to take a break until he finished healing people, but he should be right about done. Once that's over, we'll be heading for the capital again. There's a lot of things I have to speak to Crusch about, after all. That's thanks to your hard work, Subaru."
"Yeah, it totally was hard. Seriously felt like a game as the away team. I got through it with bluff, bluster, and guessing right about some little things.
Just thinking about it twists my stomach!"
"Yes. Really…thank you."
Emilia's sincere gratitude made Subaru, attempting to hide his blush, able to hide it no longer.
But credit was credit. There was no point hiding it any longer.
"That's, right…I've, finally gotten back, haven't I?"
When he finally looked around, Subaru saw that he and Emilia were all alone inside the canopied dragon carriage's wagon.
The surrounding area held no sign of people; only the sound of the wind broke the silence. It was as if they were the only two people in the whole world—it was just like back then.
Wounded all over, his mind hazy, he'd awakened to find the two of them all alone.
"I feel like I've been seeing a long dream…"
As a matter of fact, the events from the moment of their departure to that time around—the final loop—seemed unreal, very much like he'd been dreaming.
That was how extreme and prolonged a situation it had been. It had been nothing but a veritable nightma— "A bad dream... No, not that."
"Was it a good dream?"
Emilia cocked her little head slightly, and her question prompted Subaru to continue.
The question made Subaru close his eyes, reminiscing on the time he had nearly declared a nightmare.
He remembered the many despairing situations that had visited him, places that he wanted to drive out of his head many times over.
His string of foolish acts. His self-serving behavior. His overbearing arrogance. How he'd cruelly betrayed expectations. How his spirit had been pummeled and broken by loss and despair. How he had once been ruled by madness, enough that when he sank into clarity, he sought to throw everything to the wind—and how, at the end of that, someone saved him.
He couldn't pretend it hadn't happened. Were it not for all those things, the Subaru of that moment would not exist.
Therefore, even if those days had been like a nightmare, inflicting nothing but hardships upon him…
"—It was good, really."
That long, long, nightmarish time remained nowhere, save for inside Subaru himself.
He could treat it as the past. But he could not allow himself to treat it as a dream.
The tragic results created by his own actions, and the horrific results they'd courted, were all his to bear.
Subaru was prisoner of the supernatural power of Return by Death. He had used that power to blaze open a new future. So this cross was his to bear.
"…How much have you heard?"
"Almost nothing. Julius said I should hear it from you."
"That meddling piece-of-shit bastard."
Was this his idea of being considerate? Inside his brain, Subaru spit invective at the handsome young man.
Then Subaru gently sat up from Emilia's lap, meeting her gaze with his own…
…as if to continue his words where they'd left off back then.
"That day, you asked me why. Why did I come save you? Why did I try so hard for you with this and that? Why, you said."
"Yeah, I asked that. And also, why you claimed I had saved you… I never did anything like that. I haven't at all. It's been only you saving me… I haven't given you anything. And in spite of that, you get so hurt for my sake…"
"Nah, back then I was all messed up…"
A part of him could not dismiss himself as just messed up.
It wasn't that he was messed up at all. At the time, thinking of himself only in terms of foolishness and frailty, the human being called Subaru Natsuki had honestly believed those words.
He had been pushing his own conceited emotions onto her, and wanted only for her to accept them.
Subaru knew of a man who had loudly asserted such self-serving love in his final moments, for it was Subaru himself who had watched this while leading the man to his demise.
Properly speaking, the sight of the Sword Devil offering up proof of his love had also been burned into his eyes.
"At the time, I was thinking only about me. I accept that. I was saying it was for your sake, but I was just drunk with the idea of 'I'm doing this for you.' I put into my own head that if I acted drunk on that, you'd accept me."
"Subaru…"
"Sorry. I was using you, and drowning in my own joy. Everything you said back then was true. I was wrong…but I wasn't wrong about everything."
He conceded that he'd used Emilia for his own benefit. But there was one thing that he would not concede.
"I want to help you. I want to be there for you. That's serious, that's true, not a lie."
"…Yeah, I know."
Emilia nodded at Subaru's words. Then her violet eyes greatly wavered and, blinking once, she stared at Subaru.
And then—
"—Subaru, why do you help me?"
They were the words she had spoken then. It was a question she had also posed several hours before.
Then, like before, the words were offered in search of an answer. Subaru had but one to give.
"I want to be there for you, because I love you, Emilia."
Subaru looked straight back into Emilia's eyes and stated it plainly.
In the end, the summary of the basis of Subaru's actions was exceedingly simple.
Wanting to be there for her, to stand by her side, to render her aid, to see her smiling face, to walk beside her, to live with her from now on—
Every last part of it was because he loved Emilia with all his body and soul, from the crown of the head to the tips of his toenails.
That was why, even at the risk of death, and in fact numerous deaths, no matter how hurt or hated or anguished he might be, even if he had to crawl to do it, he'd come back.
Just how many opportunities had he missed, only belatedly coming up with that simple answer?
He was truly in awe at the extent of his own stupidity.
"—"
Listening to Subaru's reply, Emilia opted to close her lips and keep her silence.
But that silence did not last long. Abruptly her composure crumpled; she bit her closed lips, and her wide-open, violet eyes grew moist.
It was the look of a girl who might break into tears at any moment, a girl who didn't know how to cry.
"I…I'm…a half-elf…"
"I know that."
Emilia earnestly shook her head, replying in a shaking, halting voice.
"I'm a half-elf, with silver hair… I'm hated by all kinds of people because I look like the Witch, they hate me. They truly, truly hate me."
"I've realized. I know. And those guys are blind."
Judging from appearances alone, and on top of that, basing everything on a resemblance to an arch-criminal from the distant past was ridiculous. How did anyone who didn't know a single thing about Emilia's true nature have any right to hate her?
"I have almost no experience interacting with people, and I don't have any friends. I have no common sense, and I'm ignorant of how the world works. That's why I say weird things from time to time…and because of my pact with Puck, my hairstyle practically changes on a daily basis, and my reason for wanting to be queen is…really, really selfish…"
She lined up her shortcomings one after another, even including things she didn't need to mention, offering a glimpse at her deepest vulnerabilities. Yet that timidity, that frailty, that lack of confidence—in that moment, Subaru thought it was all lovely.
Hence, Subaru gently shook his head.
"Emilia, whatever anyone says to you, whatever you think of yourself, I love you. I really love you. I super love you. I want to be together with you, always. I want to hold your hand, forever."
"Ah…"
"If you tell me ten things you hate about yourself, I'll tell you twelve that I love about you."
When Emilia seemed to try to pull back into herself, Subaru wouldn't let her escape, keeping his eyes glued to her as he stated how he really felt.
Emilia closed her little lips, looking at Subaru, and as she continued to look, tears welled in her eyes. When they grew to the point of overflowing, she blinked, letting droplets fall, tracing paths down her white cheeks.
"That's the special way I want to treat you."
"…This is the first time since I was born that I've been so happy to be treated as special."
He reached out with his hand, gently suppressing the flow of tears. With Subaru's hand touching her cheek, Emilia put her hand over his, and the body warmth exchanged between the two felt intensely hot.
"Why…twelve?"
"Because one hundred percent ain't enough to express how I feel."
When Subaru laughed, face brimming with a wide grin, Emilia answered with a tearful smile. Her face was dazzling, as if each and every falling tear were a diamond. Subaru felt so satisfied from seeing just one charming smile that he had to laugh at himself for how easily content he was.
And so they smiled together, as Emilia rubbed her cheek against Subaru's hand.
"I'm so happy. Really happy. I never once thought the day would come that someone would tell me they loved me."
In the days until that point, special had meant something entirely different to Emilia. That was why she was extremely frightened of receiving special treatment from anyone. Subaru knew how she felt about it, but had given her special treatment despite it all.
Even if it wasn't from anyone else, even if it was only Subaru in that whole world, the way he treated her truly was…special.
"Is this really fine? For me…for someone like me to be this happy, to have such happy feelings, it feels like an indulgence…"
"It's absolutely fine. Let's indulge ourselves. No matter how happy you are, it doesn't bother anyone else, and you can always give some of the excess to other people."
Which was why—
"You can take it slow, Emilia. Slow, gentle, take your time falling in love with me. After all, I'll be walking right by your side, doing my best to make you weak in the knees."
"—!"
"Eep," went Emilia, making a little sound from her throat. She proceeded to grow red in the cheeks, lowering her eyes. Then she touched a hand to her breast, quietly staring at Subaru as he smiled at her. And then…
"Thank you, Subaru. For helping me."
…Emilia smiled pleasantly as she said those words to Subaru. They were words she had spoken once before.
Realizing that fact, Subaru laughed. Emilia, realizing the same, laughed, too. She laughed and laughed, and suddenly, tears began to flow from the corners of her eyes. Subaru reached his hand out to Emilia's long, beautiful silver hair, gently stroking it as if combing through it.
He remained by the adorable girl's side as she gently continued to cry.
* * *
Under the sky of the approaching dusk, a boy from another world and a silver-haired half-demon drew close to one another, sharing their mutual feelings.
There had been repeated tribulation and despair continuing for a very long time.
Having overcome these, they had finally earned a quiet, tranquil time for them alone.
This was a tale about earning that time, and nothing more.
This was a tale about missed opportunities, continuing along different paths, remaining lost, and nothing more.
Everything had happened so that a single insecure boy could share his feelings with a single insecure girl.
This was a tale of striving to do exactly that one thing— —and nothing more.
INTERLUDE
A BRIEF MOMENT IN A DRAGON CARRIAGE
With a rattling sound, the dragon carriage quietly advanced along the highway.
Protected by the blessing, Subaru was truly able to enjoy a tranquil journey in a dragon carriage for the first time.
Subaru's dragon carriage experiences had always been messy, so it was the first time he was able to travel in such peace and quiet. The first "peaceful" journey to the royal capital had been ruined by Subaru's selfish excesses, so it didn't count.
And amid this first experience— "Hey, Petra…aren't you kinda…close?"
"Isn't this fine, Subaru? After all, Big Sis has been hogging you the whole time until now."
Subaru strained a smile as Petra said that to him and looked up with big, round eyes. She was sitting to Subaru's left and had been nuzzled against him, never leaving his side, since they'd set out again.
"Er, that's not true, Petra. Earlier, Subaru and I had…yes, we had something really important to talk about, so…"
"Pfft. Just so you know, Big Sis, I am definitely not losing to you!"
A red-faced Emilia tried to make excuses, but Petra didn't heed her one bit. But they weren't acting like they seriously scorned each other; if anything, they looked like they'd been teasing each other forever, which brought a big grin to Subaru's lips.
"Emilia-tan, you're talking with a child. You need to laugh and let these things slide with a smile on your face."
"I will not. Even with a child, I cannot behave in such an off-the-cuff manner."
"No one uses off-the-cuff anymore…"
"Grrr, playing that game again…!"
Emilia's lips tensed in displeasure, and Petra, unhappy to be treated like a child, tugged on Subaru's sleeve with a look of dissatisfaction. "Sorry, sorry," begged Subaru, giving a little, pained smile as he apologized to both of them.
At present Subaru and the others were heading to the capital with the children in a carriage after they'd had to change from the one that had been booby-trapped. Other than Petra, the exhausted children were asleep, and to be blunt, their snores and Petra's pressing up against Subaru were like his salvation.
After all, he couldn't handle being alone with Emilia after what had happened earlier.
He'd confessed to her, making all kinds of embarrassing statements in the process. Now that he calmly thought back upon making all kinds of coolsounding statements, like about patiently waiting for her answer, he was about ready to expect jets of fire to sprout from his face.
"Subaru, what is it? You're making a strange face."
"I was just thinking that Petra's been a big help. I mean, she kept her promise not to leave Emilia-tan alone. She's been a very good girl!"
"Eh-heh-heh-heh."
As Petra looked up at him, Subaru gently stroked her hair and explained the second thing he was grateful to her for.
If, by some chance, Petra and the other children had let go of Emilia, she might have done something reckless and gotten herself hurt again. This had been avoided, and Subaru was able to see all his efforts come to fruition thanks to Petra and the other children around them.
Truly he had been blessed; perhaps too much, even.
"Once things calm down, there's way too many people I need to thank…"
He owed Crusch's followers a big thank-you, then another to the Anastasia faction for the aid of the Iron Fangs, and though it pained him, Julius's assistance had been a godsend as well. Russel had helped out in regard to the White Whale, plus he still owed a debt to Otto for his aid at the very end. Subaru had a lot of things to do.
"There's a mountain of stuff I've gotta think about, huh…?"
There was the issue of credit being due to the expeditionary force for taking down both the White Whale and Sloth, plus the alliance that had been struck with the Crusch camp. There was also the matter of pressing the absent Roswaal to take responsibility for compensating Earlham Village and dealing with various other matters that remained.
Many difficulties lay before Subaru—especially the talk that loomed largest on that mountain-like pile.
"Um, er, Emilia-tan… There's…something really important I have to talk to you about."
"Mmm, what is it?"
As Subaru gingerly brought the matter up, Emilia looked over to him with eyes full of trust. When Subaru gazed at those eyes and the emotions resting within, the task he had to carry out truly sunk in. At the same time, to be blunt, it frightened him to ponder whether the look in those eyes would change after he cleared the air.
Naturally, the matter he could not avoid telling Emilia about concerned another girl—Rem.
During the current loop, there was no one who'd aided Subaru as wholeheartedly as Rem. It was Rem's deep love and devotion that had gently healed Subaru's broken heart, allowing him to summon the will to rekindle the fight against fate every time he had to start over.
Had it not been for Rem, the Subaru sitting before Emilia would not have existed.
That was why Subaru harbored deep feelings for Rem that were special in their own way. Even if they were different from those he felt for Emilia, nothing else could compare to their strength and size.
Accordingly, Subaru settled on framing it around that—he knew full well that it was an awful way of thinking.
"This is really hard to say, but please, listen to me. Of course, I'm resigned to Ram kicking my ass when I tell her about this, but…I wanted to tell you first, Emilia-tan."
"…Mm-hmm?"
Subaru's odd, halting preamble left Emilia with a perplexed expression on her face. Seeing that nearly dulled his determination, but he hardened his resolve, feeling his courage bolstered by the battle with the Witch Cult.
He worked the wheels in his brain at maximum speed, multiplying everything by Return by Death to reach the most optimal way to explain—
"Actually, I wanted to talk about Rem. Where I'm concerned, Rem, um… well, you must have figured it out, right? I mean, well, she said a fair bit about it…"
Sweat oozed from Subaru's brow as he desperately tried to find the next words. Now that he was faced with giving the most awful confession in history, his courage, resolve, and experiences from Return by Death all failed him.
With Subaru already devolving into rambling excuses, drenched with cold sweat as he found it hard to speak, Emilia raised a hand.
"Hold on a moment. Subaru, calm down. I don't understand what you're trying to say, and I know that you're trying really, really hard, Subaru. Be a good boy and take it slow."
"I'm not sure what to think about the good-boy part…! No, wait, I'm not being very manly here. Okay, I'll just spit it out! See, Rem told me that she loves me just as much as I love you, Emilia, so…!"
He meant to build on the momentum from where he had just left off, but his words died out.
Having put his feelings into it with all his strength, he was sure that Emilia would be shocked at exactly what he was confessing to. The mere thought of how she might react terrified him. Very, very tenderly, he watched for her response.
" "
However, Emilia's reaction was completely different from what Subaru had expected.
Subaru's words made Emilia's brows draw up. She touched a finger to her lips as she silently sank into thought. Was she mulling over his words, her anger building toward Subaru? It didn't seem like that at all.
"Subaru."
"Yes?"
When Emilia called his name, Subaru looked straight her.
Emilia resolutely faced Subaru's determined eyes head-on. However, her gaze also contained bewilderment, and Subaru couldn't understand why.
Then, the next words she spoke were literally beyond Subaru's comprehension—
"Who's Rem?"
FRAGMENTS
REM NATSUKI
1
A loud, crying voice echoed under the clear, blue sky.
It was the crying voice of a baby girl. Already she was crying with all her heart and soul.
Displaying emotions with every bit of available strength was a privilege reserved for babes. As he embraced that sentiment, he was shocked with himself, for it was not the thought of the young.
"So this is longing for youth… Maybe I should cry like Spica and return to the innocence of childhood?"
"If an adult acts like that on a public street, there's nothing I can do to help, you know?!"
When Subaru, feeling the weight of his years, made that murmur, the boy beside him played the straight man. Upon that exchange, the baby in Subaru's arms—the girl named Spica—took a deep, deep breath and went, "Aa—!!"
"Whoa! Spica's crying! Hey, uh, Rigel, you're her older brother! Do something!"
"You say that, but the fact you yourself aren't doing anything about it is a lot worse!"
The two males of the household batted responsibility back in forth with the baby between them.
The uproar attracted the attention of nearby pedestrians, but when they saw which three people were making the ruckus, they all thought, Same as usual, and promptly lost interest. As a result, the crying baby girl and the two caretakers remained as they were.
Subaru, dead center amid that noisy, passingly amusing scene, covered his face with a hand.
"So we have a little girl crying like this, and not a single person offers a lifeboat… Shit, have people's hearts hardened that much?!"
"This ain't the time to philosophize about the world! At this rate she's gonna give us a lecture when she gets back…"
"When who gets back, Rigel?"
"Well, that's obvio—"
The young man named Rigel cut off his words there as he looked over his shoulder in shock. Subaru went, "Ohh" as he followed Rigel's gaze, raising his eyebrows as he arrived at the figure standing behind him.
"Done with your shopping?"
"Yes, there were no problems… It seems things did not go so well for you."
"Nah, Spica's super lively. This one's growing up to be the type who runs all around and keeps men wrapped around her finger. She'll grow into a little devil before you know it. My heart's all aflutter. I can't wait!"
As Subaru flapped his lips, Spica, the girl he held in his arms, extended a little hand toward the woman standing there who was no larger than a leaf. Subaru desolately realized she seemed to be saying, Change me.
"Well, all that being said, we can't have her crying again. With that, I'll leave her to you."
"Yes, leave her to me."
Though his tone remained mischievous, Subaru handed the baby over with exceptional gentleness. The woman made a charming little smile as she took Spica, handling her like a precious treasure. Then she hugged Spica snugly against her chest, gently rocking the baby's body to put her at ease.
"Yes, Father and Big Brother are helpless, aren't they? Spica, you need to grow up soon so you can give them the proper scolding they deserve."
"Hey now, she can't understand words yet, so can we not give her the special tutoring?"
An image of the future came to mind: his mischief being followed by her and Spica sandwiching him, hands on their hips in a pronounced huff. That scene, with them angry at him and Rigel both, was just—
"Er, now that I think of it, that's not as bad as I thought, it's really not! If anything, it comes off as one hell of a happy image of the future, doesn't it?" "Leave me out of it. Having a little sister angry at me makes me look bad as an older brother."
"Well, it wouldn't make you look bad if you're lumped in with me. Your future… I can see it, I can see it…! Too soft to the little sister you like too much, kept under her thumb forever…you will be the Siscon King!!"
"Hey, you're the one who's wrapped around a woman's finger! I'll never, ever be like that!"
Subaru wagged his finger to fan the flames; a vein bulged on Rigel's forehead as he protested. But Rigel's statement made the blue-haired woman holding Spica knit her brows together.
"Rigel—what is this manner of talking you've been using outside? It's intolerable," she said.
"Uh, but, I mean…"
"Mother hates hearing but and I mean. Besides, your earlier words are mistaken."
As Rigel hemmed and hawed, she scolded him without mercy; then she pressed her lips to Spica's cheek and spoke.
"Mother does not have Father wrapped around her finger. After all,
Father is always Mother's Number One."
Her cheeks reddened as she uttered something far more embarrassing than a baby crying on a public street.
This time, confronted with a mother able to say that out loud, Rigel raised both hands in abject surrender. Even Subaru couldn't do anything but awkwardly scratch a cheek.
The reactions from her beloved family sent her happily passing a hand through her long hair.
The stroke left Rem's hair, blue and pretty like the sky, swaying gently in the wind.
2
In a corner of Banan City, part of the city-state of Kararagi, Subaru sat on a bench at the corner of a public park dotted with playgrounds, gazing absentmindedly at affairs inside the park.
Directly in front of him, Rigel, his blue hair combed backward and spiky, was running around the public park, having fun with his friends. He might be cheeky to his own father, but he was an adorable kid, as befitted his age.
"Now if only we could do something about those awful serial killer eyes…"
"We will do nothing of the sort. That nasty look is part of who Rigel is. No matter how much fun he has, no matter how joyful he may be, his face will still make first acquaintances flinch with discomfort—that's our Rigel."
"Hey, I can hear you. And Mom, your attempt to help hurt even more, you know?!"
Rigel was caught and frozen in a game of freeze tag—passed down by Subaru himself—as he raised his voice in anger. Subaru and Rem both waved to their adorable son, seemingly to fan the flames like a proper husband and wife.
The foul, vein-bulging look of dissatisfaction on Rigel's face made him a dead ringer for a young Subaru.
"In other words, I can already expect his future to go something like mine. I'd be in shock too if I were him… I mean, in twenty years he's gonna turn into me."
"Would that not mean…a future where he marries a valiant wife, skilled in cooking and capable of all domestic affairs, who is also a wonderful and ideal bride?"
"Hey, what's that normie sellout garbage about? That can go jump in a…
Wait, you meant me!"
When Subaru put a hand against his head and stuck out his tongue, Rem couldn't keep herself from sighing a little.
"If you don't deny it even a little, your wife will get carried away from being smothered in praise."
"What this about smothering you in praise? It's just the truth. I seriously am a real-life sellout."
If Subaru were seriously trying to kill her with flattery, he would go much, much further. But they were in a public park in broad daylight. If he started saying sweet nothings to her, the idle chatter around them would drown out everything else. That wasn't such a bad thing, but he wanted to fully enjoy the moment.
His son was playing; his wife was gently holding their baby daughter.
Subaru felt like falling asleep beside them. Sitting beside her was somehow making Subaru sleepy.
"Er…"
"If you wish to sleep, I will lend you my shoulder. Spica has monopolized my arms, after all."
When he opened one eye, he found that his head had come to rest on Rem's shoulder as they sat side by side. With Rem so close, he could smell her sweet scent and feel her warmth. Subaru's cheeks slackened as he looked Spica's way.
She had her father's black hair and her mother's adorable face. Her life was innocent, delicate, and so very lovely.
"Damn you, Spica. Beloved daughter you may be, you're one frightening schemer, taking over my holy ground like that."
"My breasts are occupied until evening, so please wait."
"Right now, we're in a park in the middle of the day, so we'd better watch what we say, you know…"
When Subaru's eyes bulged at the audacious statement, the woman who had said it turned beet red.
"Man, my family's super adorable."
"Because you love them all each and every day."
Their gazing at each other made him feel funny, so Subaru accepted Rem's offer and rested his head on her shoulder. The feel of her blue hair brushing against him felt amazingly good, making Subaru rub his face against it without thinking about it.
"Someone wants to be tickled."
"Ah, sorry, it just felt sooo good. I'll just learn from Spica and behave. Rigel can be the only one who can't calm down. Wow, Rigel's such a little kid!"
"I can hear you, stupid dad! Don't compare me to you!"
"Rigel, your sister is sleeping, so please be considerate."
"It just ain't fair!"
The still-frozen Rigel shouted at the absurdity, but no one in the family backed him up. Adding to his woes, no one came to rescue Rigel from his frozen state. He was in quite an isolated position.
Though he resembled Subaru in appearance and mannerisms, the surrounding children did not tease him about that, which Subaru thought was incredibly kind on their part, but…
"You can't turn out like that, Spica! Only Big Bro acting like that is enough. Well, you take after Mother, so your future is bright. I only pray you don't get caught by a no-good man like me."
"There is no substitute for you. My darling is the greatest in the whole world."
Subaru gave a strained smile at Rem's enthusiastic seal of approval. Silence fell between them for a time; but this was not an uncomfortable silence in any way. With the sun's rays behind them, he gazed wistfully at his son being teased by his friends as he cuddled up to his wife, holding their daughter in her arms, and rested—it was a sweet, happy time.
"—Subaru."
The abrupt calling of Subaru's name made him open his closed eyes.
When he glanced upward, Rem's clear, light-blue eyes were gazing into his. Her moist eyes loosened Subaru's tongue.
"…It's been a while since you've called me that. It's been 'darling' and 'Father' for ages."
"—"
The words Subaru spoke upon waking made Rem purse her trembling lips.
He was looking at the face Rem had often worn several years ago, right after they ran away. Subaru could tell even when Rem tried to hide it. After all, he'd always had his eyes on her.
Bathed by the wind, Subaru narrowed his eyes. It had been Rem who'd invited him on a family outing that day. He'd guessed that she had a reason for that. After all—
"Today…it's been eight years since that day, huh?"
"…You noticed?"
"Well, to me…no, to us, that was the day everything changed, right? It's not that I noticed or remembered, it's that I can't forget—there's no way can I forget."
It was the day he had submitted to fate, the day he had thrown everything away and fled with Rem.
It was a day when he'd meant to give everything up, but there was one thing only he hadn't given up on.
On that day he'd had her love—and the Subaru sitting there existed thanks to that.
"Subaru, do you…?"
Rem had consciously stopped calling him by that familiar name since they'd fled to Kararagi. It was no doubt a ritual by which she'd left their old lives behind.
All that time, Subaru hadn't asked her to divulge the true intent behind it, nor had Rem told Subaru on her own. As for what led her to depart from the ritual she had continued for so long, that was— "…regret it?"
"Regret?"
"Yes, that you ran away. That you gave up. That you threw everything away. That you—"
"If you're gonna say, picked me, I'm gonna be ultra mad. I'll grab Rigel and Spica and head back home right now! Ah, nah, I'll leave Rigel here."
He saw that Rigel was giving him a foul look, but Subaru spoke anyway —"Mother and I are having an important discussion"—thrusting his son's concerns into a bottomless pit. "Now look here," he said afterward, turning back toward Rem as he spoke. "That's quite something to ask all of a sudden after eight years, and I'm not sure how many dozens or hundreds of times saying this is gonna help, but…"
"Yes."
"I love you the most in the whole world. You're the only bride for me, and I'm the only man for you. You're not a cheap woman…a guy like me doesn't settle for someone like you."
As they gazed at one another, Subaru's fingertip gave Rem's forehead a light flick. Then he drew close to the surprised girl's face and spoke.
"It's like I swore that day. I'm yours through and through. I'll do anything for you. I'll give anything to you. I live for you alone— Well, nowadays I have to add our kids to that."
With Rem's eyes closed, he crinkled his nose and stole a kiss from her lips.
A smile came over Subaru just from the touch of their lips and being close enough to feel her breath. No matter how many years passed, that childish mischievousness of his always stayed the same.
"Can't you stop worrying now?"
"…I am sorry. I always worry. I mean, I love you more and more, Subaru. Even though I keep thinking…there can never be a happier time than this…I become happier and happier. I love, I rejoice, and so I worry."
Tears appeared in Rem's eyes. She shook her head a little, even as she professed her own happiness. After shaking her head, she touched her cheek to Subaru's, allowing their mutual warmth to flow between them as she spoke.
"I worry that you'll go away, and I won't be able to touch you like this anymore."
"Relax. I'm not leaving your side and I'm not going away. As long as you love me, I'm never pulling away from you."
"My love for you will never run out, Subaru—"
"We'll be together forever, then. I love you, Rem."
Rem didn't know what to do with her own feelings as Subaru kissed her again.
Frozen in surprise, she sank deep inside herself as their hot tongues intertwined once more. When she felt his tongue depart, savoring the sensation of his saliva on her front teeth, her breath was slightly ragged when Subaru continued, "Don't make me say stupid stuff like maybe I settled for you in the first place. So what then? Instead of love for Rigel and Spica I should pity them? Spica's the crystallization of our love all according to plan, and Rigel's the kid born from our youth and burning love running wild."
"…It was quite a time when Rigel was born."
When Subaru put a hand on his hip and lectured her, Rem smiled softly as she looked back at him, reminiscing.
"Even though we needed to find a house and a job here in Kararagi and set up a calm, stable life…"
"Well, um, hey, we were young, so we couldn't just hold off."
"And even though you were tired from work, you became very energetic in the evening, Subaru."
"Er, um, hey, when you're young you have energy to spare, right?"
"I got pregnant almost at the same time as getting full-time work, so my head was pretty much a haze at the time…"
"A man really doesn't like acknowledging the so-called mistakes of his youth…"
Subaru deeply felt Rem's vigorous counterattack as he gazed into the distance and murmured. On the other end, Rigel grimaced at being treated like Subaru's mistake, but he apparently read the mood and refrained from intruding. Not bad for a son of his.
"Well, um, I was happy, too. When you told me, at first I had just a little bit of blood dripping from my nose, and then when I tried to check if it was a dream or not, it was actually bleeding from after you slugged me…"
Rem had lost her temper a fair bit, too, so the haymaker punch he'd received had sent him crashing into the wall with enough force to make their temporary residence tilt. It had been bad enough he had resigned himself to possibly experiencing Return by Death once again after a long hiatus.
At any rate, Subaru was able to recall every detail of when Rem had informed him of her pregnancy, including the warm feelings welling up in his chest at the time…
However, Rem responded to Subaru's words with a shake of her head.
"You are mistaken. My happiness is likely a different happiness from yours. What I think of happiness is…happiness that I did not have to lose you, Subaru."
"—"
"Rigel is the tangible bond born between Subaru and Rem. It may be a poor way to say it, but a child born between us firmly tied you to me so that
you would never leave my side… That made me happy."
Perhaps he'd been leaning on her ever since those days of uncertainty.
He'd thrown away anything and everything until that point, the two of them fleeing to a new land with nothing but each other. Back in those days, with nothing to cling to but each other, Rem had always been shaken by the irrational fear that she would someday lose Subaru again.
In Rem's lack of confidence in herself, Subaru had met his match.
To Rem, worth much more than her minimal appraisal of herself, her life with Subaru was one of maximal happiness and anxiety, nurturing both fortune and fear as two sides of the same coin.
And it was the new life between them that had served as the marker to put an end to that time.
"You didn't believe?"
"No. I believe you more than this entire world, Subaru."
"Not that. I don't mean believing me…I mean, you didn't believe in yourself?"
Subaru's words drew a small gasp from Rem; then she nodded toward him. Inside her, Subaru loomed disproportionately large. Rem, thinking she was very tiny in comparison, must have felt anxious on account of that.
Enough not to notice that Subaru had harbored the same worry all that time.
Subaru couldn't help a pained smile at how they were intensely selfdeprecating, husband and wife both. The sight of that made Rem's cheeks puff up.
"It is fine. I am an idiot. You cannot be faulted for laughing…," she said.
"No, no. I was just thinking all over again that our personalities are a perfect match, that and yes, my wife really is the cutest in the whole world."
For but a single moment, the surprise confession made Rem blink and brought a flush to her cheeks. Subaru's breast warmed at the response; he had managed to make Rem truly feel his love for her.
He liked, and loved, Rem most in the whole world. He was capable of yelling that in a loud voice. In fact, from time to time, he did just that. It had made them locally famous as a particularly passionate husband and wife.
"—Rigel, Spica."
"Mm?"
All of a sudden, Rem spoke the names of their two adorable children. When Subaru cocked his head, Rem said, "It's nothing," gazing at Subaru with upturned eyes.
"Both are the names of stars, yes? Stars in your homeland, Subaru?"
"Yep. My dad had a fundamentally lousy personality, but I straight-up admire him for naming me Subaru. I like this name. Subaru's the name of a star, y'see."
When, during his elementary school years, he brought up the topic of the origin of his name, Subaru had learned that he was named for a star cluster in the nighttime sky. Subaru had held an interest in illustrated books about stars ever since. So he knew a whole bunch of star names, and when he needed to stick a name onto something—
"I was always taking names from stars. I used the name of a star for my handle on the net, and if I used an alias I'd usually take one from a star. So even in that sense, these names really shine!!"
"I am uncertain what you mean by that, but I do think names of stars are wonderful. If a third child is born, I am sure it shall be the same."
"Isn't it a little soon to talk about a third? Spica's not weaned yet."
"I was thinking I could leave everything but breastfeeding to Rigel. Why
do you think I was so careful not to have the next child until he got bigger?"
"Hard to notice with me around, but you're pretty hard on Rigel, too, aren't you, Rem?!"
Subaru made a strained smile at Rem's routine treatment of their son as he got up from the bench, brushing his rear. Then, as Rem looked up at him, he extended a hand toward her.
"Let's head back. A man can only do so much flirting with other people's eyes on him, you know," he said.
"I suppose so. Right now, I feel like you want to flirt with me with all your strength in a way that you haven't in a while."
"Oh yeah. Right now, my libido might be enough to keep up with even a demon's endurance…"
With that nervous murmur, he used the hand Rem was grasping to pull her into his embrace. "Wah!" she exclaimed in surprise as Subaru hugged her, Spica and all, deftly conveying his warmth to his family.
"Well, let's head back, then—to our house."
"Yes, darling."
Subaru walked forward, a basket of groceries in one hand, Rem's hand in the other, with Rem, carrying Spica, cuddled up against him as she followed half a step behind.
That was how they walked close to their still-frozen son at the center of the public park.
"Hey, son, still stuck in WinterFest on your own? This is slow even for freeze tag, and I'm bored, so Mother and I are taking your sister back home. You can sleep over at a friend's house tonight."
"That's blatantly ditching me, damn it! And this is after having my parents be all lovey-dovey in a public park in broad daylight." "You jelly? Sorry, Rigel. Rem here is all mine."
"Shut up!"
Subaru fanned the flames, drawing an angry shout from Rigel, but he didn't play the jilted son for long. He immediately took a deep breath and spoke. "Stay calm, stay calm. Don't let Dad fling you around willy-nilly. Calm, I'm calm… OK, I've calmed down. So what were you and Mommy talking about?"
"Where your name came from. Come to think a bit, I think Vega was my first candidate for your name."
"That sounds strong! Why'd you drop it?"
"Nah, when I thought of the original backstory it seemed pretty rough for a name. No way am I raising a son who can only meet his lover once a year.
Lovers are important…especially my bride, the cutest of all."
"Yes, I am Subaru's Rem."
"Would you stop using topics about me to act all sappy like that?!"
His parents' sweet marital exchange drove Rigel to stamp the ground as he vented.
The other children playing freeze tag noticed Rigel's antics.
"Aah, Rigel moved! You can't break the freeze tag rules!"
"Geh!"
The children who had abandoned Rigel to that point showered accusations of rule breaking upon him. As Rigel froze, his throat tight, Subaru patted him on the shoulder.
"He who breaks the taboo of freeze tag must be punished. You must face the hell of being tickled by demons until you are unable to either laugh or cry — Be strong."
"Don't make up rules as you go with a serious look on your… Hey, what do you guys think you're…! Wait a sec! Don't just take what he says at face value! Wa, uwaaa—!!"
Rigel desperately ran away as the various children pressed upon him. However, they headed him off. They proceeded to press Rigel to the ground as several sets of fingers closed in…
"Farewell, my son. Father and Mother have something very important to discuss, so don't you dare come back until nighttime. Also, use of your horn is forbidden. And make sure you don't tear your clothes."
"Y-you heartless parents, I'll remember this—!"
Fingers pressed upon Rigel from all directions, toying with him as they pleased; his laughing voice echoed through the public park like a cry for help. The laughs of her older brother made Spica go, "Kya-kya," laughing in obvious delight.
Subaru sensed fine future prospects. Probably Spica's growth would further solidify Rigel's place in the Natsuki family.
Having displayed his boundless love for their beloved son by tweaking his nose just a little, Subaru walked forward, leading Rem by the hand.
And so he headed toward his own house, the place where he lived with
his precious family in tranquility and happiness— "Subaru."
"Mm?"
When he abruptly felt his arm tugged, Subaru stopped and looked back.
That instant, a powerful gust of wind blew between Subaru and Rem. He unwittingly closed his eyes, slowly opening them again when the wind relented.
Rem's long, blue hair was fluttering in the wind, glittering as if it were making the sunlight melt.
Rem had grown her hair long. The current Subaru somehow understood that this was due to her rivalry with someone. And so too did he understand that when he thought of a woman with long hair, the first image that came to mind was the one before his eyes: that of the girl most precious to him in the whole wide world.
The long hair silently flowed as Rem smiled at Subaru, reembracing their beloved daughter in her arms.
To Subaru, that loving smile was the loveliest thing of all.
"Right now, I am…the happiest woman in the world."
INTERLUDE
LET US FEAST
1
As they traveled along the highway, Rem let the dragon carriage rock her as she thought of him alone.
Rem was lying down, eyes narrowed from the dazzling morning sun and the moist breeze, when she gently lifted her head.
Straight ahead of her was the convoy of dragon carriages in military formation as they headed back to the royal capital. The carriages were carrying the wounded from the battle to defeat the White Whale; many of them were gravely wounded and had received only the bare minimum of treatment.
But the atmosphere of the unit was far from somber; it was that of an overflowing sense that their earnest desire had been achieved.
To them, the current trek to the royal capital was a triumphant return. The pain of their wounds did not hold a candle to their sense of fulfillment from achieving the wish they had waited years for. Indeed, their hauling the severed head of the White Whale to the royal capital would surely be greeted by praise from the masses for their valiant efforts.
In contrast to their deeply held sentiments, Rem was concerned with a young man not present.
"Your face is downcast, Rem. It seems your worries indeed know no bounds."
"…Lady Crusch."
When Rem looked toward the voice, she saw Crusch Karsten sitting right beside her.
Though she was bandaged under her light armor, Rem did not sense that her demeanor was affected by her wounds in the slightest. But there were traces of fatigue upon even her gallant face. She was in precarious enough territory that she was riding a dragon carriage, not on her favorite land dragon.
However, as Rem nodded toward her, Crusch cast her fatigue aside in the blink of an eye.
"Ferris, Wilhelm, and the expeditionary force accompanying them are brave, highly trained warriors. He shall surely have Ricardo and the Iron Fangs aiding him… Besides, it is difficult to believe that Anastasia Hoshin
does not have other measures prepared. The Witch Cult's numbers are unknown, but it is not a losing battle."
"I wonder if it is selfish of me to worry, even so?"
"Once the seed of worry has taken root, stepping on it is not helpful. If you are the cause, you must overcome yourself with devotion and resolve. But one finds the self to be a difficult opponent— Forgive me, helping others find peace of mind is not my specialty."
Seeing the gloom on Rem's face deepen, Crusch lowered her eyes, realizing that she had misspoken. That instant, Rem broke into a small, spontaneous smile at how the woman who had felt so detached to date suddenly felt very close to her. "Very good," said Crusch, drawing her chin in upon seeing that smile. "Subaru Natsuki said it well. That a smiling face suits you better, Rem. Hearing it from the side, I thought it mere flattery, but it is less idiotic than I expected."
"If you were to smile, Lady Crusch, the air you give off would surely change as well. You are always so imposing… I believe you would display a wonderful smile."
"…I wonder. I am a woman poor at smiling. I have always regretted it, and do so even now."
Rem's suggestion caused Crusch to avert her gaze and murmur thusly. There was a smile carved upon her lips, but this was a slight smile, one plainly at her own expense.
Rem was surprised to see Crusch display such disgust with herself. To Rem, lacking in confidence, Crusch, always valiant and composed, was one of the ideal images of womanhood. Though as far as Rem was concerned, Ram, her elder sister, was the most ideal of all…
But before she could press the issue, Crusch hid her smile and changed the topic.
"Concerning Subaru Natsuki and the others… This revolves around Emilia's lineage. I anticipated the threat of the Witch Cult from the beginning. Surely Marquis Mathers has prepared measures of his own?"
"I do not understand Master Roswaal's thinking. For that reason, it shall do you no good to pry."
"How strict. Now that we are allies, he surely would not mind your letting a few words slip."
Likely, her jesting manner of speaking was her being considerate toward Rem. As a matter of fact, Rem had managed not to sink into a swamp of worry thanks to Crusch's speaking to her like that.
Besides, Crusch's hypothesis made perfect sense. It was a certainty that Roswaal, of all people, would have some kind of countermeasure for the current incident. After Subaru's having fallen into misfortune, his actions to assist Roswaal would surely restore his good name.
No, his cooperation in the battle against the White Whale had already made his name echo far more than that.
The hero, Subaru Natsuki.
To Rem, it was natural to assess the man who had saved her heart and her future thus; there was no other appraisal fitting Subaru, who would surely perform other shining exploits thereafter. And if Rem could exist beside that shining light, have it turn toward her from time to time, Rem sought nothing more. Rem would be fulfilled by that alone.
When Rem thought about Subaru, her heart was always filled with complex emotions. It always made her feel warm and at ease. And yet at some point anxiety crept in, bringing anguish; she felt like worry was tearing her apart.
It was Subaru, and Subaru alone, who gave her heart such joy and distress, ceaselessly alternating between one and the other…
"Subaru…truly is a very vexing person."
With a small, wry smile, Rem whispered loving words toward the image of the man rising in the back of her mind.
Crusch watched the side of her face in visible relief. She let her long hair flow down her back as she silently shifted her eyes toward the dragon carriage on the road ahead—but her amber eyes abruptly narrowed.
"—Mm?"
Crusch let out a tiny murmur. Rem lifted up her face, for she had detected a jarring sound at nearly the same instant.