Chapter 42: Joey Is a Great Actor
Joey held a script page that an assistant had just handed him.
Cynthia, the casting director sitting across from him, said, "All right, Joey Tribbiani, I'm the German officer who refuses to cooperate. Under Lieutenant Aldo's orders, Donny has beaten the officer to death with a baseball bat, and now you need to deliver the line on your page. Ready, Joey?"
Joey nodded. "Yeah, I can start. But in this scene it's Donny who kills the Nazi with the bat. To help me get into character, could I get an actual bat?"
Cynthia said, "Joey, we don't have a bat here. How about you pretend you're holding one?"
Joey could only shrug in agreement.
So Cynthia, using Aldo's tone, told Joey, "Donny, this Kraut wants to die for his country—oblige him."
Joey stood there for a few seconds, then asked, "Sorry, could he read with me?" He pointed at Bruce.
"What?" Cynthia was startled by the unusual request; Quentin and Harvey simply watched Joey, waiting to hear more.
"I just feel like I'll do better if I can act opposite Bruce—please!"
Quentin turned to Bruce, who said, "I can help Joey with the read."
Bruce stood, walked over to Joey, and whispered, "Remember, Donny, you're the cocky, brutal Bear Jew."
Then Bruce dropped to his knees as the captured German officer, while Joey backed up about fifteen feet. Cynthia delivered Aldo's line again: "Donny, this Kraut wants to die for his country—oblige him."
Joey closed his eyes, took a deep breath, reopened them, and stared at Bruce with a cold, predatory look. He stepped forward slowly, slapping an invisible bat against his left palm—no actual weapon, yet he made it feel real.
Reaching Bruce, Joey nudged the 'officer's' leg with his foot.
"Did you get that Iron Cross by killing Jews?" Joey's voice was low and rough.
"By courage!" the 'officer' answered with pride.
"Courage?" Joey's eyebrows shot up. "Courage?" he repeated, his voice suddenly high-pitched with mockery and building madness.
Without another word, he gripped the phantom bat, twisted his torso, and swung with all his strength and rage straight at the 'officer's' head.
"Crack!" Joey mimicked the first brutal impact with full force.
The 'officer' collapsed on cue.
"Crack! Crack! Crack!" More frenzied 'blows' followed. Joey was no longer Joey Tribbiani; he was Donny Donowitz, a war-crazed avenger. With each swing his body shook, face twisted, eyes wild and vicious.
On the floor, Bruce gave a death performance that shocked Quentin and Harvey: at every 'impact' he jerked like he'd been electrocuted, gurgled, eyes glazing over, until the final 'blow' left him stiff and lifeless, fingers frozen in a death grip.
The storm stopped; Joey froze, still holding the 'bloodied bat' overhead, chest heaving. Staring down at the 'corpse', the frenzy in his eyes mixed with twisted satisfaction, like he'd just won the World Series.
Straightening up, chin raised, Joey looked around the room and, in the breathless voice of a vintage radio announcer, bellowed:
"Ted Williams knocks it out of the park—home run!"
"Fenway Park goes wild!"
"He rounds the bases and charges all the way to Lansdowne Street!"
Silence—then: "Fing brilliant, fing brilliant!" Quentin jumped from his chair, pointing at the breathless Joey and shouting at the stunned Harvey, "That's it! That baseball bat-wielding psycho from hell—perfect! He IS Donny Donowitz!"
Even the normally skeptical Harvey nodded, excitement clear on his face. "He's nailed the character's essence. Before today nobody knew who Donny was; from now on, Donny will look exactly like that."
Exhausted, Joey realized the role was his; joy washed over him and a huge smile spread across his face.
Bruce stood up. "Wow, Joey, I always knew you were talented, but that was next level. For a second there I thought if you'd had a real bat I'd be dead."
Joey threw an arm around Bruce's shoulders. "Thanks, man—half this performance is yours!"
"Hey, Bruce!" Quentin walked over. "Your acting was spot-on—better than some professionals I've worked with. Want a cameo? We'll find you something."
Bruce blinked. "You're offering me a role, Quentin? But there aren't any Asian parts in the script."
Quentin grinned. "No problem—you can play a face-down German soldier who gets shot. Just one morning on set. Next movie maybe I'll write you some actual lines."
"I can definitely play a corpse," Bruce said.
"I'll give you a call when we start shooting. Just one morning," Quentin promised.
"By the way, today's all supporting roles. Have you locked in any of the leads yet?"
"We're in talks with people. Once we finish casting the supporting roles we'll sit down with the leads—fingers crossed."
"Mind telling me who you're considering?"
"Sure. For Colonel Hans Landa we're looking at Alan Rickman and Christopher Walken. For Lieutenant Aldo—Kurt Russell; you've probably seen Escape from New York. And for Shosanna, I want the French actress Juliette Binoche—if we can get her."
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