It was now the middle of June.
A strange phenomenon had taken hold of Class E. While it wasn't exactly harmful, it was impossible to ignore, constantly drawing the eye away from one's studies.
"It's suspiciously massive...!"
Indeed, Koro-sensei's head had physically ballooned to a terrifying degree. I nearly snapped the lead of my pencil in shock, doing my absolute best to suppress the sarcastic remark threatening to burst from my throat.
To make matters worse, his academic cap hovered unnaturally above him, pushed upward by some invisible force, leaving a distinct gap. I realized that if I began commenting on every bizarre detail I saw, I would exhaust my energy before the lesson even ended.
"Koro-sensei, could you please explain why your head has expanded by 30%?"
"Ritsu, an excellent observation."
"Thank you very much!"
As I internally commended Ritsu—the Autonomously Intelligence Fixed Artillery—for beating us to the question on everyone's mind, Koro-sensei gave an answer I hadn't anticipated.
"My body absorbed water and swelled; the humidity is exceptionally high today."
"What are you, a grain of raw rice?!"
As Maehara, the self-proclaimed king of sarcasm, shouted his usual retort, Nagisa added a new entry to his assassination notebook: "Affected by humidity."
Good grief, what is wrong with that body? Despite being a mass of tentacles, he has fleshy pads instead of suction cups, secretes mucus, and yet swells in the humidity like he isn't a sea creature.
"Koro-sensei, what about your floating hat?"
"Hm? Oh, that's just the mushrooms."
"Does that mean you've started to rot?!"
"Oh, Nozaki-kun has joined in with the sarcasm too."
The day continued in that vein, but on the way home, an incident occurred that shook the very foundations of Class E.
●○●○●
"Damn it, my umbrella is broken."
It's a familiar plight for students: a broken umbrella at the worst possible time. Since I didn't own a foldable one, I stopped at a convenience store to buy a plastic umbrella. Standing under the store's awning, I used a towel from my training gear to dry my hair and damp clothes before heading inside.
Thinking I might as well buy something else, I wandered the aisles until I reached the magazine rack. I picked up a magazine featuring a sports car on the cover. I'm not sure why convenience store magazine racks are always stocked with pin-ups, car magazines, or travel guides.
As I stood there lost in thought, someone I didn't expect to see addressed me.
"Is that you, Nozaki? I didn't know you were into this stuff."
"Yoshida?"
It was Taisei Yoshida, one of Terasaka's group. I had heard his family ran a motorcycle shop; was he truly a fan of these machines? Usually, Yoshida is the type of person I avoid, and we rarely find occasion to speak. However, after the experience with Ritsu, I had decided to pay more attention to those around me. I engaged him in conversation.
"Actually, I just picked this up on a whim. But I do find cars fascinating. I find myself turning my head whenever I hear the roar of a powerful engine—even if it usually turns out to be just a small truck."
"Damn! You actually get it!"
My words seemingly struck a chord. Yoshida slapped my shoulder with enthusiasm. It was a bit painful, but it seemed we had successfully connected.
"Tell me, are you into bikes too?"
"Not specifically, but I think anyone who watched Kamen Rider as a kid would want to ride one at least once."
"In that case, you have to come over to my place sometime! I'll let you ride one!"
"Ah... sure..."
What was with this guy? He was over-excited. Given the usual nature of our relationship, a look of suspicion probably crossed my face, causing Yoshida to calm down slightly.
"Sorry, I got a bit carried away. No one at school cares about bikes or cars, so I just got happy."
So that was it.
"It's fine. It's not bad to talk like this once in a while."
"Th-thanks."
Yoshida waved and hurried out of the store.
I considered for a moment that I should have walked back with him, but I bought my umbrella and stepped outside. There, I witnessed a dramatic scene: Maehara was in a dispute with a girl and one of Asano's lackeys. I intended to ignore it and stay out of their romantic drama, but when I saw Seo—a Class A student and loyal follower of Asano—kick Maehara, I decided to intervene.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"N-Nozaki...?"
"Get up, Maehara. You'll catch a cold staying wet like that."
"Right..."
I reached out to help Maehara, who had fallen from the kick. Everyone looked awkward. It's natural to feel embarrassed when a third party interrupts a fight like this.
"Explain to me what is happening here."
As I asked, my phone rang. I wondered who would call at this time; it was Ritsu. I put the phone to my ear to hear her report without making them suspicious.
"Seo-kun from Class A intercepted Maehara-kun and Toshiya-san from Class C on their way back. Toshiya-san immediately changed her mind and sided with Seo-kun. Then the bullying against Class E started, culminating in him kicking Maehara-kun..."
"I see. And then I showed up."
"Exactly. It seems the discrimination against Class E is real and quite severe..."
"Thanks for the intel, Ritsu. But the amount of information you have is terrifying, like a stalker. Ease up on the surveillance a bit."
"...My humble apologies!"
"Good grief..."
I ended the call and looked at them. It was the usual discrimination against our class.
"W-what! This is none of your business."
"I don't care about Maehara's romantic drama—in fact, I hope his relationships go up in flames. But this guy is my classmate, and it's only natural for me to be angry when he gets kicked."
"What?! It's the fault of those who fall into Class E! It's a lack of effort! What's wrong with blaming them for that?!"
The girl named Toshiya was screaming hysterically. She seemed to have liked Maehara a little at first, and her face showed signs of embarrassment and agitation. Perhaps it wasn't just embarrassment, but her own mind struggling to justify playing two people at once.
"Does that justify a group assault? For your information, this is a public road, not Kunugigaoka School, which you seem to think is your private heaven where you can do as you please. Do you realize how much this looks like blatant bullying to anyone watching?"
"Damn it, just trash from Class E talking like that!"
Seo, Asano's faithful dog, seemed to find some false courage. He balled his fist and tried to attack me. I responded without excessive violence; I stepped on his foot and evaded his fist as I had done with those older students before. Seo fell to the ground, unable to check his own momentum.
"Are you alright?"
Had this been a real fight, I would have continued the assault, but I didn't want to embarrass Mr. Karasuma or face suspension. Furthermore, I sensed a "Final Boss" aura approaching from behind. I feigned composure and helped Seo up, pulling him by the fist with force while still pinning his foot down.
At that moment, a chilling presence loomed behind me.
"Hello, Nozaki-kun. Is there a problem?"
"None at all... Director."
I turned to find Board Chairman Asano, just as I expected. I bowed and released Seo. They all looked incredibly flustered and shaken.
"It looked to me like an attempt at violence?"
"Yes, Maehara was kicked."
"Damn it, and you did it too!"
"He tried to attack me, and I simply evaded him. Seo-kun fell on his own."
"My, was that how it was? However, you must be careful. If you are found involved in actual violence, you could face suspension."
"With all due respect, Director, we were the victims of violence. If we were inside your school, things might proceed as you wish, but we are on a public road. Look—I believe the surveillance cameras at that store recorded everything."
"I see. But do you think the store would release its footage to mere students?"
"In that case, the influence of the PTA would surely make itself felt."
"I see. A logical judgment."
Director Asano seemed somewhat satisfied with our dialogue. He nodded and turned to leave.
"Nozaki-kun, work hard at your studies."
"...Yes, sir."
As soon as the Director left, the others followed, tossing hollow threats and warnings over their shoulders.
"Maehara-kun, don't ever speak to me again. Don't even try to look me in the eye."
Toshiya's final words were both pathetic and laughable, much like their retreat.
"...Thanks, Nozaki."
"Don't worry about it."
"...Tell me, Nozaki."
"What is it?"
"Are all humans like this? Do they turn on someone the moment they become weak and start bullying them? Would I do the same if I were in a position of power? Would I turn on others and attack them, revealing my own ugliness the moment someone stronger appeared?"
"Who knows."
"I thought... if I wasn't in Class E, would I have been like them? Would I have bullied you all? Would I attack the people I love just to protect myself and prove my worth?"
"..."
"If that's the case, I feel sad... and scared."
Maehara was clearly depressed. I decided to try and cheer him up a little.
"Someone who thinks the way you do will never become a bully. At the very least, you wouldn't have wanted to talk to me—the outcast and delinquent—if you didn't have a good heart, even if Isogai was with you."
"...Haha, you really are a good guy, Nozaki."
Maehara rubbed his nose bashfully, but his expression remained grim. The situation had affected him deeply; he might actually get sick if left like this.
"Alright, alright. Aside from that, change your clothes before you catch a cold."
"...You're right."
As I told him to change out of his wet clothes, Sugino and the others arrived. They had seemingly watched the situation unfold from the midpoint and were furious at the treatment Maehara had received. Yet, at the same time, their faces were somber; perhaps they too were wondering how they would have treated their peers if they weren't in Class E.
Among them was one person expressing absolute, unadulterated rage: Koro-sensei. He stood in their midst, his face swollen even more than it had been this morning from pure fury.
"It is time for revenge, class. Your classmate has suffered an unjustified insult. The weak might accept injustice with tears, but you possess power—the power of assassins who strike their targets without being noticed."
Sinister smiles spread across everyone's faces at Koro-sensei's words.
"...Haha, what are you planning, Koro-sensei?"
"We shall return the insult in kind. We will put them in a truly humiliating position."
Good heavens, everyone had the faces of villains now—except Maehara.
●○●○●
"W-wait, are we really doing this?"
Maehara, hesitating over the revenge mission Koro-sensei proposed, still looked pale, as if he were on the verge of losing faith in humanity. We hadn't gathered here to see him like this; I had to motivate him.
"Of course we are. Do you want to let it end like this?"
"...Not exactly, but..."
There was a part of Maehara that was still dissatisfied with what happened. My prodding had worked. I looked at the comrades who had gathered for this revenge and said loudly:
"Then we carry out the mission. All these people gathered here because they aren't satisfied with what happened to you."
"Exactly. What happened was a line crossed; it can't be ignored."
"Yeah, I couldn't forgive it either."
Sugino and Nagisa agreed with me.
"See?"
I nodded to them and turned to the group to emphasize the importance of this retaliation.
"Class E was weak before, but things are different now. We are the ones honing our skills to kill Koro-sensei, and we've begun honing our skills for what comes after. We are no longer weaklings who suffer in silence. We'll show them."
I gave this speech despite knowing it didn't quite fit my character, but yesterday's scene had been disgusting. I looked at Nagisa, Kayano, Sugino, Sugaya, Chiba, Hayami, Yada, Kurahashi, Okano, Isogai, and Okuda. Everyone nodded, despite their varying expressions.
Once everyone was ready, we began the mission. The targets were Seo and Toshiya, who were hanging out in a cafe. The plan: our best snipers, Chiba and Hayami, would fire pellets containing a laxative made by Okuda to put them in a humiliating spot.
"The mission begins. Nagisa, Kayano, use Sugaya's disguises and close in on the target."
"Understood."
"Hayami-san, Chiba, Okuda-san. What about the ammunition?"
"Fully prepared. They've been loaded carefully."
"Yeah, no problems here."
"A super-potent magnesium-based laxative. Its effect is many times stronger than commercial medicine. I've named it 'Victoria Falls'."
I briefly felt a chill from Okuda's dark side, but as long as it didn't hinder the mission, it was fine. Now, for securing the sniping positions.
"Kurahashi-san, Yada-san. What about the nests?"
"Everything is ready! We got permission from the owner!"
"We'll handle the management; you guys focus on the mission! Leave it to us!"
These two girls, training under Professor Irina (Bitch-sensei) in the art of negotiation, were becoming quite reliable. Negotiation might be the most useful "assassination" technique for their futures.
"Okano, Maehara, Isogai, wait at Point B. When I give the signal, cut the branches."
"Understood. But how did you get permission to cut the branches?"
"I also take Professor Irina's lessons. Negotiating with women isn't that difficult. Besides, the owners found the branches annoying, so we're killing two birds with one stone."
Even if I hadn't received intensive training like Kurahashi and the others, simply attending that teacher's classes was enough to master the art of talking to the opposite sex... probably.
With that, preparations were complete.
"Sugino, contact Nagisa and the others at the right time. Let's start the operation."
"Leave it to me!"
I headed to Point C to signal the branch cutting so they would fall exactly when Maehara and his team were in position.
"Nozaki, the sniping was a success. They've ingested the laxative. The rest is up to you."
"Understood."
Sugino's call confirmed the first stage was a success. It was our turn. Seo and Toshiya were now fighting over the only bathroom in the cafe (which Kayano had already slipped into). They undoubtedly believed Nagisa's "tip" about a store 100 meters away and were heading there. Due to their false pride, they wouldn't dream of asking to use a bathroom in a nearby house.
They appeared, running ridiculously while clutching their stomachs, their footsteps thundering.
"Now, cut...!"
At my signal, the three hidden in the trees cut the branches simultaneously. The branches fell directly on them. Screams of "We're wet!" and "Caterpillars!" erupted, but they remembered the pain in their guts and continued their shameful sprint.
The three climbed down from the trees, laughing at the sight of those two who had forgotten their umbrellas and their pride. Even Maehara was laughing—a bitter laugh mixed with relief.
Soon, everyone involved gathered behind us, including Koro-sensei, who smiled wickedly at Maehara.
"Well, I imagine you feel a bit better now. Running to a bathroom while looking like a mess is a massive blow to people with false pride like theirs."
Maehara rubbed his cheek, looking more bashful than ever.
"Thanks, everyone. To care so much about my personal problem and make it a whole mission..."
"Tell me, Maehara-kun, do you still think you might become someone who bullies the weak?"
Koro-sensei had clearly heard our conversation from yesterday. Maehara, looking as if a great weight had been lifted, replied:
"No, I don't think I will. Every one of you might not seem strong alone, but when I deal with you, I realize every single person has strengths and weapons that I don't have..."
"Precisely. Humans possess a strength that isn't visible on the surface. Since you have learned that, you won't judge people by their appearance or look down on them easily in the future."
"...Yeah. I agree with you, Koro-sensei."
I thought I had only stepped in to break up a fight, but I had witnessed a moment of growth. Maehara looked radiant now that he had become more positive.
"Oh, damn! I have a lunch date with some girls from another school! I've got to go! Bye, everyone! Thanks a lot! See you tomorrow!"
"...Maybe it would have been better if he stayed depressed a little longer, that playboy."
No one denied my spontaneous comment as he walked away; instead, looks of annoyance appeared on everyone's faces. Yes, it was an incident that left one phrase etched in my mind: "May the relationships of the lucky go up in flames."
By the way, even though the idea was Koro-sensei's, the students of Class E received a severe scolding—and a physical "lightning strike"—from Mr. Karasuma for misusing their skills.
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