Junior always liked to prance around the squares of the city. His favorite one was the one at the Igreja Matriz, the main one in town. He went to mass every Sunday, and read the bible. But during the week, through his teenage years, he would sing Britney, Christina, Bey, Lana.
He had lost his virginity when he was 12 with a guy on a bike in the skating square, around midnight. Of course, he didn't think he was being abused, he was just exploring. And it hurt, but it also kind of felt good. He wouldn't have sex again until he was 19.
Porn videos swam around his mind, ruining his appetite. Fetish got to him and he wasn't very much appealed to the normal gay guys he would encounter. Not that there were many in town. Well, who were out and about of course. There was this one obese married guy with children that always offered him money to arrange a 'scheme' with him. That was what the slang was.
In Vista Verde, the poorest neighborhood of the city, he'd find his objects of desire. The rough-looking boys smoking weed in the corners. But he was afraid to approach them.
It wasn't until he saw Nicolas. He was older than Junior, and he always went around with this sort of... flair. He would drive around in his old beetle and host barbecues for the town's elite, which was composed by farmers and politicians. He was a childhood friend of the current mayor there, and knew all the scoops of the backstages of the small scandals that are always featured in small cities. Nicolas was born and raised in São Paulo, so he had that look that was at the same time laid back but fashionable. His house was one lane down from Vista Verde and he was also friends of the guys hanging around the corners and in the skating square.
Junior was very innocent looking. He looked like a cherub. Blond, kind of chubby but in a cute way and very much a twink. The obese married guy who offered Junior money also frequented Nicolas' house. A lot of people did.
He had heard stories on Nicolas' family in church. They had a bad reputation because they worshipped Candomblé, an african-rooted religion, which involved a lot of drumming, chantings and booze and cigarettes at the place of worship. But Barbara, Nicolas' mother, also went to church sometimes. She always walked around with jewels and elegant dresses, and rumour was it that she worked with big fish politicians in Brasilia, the capital of the country. But no one really knew. She had worked on the campaigns of several politicians in the town, from councilmen to mayors, and never failed to elect them. And, because of her religious practices, she was feared. Everyone was afraid of the "macumba", a word sometimes used negatively to call an act of bad joojoo inside Candomblé.
From there, we have Nicolas. He had always been out of the closet. Junior remembers when Nicolas was a teenager and saw him in the market with his casual clothes and his lips pierced in the middle. Junior wasn't at an age you would find someone attractive, he was maybe 9 or 10, but was interested in him the way a child looks up to "cool" people. That admiration turned into desire now. But how to get close? First of all, Junior's mother would freak out. But heck, he was 19 now, got his own job at City Hall and was taking his degree on Business normally. He tried to pray the gay away but soon found out it was impossible and, being raised with the internet, he didn't become pious, although his faith in Maria was strong and Christ's spirit always accompanied him. But he wanted love.
His chance came through his school friend, Clarice. They weren't best friends, but liked the same kind of music. She invited him for a barbecue on Nicolas' house and of course Junior jumped at the opportunity. Junior was young, but poised. He knew how to dress discreetly but still look the part. After all, he had the intensity youngsters do coming out of adolescence.
They got to Nicolas' house at around 7pm and could hear the music and the clamoring of people inside. The gate was opened and, as it was costumary, people just walked in. The house seemed big from outside, but it was actually very humble. Junior was surprised at that. He thought the family was millionaire. Of course they weren't. Little did Junior know that Nicolas' mother had to share towels to take showers with her siblings in her childhood because her dad had died at a very young age, leaving her mother in a tough situation. All she had, she worked for. Junior followed Clarice from the outside of the house towards the party in the back. When Barbara saw Clarice, who worked on some of the campaigns with her, she approached them for a proper greeting. She was wearing this beautiful emerald earrings and a golden necklace of the bird of the Holy Spirit. She was stout, but had a pretty face. Nicolas was surrounded by about 3 people, his friends, entertained in a heated conversation.
"Clarice, my sweet. Welcome." Barbara said, kissing the girl. "This is Junior, Barb. He works in HR for the man."
"Oh, of course, the Correa family, right?" Barb asks Junior, kissing him once in the cheek.
"Yes, ma'am, that's correct."
"Ma'am? So polite. No need for that dear, feel at home. Nicolas is right over there, Clarice. Go say hi. Nicolas!.." Barb yelled because the country music was a bit loud. "Oh, just go there you both. Mingle with the young ones because the rest of them will just bore you. Over there Olaf is on duty making caipirinhas if you want. And there's also beer in the cooler."
There were only about 15 or 20 people there. The barbecue area was the busiest one, where most of the men, including the mayor, were already all red-faced with booze and making more. Olaf was Barbara's boyfriend.
"Come on." Clarice said and they approached Nicolas and his party. Nicolas was speaking.
"... it's something my brother said to me. He watched an interview with Kubrick that he said what he wanted to imply with 2001 was that planet Earth is like a zoo for the aliens. But I thought about it and I think it's more like a safari, you know? Meaning the animals are loose. And can bite back." He said, finishing his drink. He looked at the new arrivals, and his eyes did linger on Junior.
"Hey Clarr. What's up?"
"Heey hottie. All good. This is Junior."
They all greeted each other.
'Junior, this is Nicolas, Marta.."
"The biggest dyke you'll ever meet..." Nicolas interrupted. "Fuck you ha-ha" Marta said, shaking Junior's hand. "And this is Fernanda, Marta's wife."
Junior shook everybody's hand and the conversation continued.
"Why would aliens be interested in watching us?" Marta asks, taking a joint from her pocket. Junior was shocked. Real drugs, right in front of him.
"Well, aren't we ourselves interested in that? Why do we like reality shows so much? They're voyeurs." Nicolas says, smiling.
"Don't they have something better to do?" Marta says, smoking the joint. Junior thought it smelled funny, and he wasn't very comfortable with it. What if Barbara saw it? And the mayor? Little did he know that the mayor took coke, meds, weed, the whole package.
"Maybe not. Maybe they're so advanced and powerful that, to relax from transcendence, they tune into us. Interfere here and there. Create some drama. Just for fun."
"But then you're discarding the idea of a God." Marta said, smoking one more time and passing the joint to Nicolas. He takes it gladly.
"Maybe they are God."
"Oh, that's a grim conversation. Why do you guys have such schizophrenic subjects?" Fernanda says, laughing at their faces.
"What are we supposed to talk about, love? Ana Castelas?" Marta asks her wife.
"Oh come on, she's a good singer. I'm gonna go get a drink. " Fernanda answered and left to the barbecue space.
"Jesus Christ Marta, why are you evem married?" Nicolas kind of whispers with a sly smile on his face.
"Shut the fuck up man." Is all Marta has to say.
Then, the unexpected. Nicolas smiled and offered the joint to Junior.
"Oh, no, thank you. Hum, sorry, but won't your mom be mad?" Junior asked, very curious to understand their dynamics. Nicolas smiled at him and nodded to the joint. "This? Oh, no. I've legalized my home years ago."
"Wow. My mom would freak out."
"Why?"
"Because it's not, you know... right."
Nicolas laughed again.
"That's adorable, Junior. It's just a plant, you know? Now cigarettes and booze are what you have to worry about. Speaking of booze, I'll get you a kiwi caipirinha. Stay there." Nicolas said, and Junior just silently nodded because he didn't want to seem like more of a child than he already felt like by denying the alcohol. Nicolas soon returned with the drink and also a plate of meat, sausages, garlic bread and grilled cheese.
"Eat. When drinking, always eat. And always drink water. Know your limits." Nicolas said, like he was his substance mentor.
"So tell us, Junior, what's your take on our alien theories?" Nicolas says, eating a piece of sausage. Marta was smoking her joint talking to Fernanda, who had come back with Nicolas also with a caipirinha in hands.
"Oh, I believe in the Lord." He said. Nicolas seemed confused. "Which Lord? He asks, eating some more.
"Our Lord Jesus Christ."
"Oh. You're a church boy." Nicolas said.
"What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing at all. I believe in Christ. And many other things. Chill out, I'm not mocking you."
"No, it's not that. I'm sorry. It's just... I like going to Church. It makes me feel good. And nowadays..."
Nicolas sympathized with the boy. And his naivité also interested Nico.
"I tell you what. I'll read some tarot for you. I can feel you need it."
Junior kind of chuckled. "I can't do that." And Nicolas was confused. "Why not?"
"Well, because I'm a catholic. Tarot is... occult." Then, Nico just snorted out a big laugh.
"That's bullshit, man. Don't you like the spiritual life? Don't you like saints and Jesus and all that shit?"
"Well, yeah."
"Then who do you think will guide the reading?" Nico said, eating some more meat and offering it to Junior.
"You mean Jesus is okay with that?"
"Of course. If you think about it, it's just nomenclature. There are people that believe that Oxalá is Jesus Christ in Candomblé. There are people who think it's two different things. It always depends on your perspective. Drink your caipirinha, chill out. We'll go for a drive soon, just you and me. We'll go to the square near Skinão and I'll read for you."
Junior did drink the caipirinha and nodded with a smile, feeling more comfortable around Nico. Talking and sharing like that made Junior feel at ease and kind of trust Nico.
"But aren't you too drunk to drive?" He asked, accepting a piece of sausage. It was spicy, and he liked that.
"Are you kidding? No. In fact, I drive better after having some." He said that, winking. Junior felt nervous about that. He didn't like it, but he was too attracted to back down now.
"Alright. But go slowly."
"Dude, I am gentle. Don't worry. Plus, this town is like a gameboard. The streets here are easy, and the mayor restaured most of the asphalt and signaling. You rarely see people having accidents here. It's a blessed town, really." Nico said, kind of touching Junior on the arms as he was saying that. The boy felt amazed by that, somehow.
--
As time went on at the party, everyone was pretty shitfaced and singing along the country classics outloud, as it always happened in those kind of parties, but Nicolas focused on Junior. They talked about family, about what São Paulo was like, how Nico spent his childhood vacations on Good Hope and his family ties. Junior had had three caipirinhas and was already dizzy, and Nicolas realized that so he arranged some water and more food for Junior, which he gladly took. Then, Nico said it was time for their drive. Junior felt butterflies on his stomach.
The old beetle was olive-green, very pretty. It was loud and Junior felt like he was being driving around in a toy, not a car. But the night shone brightly, and the company was well suited.
The square was large, in front of the main High School of the town. Skinão was the most traditional burguer joint there, and it was bestowed on several generations of the same family. They got out of the car and walked kind of smiling at each other as they went to the cement table with cement stools in the center of the square and sat down. From the pocket of his leather jacket, Nico took out the white tarot deck and kissed it.
"Okay, youngster. Are you ready? Tell me your sign, please. And think about your guides. It might be Jesus, your Ancestors, anything like that. And think about your issues."
Junior felt nervous, he didn't know why. "I'm a cancerian."
"Oh, sentimental, are we?"
Junior smiled. "Kinda."
Then, Nico started shuffeling the deck. "This is the Egyptian Tarot Kier. It's my favorite. I don't focus much on astrology, I read intuitively. So, think about your issues. You don't have to tell me anything, but if there's any specific question, feel free to ask. Are you ready?"
"Yeah. Let's do it." Junior said that as Nico's thigh kind of touched the boy's leg. Well, that was a distraction, but Junior kept on thinking about his issues. He thought about his mother, his sexuality, his lack of motivation. Nico cut the deck in three, then said: "Choose one pile." Junior took the middle one. Nico grabbed it and looked at the bottom of the deck, but said nothing, except for a "Hum."
"Alright, youngster. The first card is your situation. Let's see it." He drew the card. "The Impediment. So, there's something stopping you. But let's see the obstacle to understand what this impediment is."
He grabbed another card. "The Hanged Man. See how he's upside down? It means a change of perspective. There is something about your mindset that is stopping you in regards of something. Let's see your goal now."
Junior was thinking and thinking, but still felt kind of unclear.
"The goal is the card of Love and Desire. Okay, so you want love. You want desire. But what's this impediment? Why are you stopping yourself? With this Hanged Man in your obstacle, it may be that you're overthinking something that is actually simple. Let's see what the context is, what gave basis for all of this to happen." Nico said, sighing and shuffling the deck and taking another card. "The Empress. Oh wow. A powerful feminine figure. A mother, maybe. A grandma. Or your feminine within, that means you have a very receiving and nurturing nature. And this is what maybe is causing this impediment, and this lack of perspective."
Junior thought of his mother. He feared her, in some levels. He wanted to tell her his truth, and the idea of coming out to her was scary, but he knew that he had to do that to actually be free. While he was thinking that, Nicolas was staring at him. It felt like he knew what he was thinking.
"Now, your recent past... The Desolation. This is a card of sadness, confusion. This is bringing you down. There's something you're not saying, Junior. Your immediate future now... The Communion. It's a card of exchanging. Energies, words, information. Like Madonna says, express yourself. Because of this sadness, great learning will come in a partnership. It might be with this Empress energy, or maybe someone that heightens your feminine energy."
It was making sense in several areas for Junior now, not only about his mother. "Remember, your goal is Love and Desire. This talks about willpower, of craving life, motivation. Let's see you yourself, at this moment. Who you are."
He drew the card. "Hum. The Perplexity. You're confused. Maybe not knowing how to proceed. Remember, your obstacle is perspective. Just consider your options."
It was kind of overwhelming to Junior, and he felt goosebumps all over his body. He didn't know why.
"Now, how you're being seen. By others, society, or by the spiritual world. Or both."
He drew the card from the bottom of the deck. "The card of the Domesticity. You're suppressing your animal self. That can be a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe you're seen as taming your inner instincts, or maybe you need to let it out. It all depends on your perspective. And remember the goal: love and desire. Take that as it resonates."
It was time for Junior to sigh. A cold wind was blowing, but he felt heat waves.
"The advice of the Tarot for you... The Triumph. It's the card of the Car. It means fast movement, success. They're advising you to take action quickly, because you will be triumphant in that. The world is your playground. Play, love, stop overthinking. Your sadness and questioning gave basis to all of this. Now, the end result of this game. If you respect the game, what will be the result?"
He said that and shuffled the deck. He took the card out and Junior's heart skipped a beat. "Oh, wow. The Temperance card. Calmness. Harmony. Ease. It is the card of the alchemy of feelings, of actions, of the overcoming of this perspective obstacle. Your impediment will be cleared."
Then, Nicolas put the deck down and lit a cigarette. He moaned with pleasure. "This is a really good game, Junior. Do you have any questions?"
Junior looked at the cards on the table. "Just one thing. This Domesticy thing. You gave me two scenarios. Which one do I take? Do I tame my animal, or do I let it out?"
Nicolas puffed his cigarette before answering, looking at the cards as well. "Ahm, considering the position, which is how you're being seen, it can be both actually. You have to know that instincts are automatic, and that is different from intuition. Trust more in your heart, not your brain. With this Temperance, I think it's saying that you have to take it easy. Go slowly. But the Car also tells you to move quickly on something, maybe this change of perspective to achieve the Love and Desire you crave so much."
As Nicolas smoked his cigarette, Junior kept looking at the cards. He wanted to memorize it. Maybe Nicolas figured that out, because he said: "Do you want me to take a picture of the cards so that you can consult afterwards?"
Junior smiled. "Yeah. Man, that was a trip. It was really in synch with me." Nico also smiled. "Oh, thank your guides man. I'm just their tool." He said that, taking a photo of the game to send it to Junior. They exchanged online contacts and he sent the photo, still talking with each other on the square, their legs touching. Finally, Nico took the boy back to the party.
Now, what happened after that was very unusual for Junior. Nicolas invited him to go the other day to his house, and they went into the bedroom and made out. Nicolas was very sexy, and seemed very experienced. At a certain point, he said: "You're so soft. Hah. I'm going to call you Soft Blondie from now on."
Naked, Junior laughed, his pink dick pointing upwards after Nico had spent like twenty minutes rimming him. "Open that drawer. There's something for you there." Nicolas said, pointing to the open wardrobe. Junior opened it and only found pink knickers. He grabbed it in doubt, not knowing if that was what Nico was implying, but the man made it clear. "This?"
Nicolas then got very serious. "Put it on."
Junior kind of blushed, but also had a rush of arousement in his body. He put the panties on. "Now, all fours on the bed. I wanna hear you moan."
Junior complied. It was by far the best fuck Junior had ever had, and at one point Nico lifted him in the air while still inside of him and kept fucking him, which made Junior cum without even touching his dick.
That night, he came out to his mother. She cried. She prayed. But after a week after that, she was okay. Nicolas traveled back to Sao Paulo but always messaged his Soft Blondie, until one day they finally started dating. Nico wasn't the monogamic type, and he made that clear, but he had said that Junior was the only interest he had on Good Hope. "My Beau of Good Hope. My soft blondie."