"Connect this world to… here. Then take this one, and slot it… there."
High above reality, in the highest of dimensions, a deity named Alaya was busy mashing different colored spheres of light together. The space was filled with them, a kaleidoscope of shimmering orbs.
Each orb represented a different universe. Her job, her endless, repetitive grind, was to glue them together.
Her existence was the very concept of "Transmigration" itself. Every truck accident, every magical summoning, every "Isekai" adventure? All of them were products of Alaya's office hours.
"God, I'm so tired."
Alaya sighed, grabbing two specific spheres from the pile.
"Earth No. 56657901. Target: Natsuki Subaru. Correct destination: The world known as 'Re:Zero'."
As she muttered the details, she pressed the two orbs together. They sparked with brilliant light, dancing and weaving around each other in the void until they fused.
"That's the last pair. Finally, I can clock out for the day."
Alaya stretched her arms high above her head, letting out a long groan of relief,
And in doing so, her hand brushed against a stray orb.
It defied all laws of physics. Instead of floating harmlessly away, it careened off course, smashing directly into the pair of worlds she had just finished fusing.
She didn't panic at first. Usually, if the worlds weren't a correct match, they wouldn't stick. A connection failure was the standard protocol. And this was a three-way collision; surely it would just bounce off.
But then, the blinding light that signaled a successful connection didn't just embrace the first two worlds. It swallowed the third one whole.
[SYSTEM: WORLD CONNECTION SUCCESSFUL.]
"...What?"
This was completely unprecedented. Even Alaya, the architect of dimensions, froze.
A completely wrong, incompatible world had just forcibly injected itself into the connection. She scrambled to check the coding on the third sphere.
"God's Blessing on This Wonderful World? You have to be kidding me."
….
Meanwhile, in a slightly lower dimension...
A boy named Satou Kazuma wore a grin that could only be described as delightfully vindictive. He pointed a trembling finger at the woman standing before him, the Goddess who was supposed to be in charge of his reincarnation.
Aqua.
"The one thing I choose to take with me... is you!"
….
"It's an Isekai! A bona fide parallel world!"
Kazuma stood in the middle of the street, waving his arms like a lunatic.
"I'm really here! I'm gonna use magic! I'm going on adventures! Goodbye, shut-in life! Hello, fantasy world!"
Beside the screaming boy, the Goddess Aqua wore a look of utter defeat, and encroaching despair.
She had never imagined, not in a million years, that she would actually be dragged down to the mortal realm by this creep.
"WAAAAAHHH!"
Aqua's face crumpled into a mess of snot and tears, a living meme. She grabbed Kazuma by the collar and shook him violently, ragdolling him back and forth.
"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! Look, just go back! I'll figure the rest out myself!" Kazuma stammered, his head spinning.
"That's the problem, you idiot! I can't go back! What am I supposed to do?! What about my life as a goddess?!"
"Relax! This is standard RPG stuff. The first thing we need to do is find the Adventurer's Guild!" Kazuma said, puffing out his chest with unearned confidence.
In his mind, this world couldn't be that different from the games he played back home.
The two of them began wandering the city, asking for directions and taking in the sights. But it wasn't long before their path was blocked.
Three figures stepped out from the shadows of an alley.
It was a motley crew. The tallest one looked nearly two meters tall, while the shortest was barely a meter high.
The guy in the middle was average height but incredibly skinny, wearing a strange metal collar around his neck.
They radiated distinct "bad news" energy.
"These guys scream 'villain NPC,'" Kazuma muttered, eyeing the trio. "They look like total thugs. Let's take the long way around."
He whispered the plan to Aqua, keeping his eyes on the punks. But there was no response.
"Aqua?"
Kazuma turned his head. The spot beside him was empty.
He whipped his head back around, and his jaw dropped. Aqua had already walked right up to the three thugs. She was waving at them with a cheerful, oblivious smile.
"Hey there! Do you guys know where the Adventurer's Guild is?" she asked.
"Adventurer's Guild? What the hell is that?"
The three thugs paused for a moment, exchanging confused glances. Then, their expressions synchronized into identical, menacing scowls.
"Don't try to change the subject, kid. Hand over everything you've got. Now."
"Oh, so this is a robbery? I see, I see," Aqua said, puffing out her chest. She placed a hand on her hip, radiating unearned confidence.
"I'm afraid you've targeted the wrong person. I am the Goddess Aqua, the very object of worship for the Axis Order! I suggest you repent now while you still have the chance! Turn back from the path of evil!"
She glanced over at Kazuma, her chin held high, clearly expecting him to be awestruck by her divine presence.
"Axis Order? What kind of garbage is that?" The lead thug cracked his knuckles. "I don't know what nonsense you're spouting, lady, but you're really starting to piss me off. If you don't cough up the cash, you're gonna regret it."
"My, my. You really are underestimating me," Aqua giggled condescendingly. "No matter how I look, I am still a Goddess, you know?"
"Get 'em, Aqua!" Kazuma cheered from the sidelines, fist pumping. "Show them what you've got!"
He genuinely wanted to see if she had any cheat-level powers. Maybe she was actually useful in a fight.
"Take thi…!"
WHAM.
Before Aqua could cast a single spell, before she could even finish her sentence, a fist connected squarely with her face.
It was brutal. Her facial features distorted instantly.
Three seconds later.
Aqua was on her knees, face swollen and bruised.
"Ghuu… bwuh… ah… (The money… is all on… that guy over there!)"
Even though her face was puffed up like a balloon and her speech was barely intelligible, she summoned the last of her strength to raise a trembling finger.
She pointed directly at Kazuma, who had just turned around and was tiptoeing away, pretending he had never met her.
"Aqua, you traitorous bitch!"
Kazuma glared at her, grinding his teeth. But the jig was up. Running away now would be shameful, and they had already spotted him.
I can't believe it, he thought. A literal Goddess just got folded by a couple of street punks in one hit. Is she actually useless?
No, wait. Calm down, Kazuma. You're the Protagonist here. You're the Hero who traveled to another world.
Sure, he hadn't picked a cheat skill from the useless goddess, but he was a gamer. He knew how these things worked. There was no way he would lose to three generic Level 1 bandits.
His mind began to simulate the battle. First, a cool slide tackle to trip the big guy. Then, while they're confused, I'll engage in a 1-v-3 close-quarters combo...
"Alright, let's do this!" Kazuma shouted.
…
Three seconds later.
Kazuma was on his knees next to Aqua. His face was equally swollen, beaten to a pulp.
"Bwugh… dugh… guhh?! (Why the hell did you sell me out?!)"
"Mugh… wugh… buhh! (Because you were trying to ditch me and run away!)"
The two of them, looking more like frogs than humans, argued in a language only they could understand.
….
"Can't believe we wasted our time on these two," the thug spat, kicking dust at them. "Broke as a joke. Not even a single copper coin between them. Get lost, trash!"
Cursing and grumbling, the three punks walked away, leaving the bruised duo in the alleyway.
Fortunately, Aqua was still technically a Goddess. She used her basic healing magic to fix their faces, restoring them from "horror movie monsters" to "passable humans."
"Hey, hey," Kazuma said, rubbing his cheek to make sure his jaw still worked. "Aren't you a Goddess? How come nobody here has heard of your cult?"
"I have no idea!" Aqua wailed, scratching her head frantically. She looked like a duck that had been hit with a shovel, completely bewildered. "Something is wrong! This doesn't feel like the right world!"
"What do you mean 'not the right world'?"
"I was supposed to send you to a specific world to defeat a Demon King," she explained, panic rising in her voice. "But... I think there was a glitch? Maybe? This isn't the world we were scheduled for!"
"Hah?! What kind of Goddess are you?! You had one job!"
"Hey! This is your fault for dragging me into the portal by force! That probably messed up the coordinates! I don't know for sure, okay?!"
As Kazuma bickered with Aqua, he shoved his hands into his pockets out of habit.
"Huh?"
His fingers brushed against something hard and flat. He pulled it out.
"An Adventurer Card? I definitely didn't have this on me a minute ago. And those thugs didn't find it when they searched me..."
It was a thin, sleek card, almost translucent. On it, written in clear text, was his name: Satou Kazuma. Below that were various stats, exactly like a character sheet in an RPG.
"Eh? I think I have one too!"
Aqua rummaged through her celestial raiment and pulled out a matching card.
"Usually, you have to go to the Guild and register to get these," Kazuma muttered, staring at the card. "I get it now. The reason those thugs didn't know about the Guild is probably because the System glitched us past the tutorial! We skipped the registration phase entirely!"
A grin spread across Kazuma's face. His gamer instincts were tingling.
"This means we're officially adventurers! Let me see... as the chosen Hero, my stats must be pretty decent, right? Let's compare. Show me yours."
He glanced at his own stats, pretty average across the board. Then, he looked over at the card in Aqua's hand.
Kazuma froze.
Aside from Intelligence and Luck, every single one of Aqua's stats was drastically higher than his. She was a powerhouse.
"..."
Kazuma pretended he saw nothing, silently turned his head away, and stared into the distance.
"Hey! How are your stats? Come on, show me yours!"
Aqua leaned in, eyes sparkling with curiosity. Kazuma, however, pivoted on his heel, turning his back to her while whistling a tune he had just made up.
'Why?! Why does this useless goddess have higher stats than me?! It doesn't make any sense! Why, why, why?!'
Kazuma stared at his card, grinding his teeth in frustration. But as he stared, the text on the card began to shift.
[Skill Points: 1]
[Skill Points are gained upon leveling up. Can be used to learn skills.]
[Experience is gained through action. Learnable skills depend on the user's behavior. Example: Acts of theft, parkour, or lockpicking will unlock Thief Class skills upon leveling up.]
[Initial skills are randomly assigned based on the Adventurer's attributes, status, and environment.]
"Finally!" Kazuma's eyes lit up. "The moment my hidden, terrifying potential is unleashed!"
With trembling anticipation, he selected the option to spend his point.
[Skill Learned: Steal.]
[Class: Thief. Effect: Randomly snatches one item from the target.]
"The first random skill is… Steal?" Kazuma muttered to himself, slightly underwhelming. "I mean, going down the Thief route isn't bad, but isn't this a bit… plain?"
Still, a new skill was a new skill. As a gamer, he had to test the mechanics immediately.
He turned slightly, eyeing Aqua, who was still busy trying to decipher her own card. He raised his hand toward her.
"Steal!"
Just as the magic activated, a blur of motion tore through the space between them.
It was like a gust of wind. Short golden hair, fiery red eyes, and a petite frame that moved with the agility of a stray cat. It was a girl Kazuma had never seen before, a native of this new world.
"Coming through!"
The girl shouted as she sprinted past Kazuma, moving at a speed far beyond that of a normal human.
However, the timing was unfortunate. For less than a second, she crossed the path of Kazuma's spell. The target lock shifted.
Pop.
A pair of white panties appeared in Kazuma's hand.
"Huh?"
Kazuma blinked, staring blankly at the small piece of fabric in his grip. Then, slowly, a creepy, lecherous grin spread across his face.
A few meters away, the golden-haired blur skidded to a halt. The girl shivered, feeling a sudden, unexplained draft. She turned around, her eyes locking onto Kazuma, and then onto the white fabric in his hand.
She tugged her pants open slightly and looked down.
Gone.
"You sicko!"
Her face flushed a deep crimson, but her reaction was anything but shy. It was a roar of pure rage.
"Wait, I…"
Before Kazuma could explain (or apologize), the girl launched herself at him. A high-speed dropkick connected squarely with his face.
CRUNCH.
Kazuma's face caved in like a pounded rice cake.
The girl snatched her panties back from his limp hand and dashed off again like the wind, though her running gait was noticeably more awkward and embarrassed than before.