Ivy💎
I jolted awake, hyperventilating and crying out.
When I saw him by my side, sighing, visibly annoyed and staring at me once again, the tears came out fiercer.
"No," I yelled and threw a pillow at her. "Leave me the fuck alone!"
I tried to make a run for the door but he caught my wrist before I could successfully get off the bed. Even though his grip was firm, it wasn't rough. He knew exactly how much strength to use to subdue me and that scared me.
I screamed at him, asking him to let me go. I wailed and kicked and struggled but all of my efforts were futile, Nathaniel did not even move an inch.
"Ivy, stop," he sighed. "You're hurting my ears."
I screamed and tried to claw at him, I kicked and my nails scraped against his arms. He let out an irritated sigh and shoved me back onto the bed, and I bounced against the mattress.
The difference in our strength was overwhelming, and I realized it was probably over for me in this timeline too.
He looked down at me as he rubbed his temple.
I was tired, but I was still scared. What if the rest of my life is this loop? What would happen to me then?
I watched him grab a pillow and place it over my head. I didn't resist, I couldn't. He would've won anyway.
For a split second, there was nothing, but then his weight immediately followed. I thrashed around instinctively, as my legs kicked and my fingers clawed at the pillow but it was useless. His forearm pinned me down with terrifying precision and soon after, my lungs began to burn.
I tried to scream, to push him away, but I was too weak. And that was how it ended again.
I woke up gasping.
I didn't jolt this time, instead I looked around the room without turning my head. I was on our bed and my back was turned to Nathaniel. I hoped he didn't hear my gasp as I pretended to sleep.
I felt his arm reach for my waist, and he hugged me for a slight moment before sighing and getting out of bed. Then he exited the room.
I breathed a sigh of relief the moment the door shut and my breathing became heavy.
From what I'd gathered so far, he would continue to kill me until he could be sure that I didn't have any memories of what had transpired between us during the last three resets.
So all I had to do was pretend.
Before long, he came back in, and I was still pretending to be asleep until I heard the cocking of his gun.
Then the tears started flowing. He'd heard me wake up.
I turned slowly to him, but I didn't manage to catch sight of his face before he fired the gun.
I woke up again with a gasp, and I immediately started to sob.
This was my life now. There was nothing I could do.
I heard him sigh again.
"Suffocating you takes too much energy on my part, and you suffer. I don't like it when you suffer."
I bit my bottom lip as the tears refused to stop.
"But," he continued, "I also hate having to leave the room to fetch the goddamn gun."
And with that, he exited the room once more.
I lay there, unmoving. It wasn't like I could reach the front door fast enough to escape. My safest bet now was to wake up with no sound at all.
If only I could wake up like that. But was it even possible? It wasn't.
Nathaniel came back in and I didn't turn to face him before he shot me again.
I woke up sobbing this time.
He groaned in annoyance as he rose to his feet.
"Why is nothing working?"
He started pacing around the room again, watching me with one eye as he moved around.
There was really no need to do that on his part. I had nowhere to run to.
I'd already accepted my fate. This was our new cycle.
A few minutes passed before Nathaniel stopped pacing. He stormed out of the room, but I still didn't move a muscle. He stormed back in almost as quickly as he stormed out and dashed to my beside.
"Here," he held my hand and handed me the gun. "Shoot yourself."
I froze and stared at him with my mouth agape.
The gun felt like a foreign object in my hand, heavier than it looked.
"What?" I whispered.
Nathaniel's grip tightened around my hand as he guided it to my head.
"Go on," he said in a calm voice. "Pull the trigger."
I let out a laugh.
"You want me to…?"
"Yes," he cut in. "If I do it, you'll wake up with your memories, and we'll be back to square one, but if you do it, then maybe your memories will reset."
I let out another laugh. "You've done this before, right? And I didn't remember anything then? How did you do it?"
"I killed myself."
I laughed again as my vision blurred. "Kill yourself then. I don't want to die."
"It's been a while," he said. "If I make a mistake, we won't reset. I'll just die. You don't want that, do you?"
I sniffled as he leaned closer until his forehead was pressed against mine.
"I'm trying to save you, Ivy."
"No," I sobbed. "Please, Nathaniel, please. I won't leave you. I swear. Please, let me live."
He placed my finger around the trigger.
"You've said that before," he said.
And he still killed me.
He lifted my hand and the gun pressed firmly against my temple. His fingers were wrapped around mine.
"Do it."
I was so tired. This whole situation was bullshit and I was tired of it. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled the trigger.
I jolted awake this time.
He definitely noticed me.
I lay still, waiting for him to sit up and fetch his gun. I waited and waited, but nothing happened.
And the sun rose.
But I still lay there, waiting for him to make a move, but he never did.
I waited for something, anything. And all I got was a yawn.
I could feel him stretch beside me like a man who slept peacefully through the night.
"Ivy?" he murmured, his voice was still thick with sleep. "You're not awake? What time is it?"
I didn't answer.
His arms brushed my shoulder and I flinched, but he didn't notice.
"Babe," he called out. "Get up. You'll be late for work."
I finally turned to look at him.
He frowned and sleep left his eyes as he looked at me, cupping my face in his hands. "Hey. What's wrong? Why are you crying?"
I hadn't realized it, but tears were sliding down my temples and soaking the pillow.
He pulled me into his embrace. "Did you have a nightmare, darling?"
I recoiled slightly before I could stop myself.
"Was it that bad that you're flinching to my touch?" he asked with a sweet tone.
I pulled away and searched his face desperately for signs that this was just an attempt to mess with me. But he looked like he always did, or rather, like he used to before I figured out he had been resetting time like a wizard.
"You don't remember?" I asked.
"Remember what?"
My hands trembled. "Our anniversary?"
He laughed, then kissed my forehead. "Of course, I remember our anniversary. Happy anniversary, babe."
I forced a laugh.
He released me and got up from the bed. "Today, I'm going to make you breakfast. So just stay in bed like the queen you are. I'll be right back."
The moment the door shut behind him, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. I barely made it to the toilet before everything came out.
I gagged as if my body refused to believe it was alive.
I actually made it to daybreak without being shot or tied up.