Shanks and I sat in a heavy silence that felt almost palpable, the air thick with unspoken words. He was perched on the edge of a chair, his posture relaxed yet somehow tense, while I was cocooned in a pile of blankets on my bed, desperately seeking comfort from their warmth as my mind raced with anxiety. The atmosphere was charged, weighed down by an underlying tension that made it hard to breathe.
After several moments of stillness, Shanks finally broke the silence, his voice steady but carrying an ambiguity I couldn't quite decipher. "Kouya, how much do you know about fate?" he asked, his gaze intense as he searched for a reaction from me. I remained hidden beneath my blanket, too apprehensive to reveal my vulnerability or meet his eyes, unsure of what expression might greet me.
I could feel the weight of his question pressing down on us both—a question that seemed to tread into dangerous territory. "There are some rules when it comes to seeing the future," he continued, his voice a mix of caution and intrigue. "Specifically, certain events are destined to happen, no matter what choices we make. On the other hand, some events are considered pivotal moments where acting against fate can set off a chain reaction of even worse outcomes."
As he spoke, a chill ran down my spine. The implications of what he was saying began to sink in. If we didn't go to Elegia, would something even worse than what I already saw happen? Why did I have the ability to see fate if I can't change what I don't like?
"You can make minor adjustments to steer the outcomes, but meddling too much can lead to chaos beyond your control." Shanks' voice sliced through the air like a sharp blade, leaving a weighty silence in its wake. The intensity of his words struck me, making it hard to breathe for a moment. Then, in a surprising shift, his tone transformed completely, taking on the playful and mischievous quality I had come to associate with him. "So, we'll head to Elegia," he continued, a glint of excitement lighting up his eyes. "We just need to do a bit of damage control. Simple enough, right?" His sudden levity eased the tension, and I couldn't help but pout. He clearly could have given me a heads-up about this before casually announcing our trip to Elegia. Just because I'm finally free from the grip of nightmares doesn't mean I've fully overcome the trauma of that horrifying experience. Whenever I think about Elegia's future, the memories flood back, reminding me of the darkness that once loomed over me. It would have been helpful for him to acknowledge that before springing this surprise on me. "Oh, come on, sweetheart, there's no need to pout," Shanks chuckled, his voice rich with amusement as he watched my exaggerated display of displeasure.
"Why? No. Tell. Before." I stammered, my words coming out choppy and faint as they often did, the weight of my frustration evident in my tone. The teasing glint in his eyes only added to my irritation, as I tried to articulate my confusion over the situation that had left me feeling so out of the loop and on the verge of breaking down.
"I forgot?" Shanks asked, a hint of disbelief shadowing his features as he wrestled with his own flimsy excuse.
"BAKA!" The word exploded from my lips, ringing through the room with a force that seemed entirely at odds with my usual demeanor. It caught even me by surprise. In that moment of heated frustration, I channeled my ability and, with a swift flick of my wrist, I sent the door flying open. The chair beneath him lifted, defying gravity for an instant before launching him out of the room entirely. The sound of his surprised yelp was almost satisfying as he stumbled into the hallway.
I let out a deep, grumbling sigh as I slammed the door forcefully with my ability, the resounding thud echoing through the hallway. The weight of Shanks's "prank" pressed heavily on my chest, and I fought to regain my composure. Taking a moment, I inhaled deeply, allowing the familiar indifference my devil fruit created to calm me as the power flowed through my veins. Its calming influence began to ease the overwhelming sense of annoyance that had threatened to consume my thoughts. With each breath, the tension in my shoulders started to dissipate, and clarity began to return amidst the chaos of my emotions. The drawbacks became increasingly apparent as the emotions I had once been consumed by slipped away, like a stream that cannot be held in merely one's palm, retreating to a distant realm beyond my grasp. All that remained was a numb indifference that settled in my chest, accompanied by a pervasive sense of lethargy that dulled my spirit. It was as if the explosive colors of my feelings had faded to a monochrome existence, leaving me with a haunting emptiness and an overwhelming disinterest in the world around me.
I oscillated between two extremes of emotion. On one hand, there were moments when I felt an overwhelming heaviness that made the thought of life feel impossible, almost as if the weight of my sorrow was suffocating me. It was a deep longing for relief, a desire to escape the pain that felt so consuming I questioned my very existence. On the other hand, with the help of my devil fruit, there were times when I felt so detached and numb that I didn't care about anything at all. In those instances, life's events passed by me like shadows—unreal and insignificant. I wondered which was more terrifying: the despair that made me crave an end or the indifference that rendered everything meaningless. Both states left me in a paralysis of confusion, searching desperately for a way to feel alive again, truly.
In this hectic phase of life, where each day seemed to stretch endlessly, naps had become my only refuge. They offered a brief escape from the chaos, a precious pocket of tranquility amidst the noise. Each time I closed my eyes, I surrendered to a world where stress and responsibilities faded away, if only for a short while. These moments of rest felt essential, providing a means of escape that allowed me to pause and disengage from my thoughts and feelings.