Raven did not feel pain the way others did. His pain was not sharp, but extended. Like a thread stretched inside his chest, unbroken… and unrelenting.
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Slow Awareness
His awareness moved extremely slowly, as if walking through a dense liquid. Thoughts did not arrive suddenly, they crawled. And when they arrived, they had lost their sharpness, leaving only a trace. A trace resembling doubt.
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Separation
Sometimes, he felt as if he were looking at himself from an angle that did not exist. He saw his body seated. He saw his eyes open. He saw his breathing steady. But the sense of "I" was elsewhere. Not outside the body, nor inside. In the space between the two.
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Question of Identity
Who is one, when no one is looking? Not the name. Not the age. Not the role. Raven found no answer. But he noticed something more dangerous: he did not feel panic at the absence of an answer.
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The Small Crack
On a sleepless night, he felt something crack within him. Not a break, but a subtle opening. Like a window opening… a fraction of a millimeter. And through it, a strange feeling seeped in: calm. Not comfort, but absence of resistance.
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The Thought of Self
"Perhaps… I am not obliged to be anything."
The thought was not surrender. It was partial liberation. To exist without definition. Without reason. Without justification. And that is what made the calm… unsettling.
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Darkness, Again
The darkness noticed the change. It did not move. It did not approach. But it no longer enveloped him as before. It became part of the scene, not its center. As if acknowledging that Raven no longer needed it to remain.
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The Real Fear
For the first time, Raven was afraid. Not of pain. Not of loneliness. He feared the idea that he might be fine even if nothing changed. To settle in this balance, without progressing. And this pause… felt like slow death.
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Second Resistance
And here, a new kind of resistance was born. Not resistance to oblivion, but resistance to stagnation. Raven did not rise. He did not scream. He did nothing visible. Yet internally, he moved himself one step forward. One step indescribable.
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End of the Chapter
The crack did not widen, but it did not close. Between the two edges, a core began to form. Not a power, nor an ability. But a quiet will. This will is what would carry Raven through the coming years, until he reached the age of fifteen and stopped there. Not because he had reached perfection, but because what came after would require something else beyond age.