I was fourteen when it all began. I didn't know then that a single moment, a single click, could change the way I thought about myself, about desire, and about control. It started with social media—this "perfect" world where everyone's life seemed brighter, better, more exciting. Social media can be corruptive, and I didn't realize how much until I was caught in its snare. You start comparing yourself to everyone else: their beauty, their confidence, their freedom. And in that comparison, a longing awakens—a curiosity that feels innocent at first but can grow into a silent storm.
One day, while scrolling mindlessly on my phone, I saw a video. At first, I told myself it was just curiosity, nothing serious. But that curiosity grew fast. It was the kind of thing that whispers, "It's okay. Everyone does this. You're just exploring." And the lie is so convincing because it never looks harmful at the start. That single video gave me a pleasure I had never felt before, a feeling that seemed exciting, addictive, and dangerously comforting.
I remember exactly how I felt after watching it. My heart raced. My mind was consumed by thoughts I didn't know how to control. It wasn't just the content—it was the rush of emotions, the sense of escape, the illusion that I could touch something forbidden without consequence. It was like opening a door I could never close again. I went to Chrome, watched it again, and again. The sensation was intoxicating. I began to indulge in it repeatedly, pretending to myself that it was educational, that I was "learning" something about life.
My sister even gave it a nickname: "the educational video." We joked about it lightly, but behind the joke, there was a serious pattern forming. Every time I watched it, it became harder to stop. Every time I indulged, the pull grew stronger. I began to crave it. I began to schedule my day around it without even realizing it. The habit that started as "just curiosity" became a chain, invisible but heavy, binding me in ways I didn't yet understand.
To anyone reading this, I need to warn you: when you start watching it, trust me—there is no going back ever, at least not by your own strength. The mind begins to normalize the habit. The heart starts to crave it. The soul feels a fleeting sense of fulfillment that disappears as soon as the screen goes dark. Breaking free is only possible through the strength of God. Without Him, the cycle continues. I know this because I lived it.
I'm here to help you, to share my journey so that if you recognize yourself in my story, you know that you are not alone—and that change is possible. The first step is awareness. The second is surrender. The third is patience.
Looking back now, I see how social media played a huge role in my struggle. The constant comparisons, the endless scrolling, the curated perfection—it all created a space where lust could grow silently. It is subtle, almost invisible, until one day you realize that it has taken over your thoughts, your time, your joy. And when I was fourteen, I was too young to fully understand what I was walking into. I thought I was just exploring, just being curious. But in truth, I was walking into a trap that would take years of struggle, reflection, and prayer to escape.
I remember moments of shame and confusion. Sometimes I would watch it and then feel a pang of guilt that I couldn't explain. I would lie in bed, pretending that it was nothing, pretending that I was in control. But deep inside, a quiet voice whispered, "This isn't right. You're giving your mind and heart to something that will not satisfy you." And yet, the pull was strong, the habit persuasive. I couldn't stop myself. I didn't know how.
The funny thing is that habits like this are sneaky. You begin to rationalize them. You give them names like "educational" or "curiosity". You tell yourself, "It's normal. Everyone does it." And slowly, it stops feeling wrong. That's how lust works. It doesn't just ask for your attention—it slowly trains your mind, reshapes your desires, and convinces you that indulgence is harmless.
Even in the middle of this, though, there were moments when I longed for something better. I remembered teachings from church, from prophets like Anthony Mitchell, about purity, about guarding your heart. I remembered quotes like: "Lust is not just an act; it is a chain. Once you feed it, it grows stronger, and only God can break it." I wanted freedom, but I didn't know how to reach for it. I wanted peace, but I was trapped in a habit I didn't fully understand.
At fourteen, I was too young to see the full consequences, but I could feel the impact on my mind and heart. I began to notice how it affected my emotions, my focus on school, my patience, and even my relationship with God. I prayed sometimes, but my prayers felt empty, because my heart was divided. I longed for purity, but I was drawn repeatedly to indulgence. I hated that I couldn't stop, but I also didn't fully know how to resist.
This chapter of my life taught me one important truth: habits like this don't just go away by willpower alone. They require awareness, guidance, and divine help. I needed to understand the root of my desires, the triggers, the subtle ways I was feeding the habit. I needed accountability, prayer, and self-reflection. Most of all, I needed God's strength, because human strength alone would never have been enough.
So, to anyone reading this who might be struggling in the same way, I want you to hear me clearly: it is not your fault that you are tempted. Social media, curiosity, and the world around us are full of triggers. But it is your responsibility to seek freedom. Do not ignore the pull of lust, do not tell yourself it is harmless. Face it, name it, and ask for help—from God, from trusted mentors, from those who care about your spiritual health. There is hope, even if it feels impossible. I am living proof.
Looking back, I see how that "educational video" at fourteen was the beginning of a journey that would test me, shape me, and eventually teach me the power of discipline, awareness, and reliance on God. I didn't know it then, but that small, seemingly innocent click would set me on a path that required courage, prayer, and strength I didn't yet possess.