Today, Rock wasn't handsome at all. Nothing about him was appealing.
How could someone who enjoyed crushing others ever be a good partner?
"…Well, Rock got it… good for him," Win said, congratulating him, though
his sharp eyes held a shadow of something darker.
"Stop acting all righteous, it makes me sick."
"You heard our parents talking about going to Italy, right?"
"And what's it to you?"
"It's tomorrow. Have you prepared? And babe… are you going too? If not,
you can stay with me I'm free."
"I'm taking babe with me, none of your business!"
"Did you forget something? It's late already. From what I know, tonight your
parents are probably going to drop the Italy news on you unexpectedly. And
babe doesn't even have a passport you can't just fly without one."
"Babe, go home!"
In the car
"Why do you have to interfere with him? Why do you have to be around him?
You never listen to me, do you?!"
We were in the car at the mall parking garage. Rock was furious, storming
without an end in sight.
"Babe didn't do anything. I just went for coffee how could I say no? I didn't
fight with him, I'm not angry with him. Do you want me to hate him the way
you do?"
"I told you not to go with him! How many times do I have to say it? He's no
good!!"
"Why do you keep yelling at me? Your selfish, headstrong behavior makes
anyone listening feel terrible!"
I shouted back at Rock, partly in anger. Normally, we'd bicker over trivial
things, shouting for effect, not meaning it. But today, our words hit hard,
echoing inside the car.
"You don't like it? You hate it when I talk rudely and loudly, don't you? You
want sweet words, eye contact, all that like the way you act with him? That's
what you call 'good' ?"
"You're angry, taking it out on me. I'm not a trash can for your bad moods!
Can we stop now, or do you need to humiliate me for fun?"
The tension escalated, our emotions feeding each other, no one willing to
back down.
"I warned you because I know him well. I've been like this from the start!
Anyone who thinks they can change me into someone polite like him… they
can't! Did you expect me to change? Want me to be refined like him?!"
The narrow space felt suffocating as our voices clashed, both of us seething.
"Stop yelling at me! Why does your anger toward him have to fall on me?"
"Because I hate him! I really hate him!!"
I was exhausted from the shouting. Why did it feel different now? Before, I
could tolerate it, but after… everything between us, all these expectations,
built up silently, unnoticed.
"Fine. Stay with your hatred alone. I'm your wife, not your servant… or did
you never really think I'm your wife, that you can do whatever you want?!"
Bang!
I flung open the car door, stepped out, and ran. My legs moved fast,
weaving through the crowd in front of the mall. I could hear someone
shouting from afar, but I didn't look back.
Star!
(Star)
My feet hurt like crazy.
I don't even know how long I've been running, but now I'm at the pier near
ICONSIAM… running in circles? Why am I running? Sitting by the pier seems
perfect for a music video… maybe I should just jump into the water and cry it
out?…No, better not. It's too high, and I'm not ready to die yet Mom would kill
me.
I didn't know where to go. I ended up getting mad at Rock too. I just wanted
him to calm down so we wouldn't have enemies, so we wouldn't argue every
time we saw each other. Why did he have to get so angry? When
misunderstandings like this happen, it feels like we don't know each other
well enough to be "special" to each other…Before, I could tolerate the
shouting, the nagging, the scolding. But now, with this status… expectations
creep in…
Expecting him to be better than the love I've had before.
Expecting us to adjust to each other.
Expecting him to behave better in public.
Expecting everything, even though he's been perfectly happy with his life
and his cars for over thirty years.
Does having Rock as a boyfriend take away his happiness?
When he was with Toy, he handled everything, endured hardship for years
and was still happy… but now, with Rock spoiling him, buying this and that,
has he become more self-centered?
Before, I got yelled at every day and it wasn't a big deal. But now, with our
status, has he become prideful?
So many questions like a war between angels and demons raging in my
head. I ask myself, I answer myself, and I still have no idea what to do.
I wonder what Rock is doing right now… good thing I've opened my eyes,
otherwise I'd be worrying even more…Is he still mad? What am I supposed
to do with my life if it starts raining…
SPLASH!!!
Shit.
…It's raining.
…Damn.
We argued, and we've only been together for a few days, and it already feels
like we're married…
Well, we are… aren't we? Or am I just expecting too much from this love?
Honestly, Rock's moods have always been unpredictable. Maybe he's trying
to adjust too.
Now that the rain is falling, my head's clearing up… maybe I caught a little of
Rock's fiery temper after all…
Huh… I just keep seeing his face.
Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick…
Even the passersby seemed to see Rock's face…I must be losing it…
"babe…"
Did I hear that? Maybe the rain is messing with my ears…My white hair
clings damply to my skin. I shake it out, rub my eyes, trying to focus on the
blurry figure in the rain. A tall man in red. Broad-shouldered, fierce
expression, dark skin, tattoos creeping along his arms. He comes closer…
closer… until he stops right in front of me.
Grab..
"Let's go home."
…Is it really him? Rock…?
He walks through the heavy rain to where I'm sitting. The downpour blurs
everything, and I finally understand what it's like to have poor eyesight
everything hazy, indistinct. My tears have already mixed with the rain,
washing away my worries. His cold hands touch my cheeks, pressing a
gentle kiss on my forehead. So soft… like he's afraid of hurting me.
He found me. Guided me by the hand to his luxury car, even though I'm
messier than ever. Normally, he'd be growling like a bear who just found
honey but now… quiet, soft-spoken Rock. Hard to believe this is the same
wild man. Rock drives slower, despite the car's engine being like a race car.
One hand on the wheel, the other holding mine, as if afraid I'd disappear
again. It's silent in the car. We don't speak, just glance at each other, careful
not to say too much too soon. Finally, we reach the condo the same room
we've shared for months.
"..Let's shower together, don't catch a cold."
He can't meet my eyes. His awkward movements are like a child trying to
make up for a mistake. His deep voice drops almost to a whisper…He cares
this much… for a poor, silly kid like me…
In the bathroom, Rock runs warm water into the basin, washes my hair, and
guides me to sit in the tub. I curl my knees, hugging myself, too shy to look
at him. We sit side by side. The fierce expression from earlier has softened
into calm, gentle composure.
"babe…"
Finally, we speak, breaking the silence together.
"..I'm sorry."
The thirty-year-old leans in, forehead resting lightly against my shoulder the
gesture reserved for serious confessions.
"Rock… are you tired?" I whisper. We speak in hushed tones, cautious after
the earlier outburst. Both of us take a small step back, giving space to
protect one another. Being in a relationship is proving to be harder than I
imagined but it's okay if we hold hands.
"Tired of what?"
I'm pulled close in his strong arms, sitting on his lap. Opening up feels so
hard, afraid of causing friction in our fragile state after the recent argument.
"Being in a relationship… makes you feel more tired, doesn't it?"
I shrink into myself, hugging my knees defensively. His big hand lifts my
chin, bringing our eyes together. His gaze softens, pleading for mercy. His
lips brush gentle kisses across my cheeks, left and right, tender on my
swollen eyelids.
"Tired… because I've never been tired like this. Feels… good."
The usually reckless man tries to tone down his selfishness for me. He knows
he'd go overboard if I vanished into the crowd again. The spoiled, stubborn
man is confronted with his greatest fear losing me.
"Are you serious? I've never had anyone do this for me. Maybe… I'd get
spoiled." I nuzzle my head against his rough cheek, inching closer, merging
together again.
"Let's talk… don't run away again. I don't know how I'd find you." He presses
his lips to my cheek repeatedly, as if we hadn't seen each other for years.
"I'm sorry… I love you… I won't act foolish like today again. You just finished
work, and I didn't help, made things worse."
My lips brush his cheek, wanting him to feel my love just as strongly. They
say couples who last go through countless arguments before finding peace.
Not just once or twice… but through life. That's why they're called
..soulmates.
"I love you too, babe. I still struggle with my temper, so don't exhaust yourself
on me. Don't run away… please, give me some time… okay?" He hugs me
tightly, eyes soft, voice gentle, more tender than ever.
"You don't have to change for me. If you force yourself too much, you'll just
get tired and frustrated. It's fine to be yourself."
I cup his rough cheeks with both hands, looking into his eyes. A faint smile
curls on my lips, silent thanks for staying by my side. Despite swollen, red
eyes, he smiles back effortlessly.
"Can I… kiss you…?"
"It's cold. Let's go inside."
"Not here?"
"Go kiss somewhere warmer."