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….
"…I... I didn't think..."
"I can understand Gwen," I finally started massaging my face. "She had no way of knowing about Spider-Man's base, who is Peter Parker. But you two?.." Opening one eye without taking my hand off my face, I swept my gaze over Parker and Morales.
"Ah, right, question withdrawn." The former definitely wouldn't have gone to disturb his aunt of his own free will, and the latter... the latter is just a stupid teenage kid whose plot role, if my theory holds, is to cause all the problems, then "reform" and apparently help everyone in the end so he can... so he can, yes, replace the white Spider-Man, who is blond with blue eyes...
"Listen, who exactly are you if not a Spider?" Stacy brought the conversation back to one of the initial topics, squinting at me.
"I am the God of Magic from a parallel universe. I have a good friend who runs a school for mutant children, where they are helped to understand their powers and given a good education. You probably have him in your universes too, his name is Charles Xavier. At the time, I was studying the blood of a potential student, an eight-year-old boy named Peter Parker. And then, at one fine moment, a portal opened right under his blood, and I was sucked in."
"It's kind of hard to believe a god can just be sucked into a portal like that," Gwen raised an eyebrow skeptically.
"Take all your complaints to Christianity, it messed with your heads, substituting all possible concepts and definitions for commercial interests. By the way, very young lady," I turned to Peni, "you never answered my question about eating and going to bed."
"Hey, I'm already fourteen! I can decide for myself when to go to sleep!" the robot owner objected indignantly.
"And I'm over a thousand, and I know a sleep spell..." I wiggled my eyebrows.
"Gr-r-r..." she pouted. Well, yes, everything is so interesting here, and she's being sent to beddy-bye.
"I won't!.." Peni started to protest again, but a traitorous wave of yawning overtook her.
"Fine, I need to sleep," the anime girl surrendered, her shoulders slumping resignedly.
"We won't start without you," I assured the offended little girl.
"Promise?"
"Promise, promise..." I nodded.
"Okay," and with a parting nod, she finally headed toward the rest area of the Batcave, tactfully dodging the topic of dinner. Oh, these female predilections for diets.
"So..." Miles timidly drew attention to himself, apparently deciding the storm had passed, "what... are we going to do?"
"We were just planning to make a goober and pay a visit to this Fisk after resting," Spider-Noir answered with dignity, adjusting his wide-brimmed hat.
"I suggest we draw lots to determine who stays behind to blow it up," Gwen proposed, looking seriously at everyone.
"No-no-no!" Miles waved his hands. "You just don't get it! You can't stay. If you stay, you'll die! I have to shut down the collider! And before that, I'll send you all back home! I made him a promise, so... I have to keep it," the kid tried to pull off a note of pathos, but it came out weak.
"Do you even know how to do anything?" Noir asked skeptically.
"Well, he can turn invisible. Show them! Come on!" the battered Peter tried to support his buddy.
"Ugh..." the kid started straining, "I can't do it on command..."
"Ehh..." Parker's smile was already strained. "He can also shoot electricity. Come on, show them your 'zap-zap'."
"Pfft," he continued to strain. I got the feeling that a little more, and it might start smelling very unpleasant in here... "Can't do that either..."
"I've seen him in action," Gwen now stood up for the kid, seemingly out of pure pity... "Well... he has potential..."
"..." The Pig grunted skeptically, but Spider-Noir apparently remembered he was from the 1930s and a kid was standing in front of him.
"Hey, kid, what if this Kingpin... sets his goons on you, real tough nuts. Can you handle them? One against all?"
"Well, I... uh... I haven't fought anyone yet..."
"Hmm," I could only sigh. "Maybe he's the comic relief character, or that one black guy who dies first in the plot?" I was already sure the answer was "no," but the tension needed to be defused a bit.
"Not funny!" Gwen wrinkled her nose at me, but her body language said she agreed with me more than she didn't.
"Let's see you take a stance, we'll test your reflexes!" Spider-Noir moved toward the kid with a bouncy boxer's gait and took a stance.
"Uh..." Miles tried to copy the man.
"Surprise attack!" he yelled, knocking the kid to the floor with a quick sweep.
Then it began... a blatant beating into the humus. Black-and-white Peter warned about every punch, and didn't throw them too fast, but Miles was hitting the floor over and over again. And the others, for some reason, decided to collectively pressure the kid; even Peni hopped off the couch. Like, "Can you fix the processor under a hail of bullets?" (the anime girl), "Are your super moves maximally graceful?" (Gwen), "Can you turn off your feelings so as not to suffer from your own cruelty?" (Noir), "Can you fly through the air on the smell of pie?" (guess who), and more: "Are you even strong?", "Cunning?", "Careful?", "Show us your valor!", "The ability to read minds!" and so on, and so forth. I particularly liked Peni's options... Did their collective spider empathy kick in or something? Like, "finish off and devour the weak, wounded kin"? Well, spiders do that... supposedly.
Eventually, after kicking the guy around a bit, the group stated that "he's hopeless" and began discussing who would stay behind to destroy the collider. But here I couldn't help but intervene, because you just can't do that!
"Hey, hey, guys, take it easy. If anything, I can do all of the above, even read minds," I winked at Peni, "but there's this cool modern thing called a 'detonator.' And an even cooler, more advanced version, a 'dead man's switch.' That's when the explosion happens upon signal interruption. For example, if someone lets go of the button... or disappears into another universe, savvy?"
"Hmm, smart," Spider-Noir nodded respectfully.
"But first, we'll have to take out Doc Ock and Fisk," I continued enlightening the masses.
"Why?" MJ didn't understand, having listened to our debates all this time. "Not that I'm strongly against the death of my husband's killer, but Peter wouldn't have approved."
"Well, they built one such machine. What's stopping them from building another? Sudden amnesia or a lack of resources from one of the richest men in the city, if not the country?"
"That's true..." the Spiders exchanged glances and agreed with my arguments.
"Right," I had to interrupt the conversation and grab "empty air," "and where do you think you're sneaking off to, my transparent friend?"
"See, I told you he can turn invisible!" the battered Parker rejoiced.
"Well... I..." He wasn't exactly crying, but he was definitely morally crushed.
"I'm going to need you!" I informed him confidentially, not forgetting to add a touch of maniacal zeal to my gaze and voice.
"I'm suddenly feeling a bit creeped out..." the Pig shared with the collective.
"W-why?!" Miles agreed with him. Oh, the depression is gone, the energy boost is over 9000. And most importantly, a readiness to cooperate is visible on his face.
"Well, besides the fact that out of everyone present, you are the only one who has actually been to that blasted installation and seen it in person, which means you can lead the way... Plus, since I've started doing good deeds, it's almost impossible to stop, so I'm going to study that little spider that bit you, assuming it's still there, of course!"
"W-why?" Miles repeated.
"Wow... this is really bad. Okay, here's a hint. Everyone present here, well, except for one beautiful and irresistible person," I winked at Miss Stacy, to which she rolled her eyes, "me, is an experienced user of their spider powers. And they all have the same set of talents: strength, agility, Jedi danger sense, instinctive knowledge of the composition of various types of webbing. And then we have you, who, in addition to all of the above, possesses invisibility and, according to your friend, the ability to hurl lightning. So we need to understand if you just got lucky, or if you have a flawed mutation, and next you might start growing fur in interesting places and sprouting a couple of extra limbs?"
"Okay..." he nodded.
"Well, that's wonderful," I nodded back. "So, dream team, rest, get some sleep, and tomorrow morning we go on a mission! That especially goes for the rest period for anime girls," I smiled at Peni.
"I knew you were a pervert!" she flashed her red eyes belligerently, once again applying the anime special effects of female rage.
"You don't understand anything about male feelings," I proudly answered the vile insinuations, not ceasing to flash a smile.
"Hey, why are you in charge?!" Gwen protested.
"Because I have Power, and I am a God. And I made amulets for everyone. Oh, right, also I'm just a very charismatic and fair leader."
"And modest," they looked at me with superiority and condemnation.
"And modest," I didn't get flustered. "Glad you noticed. And now, rest up, and I'll go for a walk. Since our new friend won't be participating in the battle, he doesn't really need the rest, but he can work as a guide."
"I'm going with you!" the blonde stated adamantly, puffing up charmingly.
"Mmm," I sweep a thoughtful gaze over her, "I don't mind, and if you were a couple of years older, I'd be all for it with all my limbs." Gwen understood the implication and got embarrassed, immediately transitioning from embarrassment to aggression, however.
"Hey, I'm just going with you just in case!" And also because you're damn curious, but those are details. Miles, by the way, was drilling me with a very displeased look, and I simply couldn't miss this moment.
"Whatever you say. And kid," I address the cop's son, "stop boring a hole in me with that look, I am, by the way, taking care of you right now and, one might say, saving your life."
"Really?" It seems I'm not believed. Offensive.
…
If you want to read ahead by 20+ chapters from here you can visit my Patre-on.
[P] [A] [T] [R] [E] [O] [N]
[email protected]/Yggdrasil_Loki