Mark POV
Night came to Noctrya. It was like everything was waiting to see what would happen next. The streets of Noctrya were really quiet.. The quiet in Noctrya felt like it was watching me like it was waiting for something to happen in Noctrya.
The wind touched the window in my place in Noctrya gently like the wind, in Noctrya knew what I was thinking before I even knew what I was thinking in Noctrya.
The fire was burning low in the corner of the room. It was making shadows on the walls with its light. I was sitting close to the fire. My elbows were resting on my knees. Lyra was sitting near me.
She was really calm. She was not, in a hurry. Lyra did not ask me a lot of questions. She did not make a lot of noise either. Lyra just stayed with me in the fire and the quiet room. The fire was still burning low in the corner of the room.
For once I did not feel the need to say anything.
She moved in closer, to me her fingers touching mine. It was a light touch. "You are thinking again, " she said in a voice.
I nodded. I always do this. Every time something feels right to me my mind goes back to the things I have lost.
She looked at me and her eyes were steady. "The quiet should remind you of something, " she said. "You do not have to be by yourself, the quiet should remind you that you are not alone with your thoughts, the quiet should remind you of the people who are with you now."
Her words slipped past my defences. They settled somewhere deep inside me. I had not realised how tight I had been holding myself together until that moment.
Something about her words finally loosened the hold I had on my feelings. Her words really got to me. I felt something shift inside.
I said this to them in a voice. I really do not understand how they do it. They see me as someone who's worth choosing and that is something I just do not get. I mean how do they think I am worth choosing?
That is what I want to know. They must see something in me that I do not see in myself something that makes them think I am worth their time. I am still trying to figure out what that something is.
She took a breath in and her eyes sparkled. "Because I see what you do not, " she said. "A man who chose to be at peace with being proud.
This man decided to walk so he could become a better person, not a bitter one. He wanted to be better. That is what the man did.
He became better by walking away from things that made him angry."
My chest felt really tight. Nobody had ever talked to me like that before. They never spoke to me with pity or with expectations. They just spoke to me with truth. The truth is what they gave me.
This was the time that love was not just something I thought about or something that scared me. Love was actually real. It was right in front of me, surrounded by the light of the fire and the quiet of the moment, looking at me like I was important. Love looked at me.
It made me feel like I was the only person in the world. The love I was feeling was real. It was sitting right there with me.
I reached out. Lifted her chin gently. I said to her "You make it really hard for me not to fall in love with you." I whispered these words to her.
I was talking about the way I feel when I am with her. I said, "You make it hard for me not to fall in love with you"
Because that is how I feel when we are together, and I was looking at her when I said that, you make it hard not to fall in love with you.
Then just stop fighting it, she said quietly.
It started raining, the rain was soft and it fell steadily. Inside the house, it felt like time was moving slowly. I put my forehead against her forehead. We did not make any promises to each other. We did not talk about what would happen tomorrow.
The rain outside made everything feel calm and all we had was honesty. It was quiet. It was really the honesty of the rain and the honesty between us, the honesty between her and me, the honesty of the moment we were in, the moment of the soft and steady rain.
We stayed like that for a long time. Lyra was leaning against my chest and her breathing was very calm. I closed my eyes and I felt something that I had never felt before. It was a feeling that settled over me.
The woman told me that I do not have to be strong all the time. She said that it is okay not to be strong. The woman said that being strong is not always necessary. She said that it is okay to be weak and that is what the woman said.
If I stop being strong I said, everything, with my life might just fall apart. I mean my whole world might come crashing down if I am not strong. Everything depends on me being strong, so if that stops, then everything might fall apart.
She said that quietly. Something real starts like that.
I looked at her and I figured out something that really mattered. She did not care about the things I did before or what people called me. She was here for me because of who I am. That is what the woman was interested in. She was here for me.
"What if I lose myself?" I asked. "What if I try to be someone that's not really me?"
The woman told him that she would remind him who he is. She wanted to make sure he remembered the person he really's. Then she said that she would remind him about himself and who he really is.
Her certainty really scared me. It also made me feel more grounded. Her certainty was something that I found frightening, but, at the same time, her certainty was what kept me grounded.
I told them that they should not have much faith in me.
She gave a smile. She said, "It is too late."
She stepped closer to me. For a moment I saw a little bit of doubt in her eyes. Then her lips touched mine. It was a really soft and gentle kiss. We were both being very careful like we did not want to mess up what was happening between us. I kissed her back. At first it was slow..
Then I started to kiss her deeper and it felt like I was letting go of things that I had been holding onto for a long time. The things that I was holding onto just gave way. I was able to kiss her like I really wanted to. I was kissing her. She was kissing me and it felt like we were really connecting.
We were out of breath when we pulled apart. We were both breathing hard.
It is late I said. I should go home now. The time is really late. I need to leave.
She touched my arm. She said to me "You do not have to go. Stay at my place tonight."
I stopped for a moment. It was not because of her. It was because of everything that was waiting for me outside this room. If I left, I would have to go to all the things that people expected of me to my father and to the life I had tried to get away from.
If I stayed I would be choosing something that felt real something that I did not know much about and that was the life I would have with her the woman I had grown to care about the woman who was waiting for me to make a decision about my life and the life we could have together the life, with her.
I took a breath. I said "I will stay."
Relief crossed her face. I felt a sense of relief.
We sat back by the fire, our hands holding each other. The rain hit the window gently. My family, my fear, my past. They were all still there..
For the first time, the family and the fear and the past did not have power over me.
I figured out that love is not something that shouts. It does not ask for promises or guarantees that everything will be okay. Love is actually very quiet. It waits for things to happen. Love is very brave.
Lyra whispered that you do not have to carry everything by yourself.
This was the moment when I actually believed it. I really thought that it was true. The time I believed it it felt different.
The night was really long. Tomorrow was going to bring a lot of questions. We were going to have to deal with the consequences of the night.
But at that moment nothing could hurt us,
nothing could bother the night. Nothing could touch the night we were having.
Noctrya was a place where bad things happened to people. It hurt them a lot.. Tonight Noctrya became a different place, a place where people could feel better and heal from the bad things that happened to them at Noctrya.
I was not running.
I was home.