10/01/2048
(Present)
"This is Cedric Eros. He starts this semester with us today."
Mrs. Falken makes him move forward while speaking.
That's what I hear: my gaze stays focused on the window. Around me, students look excited. Murmurs are heard, questions hardly concealed.
A transfer, in the middle of the school year, is not usual. The only way to go to this school is to ace the first-year entrance exam.
"I'm Cedric Eros. Er… How could I say that…?"
He sighs, falters a second more, then lets out :
"I come from the shires."
Mrs. Falken suddenly breaks him off.
"Okay, Cedric. You can sit down."
Silence falls upon us immediately. In this school, your former life is erased as soon as you go through its gate.
Everyone knows it. It's strictly forbidden, during the whole training course, to recall where you are from.
It's a rule laid down for our own good.
***
10/11/2048
(Past)
The screen of my phone continuously lights up. A notification. Then another. And one more.
Where are you?
It will turn out badly if you don't stop hiding.
Do you even realize what you're doing ?
I'm sitting in the dark, drowning in the silence of an empty classroom. My fingers are shaking, clenched around my phone.
The stillness fall down on me, heavy, permanent.
Texts keep on piling up, dragging me down.
I'm still breathing, but I feel like I'm sinking.
A tear is about to fall.
Suddenly, someone turns on the lights.
"Leïla? You're early today !" Jade says.
Top of our class. Second of our whole year.
We have known each other recently, but to me she's already like a long-time friend.
Our relationship could be summed up in her trying to spare me trouble… even if it's not really that easy.
"Ha… Yeah. I couldn't sleep."
Technically, that's not a lie… In fact, I didn't have the opportunity to sleep last night.
I try to smile, to look fine. To hide the dark shadows under my eyes, and the weight that lies heavy on my chest.
Right at that point, Cedric comes into the classroom. Our eyes meet, half a second, then he looks away and walks straight towards his desk, as if I wasn't here.
Of course he's ignoring me! How could I resent him for this?
I feel students filling the classroom, even without looking around me.
Chairs are creaking, bags are falling, voices raise.
Murmur becomes noise.
The teacher finally comes in.
"Be quiet, please!" she asks, calmly but firmly.
Chairs creak. Students turn pages over.
"Cedric, where is your textbook?"
I turn towards the back of the room, gazing at him.
"I forgot it at home. Sorry."
"Ha, so unlucky… Go sit near Mrs. Karima, so she won't fall asleep this time."
The other students snigger.
I turn back to the board, and my heart aches.
"What?" I say out loud without even acknowledging it.
"Is there a problem, Mrs. Karima?" the teacher asks.
"No. No, everything's alright."
"Fine, then."
Cedric comes near and sits besides me, without saying anything. He doesn't even look at me.
He doesn't look me in the eyes, and he's right.
He's been coerced to sit near a girl who, scarcely a few days ago, thought about ending her life. A girl that everybody else sees as fine…
Mrs. Falken goes on with the class, but I can't focus… nor sleep.
My legs brush against his, my arms almost do the same. We're sharing the same textbook, put on the table between us. It's too small. Really too small. He's looking right in front of him, still, focused, almost unsettling. He doesn't even bat an eye. Nothing Me… Am I supposed to put up with this for more than an hour?
Impossible.
Absolutely impossible.
This situation… My heart won't survive it.
I grab a notebook in my bag, flip through its pages to look busy… then I write.
A single sentence.
Thanks for yesterday.
I discreetly put the notebook on the textbook, so he's forced to read it. I dare not to look at him. My heart is panging in my chest. I vaguely hear his fingers rubbing, and a sigh that echoes.
Then… he grabs his pen.
He writes.
Did you sleep at school?
I freeze.
What ?
I stare at him. He doesn't even look at me. I can't understand if he's aloof, or if he's making fun of me.
I write.
What are you talking about?
He takes his pen again.
Forget it.
He stares at the teacher again, without even batting an eye.
I can't leave it like this. I'm not the kind of student that easily focus in class as it is… Now it's totally screwed up.
What is he even saying?
"Leïla, we're going now!"
I'm startled. My head goes up all of a sudden. I have no idea what just happens around me. The classroom is almost empty, and Jade looks at me, her bag already on her shoulder. She says nothing, but her eyes speak for her: You fell asleep, again.
I blink, and I wonder since when…
"You can go without me. I have some books I should return to the library."
She looks at me, almost disgusted.
"You never went to the library. I think you don't even know where it is…"
"Er… You might be surprised: I'm more studious than you think."
"The only thing that surprises me is the fact that you didn't find a better excuse. Hurry up, he's very talented in disappearing."
"We'll talk later !" I say as I go towards the stairs. The less she knows about this, the better for the time being.
***
I was feeling perfectly confident while walking towards the school roof, but now that I'm there, everything seems different… I don't know how long I've been standing in front of this door.
Frozen in front of it, lost in my thoughts, I suddenly hear a click. The handle turns. A mane of dark hair appears. Two piercing blue eyes stare at me without saying anything.
He says nothing. Doesn't even seem to move then, as calmly as he appeared, he closes the door again. As if I didn't even exist.
"Hey!"
I bang at the door. One time. Two times. Stronger.
"Open this door!"
I bang again, my jaw tightened.
It opens brutally. He grabs my arm and pulls me outside.
He looks deeply into my eyes. Then he sighs for a long time. He's not angry. Simply… worn-out, as if I were a hitch in an already way too busy day.
Stressed at the thought of upsetting him, breathless from the silence, I say:
"You don't need to worry. I won't say anything… not even that you're hiding on the roof."
He doesn't answer right away. He runs a hand over his forehead, sighs again… then finally says:
"Why do you bang, if you have the keys?"
This is the first time he has spoken directly to me. His blue eyes, usually evasive, stare at me with an almost intimidating intensity. He doesn't look mean, but… something in his gaze is aggressive, sharp.
Instinctively, I take two steps backward. Another word, and I'm going to turn around, to go through the door again without looking back.
He doesn't move. He's sitting there, on the ground, in the shade. Quiet.
I want to say something, whatever, but nothing comes to my mind. Silence becomes heavy, almost hurtful.
Yet, he has closed his eyes.
He sighs again.
"The caretaker?"
"What? The caretaker?" I answer, a little taken aback.
I look at him, but he's not doing the same. His face is half hidden behind his hair, like last time.
"Yes. The caretaker has a key. He's very old and he can't use the access cards. He only comes once a week, so they gave him a special key, which give him access to many areas… even the roof."
I laugh nervously.
"But why do you think I have a key? I don't."
He slightly raises his head.
"You fled to the roof… without having a key?"
"To be honest… I didn't really think about it."
I just ran away. Instinctively.
"What? And what if the door had been locked? What would you have done?"
His eyes look at me again but this time, he seems intrigued rather than annoyed.
A feeling slips from me for a second, making me look elsewhere.
"Ha ha ha.."
I laugh a little. It's nervous, almost awkward. I don't know what to say. I don't have any genuine answer to give him, only this embarrassed laugh which shows everything he makes me feel.
His harmless appearance comes back as soon as he hides behind his hair. He looks down, then slowly picks his things up. He silently heads towards the exit, his face half-hidden behind his bangs.
When he's in front of the door, he stops and looks up at me with a faint smile.
"Never come back here again!"
The door closes behind him. My breath suspends and I stay frozen. Leaning against the wall, I look upon the sky, still a little shaken by what just happened.
His words were sharp, almost cold… and yet his smile made my heart warmer.
My phone vibrates while a little smile spreads across my face. I look at the screen : Jade.
I don't know where you've been this time, but the dean is waiting for us. Did you forget? Hurry up!!
I read the text, then sit on the ground to look at the sky.
"Sorry, Quinn", I say, looking up at the sky.