Death number one-hundred-and-eighty-nine was caused by Marcus testing if his Dragon Bone armor protected him from drowning (it did) while simultaneously testing if he could breathe underwater indefinitely (he could not). Death one-ninety was a result of accidentally digging straight down into a pool of acid from the Toxic Waste mod.
But it was Day 32, and Marcus was feeling ambitious.
He stood atop his newly renovated base—which had grown from a dirt hovel into a respectable obsidian fortress—and looked out at the world. Greymon was sleeping in the courtyard, his massive breaths shifting the nearby trees. The Pokemon team was playing tag.
"System," Marcus said, patting the Master Ball in his hand. "Where is the biggest, baddest non-cosmic entity currently spawned? I have a Master Ball, and I feel like using it on a Pidgey would be a waste."
ANALYZING...
THERE ARE MANY BIG THINGS
TITANS ARE BIG
DRAGONS ARE BIG
BUT IF YOU WANT THE "KING" OF BIG...
TARGET LOCATED: 3,000 BLOCKS NORTH
ENTITY: MOBZILLA (GODZILLA)
CRAZY CRAFT / ORESPAWN LEGACY
HEALTH: 8,000,000
HEIGHT: YES
TEMPERAMENT: DESTROYS CITIES FOR BREAKFAST
HAT: CURRENTLY WEARING A TINY SOMBRERO
"Godzilla," Marcus repeated, grinning. "And he's wearing a sombrero. Perfect."
Marcus flew north, the Superman suit cutting through the air at Mach speeds. It didn't take long to find him. Mobzilla was impossible to miss. He stood towering over a mountain range, his roar audible from miles away. He was massive, spiky, and looked exactly like the King of Monsters should look—except for the festive sombrero perched precariously on his head.
TARGET: MOBZILLA
LEVEL: 2,500
STATUS: CURRENTLY STOMPING ON A VILLAGE
THREAT LEVEL: EXTREME
MASTER BALL CATCH RATE: 100%
LOGIC: NONE
Marcus hovered in front of the massive kaiju. Mobzilla paused in his destruction, squinting at the tiny flying figure. The monster let out a roar that blew Marcus's cape back and rattled his teeth.
"Hey, big guy!" Marcus shouted. "You look like you need a home that isn't a random mountain range!"
Mobzilla opened his mouth to fire a beam of atomic breath.
"Go, Master Ball!" Marcus yelled, channeling his inner Ash Ketchum, and threw the purple-and-white sphere.
The ball hit Mobzilla on the snout.
Physics took a holiday. The massive, 8-million-HP monster was instantly converted into red energy. The energy swirled, compressed, and was sucked into the tiny ball. The Master Ball fell through the air, landed on a mountain peak, and shook once.
Click.
CONGRATULATIONS
YOU CAUGHT GODZILLA
IN A BALL THE SIZE OF AN APPLE
PHYSICS HAS LEFT THE CHAT
VIEWER REACTION: HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER
NICKNAME?
Marcus retrieved the ball. "Gojira. Definitely Gojira."
He flew back to his base and released his new pet outside the walls. Gojira materialized, looked around confusedly, saw Greymon (who woke up with a start), and surprisingly, didn't attack.
GOJIRA STATUS: TAMED
LOYALTY: MAXIMUM
CURRENT MOOD: HUNGRY
RELATIONSHIP WITH GREYMON: MUTUAL RESPECT BETWEEN DINOSAURS
ALTHOUGH GOJIRA IS ABOUT 20 TIMES BIGGER
Greymon walked up to Gojira's foot, looked all the way up, and gave a small, respectful roar. Gojira looked down and rumbled back, adjusting his sombrero. The base now had the ultimate defense system.
With his base secure, Marcus turned his attention to offense. He had the Sword of the Cosmos, which was great for single targets, but he wanted something with range. Something iconic.
"I want Big Bertha," Marcus announced.
BIG BERTHA
THE LEGENDARY SWORD OF ORESPAWN
DAMAGE: 500+
REACH: HITS EVERYTHING IN THE SAME ZIP CODE
CRAFTING REQUIREMENTS: INSANE
YOU NEED DROPS FROM: THE KING, THE QUEEN, KRAKENS, SEA MONSTERS, WORMS, AND MORE
YOU'VE KILLED THE KING ALREADY
BUT YOU NEED TO FARM THE QUEEN
A LOT
"Time to go to work," Marcus said.
He traveled to the Crystal Dimension (Orespawn's home turf) and began what could only be described as ecological devastation. With the Sword of the Cosmos, "farming" bosses wasn't a fight; it was a harvest.
He summoned The Queen. She screeched. He swung the cosmic sword. She died.
He summoned her again. Swing. Die. Loot.
Repeat.
QUEEN KILLS: 12
QUEEN KILLS: 24
QUEEN KILLS: 47
YOU ARE SINGLE-HANDEDLY DRIVING THE ROYALS TO EXTINCTION
VIEWER COUNT: 51 BILLION
THEY'RE WATCHING A FARMING MONTAGE
BUT IT'S A BOSS FARMING MONTAGE
It took three days of grinding. He killed Krakens in the ocean. He hunted massive worms in the dimensions. He gathered items with names like "Caterkiller Jaws" and "Sea Viper Tongues."
Finally, back at his crafting table, Marcus laid out the materials. The recipe was enormous, requiring a special 9x9 crafting table he'd built specifically for this moment.
He placed the final piece.
ITEM CRAFTED: BIG BERTHA
DESCRIPTION: IT'S BIG. IT'S BERTHA.
SIZE: LARGER THAN YOU
WEIGHT: YES
SPECIAL ABILITY: HITS EVERYTHING
Marcus equipped the sword. It was comical. The blade was easily twenty feet long, extending far beyond his character model. When he swung it, the hitbox covered half his screen.
"This is ridiculous," Marcus said, swinging it and accidentally clearing an entire forest behind his base. "I love it."
But during his Queen farming spree, he had looted something else. Something rare.
A purple spawn egg.
ITEM: DRIED SPAWN EGG
TYPE: THE PRINCESS (BABY QUEEN)
REQUIRES: WATER TO HATCH
RESULT: A THREE-HEADED DRAGON PET
Marcus ran to the small lake near his base. He placed the dried egg in the water. It began to rehydrate, pulsing with purple light. A few moments later, it burst open.
Out popped a dragon. Not a massive boss, but a small, horse-sized dragon with three heads. It had purple scales and big, curious eyes on all three heads.
PET ACQUIRED: THE PRINCESS
SPECIES: 3-HEADED DRAGON
CURRENT SIZE: SMALL (FOR A DRAGON)
POTENTIAL SIZE: WORLD BOSS
ATTITUDE: SASSY
The three heads looked at Marcus, then at each other. The left head nipped at the middle head. The middle head roared at the right head. The right head looked at Marcus and blinked.
"I can't call you Princess," Marcus said. "You look like a Prince. And there are three of you."
He named him Prince.
Prince immediately bonded with the team. Sparky rode on the middle head. Greymon treated Prince like a younger sibling. Gojira just watched them all from above, the stoic grandfather of the group.
PET TEAM STATUS:
GREYMON (THE MUSCLE)
GOJIRA (THE ARTILLERY)
PRINCE (THE CHAOS)
POKEMON (THE MORAL SUPPORT)
MARCUS (THE ZOO KEEPER WITH GOD POWERS)
Marcus looked at his collection of monsters and his giant sword. He felt powerful. He felt accomplished.
He felt... bored?
"I need a project," Marcus said on Day 35. "I'm not fighting today. I'm not farming. I want to build something."
He looked at the Frieza tech he'd looted weeks ago. He looked at the Advanced Rocketry mod recipes in his JEI menu.
"I'm building a spaceship."
SYSTEM QUERY: WHY?
YOU CAN FLY
YOU CAN TELEPORT
YOU HAVE DRAGONS
WHY DO YOU NEED A SPACESHIP?
"Because," Marcus said, placing down a launch pad, "spaceships are cool. And maybe I want to go to the Moon. Or Mars. Or just sit in orbit and look down at the chaos."
For the next two days, Marcus became an engineer. He processed steel, crafted circuit boards, and assembled engines. He used Frieza's tech to create a warp core. He used dragon bones to reinforce the hull (because aesthetics).
The ship wasn't a standard NASA rocket. It looked like a cross between an X-Wing and a gothic cathedral. It was sleek, black and purple, with dragon wings and repulsor engines.
VEHICLE CRAFTED: THE COSMIC DRAGON
TYPE: WARP-CAPABLE STARSHIP
SPEED: FASTER THAN LIGHT
ARMAMENT: BIG BERTHA TURRETS (YES, REALLY)
CAPACITY: 1 SAIYAN, 1 DIGIMON, 1 3-HEADED DRAGON, 6 POKEMON, AND 1 GODZILLA (IF YOU USE THE MASTER BALL)
Marcus stood back and admired his work. It sat on the launchpad, gleaming in the Minecraft sun.
"It's beautiful," he wiped a tear from his blocky eye.
VIEWER COUNT: 55 BILLION
THEY ARE VOTING ON WHERE YOU SHOULD GO
TOP VOTE: THE SUN
SECOND VOTE: THE END ( VIA SPACE)
THIRD VOTE: NAMEK
Marcus climbed into the cockpit. The interior was filled with screens and buttons. He felt the rumble of the engines as he initiated the startup sequence.
"System," Marcus grinned. "Let's take it for a test drive."
He slammed the launch button.
The Cosmic Dragon roared to life, shooting into the sky. The ground shrank away. The clouds whipped past. The sky turned from blue to dark blue to black.
Marcus floated in orbit, looking down at the square world below. He could see the biomes—the purple corruption, the green forests, the burning hellscapes. It looked peaceful from up here.
ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: SPACE ODDITY
YOU HAVE LEFT THE ATMOSPHERE
YOU ARE NOW A SPACE-FARING CIVILIZATION OF ONE
Marcus leaned back in the pilot's seat, his top hat floating slightly in the zero-G. He had a giant sword, a team of monsters, super powers, and now a spaceship.
"Not bad," Marcus whispered. "Not bad for a guy who died eating chips."
WARNING: SPACE MOBS DETECTED
SPACE WHALES
SPACE KRAKENS
ALIEN INVASION FLEET
THEY SEEM UPSET YOU'RE IN THEIR TERRITORY
Marcus sighed, grabbing the controls. "Can't I have five minutes? Just five?"
NO
THIS IS MINECRAFT
IN SPACE
ROLL INITIATIVE
Marcus laughed, charged the ship's lasers, and prepared for a dogfight in orbit.
Day 35 was ending, and Marcus was fighting aliens in a dragon-bone spaceship above a blocky world.
Everything was going exactly according to plan. Which is to say, completely off the rails.