Chip
It was a boring day at work as usual.
Left for me, I would be at home, sleeping on my bed, the only thing that would never reject me. But here I am, sitting in this hard-as-rock chair, thinking about the brief kiss Charles and I shared instead of brainstorming new ideas for the campaign.
I know. I know I said I'd try to end my feelings for him, but I lied. I only just said that to make him feel less awkward and uncomfortable around me.
What, you think I haven't tried getting rid of my feelings for him? Gosh, I've tried. I've tried so, so hard.
I've been trying since our freshman year in high school, and it seemed like every time I tried, my feelings for him only grew stronger and stronger.
So I stopped.
And then started loving him in silence. And I've been loving him in silence ever since.
I never knew it was possible for someone to love someone else more than they love themselves. Story of my life.
I sighed.
"That's the eighth time you've sighed since fifteen minutes ago." Megan said, making me glance up at her.
Our desks were opposite each other, divided by the partition panel.
"Don't tell me who you're thinking about," She said, her fingers clicking repeatedly on her keyboard, "I know it's about Charles."
I sighed again. "Trust me, Megan, I've tried to stop thinking about him, but… the more I try to stop thinking about him…"
"The harder it becomes for you to stop thinking about him," She completed for me with a little eye roll, "I know. I've been there. Look, I know you love Charles so much to the point that you'll be willing to throw your life away for him if he asks you, but since he's not even into you at all, you gotta move on to someone else. You know what they say, the only way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It's as easy as that."
"Yeah, I don't know…"
"You see, now that's the problem with you." She threw her hands up in the air in annoyance, "Now let me ask you something, aside from Charles, which other guy have you ever crushed on?"
"Um…" I paused and contemplated for a second, "I guess that'd be Tim…"
"Foley." She completed. "Yep. I know. Tim Foley is the only one you've ever had a crush on. And that was way before Charles and his family moved in next door to your house. Ever since, you've been in this unrequited love with him for over a decade now. If I'm to say the truth, I'm sick and tired of seeing you this way. Really. Because you wanted Charles to be your first, you've been saving your virginity for him when he's fucked around."
"Charles doesn't fuck around. He's not like that…"
"Yeah, but he's been in two serious relationships, and now this… Abby." She said, "And you know there's no relationship without fucking. For real, Chip, if you hadn't been saving it for him, two days ago wouldn't have been your first time having sex. And your first time wouldn't have been so traumatizing. I know it wasn't really sex, but still." A pause, then, "All I'm saying is… for you to put yourself out there, there are many real, cute, hotties who would die to make you theirs. Just… try."
Maybe Megan is right. Maybe I need to put myself out there and stop obsessing over Charles. The only thing that has ever come out of it has been wishful thinking, heartbreak, more wishful thinking, and more heartbreak.
I'm a twenty-five-year-old adult, and I've never even had a dating life or had sex for once. Two days ago doesn't count.
Maybe it's time to change that.
I smiled at her, "Thanks, Megan."
"You're welcome." She returned the smile.
"So, what do I do?" I enquired in curiosity, "Do I install dating apps like Grindr or…"
"What?" She made a face, "No! No way in hell. Chip, don't tell me you want to become one of those people imprisoned by technology. Those apps are just for hookups and stuff."
"So, what else do I… I mean, I don't think I can go to a bar yet… considering…"
"Who's talking about bars here? Look over there." She nodded behind me.
Following the direction, I turned, glanced over the place, then turned back, slightly confused. "Um, who exactly are we looking for again?"
"Tommy." She replied.
"Tommy?" I asked in surprise, turning back again to glance at Tommy, who was sitting not far from us, typing away at his desktop. I turned to Megan. "Yeah, what about Tommy?"
"He's cute." Megan said with a mischievous smile.
"Yeah, and?"
"He's totally into you."
I scoffed, finding it absurd, "What? Did he tell that?"
"No. He didn't need to."
"Then how…"
"Okay." She leaned forward, excitement written all over her face, her voice dropping to a whisper, "Do you remember that one time your computer broke down and he offered to fix it even though IT was literally right there?"
I blinked, not knowing what to make of this. "Um… yeah, he was just being nice. And also my files weren't on auto saves so…"
"Alright, then, how about that time we were all working late on that big presentation last month?"
"Uh…" I blinked again, trying to recall, "Vaguely? We ordered pizza, right?"
"Yeah, and you were stressing out because your laptop battery was dying. Tommy… without saying a word… got up, unplugged his own charger from across the room, and brought it over to you. He just set it down next to your elbow and went back to his desk like it was nothing."
I shrugged. "And again, he was just being nice. He does stuff like that for everyone."
Megan rolled her eyes. "Oh, please! No, he doesn't. He lent Jake his charger once and made a whole thing about needing it back in ten minutes. With you? He left it there the whole night."
"Okay, but…"
"And remember that time last week, during lunch at the cafeteria, when he gave you all his pickles?" Megan was clearly enjoying this. The glee in her face told me so.
"Yeah, he said he was full and didn't want to…"
"That was a lie. Why on earth would he get all those pickles if he wasn't going to finish them? To give them to you, of course. Because he knew you liked them."
"Okay, now that's all just an assumption." I protested. "I mean, we don't even know if Tommy is gay."
"Oh, he totally is." She winked at me, "You know me, my gaydar has gotten real good over the years."
I glanced over at Tommy again. He was still typing, headphones on, completely absorbed in his screen. Nothing about him screamed "secretly pining." He just looked… well, nerdy as usual.
And ridiculously cute with his dark-framed glasses perfectly resting on his nose.
I wouldn't say Tommy and I were close. I mean, we do say occasional "hi" to each other and talk only when the situation requires it. That was it.
We weren't close enough to hang out together after work hours.
"He also stares at you when you're not looking. Not in a creepy way, though, he always has "that" loving look that would give you butterflies in your stomach. And whenever you laugh at one of his dry little comments in meetings, his ears go pink. Every time."
I felt my face heat up for no reason. "Okay, you're making this up."
"I'm not. He's subtle as hell, but I have eyes. The boy is into you. Big time."
"Wow! So you spend all your time spying on our coworkers, to know who looks at whom, who gives what to whom, who says what to whom, when, where and how, instead of working. You really do have a lot of time on your hands, Megan."
"Oh, I do not need to spy." She said smugly, "I'm simply just good at observing things that go on around here."
I looked back at Tommy one more time. He must've felt my stare because he glanced up. And when our eyes met my eyes for half a second, I felt my heart skip multiple beats.
Jeez!
But then he surprised me. He gave me the cutest smile ever. A smile that confirmed everything Megan had just told me.
I was obligated to return the smile, so I did. But I quickly glanced away to avoid making it less awkward than it already was.
Megan laced her hands together, resting her chin on them, her lips curling to a smirk, "And you were saying?"
"Alright, fine. Fine. Maybe you're right."
"Not maybe." She purred, "I am right."
"Okay. Okay. Yes, you are." I muttered, not knowing what to do with the information I had just discovered.
I mean, Tommy likes me? Me? I don't believe it.
"You see? The signs were there all along. And you never noticed. Why? Because you spent your days fantasizing about Charles. But starting from today, it's all gonna change. Because you'll be asking him out." She declared.
"What?"