Chapter 52: Part 2 — The Michelin Star Massacre - MHA: I Was Reincarnated as Deku’s Twin but My Quirk is a Literal Joke!

Chapter 52: Part 2 — The Michelin Star Massacre

[A/N: YO! Your author is back from the abyss!

Hope you all had a great Valentine's Day. My parents and my gf's parents went out on a double date, so we had the house to ourselves. We spent the day cosplaying and baking a chocolate cake that may or may not be 50% MSG.

Later, we had an anime night and started roasting her "old interests." She used to be a huge BTS fan, but I call them "The Underpaid Stick-Figure Squad." Seriously, they look like they'd snap in half if they tried to lift a bag of rice. She was laughing her ass off and told me, "If any K-pop stans heard you say that, they'd hunt you down and delete your existence."

After that, she convinced me to cosplay as a vampire. Anyway, I'm out! Enjoy the brain rot!]

[Sunny Midoriya POV]

The stadium didn't just look like a kitchen; it looked like a fever dream had a head-on collision with a Food Network studio.

I stood in the center of the commentator's booth, which had been magically transformed into a stainless-steel pulpit. I adjusted my white chef's coat, which was glowing with a literal "Professional Integrity" aura. Behind me, Present Mic was tied to a chair with neon-yellow caution tape. A sleeping glitter bomb—shaped like a disco ball—had popped over his head three minutes ago. He was currently snoring in C-major, drifting through a dream where he was a champion yodeler.

"Sorry, Mic-chan!" I chirped, snapping my white gloves. "Your decibel levels are a 3/10 on the culinary scale. We need a 'Gag-Standard' commentary for this catastrophe!"

I leaned into the microphone.

"ALRIGHT, YOU DONKEYS! LISTEN UP!" My voice shifted. It wasn't "Sunny" anymore. It was Sunny Ramsay. The accent was sharp enough to cut a tomato, and the rage was purely artisanal. "This isn't just a Cavalry Battle! This is the Narrative Comfort Food Triple-Threat! Three courses! One hour! And if I see a single grain of unwashed rice, I will personally rewrite your origin stories into a tragedy about a burnt piece of toast!"

Beside me, Nokotan was leaning back in her chair, wearing an orange polo shirt that was three sizes too big. She was holding a bag of MSG like it was a holy relic.

"Haiyaa," Nokotan sighed, her voice a perfect imitation of a disappointed middle-aged uncle. "Why these children look so scared? Cooking is easy! Just use the feelings! And MSG! Mostly MSG! Uncle Nokotan is here to see if you have the 'Fuiyoh' or the 'Haiyaa'!"

And on my left, Erina Nakiri was clutching her silver spoon so hard her knuckles were white. "I was promised a high-level cultural exchange," she whispered, her 'God Tongue' trembling. "Why is there a deer? Why is that boy tied to a chair? And why does the air smell like... cheap vegetable oil?"

"Welcome to the Chaos Crew, Erina-chan!" I grinned, my teeth doing a [DING!]. "Now... START THE CLOCK!"

[Izuku Midoriya POV]

"GO! GO! GO!" I screamed, clinging to the "Cavalry Saddle" Mei had built.

I was the rider. Beneath me, Ochaco, Mei, and Tokoyami were the "Horse." Ochaco had made us all weightless, Mei was using her "Emergency Turbo Boots" to stabilize us, and Tokoyami's Dark Shadow was acting like a pair of extra arms to hold our portable stove.

"We need the appetizer ingredients!" Mei yelled, her goggles spinning. "My scanners indicate high-quality scallions at the North-East quadrant!"

We pivoted, drifting through the air like a sentient helicopter. But as we reached the "Grocery Zone," the world shifted.

A massive, ornate Chinese gate rose from the stadium floor. Behind it stood fifty elderly women in floral blouses, clutching jade-green shopping bags. They weren't heroes. They weren't villains.

They were The Chinese Aunties.

"Oh no," Momo's voice crackled over the shared radio. "The ultimate obstacle. Defensive shopping."

"MOVE, EXTRAS!" Bakugo's team screamed, Kirishima and Sero launching him forward like a missile. "I NEED THE ORGANIC CHICKEN!"

Bakugo reached for a crate of poultry. Suddenly, an Auntie who looked no taller than four feet moved with the speed of a jet-fighter. She slapped Bakugo's hand away with a bunch of bok choy.

"No! This chicken too skinny! You take this one!" she scolded, shoving a different bird into his chest. "You look too thin! Eat more! Why your hair so spike? You need more vitamins!"

"LET GO OF ME, YOU OLD HAG!" Bakugo roared, but he couldn't use his explosions. He was paralyzed by the sheer, unadulterated "Grandmother Energy."

"Haiyaa," Nokotan's voice boomed over the speakers. "Bakugo-kun, you fail already! You don't fight the Auntie! You listen to the Auntie! She know which chicken have the soul! You move like a turtle! Uncle Nokotan disappointed!"

[The VIP Room POV: Pro Heroes]

Aizawa sat in the back of the room, his face buried in his hands.

Beside him, Lunch Rush—the Cooking Hero—was staring at the screen with an expression of pure, religious awe.

"The technique..." Lunch Rush whispered. "The way those Aunties are utilizing the 'Guilt-Trip' Quirk to control the flow of the market... it's masterful! Sunny has created a high-stress resource-management simulation!"

"It's a grocery store, Lunch Rush," Aizawa groaned. "He's making them fight grandmothers for ginger."

"It's not just ginger, Shota!" Nezu chirped, happily munching on a piece of cheese. "It's about prioritization! Look at Team Todoroki!"

On the screen, Todoroki was trying to use his ice to freeze a crate of shrimp so no one else could take them. In response, three Aunties had surrounded him and were currently lecturing him about his posture and asking why he didn't have a girlfriend yet.

Todoroki looked more terrified than he had during the USJ attack.

[Team Chaos POV: Momo Yaoyorozu]

"Aqua! Stop crying into the soup! You're making it too salty!" I yelled, trying to maintain my balance on the platform.

Our team was a disaster. I was the rider/chef. Toga (disguised as Sunny) was holding the left side. Toru was holding the right (which was terrifying because I couldn't tell if she was slipping). And Aqua... Aqua was the rear of the "horse."

"BUT MOMO-SAMA!" Aqua wailed, her tears flooding the floor and making the track dangerously slippery. "THEY CALLED ME A USELESS HORSE! I AM A DIVINE BEAST! I SHOULD BE THE ONE TASTING THE FOOD, NOT CARRYING THE STOVE!"

"SHUT UP AND GALLOP!" Toga-Sunny chirped, her eyes spinning in opposite directions. "If we don't finish this appetizer, real Sunny-kun is going to give us a 'Narrative Timeout,' and I haven't seen the ending of the current arc yet!"

"Incoming!" Toru yelled.

Team Mineta was approaching. Mineta was riding on top of Shoji and Koda.

"Hehe! If I can't win, I'll just 'stick' their ingredients together!" Mineta cackled, throwing his purple orbs at our boiling pot of Miso soup.

"DARK SHADOW: DEFENSIVE WHISK!" I heard a voice cry out.

Tokoyami's team intercepted. Dark Shadow had manifested a giant, translucent whisk and was batting Mineta's orbs away like tennis balls.

"The shadows do not care for your condiments, Minoru Mineta!" Tokoyami intoned.

"It's a food war!" Mei screamed, firing a blast of high-pressure steam from her boots. "STAY AWAY FROM OUR RISOTTO!"

[Sunny Ramsay POV]

"ENOUGH! STOP! STOP! STOP!" I screamed into the mic.

The music—a heavy-metal remix of the Hell's Kitchen theme—reached a crescendo.

"The appetizers are done! It's time for the Judicial Roast! Judges, descend!"

Nokotan, Erina, and I hopped onto three flying cloud-platforms (Nokotan's was a giant, floating MSG bag). We drifted down to the field, where the teams were panting, covered in flour, and holding their first-course plates.

I drifted toward Team Bakugo.

Bakugo was holding a plate of "Spicy Dynamite Shrimp." It looked perfect. It smelled incredible.

I took a bite.

I stared at Bakugo for three seconds. The silence was so heavy it felt like it had its own gravity. The audience held their breath.

"Bakugo," I said, my voice a whisper of pure, concentrated venom.

"WHAT?!" he snarled.

"The shrimp... is so spicy... it's trying to set fire to the stadium!" I screamed, slamming my hand onto his prep table. [KABOOM!] The table turned into a giant, cartoonish accordion. "AND THE SAUCE?! IT'S SO AGGRESSIVE I THINK IT JUST TRIED TO SUE ME FOR ASSAULT! YOU CALL THIS NARRATIVE COMFORT?! THIS IS A DECLARATION OF WAR! GET OUT! GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!"

"I MADE IT PERFECTLY, YOU YELLOW FREAK!" Bakugo roared, his palms popping.

"UNCLE NOKOTAN!" I yelled. "TELL HIM!"

Nokotan drifted over, poking the shrimp with a pair of three-foot-long chopsticks. "Haiyaa. Bakugo-kun. You use too much chili. Chili is for hiding bad fish. Are you hiding bad fish? And where is the MSG? You use salt? Salt is for losers! Fuiyoh! Uncle Nokotan give you 2 out of 10. Go cry to your mommy."

Bakugo's face turned a shade of purple that matched Mineta's hair.

[Erina Nakiri POV]

I drifted toward Team Todoroki.

Shoto Todoroki was standing there, his face as stoic as ever. He presented a dish of "Cold Soba with a Seared Ginger Glaze."

I picked up my spoon. I tasted it.

The world around me vanished. I was suddenly standing in a field of pristine snow, surrounded by a warm, ginger-scented breeze. The balance of the cold noodles against the heat of the sear was... it was...

"It's... acceptable," I managed to say, my face flushing. "The texture is refined. However!" I pointed my finger at him. "The presentation is as cold as your personality! There is no love here! Just... thermal efficiency! You are cooking like a refrigerator, not a chef!"

"Haiyaa," Nokotan's voice drifted over. "Todoroki-kun. Why you use ice for noodles? You try to make them sad? Cold noodles make ancestors think you too poor to pay for gas! Fuiyoh! Uncle Nokotan give you 5 out of 10 for effort, 0 for soul!"

Todoroki blinked. "My... ancestors are dead," he said flatly.

"They still watching!" Nokotan yelled. "And they embarrassed!"

[Sunny Ramsay POV]

I drifted over to Team Chaos.

Momo was looking hopeful. Toga-Sunny was grinning. Toru was... vibrating. Aqua was still sobbing into a bucket.

They presented a "Heavenly Seafood Stew."

I looked at the bowl. I looked at the liquid. I took a sip.

I spat it out immediately.

"MOMO!" I yelled. "WHAT IS THIS?!"

"It's a seafood stew, Sunny-san! I used the freshest ingredients!"

"NO! IT TASTES LIKE... LIKE..." I looked at Aqua. "AQUA! DID YOU PURIFY THE STEW?!"

"I... I wanted it to be holy!" Aqua wailed. "I turned it into pure, distilled water!"

"IT'S WATER!" I screamed, pulling a giant 'X' sign out of my hat and slamming it onto the table. "YOU SERVED ME BOWL OF HOT WATER WITH A SHRIMP FLOATING IN IT! IT'S SO BLAND I THINK MY TASTEBUDS JUST WENT INTO A COMA! AND TOGA! WHY ARE THERE TINY RED SPOTS IN THE BROTH?!"

"It's 'Special Sauce'!" Toga-Sunny chirped.

"IT'S BLOOD! IT'S HUMAN BLOOD! ERINA-CHAN, DON'T EAT THAT!"

Erina had already turned pale and was backing away, her silver spoon clattering to the floor. "I want to go home," she whispered. "Take me back to the anime where people just strip when they eat food. This is too much."

[Second Obstacle: The Sabotage Shuffle]

"NO TIME TO CRY!" I boomed, snapping my fingers. "COURSE TWO: THE MAIN DISH! BUT THERE'S A TWIST!"

[BONG!]

Suddenly, the floor of the stadium began to tilt. It turned into a giant, spinning lazy-susan.

"Every five minutes, the kitchens will rotate!" I announced. "You have to keep cooking while your teammates fight off the other teams! And watch out for the Random Deer Attacks!"

[HONK! HONK! HONK!]

A hundred deer—wearing aprons and carrying rolling pins—charged onto the field.

"PROTECT THE BEEF!" Izuku screamed.

He activated Full Cowl, jumping over a flying spatula. Ochaco was using her quirk to keep their pots floating so they wouldn't spill during the rotation.

"DEKU!" Bakugo screamed, his team rotating toward Izuku's. "I'M GONNA OVER-SALT YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE!"

Bakugo launched a "Stun Grenade" into Izuku's kitchen. The flash-bang didn't just blind them; it turned into a shower of black pepper.

"Aah! My eyes!" Mei yelled, accidentally hitting the 'Turbo' button on her boots and flying head-first into a giant bowl of dough.

Class 1-B was doing surprisingly well. Monoma had copied a "Cooking Quirk" from a Support student and was currently multitasking with six arms.

"Look at us, 1-A!" Monoma laughed. "While you're busy with your 'Chaos,' we are achieving culinary perfection! We are the superior cla—"

[THWACK]

A deer hit Monoma in the back of the head with a frozen baguette.

"Haiyaa," Nokotan commented. "Monoma talk too much. Less talk, more wok! You look like you use microwave for everything! Uncle Nokotan hate you!"

[The Internet's POV: The Meme-pocalypse]

The world was watching. And the world was laughing so hard that several social media servers literally caught fire.

Chapter 62 - Chapter 52: Part 2 — The Michelin Star Massacre