The trio headed back out into the hallway, moving down a flight to the next landing. Jack stepped up to the door of Apartment 3B and knocked three times.
Nothing.
He knocked again, louder this time. Still nothing. He was about to turn away when a muffled, melodic voice drifted through the wood.
"—ello, Mademoiselle. My name is Philip Austrio Schartz Shallenbaum, and I have traveled across the vast—"
The door suddenly swung open. Standing in the doorway was a young man with long, blonde hair tied into a meticulous ponytail. He was dressed in an outfit that looked like it belonged in a history book—a high-collared, embroidered doublet that made him look like a displaced French prince. He struck a pose, a hand over his heart, greeting the hallway with as much grace as he could muster.
"Good evening, my dear Christine—oh." Philip blinked, his blue eyes finally focusing on the visitors. "It's you guys."
Kenlil stared at him for a long, silent moment, then turned to Jack. "Oh my god. He's dead. I'm sorry, but he's going to die, and I don't want to be anywhere near the blast radius when it happens."
Tavros let out a low, rumbling sigh, looking at Jack. "Is there a Plan C? Because Plan B looks like it's wearing a costume."
Jack pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache forming. He leaned in and whispered to Tavros, "Don't worry. To make sure we aren't collateral damage, we're going to convince her we're just 'freelancers' or buddies tagging along. We keep ourselves in the green."
Tavros groaned. "Alright, alright. Fine."
Philip straightened his collar, regaining his composure. "I apologize, gentlemen, but I have a rehearsal to make for my dear Christine before I depart for my greatest conquest tomorrow morning. Which, I might add, I am to go with you."
Kenlil's eyes widened. "Is he—?"
Jack cut him off, nodding. "Yeah. I forgot to mention he's using the 'Sign Up for the Military' technique. I offered to Mrs. Shallenbaum that we'd take him with us to Juwark City tomorrow for the big day."
"Oh my god," Kenlil breathed, his voice trembling. "We are so going to die. That woman is going to kill us for just being in the same zip code as him."
"I'm sorry," Philip said, sounding genuinely offended, "but going on a once-in-a-lifetime conquest for a woman is but an honorable deed for a man."
"The way you're talking is just going to piss her off, bud," Jack said, stepping into Philip's space. "So, we have a proposition. One that might actually keep your teeth in your head."
Philip looked hesitant, leaning against the doorframe. "Go on. I might as well weigh my options."
Jack glanced at Tavros and Kenlil, who looked like they'd rather be anywhere else. He gestured for them to stay calm. "Alright, here's the deal. We're going to help you talk to Christine. Our goal is to get you through an actual conversation with a positive outcome—which, in this case, means leaving with all your limbs intact."
"Well, that's normal," Philip said with a dismissive wave. "If you ought to love a woman, you should accept her everything with open arms."
"There isn't going to be any 'accepting' if your arms are broken because you pissed her off," Kenlil muttered.
"Listen," Jack said, "we're helping you as neighbors. We've seen plenty of young men get 'attracted' to Christine and leave in a way that requires hospitalization. Think of us as your managers. Trainers. Coaches."
Philip went quiet, his eyes darting between the three of them. "Well... I suppose I'd rather have you as assistants. But what do you want in exchange? I assume you aren't here because you boys have tender hearts."
Kenlil smirked, leaning forward. "We want you to buy us a case of beer."
"One upfront," Jack added, cutting Kenlil off, "and one if we come out successful."
Tavros grunted. "We already expect to get beaten down just for being seen with you. We might as well claim our 'no-claims' bonus."
Philip raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow. "Is that all?"
Tavros snickered. "Heh. Well, why don't you make that two cases upfront, then?"
Philip went silent for a moment, then a slow, elegant smile spread across his face. "Let me counter your offer. I don't have any cash on me at the moment, but I can give you something much better."
The trio leaned in, waiting for the catch.
"I will give you a case of my grandfather's finest Aurelian Whiskey," Philip said softly. "RhonBrew."
The three of them blinked. The air seemed to leave the room.
"Really?" Kenlil whispered. "RhonBrew? The high-end stuff? THE Rhonbrew Whiskey?"
Tavros let out a stunned laugh, but Jack looked skeptical. "Isn't that a bit much? Two cases of beer aren't even worth a single bottle of RhonBrew. It's like we're bartering a child's drawing for a Rosalina masterpiece."
Philip simply waved it off. "It's not a problem. It's been gathering dust in the cellar for years. Besides, my father hates whiskey—he's more of a vodka person and like they always say, "One man's trash is another man's treasure, as they say. I don't mind being beaten down by my dear Christine, but if I have a choice of this going right... well, I don't mind giving away a case of RhonBrew."
The trio looked at each other, grins breaking out across their faces. They clapped each other on the back, the deal sealed in their minds.
"Wait a moment, boys," Philip said, closing the door.
From inside, they heard the heavy dragging of wood and the distinct clanking of glass. A minute later, the door swung open again. Philip stood there, looking as gracious as ever, though the sweat on his forehead betrayed the effort. He was holding a heavy wooden case. Inside were ornately crafted bottles filled with a rich, red-brown liquid, the golden labels gleaming: Rhon-Brew.
The trio's eyes bulged. It was like they were looking at solid gold.
"I think it's better for me, if I pay upfront," Philip said proudly, "so you don't think I am lying."
Kenlil reached out, his hand trembling as he touched one of the bottles. "Half my brain still doesn't believe you're actually giving us this. Hell, I think a single bottle of this would be enough to knock the three of us out for a week."
"You three were planning on drinking tonight?" Philip asked.
"Yeah," Jack said, his voice returning. "We figured we'd drink our asses off tonight, considering we sign up tomorrow. Who knows, maybe they'll ship us out immediately."
Philip nodded in understanding. "I expect you boys to honor your side of the deal, then."
"Oh, we will," Jack promised, looking at Tavros and Kenlil, who were nodding like their lives depended on it.
Philip smiled in satisfaction. "I always knew you boys weren't exactly as what the rumors said. So, what am I to do to increase my chances to be with my beloved, Christine?"
Jack smiled, stepping into the apartment. "Well, first things first—that outfit. For her, you look exactly like her favorite punching bag."
He pushed Philip back into his own apartment, followed by Kenlil and Tavros, who were carefully hauling their newfound liquid treasure inside like it was a holy relic.