The taxi arrives quickly, just like in the movies.
We get into the car, and the silence becomes so deafening that even breathing seems too loud. The road stretches out before us, and one thought keeps spinning in my head: what if he's lying? What if I'm wrong again? But there is no other way. The fear that he might take me somewhere I don't want to go won't let me go, but I can't stop. I just… can't. I am ready for anything. Ready to take any risk to find her.
Vlad sits next to me, his hands clenched into fists, his face marked with bloodstains, and I can see he is nervous. He understands that not only my life but his fate is at stake. The guy mumbles something about not wanting me to break his nose or something else, but I don't care. Outside the window, city lights flash — beautiful, foreign, like everything in my life now.
My eyes don't leave the road, but my thoughts are far away. At this moment, I don't care where we are going. I don't care how dangerous this path is. I don't care what might happen. I want only one thing — to find her, understand what happened, and bring her back, even if it costs me everything I have.
When we arrive, the guy refuses to get out of the taxi, even though I no longer need his help. He sits, continuing to look at me with some strange wariness, as if he doesn't know what to do. But now that I have seen everything with my own eyes, it is clear — the race is about to start, and there is no doubt about it. I feel my heart beat faster, a cold rush of excitement in my chest. Taking a breath, I focus on what is ahead. This whole world around me is alien and frightening, but it is exactly what I am looking for. My gaze blurs over the guy; there is nothing left that connects me to him. And so be it. I don't even look at him. I throw money to the driver, slam the door — and step into the night.
Here begins a completely different reality.
The asphalt is wet, the streetlights reflect like a stage. Cars are parked on the sides — shiny beasts on the starting line. Somewhere engines roar. Shouts are heard. Tobacco smoke, laughter, curses. Adrenaline and testosterone hang thick in the air like smoke. This place lives its own life — dangerous, wild, real.
I walk through the crowd, peering at faces. Someone nods, someone glances sideways. I recognize no one. No one except him. Vi.
It is Vi. He stands with his friends, seemingly ignoring both the noise around and the tension filling the air. His figure, as always, is motionless and powerful, like a stone statue that depends on nothing in the world around. His friends are much less noticeable; they seem like just his shadows — people who follow him but can never overshadow his presence.
I feel my heart beat even harder. Even among all this crowd, even in the thick of the action — I know him. It is something more than just recognition. It is like coming home, despite having been away so long.
I approach. He turns.
"Max? What are you doing here?" His voice trembles with surprise, and I feel his shock ripple through my nerves. He clearly doesn't expect me here. But something in his look, that shadowed wariness, makes me doubt that he doesn't know I would end up here sooner or later.
"Where is she? Where is my Katrin? And don't say you don't know," my words burst out with such desperation that I almost suffocate from the pain. I am tired of this chase, these empty words and silence. I demand answers. And I am not going anywhere without them.
"We'll be a minute, guys," he says to those he has just been talking to, and waves them away. He knows this is important. He knows now is the time for a conversation no one else should hear.
"Come on, let's go somewhere private and talk," there is a hidden threat in his voice. Not physical, but emotional — he is ready to talk, but only on his terms.
"But you'll answer my questions," I say, not going to back down.
I don't care about his terms. I need to know where she is, what happened to her, why everything is like this. He sighs again, and in his eyes appears a shadow of regret, as if he already knows it will hurt me.
"I'll try," those words are full of some desperate promise he barely believes himself. But I can't wait any longer.
We move away from the noise, from all this bright, unreal life. The noise and roar of the races quiet down, and in the silence, only our footsteps echo in the emptiness.
"Answer me. Where did Katrin disappear to?" I can't hold back this question. It burns me inside, curses me for every day I don't know where she is. I am ready to destroy everything we have for just one answer.
Vi sighs. Deeply. Slowly. And looks at me as if scanning to the very bottom of my soul. I feel uneasy, as if I am fully exposed, but it doesn't matter.
"I don't have the right."
"You think I'll ask only once?" I step closer, feeling the fire in my chest ready to burst out, but at the same time some strange coldness in my heart. The man isn't afraid. Not a bit.
"You're not ready, Maxim. Not for the answer, not for what you'll learn. Her act — it's not betrayal. It was… salvation. For both of you."
"Do you know how I burn without her? Do you know how I'm dying in pieces, every second she's gone?!"
"I know. I burned like that once, too. That's why I guard her. And you. You didn't meet by chance. But sometimes love is not being near. Sometimes love is leaving so you stay alive."
I clench my teeth, trying to keep control. My heart pounds in my temples, my breath grows heavy.
"Where is she?"
"Max?.." Vi's voice sounds almost hoarse. He stands, as always, confidently, but his eyes betray real shock.
"Well?!" I lose control. "Tell me. Where did she go?"
Vi looks at me with such an expression as if he sees a broken mirror in my eyes reflecting all the feelings I have hidden for so long.
"She left," his words stab into my chest like a knife. I stand, unable to comprehend what I just hear. The whole world suddenly turns upside down. She is gone. She left, and I don't know where she is.
"Where did she go?" I can't hide the panic growing inside me. It can't be true. She can't just disappear. I can't accept it.
"To another city, where you won't find her," his voice is quiet but firm. He doesn't try to comfort me, just speaks the truth. But that truth is too heavy for me.
"Why?" I barely hold back the rage boiling inside. Why did she leave? Why did she abandon me?
"I can't answer that. All I can say is — I'll tell, but I promised to hide a lot from you," his words sound like a sentence. I feel something inside me break. He is hiding something, something important. But what?
"So you know where she is now?" I can't let it go. I need to know where she is. Anywhere. Somehow.
"I know, but I can't say. Forgive me, Maxim, but it's not my secret," there is so much regret in his eyes that it hurts unbearably. He is close, he knows, but can't help. I feel the emptiness squeezing me with every second.
"Why did she do this?" I try to understand, to find an explanation. How could she do this to me, to us?
"It doesn't matter. What matters is that she wants you to keep living without her," his words feel like a cold shower. I can't believe she could want that. How could she leave me and expect me to go on like nothing happened?
"I can't. She is my life," I say it with such strength I even surprise myself. She is my air, my thoughts, my meaning. How do I live without her?
"I understand. It's impossible — once knowing Katrin, to live as if she never existed. But you have to try. I'll be there and help you as much as I can. You're not alone," his words sound sincere, but I still feel the weight of them crash down on me. Yes, he is close. But the emptiness inside me still remains.
"Why did she do this to me? Why leave without saying goodbye? Without explanations? Without a chance… at least just to hug her one last time?"
"Because she loves you. Loves you so much she was ready for anything. Sometimes love is not staying. It's disappearing. Not holding your hand, but letting go. Even if it breaks you. Even if you fall asleep every night with her name on your lips."
My legs give way. I sink down onto the cold concrete, covering my face with my hands.
"I can't live without her, Vi. You don't understand…"
"I do. Believe me, I know what it's like. I know what it's like to lose someone who is everything to you. But you're not alone, Max. Not alone. I'm here. Always will be here. And if one day she decides you're ready… she'll come back."
He sits down next to me and hugs me tightly. For the first time in a long time, I allow myself to break. To not hold back tears, to not pretend to be strong. Just… to sob. Like a boy. Like a man whose heart is ripped out.
I cry in the arms of a man I recently hated, but now he is the only one who knows anything. He isn't an enemy. He is part of her world. And so, part of mine.
And I know — he wouldn't keep silent if there wasn't a reason.
"You're going to tell me how she is over there?" my voice barely comes out of my throat. I am almost afraid of my own words.
"It will be easier for me that way… When I know she's okay, it's like she's still somewhere nearby."
Vi smiles sadly, his eyes darken as if an old, lost feeling ignites in them too.
"Of course. I'll tell you. Every time there's even the slightest news — I'll share it with you. She doesn't want you to suffer, Max. I know that. I know how hard this departure is for her…"
He lowers his eyes, as if he sees her image tangled in the past.
"I want to introduce you to my wife. Just… I don't want you to be alone. Sorry I didn't get in touch earlier, I… didn't know how. I was probably afraid I'd see hatred in your eyes. But you're not that person. You're real. You're… like her, too alive inside to just forget."
I swallow, my throat tightens, my breath becomes sharp like a person drowning in air.
"I feel like I'm dying without her," I admit. The words slip out suddenly, like from a cliff.
"Please, Max… Don't do anything foolish. For her. For yourself. She... won't survive if something happens to you. It is already hellishly hard for her to leave you. But she does it not because she stopped loving you. But because… she has to. It is a decision that breaks her inside. But she wants you to live. To study. To fulfill your dreams."
I clench my fists.
"She is my dream. Do you understand? Nothing else matters."
He nods.
"I know. And that's exactly why I want to help you. I… will one day help you be together. But now… you have to trust me. Do what I ask. Finish your studies. That's all she asks. I understand it seems now like I don't understand you at all, and that I'm just a fool," his voice is quiet, full of guilt, as if each word is hard for him to say. He lowers his eyes, avoiding mine, as if that could ease the pain he feels.
"No, I respect you, and what you say matters to me," my words come with unexpected firmness.
"I promise you, as soon as you finish your studies, I'll tell you the whole truth and give you her new address," his words are simple, but there is something invisibly important, elusive and serious in them. He is trying to give me at least a little hope, and there is such determination in his voice that I feel as if light has appeared again in the place where there was darkness just recently.
"Really?" I can't believe he is giving me hope I'll see her again.
Those words seem impossible to be real. My chest tightens at the thought that I could finally see her again, even if it is still far away. I am afraid this hope might be false, but I can't give it up. Suddenly he notices it in my eyes because his gaze softens, as if he sees me hesitate.
"I'm telling the truth. Katrin wants you to graduate with honors. She made me promise not to tell, but I'll keep this secret until you finish studying. I want you to be together too," the man says almost like a prayer, as if these words are supposed to be not just a promise but a life goal he is ready to pursue to the end.
"Okay. I'll do it, and we'll be together again," I answer almost automatically, but there is hope in my words.
My soul seems to spread out, the emptiness in my head disappears. It all seems unbelievable, but I know I have a goal. I have to fulfill it to get her back. We are both on the edge, and I can't leave it just like that.
"Do you really think I can?.."
"You can. Because Katrinka believes in you. I saw how she looked at you. That's not how they look at random people. That's how they look… at someone they're afraid to lose the most. And if you get through this — I'll keep my word. I'll tell you her address. Tell you everything. I swear."
I freeze. Everything fights inside me — pain, fear, hope, jealousy, love… But in Vi's words there is too much truth. Too much light to just ignore it.
"I'll do it. I'll finish my studies. I'll live to that moment. And then… we'll be together again."
And for the first time in a long time, I feel… not happiness, no. But a purpose. A striving. Hope. It flashes again somewhere ahead, like a beacon in the eternal night. And I know: I will walk this path. For her.
Rebel Girl will be mine again, and I hers. I am ready to wait for so many years for that. There is something in those words that touches the heart, as if I find meaning in life again. I imagine how we will be together again, and it fills me with warmth, like light breaking through clouds after a long storm. Ready to wait — years don't matter if at the end of this path is her.
I know Vi isn't lying to me, and he wouldn't say such words for nothing. His eyes are sincere, and I see in them not just a promise but something more — a desire to help me, to support me in this trial. He isn't going to play with me, or give empty hopes, he believes in my determination, in my ability to go through to the end, and that gives me strength.
The man is ready to break his promise, but for that I have to finish my studies. His words sound like a condition, as if there is an invisible boundary between us that I have to cross to earn the right to my dream. I accept those conditions. It is not just an agreement, it is my only salvation.
Because it gives me hope for at least something, rather than living further knowing I have no chance to be with her again. Life without that hope is empty, like a dark tunnel without an exit. Now, knowing there is light at the end of the path, I feel alive. And if I have to go through this stage for that, I am ready to do everything to continue our story.
I return to the dormitory. My head rings from Vi's words, from the photos he promises to show, from the realization that it isn't a dream, not delirium — but harsh, painful reality. Katrin really leaves. Sells the apartment. Leaves a whole life in boxes… and leaves.
I don't immediately dare to open those boxes. Until this moment, I just look at them. They stand in the corner, like a silent reminder, like a coffin with shards of my love.
Now — I lift the lid.
The shirt she loves so much on me. The old blanket we wrap ourselves in when watching movies. A bottle of perfume, the scent of which still hangs in the air. And… a letter.
My hand trembles. The handwriting. Hers. My vision blurs, the letters run together, turning into ink tears on the yellow paper sheet. I sit on the bed, clutch the paper, and start reading — but barely manage to finish the first line.
Tears. Hot. Merciless. Treacherous.
I reread line after line, as if I hear her voice. I don't know how long I sit like that. Maybe a minute. Maybe an hour. Maybe eternity. The paper trembles in my hands, my heart is breaking, but in this break is life too. Because I feel her near. Through these words. Through every dot, every comma.
She leaves. But she leaves a part of herself. And I hold it in my hands.
"Dear Maxim,
I don't know where to begin properly, and honestly, I'm not sure you'll even want to read this letter. Maybe you'll crumple it up right away and throw it away. Maybe you won't even open it. But I needed to leave you at least something. The last word from me. The last piece of everything that was between us.
I understand that you're angry now. And maybe even despise me after what you saw in the apartment… I don't blame you for anything. I'm ashamed. Very. This is not the me you knew, and probably not the one you'd want to have any past with. But I really didn't have the strength to explain back then. I just… couldn't.
The time we spent together — it was the warmest, the most alive thing that has ever happened to me. And these aren't pretty words. I'm serious. Sometimes I lay next to you and thought: "Is this really happening to me? Do I really have someone like you?" You have no idea how much you affected me. How much light and warmth you brought. How many good days I now replay in my head again and again.
You gave me so many good memories I will never forget, I promise. Every moment spent with you became a part of me, a part of my heart. I will keep these memories as the most precious treasures that will never fade, even if time passes.
Thank you for every meeting we had, for the dates, for the conversations, for the silence beside each other. For your look when you just stared at me without saying a word. For your hands that could be both strong and so gentle. For every one of our dances, for club visits, for the morning cup of coffee, for your shirt I always stole. For how you fell asleep next to me, breathing calmly, as if the world became safe for at least the night.
And yes, for every touch. For every intimacy that wasn't vulgar, only love. It wasn't just sex — it was something much more important. It was me — real, open, almost defenseless, and you were there. And that will stay inside me forever.
But we have to part, and that decision was very hard for me. I thought long, worried, tried to understand what to do, but in the end, I realized that we need to go our separate ways. Please, I want you to try to live without me as if I were never in your life. Don't cling to the past like I do. Just accept that we were. That it was real, true. And that alone is a huge value.
No, I'm not saying we were a mistake for each other. You were never a mistake, no. You were an important part of my life, and even if this decision seems right to me now, I still can't not appreciate all the moments we shared.
You gave me so much happiness that I couldn't even imagine how it was possible. I never thought I could be so happy with someone, and even now, when we're parting, this happiness will live in my heart, this feeling you gave me. Thank you for all the dates we had. Every moment, every look, every laugh spent together — all of it was magical. I love these memories so much that I couldn't choose the best among them. They are all equally important, just like every moment I was near you.
Thank you for every dance, every kiss, every act of love. You were not just near, you were my world, and I felt how we merged like no one else in my life. It was love between us. You were my supportive shoulder, my friend, and my beloved, and I will always keep these moments in my heart. I really didn't know it was possible to be this happy until our story appeared. If I could live it all over again — I'd choose you again. Even knowing how it would end. Even knowing it would hurt.
You were the best thing that ever happened in my life, but despite that, I had to let you go. It was hard, but sometimes, to keep our memories as they are, you have to part. Forgive me for this, if you can. I didn't want to hurt you, but I believe this is the step that had to be taken.
Forgive me. For everything I did. Forgive me for letting you go like this. Without hugs, without a last look, without a chance to explain everything looking into your eyes.
I hope that someday our paths will cross again. Maybe not now, not at this moment, but somewhere in the future. You were and will remain an important person to me, and I will cherish these memories. You were my good boy, and I will love you always.
I love you.
Forever yours,
Rebel Girl"