Within a world of pain and lies a boy laid upon his bed, a simple wooden frame with a thin mattress, one barely thick enough for one to enjoyably sleep upon, staring upon the sky through the holes in his ceiling, his mind wandered, imaging all the worlds he could've been in, wondering what would happen if he'd made one change here or there, and god knows hes tried to go back, to change anything he can, but even now, laying here, he couldn't think of a good thing he had done, now thats not to say he had done bad, just that he didn't believe his actions were good, he didnt believe they helped anyone or anything, sometimes he'd question whether life was even worth living.
Slowly sitting up from his languid posture, his joints crack, tendons popping, even his eyes have to try to pull apart to allow him to fully see, his eyes were covered in dleep after all, from that one long sleep he had seen and had, a dream so long and craving it felt more real than reality, a world where he had managed to succeed at least once in one of his many attempts at doing anything, but no, he woke up, he always does, waking up is just a part of life everyone had told him, though he often wished he could stay asleep forever, never wanting to be awake if all there was to the world was the nothingness of thought and pain of mistakes, he never asked to be here after all, though he still is and was, and that was something to be tha full for after all.
Moving from his bed his stomach slowly grumbles, eyes glazed over and yet dancing through the halls, sights left unseen for days, the dirt and dust here and there, he needed food so he headed everywhere. Eventually, he found some food, some edible food that is, some jerky in a freezer within the basement of his dwelling, hes thought about moving down there more than once if it wasn't for the lack of light. Taking the meat from the freezer he moves through the winding narrows and hallways of his home, going from room to wall to window, seeing outside one moment and being in a odd area soon later, one with no light, and then just a few moments later he had returned to his room, the shadows warping around him, mocking him, sure, they didnt speak to him, but he could tell, they hated him, mocked him, thought him weak and meaningless, and honestly he often felt like agreeing and falling into decay, yet he never quite did, this ever moving flow of movement and light through his room; shadows, refractions, clothes and containers, all tricking him, making him feel crazy, like he was nothing more than an ant being tortured by some cruel child-like god.
Taking a deep breath to clear his mind, he coughs a few times, lungs filled by the dust he had brought up by moving through the room, a gentle breeze from the holes kn his ceiling hitting his face, and it just made him feel tired.
Sitting upon the bed, he stretched before taking slow, small, and steady bites from the meat, trying not to vomit it up from the lack of food hes eaten at all recently, not by force either, he much prefers to not eat unless he has to, wanting to just fade away most of the time. After having managed to force the meat into his mouth and swallowing it, he went back to his earlier languid sprawl, making him feel as though he was the blanket for the bed, covering the people below, and yet he knew no one was there, because ad per usual he was alone. No friends, no family, just himself and his thoughts, though he couldn't deny the shadows, last time he did that it felt like they screamed at him for days, so sure, he at least had the shadows, but does that really matter? He felt completely apathy about most things, and the things he didnt feel apathy towards were most just negative emotions, god, he couldn't honestly remember the last time he enjoyed doing something other than sleeping, it must've been a long time since he had, or it could just be that his memory had lost it again, he did often forget even the most basic things. And yet he was still here. He had tried not to be in the past, and look how that ended up, he failed, not because of someone else, but just because he was afraid. So so afraid. Afraid of the pain of death, afraid of the pain of dying. He knew death itself was painless, but dying? There were some horrible ways to die, and a lot of them were the easiest ways to kill himself. So yoi can imagine why he was still here. Why he still ate. Why he still did anything for that matter, when at the end of the day there was only one thing he really wanted to do. To sleep.
For how long? Forever. He wanted to lose himself in a very long dream, an everlasting one would be best, but he knew the implausibility of the idea, in fact he was one to believe that if a god did exist, then he wouldn't be one of the few to be let to sleep. He knew he hadn't done anything good enough to deserve it, but he couldn't deny how amazing it sounded. Always and forever, in fact he had once heard an idea of eternity, it went something like a king heard of a wise boy and asked him how many seconds are in eternity, and the boy told the king something like:
"In lower pomerania there is a diamond mountain, that is two miles wide and two miles deep. Every 100 years a little bird comes and sharpens his beak upon the mountain, when the entire mountain has been worn away by the bird, then and only then would the first second of eternity have passed."
And he would willingly sleep for that long, a very long dream indeed, as long as it was a nice one, no nightmares, just eternal slumber, eternal peaceful slumber.
He only really wanted one thing, A Long Sleep. A very long one indeed.