Anxin gulped. He stood outside the library. His eyes on Jia Hao who brightly smiled at his classmate. Her hands locked with his.
She turned seeing Anxin. She turned back to Jia Hao, saying something making Jia Hao playfully hit her arm with a shy smile.
She gave Anxin a smile and waved at Jia Hao before leaving. Anxin slowly walked to Jia Hao, his eyes on his female classmate till she left.
"What are you doing here—
"Hyung, who's she and why were you smiling so brightly at her?" Anxin asked. Fear creeping into his chest.
"We share classes together. Again, what are you doing here?" Jia Hao asked, his smile gone.
Anxin fiddled with his hands. "Leo hyung has been found" He said and Jia Hao nodded.
"How's he taking it? Losing his hearing"
Anxin looked down. "It's hard on him but.. we're trying not to make him feel bad"
Jia Hao nodded, sighing in pity. Anxin then looked at him. "If that's all, I'm going back in"
Anxin held his arm stopping him.
"What?"
Anxin anxiously gulped. "I... There's something I need to tell you hyung... If I don't tell you now... I don't know if I ever will"
Jia Hao looked around and then looked back at him nodding.
Anxin folded his lips. "Hyung... I.. I like you"
Jia Hao's face fell. "You what?"
Anxin slowly held his hand. "Hyung... I like you. I really like you. I feel happy whenever I'm around you. You make me feel like I'm not a servant, that I'm a human.
You gave me hope that there are truly good people still existing out there. You never made me feel less.
I smile to sleep thinking of your face. Your voice brings me a kind of peace I can't explain. I don't understand but I like you.
I want to be with you and stay by your side.
Hyung, can I come closer?"
Jia Hao's eyes slightly widened as he looked at Anxin. He didn't say anything making Anxin gulp anxiously.
He then looked down, his hand slowly removed Anxin's hand from his. "No"
"Hyung.." Anxin called hurt.
Jia Hao gritted his teeth not wanting to look at him.
"Anxin.. You're fourteen, I'm seventeen. I'm too old for you—
Anxin immediately held his hand shaking his head.
"H-Hyung I can wait.. p-please.." He begged, his chest closing in as tears began to form.
Jia Hao removed his hand as he shook his head.
He then sighed. "I like boys Anxin. No. You're too young. I don't want to stain you with my disease—
Anxin raised Jia Hao's hand, rubbing it against his face as his tears fell. "Hyung you can stain me... I don't care.. Give me all the disease you have.. Please"
Jia Hao gritted his teeth, fighting back his tears as he saw Anxin's hurt face. He took his hand away.
"You're young. You don't know what you're saying. I don't want to be the reason for your dismay. You should grow up, find a good wife, and start a family"
Anxin shook his head as he cried.
"But it's you I want.."
"Anxin!" Anxin flinched when Jia Hao yelled.
"Don't you get it?! You, Me. It's dangerous for us to be together. Look at Leo and Sangwon... look at how they're suffering.. do you want that?!"
Anxin kept quiet as he cried. He shook his head. "H-Hyung.. I don't care.."
Jia Hao gulped, looking elsewhere as he tried to blink away his tears.
He folded his lips, immediately wiping the tear that escaped. "Fine.. I admit.. Ever since I met you, every day has been so much fun..
But if I stay with you any longer, I'll fear death.
Anxin.. for your sake, we can't"
Anxin rubbed his hands together as he cried.
"H-Hyung.. please.."
Jia Hao looked elsewhere as he harshly wiped his tears. He then turned back to Anxin seriously.
"Anxin. We should go on our own paths now"
Anxin's face fell when he heard his words.
"W-What about your promise?"
He panted as he clutched Jia Hao's hand.
"You said you'd always stay by my side!"
Jia Hao gritted his teeth as he quietly looked at him. "That promise..."
He let out a deep sigh. "...is over now"
He detached his hand from Anxin's as he turned.
Anxin immediately hugged him from behind.
"N-No.. I'm not letting you go.. hyung please..
Give us a chance.."
Jia Hao closed his eyes hearing Anxin's hurt voice. He gritted his teeth. He had to do what had to be done.
He harshly broke the hug, pushing him away. Anxin staggered back. "Hyung.." he called crying.
"Don't come here again. or to my class. Or to my home. I don't want to see you again. Stay away"
Anxin felt his heart shatter. Jia Hao turned, going in and banging the door closed. Anxin shook his head. He hit the door.
"H-Hyung please.. open.. hyung! Y-You can't do this to me! Hyung it's me Anxin... please..
I won't like you again.. just don't send me away"
Anxin pleaded, crying as he hit his hands on the door.
Jia Hao slid down the door, his face in his hands as he quietly cried listening to Anxin.
He was hurt but he had to do it.
His parents had already started suspecting something fishy. He had to end it now before it got too late.
Anxin was too precious to him for him to lose.
Still young and alone, if he got banished, where would he go? Who would he run to?
He had to protect him.
If it meant pushing their feelings aside, Jia Hao was ready to carry that cross.
He couldn't afford to let history repeat itself.