June's eyes flew open, her heart hammered hard against her ribs. She had finally succumbed to exhaustion only to be jolted awake by a nightmare.
Cold sweat dripped down her face, and she reached for the glass of water on her bedside table, but it sat just beyond her grasp. The dream's eerie presence clung to her tightly, refusing to let go.
This dream felt so real to her. It brought back old memories and feelings, of things she had tried so hard to forget and the tears didn't seem to stop.
Why could't he let her go?
June's legs trembled as she swung them over the side of the bed, her arms struggling to push herself up
"I don't even like him anymore," she whispered but even she couldn't believe herself now. She couldn't believe her own feelings.
June's mind slowly pieced together the fragments of her nightmare. She saw herself back in class, the rain pouring outside. She was in her usual seat and had her sweater pulled up to half her face, wrapping herself in it like a cocoon. There was no one else in class except her
Suddenly Ryan showed up.
He didn't ask. He just sat right Infront of her. He was really close, his face expressionless. He had no sweater on, his chattering teeth and trembling body couldn't stand against the cold.
"Am cold Blue," he said. "Share your sweater with me."
She didn't answer. She didn't even move. Her face was still hidden beneath the sweater.
And like he always did, he leaned in closer and locking their eyes.
His hands cupped around her face, gently pulling the sweater slightly away.
"Blue, I really miss you." June heard the words but his lips didn't once move.
One hand held her face and the other gripped her hand so tight like she would run if he let go.
Then
A kiss.
Light and soft
One on her forehead.
Her eyes ,
Her nose,
Her cheeks,
Then he leaned to her ear, slightly touched it like he used to do, then kissed it too... He then whispered, but his voice was more threatening whisper-soft. "Why won't you stay with me June?"
His grip tightened as Ryan's fingers wrapped tighter around hers, June's hand throbbed, and she fought, trying to break free but his grip tightened even more.
Then she woke up.
The dream kept replaying in her mind over and over.
Ryan had crossed the line again. Even in her dreams.
June got pulled back into a memory of the first time Ryan had crossed the friendship line.
It was a late spring evening. June, Ryan and Dexter were leaving campus together. Ryan had insisted he wanted to show June a painting he had made and a restaurant he had discovered. Dexter tagged along because he was headed the same way.
The Sun had almost set and the sky was painted in a breathtaking red and yellow palette. The wind blew quite strong, shaking the dried leaves off the trees.
They strolled down the concrete road, Dexter slightly trailing behind June and Ryan and like always he never said anything.
A gust of wind whipped her braids into a frenzy, strands hitting across her face. Ryan pulled her back, his fingers gently bundled her braids into a loose ponytail with a small scarf.
"You know," Ryan started still ticking away the ones that escaped. "I really love the colour of your braids..."
"Let me style them sometime."
Dexter suddenly burst out laughing hysterically. "I didn't know friends could do that."
Ryan walked backwards, his gaze locked on June. A smirk on his lips. The sunset rays hit through his emerald eyes turning them into glowing bronze jewels.
"Our level of friendship can....right June?" He jocked winking at her.
Dexter closed in on her too, mischief glimmering in his dark brown eyes under the amber light. "June, then let me style them too. I'm your friend too, right?" He grinned.
Ryan darted forward, cutting him off with a playful jab to the arm.
"Nope. Not you," Ryan snapped, his voice dripping with playful seriousness.
Dexter gasped in fake offense, stumbling back like Ryan had mortally wounded him. Then he bolted after him, shouting,
"Who said you get to do it either, HUH!"
"June gets to decide that," Ryan replied back, laughing so hard he nearly tripped.
While Dexter swiped at him like a kid trying to catch a firefly, their voices filling up the still almost empty path with playful threats and laughing.
June just stood there shaking her head, caught between amusement and second-hand embarrassment.
Is this how friends were with each other?
She stepped forward, the wild urge to run to them, free and happy just like little children.
Suddenly, a light wind blew and a small speck of dust got in her eye. She stepped back rubbing her eyes in a frantically hoping to get it out.
Ryan was the first to notice from a far, he seemed to notice everything about her.
He bolted back followed closely by Dexter who had already pulled out a bottle from his bag.
Before June could reach for the bottle, Ryan stepped in. His hands were warm as they cupped her face, and he leaned in, close enough for her to catch the yellow flecks in his green eyes.
"Am gonna blow now... don't you blink," he muttered.
Then he blew... Not once but twice, soft, quick puffs of air right into her eye. She flinched for the first time. The second time, she just... Froze.
Their faces were so close. Too close. It was like the world slowed. Her heartbeat thundered so loud and wild like a drum in a quiet room.
Was it always this loud?
Ryan tilted his head. "Is it better?"
She blinked. Slowly. "Yeah," she said. "I think so."
But he didn't step back.
"If it's still in there," he said, his thumb brushing gently across her upper and lower eyelid, "I can blow again."
"I… I think it's gone."
Dexter broke out laughing loudly, more so awkwardly, his eyes darted to June for a moment.
Dexter pulled Ryan back with a laugh so awkward and loud June's ears and cheeks burned.
"You know water could have done the trick. You could have got her eye worse with bacteria from your mouth." He sneered.
June's thoughts drifted to Ryan, who still stood there, he said something but June couldn't hear it against Dexter's laughter and her heart thudding in her ears.
Ryan was too charming. In fact, way too charming.
What about Molly ?... June had tried to imagine what she looked like a lot of times, did he treat her like that too, hold her face that way too and talk to her with the same sweet voice.
Keighley's warnings now thundered even louder in the back of her mind.
June blinked and she was back in the dark room, in the corner of her bed. Tears still flowing down her face.
She shouldn't have trusted him. She should have never let him in.
Ryan, someone who was like the sun to her, had been reduced to nothing but a nightmare.
Dear diary,
I hate that these dreams of him have become nightmares.
I don't want them anymore. I don't want to know if he's hurting too.
When will this burning pain in my chest stop? I can't take it anymore.
~June