Did I have a good life?
"Why are you like this! Your cousin, Luvia is already an unmatched genius!"
I had Food, Shelter, Education. By objective standards, my life was privileged. Comfortable and Safe.
So, I would say it wasn't bad.
"Yes, I do understand that your circuit quality isn't the best! But that's why you should work harder!"
But it wasn't a good one either.
"You must at least be good at formalcraft! You won't be able to even enter the Clock Tower at this rate!"
"Mom" I spoke for the first time during the whole one-sided conversation.
"And how many times I—... what?"
I cut her off.
I never did that before, so she must be surprised.
"I want to give up on being a mage and live a normal life."
To be honest, it was very interesting to see her face, for the first time, turn into one of shock, as her mouth was "O" shaped.
She must have felt that she went too far with her scolding, her expression softened a bit.
"...I didn't say you have to do that. As I said, your circuits might not be the best, but if you worked hard enough—"
"They're not 'not the best.' They are simply the worst. Both quantity and quality are E grade. Besides that, you said it yourself — I'm not even good at formalcraft. Even if I somehow entered the Clock Tower, I'd be a laughingstock."
"Why do you say that all of a sudden?" Besides the basic 'yes' and 'no,' I usually never spoke much, so her bewilderment is understandable.
"I don't really have any interest in jewel magic or formalcraft, nor in becoming a magus in general. Living as a normal human is more convenient for me." My voice didn't really have much emotion as I declared that, but again, that's only natural for me.
"You..." My mother looked at me as if she were trying to read my true intentions; however, that would be a fool's errand, as my expressionless face never changed during my entire thirteen years.
Aside from the ticking sound of the clock, it was silent for a long while in the study room.
Finally giving up, my mother sighed deeply. "Fine, if you want to live as a normal human I won't stop you... this might be good too."
I blinked.
Well, that's quite unexpected.
However, I won't question her about this as it was better for me this way.
My mother left the study room without saying another word, leaving me alone in the study room.
Maybe she was expecting this somehow.
She had left the main Edelfelt family due to weak magical talent.
Now her son had even weaker talent.
But, I can't tell for sure given that I do not understand her.
So... I guess my life is supposed to be changed now.
From a magus that preserves the mystery and seeks the Root, to a normal everyday human.
This should be, if not devastating, at least disappointing for most mages.
But I didn't really feel anything for this decision.
Neither do I feel... happiness for living a mundane life.
This wasn't unusual for me — in fact, that is what I'm all about.
I never felt anything genuine; I merely acted in a certain way because it was the natural thing for me to do.
Yet, somehow, I'm completely capable of functioning as a normal human being... all thanks to that 'flow'.
***
I never felt anything since I was born.
It's not that my emotions were numbed or that I was apathetic, I fundamentally didn't have the thing everyone else called 'emotion'.
So, all that remained to me was logic.
My world was fully grey and colourless.
But even for someone like me, I had a way to navigate in the grey world in front of me.
In kindergarten, I never understood why this child would cry or why that child would laugh.
Yet I managed to act correctly, feeling what was the correct or natural thing to do.
I knew that I must cry when I fell down, that I must laugh when I was held up.
All thanks to that 'flow'.
It simply tells me that I should behave in a certain way when I'm faced with certain choices.
I first thought it was what most people call morals.
"Are morals a sort of code everyone has to mentally follow?"
If this was the case, that would explain a lot of the illogical actions of the adults around me.
That's what the five-year-old me thought up until—
One day, we were on a field trip; most kids were taken to see the nearby mountain.
All kids were organized well that day, yet one child, one that was a famous troublemaker, managed to sneak away from the group without the teachers noticing a thing.
To this day I don't know why, the careless, emotionless me decided to follow him, but I did so anyway.
The teachers' eyes weren't focused on me since I was known to be well behaved, so escaping their surveillance wasn't a hard task for me.
As I secretly followed him through the forest and trees within the mountain, he stopped at the end of the road in front of us.
In front of us was the edge of the mountain, overlooking the whole forest hundreds of meters below the mountain.
The view was breathtaking, maybe that's why his eyes widened with excitement as he stood near the edge.
As I moved closer to him, I accidentally stepped on a fallen tree branch.
Crack!
"Oh? Nox! Did you follow me here?"
He noticed me.
"Look at this! It's amazing! You can see the whole forest from here!"
Maybe because I was getting too close to him he stared at me, a little bit confused.
"Nox?"
It was only natural.
"H-hey... I think you're getting a little bit too close..."
It was only natural.
"N-Nox?.. Why aren't you talking?"
It was only natural.
My palms pressed against his chest.
It was only natural.
I put as much strength as I could in them and—
It was only natural.
A sound of a surprised cry. A sound of an impact. A sound of nothing came later.
It was only natural.
***
"Young master?" A concerned old voice woke me up.
"Oh, Klonkku? Sorry, my mind wandered a bit," I replied as my mind flicked back to the present.
"You have been staring into nothing for a full thirty minutes, young master—you didn't even blink. I'm actually impressed," the old butler said in a tone that was half amazed, half worried.
"Yeah, I do that sometimes," I replied carelessly.
"Lady Lumi left the room earlier than usual today—did something happen?"
"Nothing big. I forgot to charge my jewels with mana last night, so she scolded me. We talked about the Clocktower a bit and—oh—I stopped being a mage."
"Oh, thank goodness—WAIT, WHAT!" The old man almost had his eyes popping out of their sockets like a cartoon character as he looked at me.
"Yeah, I thought it doesn't really suit that much."
"Doesn't suit you? Well, if that truly is your wish, young master, then there's nothing for me to say, but... what do you plan to do in the future then, young master?" the old butler asked as he raised his eyebrow.
"Future, huh..."
For some reason—
That word seemed alien to me.
However...
"Whatever I like."
That will be my answer regardless.
The old butler looked at me for a second, then gave me a warm smile. "I see... yes, I do think that this is the best choice as well, young master."
This old butler is my mother's loyal servant; as far as I can remember, he was there since I was born.
It might be better to say that he is more of a parent to me than my actual mother.
So, for some reason, I wonder...
What would his reaction be if he truly knew the actual meaning behind my words?
***
It was a very cold morning.
As soon as I woke up, I threw some wood in the fireplace and lit it up.
Firewood runs out quickly, so I can't let the fireplace lit at night.
As a result, my room is freezing right now.
This matter would have been solved if my mother chose to rent or buy a modern house or apartment that has a furnace; however, my mother always insisted on living in old-designed Victorian houses every time we traveled.
Those houses were unnecessarily expensive. They didn't provide a lot besides a fancy sort of aesthetic charm, and they lacked a lot of what their practical modern variants could offer.
But perhaps it wasn't a choice of practicality. Instead, it was a choice of nostalgia.
One of emotion.
I, however, lacked them, so I cannot tell if this was the case or not.
After I stopped being a mage, my mother and I didn't talk to each other much, since we didn't truly have a reason to.
One of the few connections I had to my mother was my training and study time; when that disappeared, I did not have a specific reason to talk to my mother besides the basic daily interactions.
My mother wasn't the type of person who liked to talk much either, so it was quiet for the last few months.
Speaking of quiet... so was the old mansion currently.
My mother was out for work reasons for the last few days, and Klonkku was most likely out shopping this morning, given it was Saturday.
And given it was Saturday, I don't have to go to school today either.
"What should I do?"
Such a question suddenly came to my mind.
The idea of "free time" was a foreign thing to me.
Whenever I had free time, I had to spend it on either charging my jewels, studying, or training in combat with Klonkku.
Because of how low my circuits' quantity and quality were, I had to spend every single second I had sharpening everything else I had in order to survive as a mage, or at least that was what my mother always said.
However, after I stopped being a mage, such a thing isn't required from me anymore.
"Should I study my mundane subjects?"
Such an idea crossed my mind, then it quickly disappeared.
I already memorized and understood every single subject possible in school.
When I used to study magecraft, my mother made sure that I had a solid thaumaturgical foundation.
In order to do so, I had to learn Formalcraft, Bounded Fields, Witchcraft, Alchemy, and jewel magecraft.
They all, on their own, required the study of many languages and higher-level subjects than the middle school subjects.
At least there was nothing in seventh grade that was beyond my knowledge.
Should I go around the city?
Since we were in constant travel, especially in the last two years, I don't really know much about every place we go to, including the current one.
We are currently in an old rural town in England called Old Leigh; there's nothing special about it, but for some reason my mother bought a mansion here, and we have been living here for the last few months.
Do keep in mind that it's only an hour by train or so from the fancy apartment she has in London, so I don't know why she felt the need to buy an entire mansion here.
If we counted the number of houses and properties she bought across the world in dollars, the number would easily reach eight digits, but I digress.
Suddenly, I heard the sound of footsteps approaching from outside the room.
"Hmmm?" I wondered if it was Klonkku, coming back from shopping.
Knock!.. knock knock.
A knocking sound came from the door of my room; however, it was a very hesitant one, as if whoever was behind the door was afraid to be heard or answered.
I felt caution rise within me all of a sudden; neither my mother nor Klonkku knocked on the door like this.
I grabbed a jewel from my drawer and put it behind my back as I opened the door.
"Y-young master!"
What stood in front of me was Klonkku, with a somehow sad, yet relieved face.
"Hmm?... Klonkku? Did something happen?"
I was pretty sure the answer was yes due to the unusual expression on his face.
"I... My-..." The old butler was about to say something, but he looked unsure and very hesitant.
After what seemed to be a full minute, he managed to let the words out of his mouth.
"My condolences, young master. Your mother, Lady Lumi Edelfelt, has passed away."
...
What?
***
It was very dark and cold in the basement of the old church.
In front of me was the dead body of a woman, covered with a white sheet from head to toe.
I slowly lifted the sheet and left it a little away from the head.
The woman's pale face appeared in front of me.
I was a bit curious about what sort of expression her face would show in death. I was disappointed to see that it was the same cold and careless expression she always had on her face, which made me wonder if she was truly dead or not for a second.
Her face wasn't covered with scars or anything; however, her neck, on the other hand, had two small, dark puncture marks on it.
From how pale she was, it was clear that she died due to blood loss. With this, it wasn't hard to conclude who her killer was.
Or at least so it seemed.
"Young master? Are you okay?" Klonkku asked behind me with a worried voice.
I put the sheet back on my mother's face and looked at him as I asked, "Why are we in the church's basement?"
My tone came out rather colder than I expected.
"The church enforcers were the ones that found Lady Lumi's dead body... apparently they were hunting a Dead Apostle."
Klonkku said in a half cautious, half suspicious tone.
I see that I'm not the only one with suspicions in mind.
"Young master... are you okay? We can take Lady Lumi's body and leave immediately if you feel rather unwell here," Klonkku said as he looked at me with worry for my well-being in his eyes.
"No, thank you, Klonkku, but I'm a mage too, so I can handle that much," I said as I put a thankful but sad expression on my face.
If I was being honest...
—death, cessation of biological function, the end of consciousness.
For someone as important as my own mother, I understood that this should matter.
But I felt nothing.
Instead, the question "How?" came automatically to me.
It's fine if it was really a random Dead Apostle case, but if a deeper sort of conspiracy was going on that might affect my own well-being, I better be cautious.
Suddenly, a man with long, straight white hair, wearing a long grey coat, entered the room.
The man bowed his head slightly as he looked at me and Klonkku.
Beside him was a dark-skinned, elderly man in his seventies. With a big scar that ran across his right brow and eye, he was wearing his Holy Church garb.
The old man looked me in the eyes, then spoke directly. "My condolences for your loss, kid."
I nodded slightly. "Thank you, you are...?"
"My name is Karabo Frampton. I'm an Executor from the Holy Church. This is my colleague, Karius Berlusconi."
The white-haired man had a perpetually closed-eye expression as he nodded slightly.
An Italian and a... South African, maybe? Judging by the names.
"My condolences," Karius said. He had a slight Italian accent beneath the English. "We were tracking a series of Dead Apostle murders when we discovered Lady Edelfelt's corpse."
I wondered how he was able to navigate the basement with his closed eyes. Either he could see through those slits, or he was using some other method entirely.
Klonkku stepped forward from where he'd been standing in the shadows, moving between me and the Church Executor. "The Church contacted me immediately. They've been... cooperative."
Karabo's expression was a bit tired. "The Holy Church takes its duties seriously, especially when magi are involved. We have no interest in complications with established magical families." His functional eye fixed on me.
"Including distant branches of the Edelfelt line."
Someone had done their research.
"Is that so? I thank you on behalf of the Edelfelt family, then." I nodded to him.
Aside from my mother, I never met anyone in the Edelfelt family before.
But he didn't need to know that.
"I will need to ask for your permission to use my Mystic Eyes on her," Karabo asked as he looked at me.
"Your Mystic Eyes?"
"Yes. My Mystic Eyes allow me to see the past to an extent. We may be able to find more information on Lady Edelfelt using them," Karabo said with a bit of a tired expression.
"Oh? You have Mystic Eyes of Retrocognition?" I asked, a bit surprised.
Karabo raised his eyebrow slightly.
"You are quite knowledgeable for your age. While it's not Mystic Eyes of Retrocognition, you could consider it a variant of it of sorts, as they do have the same function," the old man explained.
I had quite the knowledge on Mystic Eyes.
That's because my mother planned to buy me a pair once I became old enough to undergo a surgical implantation, in order to raise my magical energy and compensate for my low circuits' quality.
Due to this, I studied a lot about them and knew most of their types.
Well, this entire plan, among others, was canceled naturally after I stopped being a mage, but I digress.
I looked at Klonkku. He nodded back to me, then I answered.
"Yes, please go ahead."
Karabo removed the white sheet from my mother's face as he put his hand slowly on her head.
His eyes were glowing. His expression was unchanged, then it slowly turned into an uncomfortable one as seconds passed.
After what seemed to be a full minute or so, he sighed and pulled his hand back, covering my mother's face again.
"How was it?" Karius asked as he looked at Karabo.
"I'm sorry... the vision was fully dark. Either there's a protection against clairvoyance of the highest rank, or she herself was fully unaware of her own death as it happened," Karabo said apologetically as he looked at me. He looked as if he had aged a whole year or so after just a minute.
"She herself is unaware? Hmmm... well, maybe it's hypnosis? A lot of high-level Dead Apostles do possess Mystic Eyes of Enchantment, so that's a possibility too," Karius said as he put his hand under his chin.
"Perhaps." Karabo sighed slightly as he walked towards me and looked me in the eyes. "Kid... how old are you?"
Why is he asking this?
His eyes, for some reason, gave me a rather strange look.
It had emotions within them that I didn't simply understand.
Yet, for some reason, they felt familiar.
"I'm thirteen years old," I said.
I didn't know why this information was relevant to the current matter.
"I see... I—" He opened his mouth like he was about to say something, but he hesitated. Eventually, he stopped and sighed.
"Truly, my condolences."
He said that as he walked away, leaving the basement.
I was puzzled for a second.
Karius cleared his throat as he broke the silence. "We have contacted the Mage Association. Their people will most likely be here soon."
With that, he bowed a little and walked out of the room, following his colleague.
"Young master... I'll make the necessary calls and arrangements," Klonkku said as he sighed.
"Yes... and Klonkku?" I asked him.
"Yes, young master?"
"Was that old man really a Church Executor?"
Klonkku raised his eyebrow a bit.
"Yes, as far as my knowledge goes, he is legitimate... is there a reason you may suspect him to be otherwise?" Klonkku asked cautiously.
"No. It's just... he was too kind to be an Executor."
"...?" Klonkku was a bit confused by my answer.
I did remember why his look felt familiar.
It had the same emotion my mother's eyes had when she looked at me.
A look of sadness.
***
The weather in Finland was rather cold.
While I had never visited Finland before, my mother always complained that it was too cold in the winter and too hot in the summer.
But despite the outside being so cold, the temperature inside the fancy mansion was moderate, as if it was spring instead of winter.
I think it may be the effect of one of the many amusing jewels that could be spotted in every corner of the mansion.
Either that, or it was a side effect of the mansion's Bounded Field.
Knock.
Knock.
Knock.
I knocked on the door in front of me slowly.
"Please come in." A voice with an elegant tone answered behind the door.
As I opened the door, I saw the Edelfelt family head look at me with a polite yet warm smile.
"So you are Lumi's child? It's great to finally meet my sister's child. Please take a seat."
I nodded politely as I sat down. "It's an honor to meet you."
The family head sighed. "You seem to be very well composed for your age. My condolences for your loss. Although we may not have had the greatest relationship, Lumi was still my little sister, so I was quite shocked when I heard the news."
I nodded again without saying anything.
The family head then looked me in the eyes and said in a straightforward manner, "I would like to move directly to addressing our matter here, Nox. While your butler, Klonkku, has become your legal guardian, as in Lumi's will, the matter of your position within the Edelfelt family is still unclear."
The head didn't waste time addressing the biggest matter here, for sure.
While they made it sound very polite when they invited me to come here, it was obvious that their main concern was, "What do we do with this bastard child with weak circuits?"
My own father's identity was unclear to them, yet my mother gave me the Edelfelt last name without consulting them at all.
What made it an even bigger problem was that my Magic Circuits' quantity and quality were both E.
For clarification, even D rank for quality is considered a very low-grade circuit that barely produces 10 units per circuit.
These generally can only be found in declining families, as even new ones have an average C quality or so among them.
They are basically considered garbage mages among their peers.
And E rank is worse than that by an order of magnitude, producing 1 unit for every circuit or so.
E rank is really uncommon among mages, usually the result of a mutation in a mundane bloodline.
I had E rank in both quality and quantity.
Which, at this point, it's not a matter of me being a bad mage, but whether I'm even qualified to be considered one to begin with.
I had basically nothing to offer the Edelfelt family.
However, the main problem for them isn't my circuits.
It's my knowledge.
Edelfelt knowledge about magecraft has been passed to me through my mother.
Jewel conversion, Gandr derivatives, Edelfelt twin summoning theory, and the list goes on...
I'm basically a walking treasure box of Edelfelt secrets.
Other families could simply bribe or court me to steal Edelfelt knowledge,
Or, more simply, if kidnapped, I could be outright tortured for Edelfelt secrets.
Rival families could use me as a wedge against the main line as well.
The last one is unlikely to happen due to my weak circuits, but the first two are troublesome regardless.
There is only one solution to this.
The family head smiled and said, "As my little sister's only child, we can't leave your status in the family unclear, for sure. We already discussed this, and our branch in Savonlinna would be happy to adopt you."
As I expected.
They would solve all the headache by adopting me into a branch family, containing all the knowledge back.
Although the head said they would be "happy to take me," I bet my treatment wouldn't be so great there with my E circuits.
With this, I opened my mouth and said, "I'm most thankful for your offer."
The family head's smile widened.
"But I must decline your offer, as I already decided to stop being a mage."
The family head smile froze very fast.