'A mirror is cruel in its fairness. It shows you the person you've become, not the one you remember being, and never the one you keep promising to turn into'
The very concept of mirrors was foreign to me until recently.
Perhaps my past self knew of them.
But to me, they were nothing more than curious trinkets.
Yet the moment I saw one for myself…, I hated it.
There wasn't any grand reason behind it.
It was simply that whenever I looked into a mirror,I couldn't see myself.
The one reflected back wasn't truly me.
It was a fragment, a part of me, but not the whole me,
Not me as I truly was.
It reminded me that while I had attained a human body, the human mind had become my prison.
A human mind cannot comprehend eternity.
A human is full of contradictions,
yet refuses to admit them outright.
Contradiction is one trait that all humans share. Despite their best intentions, none of them can escape conflict in thier feelings, beliefs, and desires.
And even when you show them their own contradictions,
they do not accept them.They rationalize.They justify.And, in the end, they deny them outright
Only a rare few are capable of acknowledging their own contradictions
And what does that say about me?
Me, who has become human.
Me, who is more ancient than eternity itself
Me, who is an amalgamation of all that has been consumed by me,all that fell into me, and all that became part of me.
Man and woman,Beast and object, Child and elder, New, Ancient, All of it are me And I am all of it
But my mind can no longer comprehend it.
The memories conflict with one another,
Feelings clash,Beliefs fracture, twist and cumble
It is fine, though. I have learned to suppress it within myself. I have adapted over time
But sometimes,in the middle of the night or day the madness seeps through.
Sometimes, all it takes is a half-awakened mind and a mirror
Sometimes I wake and catch my reflection,
and everything returns at once
They overwhelm me, and I almost lose myself.
It is painful
It hurts
I hope that one day I can look at myself without hating the mirror
To my past self:
if you had known this, would you still have chosen to be here?
To be human?
As for me…
I-
***
I woke up to find myself in the same elevator.
Sunlight touched my face, I was lying on the floor
'Sunlight? But I was in an elevator—underground. How—?'
I lifted my head and looked at the glass wall.
The view outside was mesmerising; one could see the sunrise on the distant horizon.
Beautiful was the word I could wholeheartedly agree on.
My gaze remained fixed on the view until the sun's rays bounced off the glass wall in such a way that I could see my reflection
"Reflection?... My reflection?"
'Is this how I look? No… that's not right
That's not me…'
Rowayne's eyes unfocused as he stared at his reflection. Now, he couldn't make out his features
'What is me? What am i?
I ju- just ca- can't seem to remember'
"Remember what? What was there to remember? Isn't it already perfect the way it is?",He said in an unnervingly calm tone, with absolute certainty and a smile that fully stretched his mouth
"No... Remember what you are", He said as his eyes momentarily regained focus
"Remember yourself and
Remember… us"
And he banged his head against the floor
"Remember"
Bang!
"Remember"
Bang!
Again and Again and Again...
For an unknown amount of time
***
Pain
Ah, my head hurts
Rowayne woke up with an abnormal headache, as if someone had put a screwdriver inside his brain and twisted it
"Whe- wha- wh?", His incoherent thoughts were reflected on his speech
Drip-
The pain lessened a bit; he could think a little more clearly, His eyes fluttered open.
He heard a dripping noise, as if someone had left a tap open just enough for residual water to accumulate and fall irregularly
But before he could think further,
he noticed his hands
There was blood in them
Drip-
Another drop of blood fell on his hands
"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!"
Rowayne screamed and tried to move away, but his body refused to obey him
He could only move his head, he frantically looked around.
All he saw were unfamiliar surroundings
An unfamiliar roof, unfamiliar walls, and an unfamiliar view
Where was he? What was he doing? Why was he here?, Countless questions flooded his thoughts.
But he found no answers. Everything was just… blank.
Which only made him more confused
Drip
Blood continued dripping from his head at irregular intervals
He then looked back at the floor and he found that he was lying in a pool of blood.
At the corner of his vision, he caught sight of a trail of blood that led to a notebook.
It was a small diary…
Something about it felt strangely familiar.
So Rowayne, mustering his strength, slowly crawled toward the notebook
The front cover of the notebook was bloodied.
He opened the diary.
The first thing he noticed was the bloodied fingerprints.
It looked as if the book had been opened before, under similar circumstances.
The different shades of red told him it wasn't a one-time occurrence either.
Then his eyes fell on the text.
It read:
Can't remember?
Let me help you, troublesome me.
Remember how.
Retrace it. Recount it.
And you will know when.
And when you know when,
I hope you can find why
So Rowayne closed his eyes and focused on: 'how did he get here'
He repeated it in his mind like mantra
At first there was pain
And then.... Darkness...