In the past few days, I had been feeling off.
At first, it was just an unusual fatigue. Sitting in the carriage reading, my eyelids grew heavy sooner than usual. Qin Gugu said it was due to the weariness of traveling south, combined with the fickle spring weather and my weak constitution. She adjusted the prescription, adding some tonics—huangqi and dangshen—to boost my qi.
But the decoction didn't improve anything. Instead, new symptoms appeared—I felt nauseous each morning, and the smell of grease made me gag uncontrollably.
That morning at the inn, during breakfast, the kitchen had fried fish. As soon as it was served, the smell hit my nose; I dropped my chopsticks and bolted outside, clutching the porch post as I heaved, vomiting only clear water.
"Young Master!" Chunyu panicked, patting my back in alarm.
Xiao Yuhuang hurried out of the hall, her face dark with worry. "What's happening?"
Qin Gugu rushed over to check my pulse. Her fingers pressed against my wrist, and her brows slowly knitted tighter and tighter. She examined me for so long that even Xiao Yuhuang's composure began to waver.
"Gugu?"
Qin Gugu withdrew her hand and looked at Xiao Yuhuang with an expression too complex to read. "Your Majesty, please step aside. We need to speak privately."
My heart skipped a beat.
They moved to the side room, the door closed tightly behind them. Chunyu helped me back to the bed to rest, and I leaned against the headboard, my palms damp with a thin layer of sweat. Nanxing brought warm water and asked cautiously, "Young Master… could it be… stomach qi imbalance? My father says sometimes unexplained vomiting is…"
He trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished.
Suddenly, it clicked.
I knew that women could experience morning sickness. But men… In a matriarchal world, male pregnancies are different from female ones, and their pulse readings are harder to discern. Yet I had studied the medical texts enough to recognize subtle differences—the slippery, fluid flow of the pulse like pearls rolling along.
My fingers unconsciously brushed my lower abdomen. Flat, as always, no sign of change.
But what if?
What if it were true…
The door opened. Xiao Yuhuang entered, followed by Qin Gugu, her face grave.
The room was silent enough to hear the candle crackle.
"Yu Zhi," Xiao Yuhuang said, approaching the bed, her voice tight, "Qin Gugu has diagnosed… you're pregnant."
Even though I had suspected it, hearing it aloud made my ears ring.
"How long?" My voice sounded distant, almost unreal.
"About a month," Qin Gugu said softly. "Your constitution is unusual. The pulse is subtle; I had to confirm repeatedly before making a definitive judgment."
A month… that meant it had happened while we were still in the capital. Those nights before leaving the palace, when she had pressed so close and I could not refuse…
I stared at the canopy above, unable to comprehend what to feel.
Then Xiao Yuhuang suddenly took my hand. Her palm was hot, though her fingertips trembled slightly. "Yu Zhi, we have a child."
Her voice carried something rushing beneath it—joy, excitement, and a reverent awe almost sacred in its intensity.
I turned to look at her. Her eyes shone brilliantly, like fireworks bursting in the night sky. It was a look I had never seen before; all imperial authority faded, leaving only pure emotion.
But Qin Gugu's next words hit like a bucket of cold water.
"Your Majesty, Young Master," the elder physician chose her words carefully, "Young Master's constitution is cold and weak, and old ailments remain. At this stage of pregnancy… the risk is extreme."
Xiao Yuhuang's smile froze. "What do you mean?"
"Pregnancy and childbirth naturally deplete qi and blood. Young Master's heart and kidney qi are insufficient. If you forcefully maintain the pregnancy, there is danger…" Qin Gugu knelt. "I dare not hide the truth—if this fetus is kept, Young Master's life may be at stake."
The air seemed to solidify.
Xiao Yuhuang gripped my hand so tightly it hurt. Her eyes locked on Qin Gugu's as she enunciated each word: "What did you say?"
"I said… this pregnancy may not be safe for both Young Master and the child."
Dead silence.
I watched the light in her eyes fade, flicker by flicker, leaving only cold darkness. She released my hand and slowly stood, her back to me.
"Leave." She commanded Qin Gugu.
"Your Majesty…"
"I said leave!"
Qin Gugu cast a long, knowing glance at me, then bowed and withdrew. Chunyu also quietly led Nanxing out, and the door closed softly behind them.
It was just the two of us.
Xiao Yuhuang still had her back to me, shoulders stiff. After a long moment, her voice came low, hoarse as if sandpaper had scraped it:
"Abort it."
Two words, resolute and final.
My body shuddered.
She turned, eyes red and frightening. "Yu Zhi, we cannot keep this child. Your body…"
"I will." My voice sounded calm, even I was startled by it.
She froze.
I sat upright, placing my hand lightly on my lower abdomen. It remained flat, but I knew—there was a small life beginning to take root there.
"I will keep him," I repeated.
"You're insane?!" Xiao Yuhuang stepped to the edge of the bed, hands braced beside me, breath sharp. "Didn't you hear what Qin Gugu said? This could kill you!"
"Perhaps not." I looked up at her. "Qin Gugu only said the risk is great, not inevitable. We can be careful, use the best herbs, and…"
"No!" she roared. "I cannot gamble with your life! Yu Zhi, I would rather live my whole life without an heir than risk you in the slightest!"
The fear in her eyes was so raw, so real, that it made my heart soften.