Nova
The free period ended already and well...the teacher who was going to be taking us the next subject, mathematics was in the class already.
As far back as I can remember, mathematics had always been my favorite subject. weird, right? yeah I know. While everyone in the class was struggling with their assignments and tests, all I needed to do was focus a bit and I'd get my solutions.
I am not a smart student. If anything I am very lazy and some would say a bit unserious. I just have a knack for mathematics.
It was the one of the two things that ever made me feel alive. The other thing is music. I love music too.
I glance up at the board where the teacher stood. He was explaining complex numbers.
I'm not concentrating because I had spent last night looking it up while Dad and Andrew were busy doing dishes in the kitchen. They usually do the dishes....or rather Dad does the dishes while Drew keeps finding ways to make more mess.
I live with my Dad and Andrew. My Dad had divorced Andrew's mom three years after he was born and well as for my Mom. I don't remember much about her.... she only exists in distant memories, fading ones, really.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'd recognize her voice if I heard it.
The Mathematics teacher, Mr. Charles had given out a problem. Lucky me though, it is a relatively easy problem. It's almost a relief to lose myself in the numbers instead of the mess in my head.
Janet leans over and whispers, "Earth to Nova. You okay?" I nod, but I'm not sure she believes me. Janet is not really my best friend but she's the closest thing I have to one.
Moments like this, I wonder if people can really tell that something is wrong with me or if I had gotten better at pretending everything's fine.
I never got too close to anyone, not even my Dad. My Dad always scolded me for being so cold but I let him. I could not bring myself to tell my dad about the wave of emotions that were always crashing inside me, or that gaping hole in my chest that always hurt more than anything.
I look back up at the board and start to solve the problem steadily.
****
The rest of the day drifted by in a blur of lessons and whispered conversations. I barely heard a thing teachers said after math—the words washed over me, leaving nothing behind.
Next was English, then chemistry, then a lunch break I spent tucked against the far wall of the cafeteria, headphones in, blocking out everything except the music and my own swirling thoughts.
I gathered my things as the final bell rang, I look around but Janet had already vanished into the hallway crowd. I wondered—again—if anyone would notice if I disappeared too.
The walk back home was as the same as it always was, silent, lonely and unnervingly long. I trudged tiredly towards the front door and turn the doorknob. As I close the door, I stop at the sight of my dad sitting on the couch.
The sight of my Dad sitting there like that, looking sober and distant, his hands clasped too tightly, knuckles white against his jeans made me pause. I had never seen my Dad like this before. I felt my stomach twist with a heaviness I couldn't explain. Something was clearly wrong. But what?
He looked up at me, eyes hollow. For a second, I thought he might cry.
"Nova," he said. "Come here, please. We need to talk."