<< On the Floor - Perfume Genius >>
Kai yawned loudly, rubbing at his bloodshot eyes.
Night-time on Zenin was quiet and peaceful, and yet, despite revelling in the feel of his childhood bedroom and the comfy, familiar sheets, Kai had been woken in the middle of the night, shaking and sweating, plagued by nightmares of Asmarata.
And with the nightmares came the crushing realisation that he would never be able to quietly slip back into his old life as though nothing had happened, even if he wanted to.
He wasn't his old self anymore. Irrevocably altered by a past that was now a potential future, still hovering ahead of him like an impending curse.
What if fate couldn't be altered?
If he was meant to die on that planet, it was possible that no matter what he chose to do in his new present, the future wouldn't change.
Or, he could change things for the worse. Altering his thread of fate into something far bleaker than the death he so narrowly avoided.
And this time there were no do-overs.
"Did you sneak out to see your girlfriend last night?" A low, quiet voice asked.
Kai looked down into wide, brown eyes peering up at him through a curtain of sleek, dark hair. His father often proudly remarked that Aida took after him the most. But where his father was warm and boisterous, Kai's younger sister was more reserved. Sometimes this came across as cold and uncaring to others but Kai knew better.
He grinned down at her petite frame and pushed her ahead of him, "You shouldn't ask about things like that, it's private."
She looked back over her shoulder with a steady gaze, "I don't like her." She stated bluntly.
Kai repressed the urge to immediately agree, stifling a laugh behind his hand, "Oh, really? Why's that?" He asked with a smirk.
"Why didn't Rami come over for dinner last night? I like Rami." She answered instead of responding to his question.
His smirk swiftly devolved into a pained grimace that he wasn't quick enough to hide and she raised a delicate eyebrow at him, questioningly, "What did you do?"
"Me?" Kai exclaimed, highly offended by her confident assumption, "Why can't it be his fault?"
'And it is his fault, dammnit, he just...hasn't done it yet.'
She rolled her eyes without answer, halting her steps only once they reached the new school building at the edge of the city perimeter, "Say you're sorry so he can come over for dinner tonight. Not Gen though, she can eat at her own house."
Kai sighed heavily. Aida was only four years younger than he was, but at fourteen she still over-simplified every situation in a distinctly childlike manner.
It wasn't as simple as that. Being around Rameses was - difficult.
'Understatement of the century...'
But as she glared up at him, her hands on her hips and her brown eyes filled with quiet reproach, Kai smiled and reached out to vigorously muss her hair, "Fine, you little traitor. But only because dad's cooking is a punishment unto itself."
She swatted his hand away and flipped him off, backing through the door with her finger in the air as she smoothed the mess he had made, "You're lucky I still allow you to walk me here, I'm old enough to take myself. Dick."
The doors swung shut with the sound of Kai's laughter as he called after her, "Language young lady!"
The rest of Kai's day was pleasant, if a little tiring. He enjoyed roaming the area and refamiliarising himself with every corner of Nasiru, his last stop the trading district to search for job requests that he could take for easy money.
Currently, he held two short-term goals.
Earn the gold he would require for a reading with the Fate, and second, to take as much manual labour as he could to begin building his body back to what it used to be at the end of his first life.
Although he told himself that this was to prepare himself for any eventuality and ensure that he had every chance of survival, no matter what came his way...
In truth, he simply missed his abs.
He prodded at this smooth, flat stomach in distaste, "I miss you..." He mumbled, despondently.
"Are you talking to yourself again?" A deep, husky voice came from behind him.
Kai span around with a startled yelp, dropping the slips of parchment he had taken from the trading post onto the ground.
Rameses bent down to pick them up, "That's a lot." He commented, holding them out for him to take.
Kai snatched them from his hand, still desperately attempting to control the way his heart was jolting in his chest, "I already told you I was going to take some jobs around the city. And what do you mean, again? I don't talk to myself."
Rameses shrugged, nonchalantly, "You do when you sleep."
His mouth fell open in shock, "How the fuck would you know that? Are you actually some kind of pervert?"
Suddenly, Rami's handsome, serious features morphed into a wicked grin, his abnormally pale, blue eyes sparking with mischief, "Would you like that? If I was watching you sleep?" He leaned towards him and Kai staggered back, already feeling the heat rush to his face.
"No! What? Are you serious? Why would I - Gods are you mad?" He stumbled, his back hitting the wall of the garage with a near audible thud, "Ow." He hissed in pain.
Rami's hand shot out and slid up the back of his head before he even knew what was happening and his heart raced faster, "Wha-what are you..."
His voice failed when he saw the way his bright blue eyes flickered down to his lips, the leering smirk a distant memory on his parted lips.
His fingers were sliding through his gold blonde hair and his face was close - far too close.
And then, just as suddenly, his hand fell away and Kai caught the sound of his breath shuddering as his lips pursed, swallowing heavily as though he were desperately holding himself back.
But his next words were light and teasing, "Careful, any more head injuries and you'll forget your own name. Maybe I should be watching you sleep, you can die from a concussion, you know?" He drawled.
Kai stared back at him in shock for a long moment before suddenly blurting out, "Dinner!"
Rami blinked back, "Come again?"
He felt his ears redden, his entire face flushed with heat, "D-do you want dinner? With us. Tonight. I - Aida wants you to."
Rami bit into his lip to repress the urge to laugh at Kai's absurdly reddened face and nodded slowly in agreement, "Sure."
"Right. G-good...ok then. S-see you later." He stuttered, ducking to the side and hurrying away from him before another word could slip from his mouth.
Kai sped up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him and sliding down onto the ground, his knees pressed tightly together.
He really thought he was going to kiss him again, and in the open this time, when he knew he was awake.
And Kai - wanted him to do it.
Why did he want him to kiss him again?
And why did his body react like that?
His hand travelled down between his legs, startled and terrified all at once at the large, hard bulge that Rami had definitely seen. His eyes saw everything after all.
Kai groaned, dropping his head onto his knees, 'Oh no...what is happening to me? This is a fucking nightmare.'
*
Three months later
The months passed by as though time were elapsing at an accelerated rate.
Wake up.
Take Aida to school.
Head into the trading district to search for new work requests.
Go to the first request of the day and then another and another; sorting inventory at the auction house, felling trees, lugging timber from the forest to the city gates, construction work at the perimeter...
And, with the exception of mealtimes under the watchful gaze of his interfering sister, avoiding Rami and Genevieve at all costs.
Kai had already decided that he would leave Gen, using the distance as an excuse. But as for Rami, it was becoming difficult for him to separate what he knew would happen with what he could see in front of him now, every day that passed.
He helped Kai's father to cook and clean, quietly performing small tasks that nobody else appeared to notice or ever request for him to do; clearing the plates away after dinner before anybody else could, packing lunch for Aida to take to school the next day, picking up groceries for them once a week on the day that he simply seemed to just know that Kai wouldn't be able to.
Even quiet and simple acts like casually pushing a glass that Kai had left too close to the edge of table back towards the centre, or brushing the flecks of dust away from his mother's faded photograph before it got to the stage of bothering him.
'How did it go from this to what he did that night? I wasn't delusional at all, it really was out of the blue, like it was another him.'
Kai left the treasury, shaking his head clear of handsome, infuriating men who may or may not be sneaking into his room at night to watch him sleep and fished the three gold coins from his pocket with a crooked, triumphant grin.
It was time to see the Fate.
**