The sun hadn't risen yet, but Cisco and I were already plotting Baruuk's demise. I had a meeting with Baruuk at dawn, and it wouldn't do us any good for him to catch us plotting his death.
An ice crystal lantern flickered between us on my desk. Cisco sat across from me, his fingers steepled on the desk in front of him. I had a small map on the table which I had been pouring over in my free time for years. Large swaths were etched with black to indicate areas I'd already scoured myself. The unmarked areas were places I had yet to visit.
"Hetya tells me it takes her only a couple of hours to get to the palace sometimes and at other times many hours."
"So they take a different route every time to confuse her," Cisco said.
"They travel by carriage every time, which means she can't be anywhere in the surrounding forest." That area was covered in black lines. "She would have to pass through Malosiaga to get to the palace, but they always bring her at night."
"So she has no concept of whether she's passing through townships or the countryside."
"She says the terrain is mostly flat, which means she is not in the mountains to the north of the palace, and there are few roads there anyways," I said, pointing to each area I referred to.
"Her guards have never given her any clues inadvertently?" Cisco asked.
"The same four guards have brought her to and from the palace for years, but they are not the same ones who guard her. They show up, beat her, and deliver her to the palace to prove to me she'd been beaten."
"Baruuk has thought of everything," Cisco said, his brow furrowed in concentration. "Why haven't you been able to take these guards out?"
"I have these… mental blocks… I can't explain. There are a few people I can't manipulate with my mind. Baruuk, Hetty, and Hetty's guards."
That fact had driven me close to madness on many occasions. I had beaten myself up countless times. How could Hetty, the person I loved more than anyone else, be the only person I couldn't protect? Did I have these mental blocks because I secretly didn't want to free us from Baruuk? Had my mind kept this a secret from myself?
I punished myself in many ways — starvation, breaking my own bones and allowing them to heal only to break them again, scalding my body with boiling water. The evidence was hidden by my ability to heal myself within seconds or injury. I thought the pain would awaken something in me that I had unknowingly suppressed. Eventually I gave up on that, as it didn't produce any results.
"What about using physical force?" Cisco asked.
"Baruuk inspects me and my quarters for weapons on a regular basis. I gave up on smuggling weapons in the palace long ago."
"I'm assuming Hetty's guards are also not allowed to bear arms in the palace?"
"Because I could turn them against them? Yes. And I've tried hand to hand combat, but the guards that deliver Hetty are all at least as big as you are. I can't take them all at once. I've tried."
"This is quite the conundrum," Cisco said, thinking intently. "But if you can trust my people with this task… Zanth's spies are extremely effective."
That wasn't the first time Cisco had mentioned that Espazota had an extensive spy network, or that his cousin was Espazota's spymaster. It didn't seem like the type of information he should be willing to share, even with an ally.
"You have spies in Calidonica?" It wasn't surprising, but it didn't bode well for our alliance.
"Baruuk doesn't have spies in Espazota?"
"Baruuk has never mentioned anything to me."
Cisco shook his head. "Baruuk relies too heavily on you. You're powerful, but you're still one person. You can't intimidate everyone into submission."
He was right. Baruuk had grown lazy since I'd come to power. Now, he was the weak and pathetic one.
How had I been so blind?
"I am confident Zanth's spies can find Hetty in no time."
My insides quaked at the thought of handing Hetty over to the Espazotan royal family. I could trust Cisco with my life, but I didn't trust anybody with Hetty's. She'd been through enough.
The situation couldn't get any worse. Even if Cisco had deceived me completely, and he would use Hetty against me to enslave me, Hetty's situation would be no worse than it already was.
"Give them this map," I said, pushing the map across the desk.
Cisco nodded, folded the map and put it into his jacket pocket. "As far as the assassination, you want to go in strong. You know you and I could do a lot of damage to Baruuk's guards on our own."
I imagined Cisco and I cutting and slicing our way through the palace to reach Baruuk. It would be a bloodbath we might not survive. However they would be defenseless against our blades since the guards serving inside the palace didn't bear arms. And by the time the exterior guards realized what was happening, it would be over. However…
"I'm not very popular with the palace guards." I was the one who punished them when they were out of line. I was sure they'd be thrilled to pick me off if they found me in a vulnerable situation. "We may be able to assassinate Baruuk, but if they rejected me as their ruler, we'd have the entire royal guard to deal with."
"Not ideal," Cisco said. He spoke slowly, as if his mind was working quickly and his words were an afterthought. "Do you have anyone else who would support you?"
I thought of Sanna, my right hand on the battlefield. At times it almost felt like Sanna and I shared something akin to a friendship. She respected me and I respected her. "My legion." Cisco perked up at the mention of my legion. "How would you like to pay a visit to the war front?"
Cisco looked as if nothing would please him more. "I thought you'd never ask."
The sky was no longer black, but a deep blue on the horizon. "Baruuk will summon me any time now. You should go back to your room."
"How are you going to convince Baruuk to send us both to Quantum Fortress?" he asked as he stood to leave.
"I have a feeling I know what this meeting is about. I can steer the conversation where I want it to go."
"I'll send notice to my father that I'll be returning later than expected."
With that, Cisco slipped out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. When I had a lot on my mind but overthinking would only make things worse, I ran.
When I dressed for the day I'd worn loose, light pants and a thin tunic, knowing I would need to run to exhaust myself of all the worry that was building inside of me. When I ran, all I could think of was putting one foot in front of the other, my focus narrowed down to the burning in my legs and lungs.
My burning legs carried me out of the palace, beyond the wall encircling the palace, and out across the open field. Once I found my rhythm, it felt like I could even rival Buzzard in a race.
I pictured Baruuk's wrinkled face in my mind, and all of the pain he deserved to experience at my hands. Those thoughts spurned me forward. Images of life after Baruuk flashed in my mind, but I was too tired to focus on any one thought. The feeling those images left me expanded in my chest until my excitement released in a roar that tore from my throat.
I turned to make sure no one was around. I was racing toward the forest's edge where there were few guards patrolling. When I saw no one was around I screamed again and propelled myself into an aerial flip I hadn't done in years. I landed with both feet solidly planted on the ground.
As the sun rose further, I returned to the palace, feeling like all my nervous energy had been expelled. I felt empowered to face Baruuk head on. I would create the outcome I wanted. I would be the one to manipulate him.
When I returned to the palace my servants had already drawn a bath. I rinsed the sweat from my skin and dressed just in time to receive the summons from Baruuk.
I held my breath as I knocked on the door to his study, keeping in mind that he could sense me lurking. When he told me to enter I forced myself to walk boldly and confidently into the room, as if there was nothing for Baruuk to be suspicious of.
Baruuk stood by the window, the view from his study expansive. He could see the front courtyard and the field beyond the palace wall, as well as the guards' barracks.
"I saw you running," Baruuk said, not taking his eyes off the view.
"I do try to stay in shape while I'm back…" I hesitated on the next word, but forced myself to say, "home."
"You looked like a maniac. I could hear you screaming from here." He arched one brow as he looked at me over his shoulder.
I grimaced, but tried to turn it into a small, sardonic smile. "Cisco is driving me crazy. I had to get my frustration out somehow." I thought it was a safe confession — that it led him to believe that I couldn't wait until Cisco left.
"What exactly is frustrating you about Cisco?" he asked, prowling toward me as a cat pursues a mouse. "Have a seat. Tell me all about it."
Sitting down felt as dangerous as if the cushion was made of daggers, and pain lanced my chest. I'd somehow just made a critical error and I didn't even understand what it was.