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Chapter 10: To My Dearest Goddess—Please, Help Me!
To my dearest, most beloved Goddess,
I hope this letter finds you well. I, on the other hand, am writing this while my life flashes before my eyes. I'd like to recount the moment I woke up this morning to find our home—our sanctuary—completely hollowed out. No breakfast, no familiar voices, just a cold silence and a single scrap of paper left on the kitchen table.
"Dear Child, the rest of the kids and I are heading out of Orario! It's a combined vacation and recruitment drive to find some new brothers and sisters for you, so we'll be gone for a while. Oh, and as for travel expenses... I borrowed just a tiny, teeny-weeny bit of your book royalties! You don't mind, do you? P.S. I'll buy you something delicious as a souvenir, so please don't be mad when I get back! ♡"
There was a brief, fleeting moment where I thought: If you're taking the whole Familia, why didn't you take me? That was quickly followed by: How can a divine being be so utterly devoid of a human heart that they'd embezzle their own child's hard-earned money? But those logical grievances have since been replaced by a much more pressing concern.
"GET BACK HERE, YOU DEGENERATE PIECE OF FILTH!"
"THAT USELESS BRAT OF A GODDESS IS DEAD!"
I am currently being hunted through the winding streets of Orario by Allen Fromel, the Vice-Captain of the Freya Familia. He has the face of a literal demon, and he is very, very fast.
I know exactly why this is happening. I just didn't think Allen—the resident "delinquent" of the Freya Familia—would actually be the type to sit down and read one of my books. It turns out that useless Goddess and my fellow Familia members knew exactly what was coming. They fled the city like rats from a sinking ship because they knew if they took me with them, the Vana and his murderous entourage would hunt them to the edge of the world. They left me here as a sacrificial lamb. Damn them all to the deepest level of the Dungeon!
"Hyah?!"
"Tch! Stop buzzing around like a goddamn fly!"
Allen's spear whistled past my spine, close enough to part the hair on the back of my neck. He isn't trying to apprehend me; he is trying to erase me from the census. And honestly, calling a maiden a "fly" is a bit much, isn't it? Though, considering I'm the one who wrote a smutty novella about his younger sister, maybe I should be grateful he's even using metaphors.
No time for self-reflection! I have to move. I have to find the most efficient path, dodge every thrust, and focus every single nerve ending on the sound of that spear tearing through the air.
"Kooooooh...!"
"What?! She's getting even faster?!"
I reached deep into the lessons I learned from my life-or-death game of tag with Ryu Lion. Using a knock-off version of [Thunder Breathing], I can close the gap on straightaways. I suppose I should thank whatever twisted genetic lottery gave me Alphia's talent—being able to mimic high-level movement techniques in such a short time is truly terrifying.
Still, I'm a [Level 2]. Allen is a [Level 6]. Even with my physical abilities red-lined, he should have caught me a dozen times over. There are three very specific reasons I am not currently a shish kebab:
• My previous escape from the "Gale" was deemed a "Great Feat," allowing me to rank up.
• That trauma forced me to expand my repertoire of "not-dying" skills.
• And most importantly...
"Stop, you stupid cat!"
"My... duty as the Goddess's blade is to halt the advance of the foolish feline who defies Her divine will..."
Hedin and Hegni, the elite executives of the Freya Familia, were actively sabotaging Allen's pursuit. I couldn't risk looking back, but the sounds of the street being demolished were quite evocative. Between the sharp cracks of lightning and Hegni's depressed mumbling, I could hear the occasional "squashed frog" croak of lower-ranked members being used as literal speed bumps to slow Allen down.
It was a noble sacrifice for my sake—or more likely, a desperate attempt to stop their Vice-Captain from committing a public execution. But even they had their limits. Hedin and Hegni are powerhouses, but when it comes to raw, straight-line speed, no one beats the Cat.
"Caught you!"
"Eek!"
Suddenly, Allen was right there, running alongside me. His face was no longer human; it was a mask of feline predatory instinct. Having a Level 6 monster match your sprint while looking like he wants to eat your soul is a special kind of trauma.
But then, the cavalry arrived from the rooftops.
"Wait, you moron cat!"
"Ignoring the Lady's will twice?! We won't show mercy!"
"Put a collar on him and lock him in his room!"
"Yeah, you tiny little kitten!"
The Gulliver Brothers had joined the fray, raining down insults and weapons from the shingles. Allen's focus wavered for a fraction of a second.
"Hey! Which one of you just called me tiny?!"
Now!
I pulled a sharp, ninety-degree turn into a narrow alleyway, nearly snapping my own ankles in the process. Even a First-Tier adventurer can't instantly compensate for a course change when they're distracted and moving at terminal velocity. Allen shot past the alley like a silver projectile, unable to stop his momentum.
I finally stopped, leaning against a damp stone wall to catch my breath. That was way too close. I almost met the Gods in person. I wiped the sweat and grime from my face, my heart hammering against my ribs like a trapped bird. I couldn't go home; he'd be waiting. I needed to hide. My "talent"—or perhaps just the survival instinct of a cornered rat—screamed at me to squeeze into the narrowest gap between the buildings.
My instinct was right. A heartbeat later, a gust of wind announced Allen's return as he tore through the street I had just vacated.
He skidded to a stop, his nose twitching. Beastman senses. He could smell the sweat and the sheer, rank pheromones of my fear.
"Hey. I know you're hiding in there".
"...H-Hi there".
Knowing that a spear through the chest was the only alternative, I stepped out with my hands high in the air in a gesture of total, unconditional surrender. Allen leveled his weapon at my throat, his pupils dilated into thin, vibrating slits.
"Tell me one thing," he growled. "Why the hell did you choose that useless brat to be the Rabbit's partner in that book?!"
"....."
If I had the stones to say, "Because Anya-chan is adorable and I wanted her to have a sweet, lovey-dovey family dynamic with Bell-kun," I'd be brave enough to actually explore the Deep Floors. Instead, I just stood there like a moron, wondering if the spear would be cold when it hit me.
Thankfully, the Gods—or at least the Freya executives—hadn't finished with him. They dropped from the roofs, forming a wall of steel between me and the angry cat. Without a word of thanks, I turned and bolted at full speed.
"Tch! You lot are still in my way?!"
"Enough! If you're going to get this worked up over the sister you abandoned, you should have kept her by your side from the start!"
"Yeah! What he said!"
"As the Goddess's Chariot... to lose your own wheels—"
"Shut up, Hegni!" "You're depressing!"
Allen ignored Hegni's attempt at poetic criticism and dropped into a low stance, ready to plow through his own comrades. Hedin and Hegni didn't budge, drawing their weapons to block the "Vana," while the Gulliver Brothers encircled him.
"You can't stop me in this state," Allen hissed.
"Perhaps not," Hedin admitted. "In your current frenzy, we'd need the Stupid Boar to pin you down. However—"
"DO NOT STEAL THE GODDESS'S HANDMADE LUNCH AND SPIKE OTTAR WITH IT JUST TO KEEP HIM OUT OF THE FIGHT!!!!"
The secret was out. Allen had run into Bell on his way to the Dungeon and snatched the bento Syr (Freya) had made for him. He had then fed it to Ottar, claiming it was a "divine taste test" from the Goddess herself. The sheer, unfiltered potency of Freya's "love" (and cooking) had rendered the city's strongest adventurer completely incapacitated.
It was a move so devious it left the other executives in shock.
"That stupid pig! I've always wished he'd die, but why did he have to actually go and 'die' when we actually needed him?!"
"A moment of silence for the fallen..."
"Seriously, man".
(I... I'm not... dead... yet...)
A faint, ghostly voice seemed to drift on the wind, but everyone collectively decided to ignore it.
Without Ottar, Allen was essentially invincible. Hedin couldn't cast large-scale magic in the city, and even with his cursed sword, Hegni was struggling to keep up with Allen's raw, frantic power. The Gulliver Brothers' coordination was being shredded by sheer kinetic force.
But even the "Vana" had a weakness. And I, the most shameless author in Orario, was heading straight for it.
"Uwoooooooooh!"
"Gah?! He's already back?! What are Hedin and the others doing?! They're useless!"
I had barely covered two blocks before Allen was closing the distance again. It was like he had evolved. Had seeing his sister in a "happy family" scenario with the Rabbit truly unlocked some hidden potential?
I abandoned all dignity. I let out a guttural, non-feminine roar of my own and sprinted harder than I ever had in my life. The distance was shrinking.
(Oh gods, I'm going to die!)
Then, I saw it. My salvation. A pub.
"THE HOSTESS OF FERTILITY?! YOU BITCH!!!"
"Eek!"
Allen saw the sign and his face went pale. Anya worked there. If he charged into her workplace in a murderous rage, she would demand to know why. And he could never, ever tell her the plot of that book.
He accelerated, a desperate attempt to catch me before I crossed the threshold. But then, a sword flew from a nearby rooftop, forcing him to bank left. That split second was all I needed to dive through the front doors.
"Who did that?!"
Allen looked up and saw Van, a half-pallum member of the Familia, on the roof. In a fit of pure, unspent spite, Allen threw his spear with supersonic force, pinning Van's shoulder to the roof tiles. He was Level 4; he'd live, but he'd definitely have a story to tell.
As Allen stood outside, vibrating with fury but unable to enter, Hedin and the others finally caught up.
"It seems the worst-case scenario was avoided," Hedin panted.
"Tch. You come here to mock me, Hedin?"
"Mocking you would imply I still have an ounce of respect for you to lose," Hedin shot back.
The other executives looked at the pub with a mix of awe and pity for the girl inside.
"Who is she, anyway? To outrun Allen for this long..."
"Who knows? But anyone who writes those books is clearly built for survival".
"Still..." the Gulliver Brothers said together. "Running into a shop where the woman you just wrote a smut book about works... that's not just brave. It's insane".
Inside the pub, the sounds of chaos had already begun: "I've finally caught you! How dare you show your face here!" followed by my own frantic screaming: "Wait! I'm a customer! I am a customer!"
Then, a waitress stepped out of the front door. The air in the street immediately turned to ice. Every member of the Freya Familia straightened their back and bowed. It was Syr Flova—the other face of their Goddess.
"Now, now, everyone. We can't have you bringing troublesome business to our doorstep," she said with a bright, terrifyingly sweet smile. "Allen-san, there will be a very thorough punishment waiting for you at Folkvangr. But... since you were kind enough to bring her right to me, I might show you a little mercy!"
The executives nodded in unison. They knew that look. As they hauled a grumbling, defeated Allen back toward their home, Syr went back inside, watching as Ryu "disciplined" me and Mia-mama handed out head-flicks to anyone who got in the way.
Of course, Syr had no intention of letting me leave. She had a very long list of "concepts" involving her and Bell that she wanted me to explore over dinner.
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