Anna:
My thoughts began to explode, and I struggled to contain them. What will my parents think? Will he take me back? Thoughts flooded my mind, and I had no strength to shoo them away. My mind often raced with uncontrollable thoughts, leaving me feeling defeated.
My thoughts were the enemy, and I failed to hold down territory in my own mind—each negative concern and what-if sank deeper and deeper. I need time.Time to figure it out, be on my own, or so I tried to convince myself. I wish I could love him the way he loved me. But I felt nothing, no remorse, no tingle of affection. Was love all emotion? Or is it an action? Something you choose daily, regardless of how one might feel? I grew tired, tired of wrestling and dissecting each passing thought. Yet again, I questioned, maybe if I just.
"No!" I said out loud. Instantly embarrassed, someone might have heard my outburst.
But I could not contain the flood of emotions. My family, close friends, and loved ones are suffering because of me. I conjured up all these imaginativescenarios. Adrian, the sweet boy I dated all through high school, was standing there, reading the note I left behind. He was wondering what he did wrong, questioning what and where it all went south. I convinced myself that if I moved far away, things could become clear, at least for me. And here I am, on this excursion, blowing my whole life up to find myself. I huffed.
My cheeks flushed as I tugged at the collar of my sweater. I felt hot, and the hallways began to close in as couples walked past, hand in hand. Their passion and desire for each other irked me. I was trying to run from my life, not relive what I was running from. I slammed my shoulder into a side door as my heart started to pound. Stepping out onto the deck, I reached for the rail. My grip tightened around the steel, and the frozen metal prickled my fingers. Tears were hot on my cheeks as I gasped for air. I gripped the chain around my neck and twirled the silver cross. I felt it fumble in between my fingers, I pondered the reason for my existence, and stood there numb.The horn blared as the massive ship approached port. I tried to steady myself, but the waves crashed hard against the cruise ship. I braced for impact but knew this was the moment that I had to let go. I could not hold on any longer. I tugged hard and watched the cross sparkle one last time. The necklace was the only thing I had from Adrian. And I watched it dissolve into nothingness like the last bit of light in my heart.