Chapter 16: You're About to Become Famous
"You're about to become famous."
The legendary lolicon Aoki Haruto spoke to Takumi Hoshino with an extremely 'grave' expression.
Takumi was currently stuffing things into his bag. It was already lunchtime break, and he was heading to the cafeteria while secretly debating whether he should go see Nao after this… or maybe tonight was the night to finally dive into one of those eroge worlds.
The two titles that kept battling in his head were 'Sora no Iro, Mizu no Iro' and 'Oni Chichi I'. Both had two heroines each, and he honestly loved every single one of them. Decisions, decisions…
He had always dreamed of building a grand harem of cute 2D girls. But there were simply too many beautiful heroines across the multiverse—some he adored, some he could take or leave. After the emotional damage from '5 Seconds', he realized a true "three thousand beauties" harem was probably impossible.
Unlike those protagonists in certain novels who could spam infinite world-hopping as long as they had mana, he had limits. So he needed to choose carefully. Even if he only picked one girl per world, between the safe-for-work anime and the decidedly-not-safe doujinshi worlds, the potential harem was already frighteningly large. Serious selection was required.
"How the hell would I become famous? I didn't lose my porn USB, did I?"
Takumi looked at his dramatic friend with clear disbelief.
Aoki Haruto slapped his own forehead. "Aniki, are you seriously this dense? The whole morning everyone's been talking about you and you didn't notice?!"
"Talking about me? Ohhh, right, I get it. I put extra effort into my face today, so I must look especially handsome. Eyes sparkling with electricity and everything?"
"…"
Aoki Haruto was rendered completely speechless.
Takumi burst out laughing. "Alright, stop teasing already. Just spit it out—what happened?"
"What else could it be? It's about you and the blonde princess! This morning you two were chatting and laughing, flirting like crazy—it's already spread across the entire school!"
"Hah? I just exchanged like two sentences with her?"
"Two sentences? Did she smile at you? Did she pout and get mad in that cute way?"
"…She did both, but—"
"Stop right there! 'Did' means yes! There is no 'but'! You bastard—you already have a Empress, and now you're reaching for the princess too? Two-timing scum!"
"Two-timing your sister! This is pure rumor-mongering! And why are you dragging Empress into this again?! You damn lolicon, I already told you—I'm not a little-sister-con!"
Takumi genuinely wanted to strangle this guy. The whole "perverted imouto-con" rumor started because of him, right? And the culprit had zero self-awareness.
Seeing murder flashing in Takumi's eyes, Aoki hurriedly waved his hands. "Wait, wait! Okay, fine—it's not only about the princess… though it's kinda related. That fatty Taiga already declared he's gonna make you pay!"
"Huh? Why? Did I accidentally give him internal injuries when I bumped him this morning?"
"You seriously didn't know? Goda Taiga is the blonde princess's number-one hardcore stalker!"
"Didn't know… but now I understand what they mean by 'toad lusting after swan meat.' Even if the Golden Sparkling Ojou-sama somehow fell for him, when it comes time for the deed, wouldn't she just get crushed flat? There's a limit to how much a girl can endure down there, you know."
After hearing that, Aoki Haruto also pictured the scene. His face twisted strangely for a second… before he exploded into laughter, slamming the desk.
"Hahahaha! Yeah! It's literally an elephant trying to mate with a baby bunny! This is beyond interspecies—more ridiculous than wolf falling in love with sheep!"
BAM!
A loud slam echoed.
Both boys immediately shut up and turned toward the sound.
There stood Ryūko, the golden-haired beauty, who had somehow returned to the classroom without them noticing. She had clearly heard every word.
Aoki Haruto's face instantly turned pale. "Hoshino—I'm gonna go eat first. Good luck!"
He bolted without looking back.
Takumi, on the other hand, remained perfectly calm. He finished putting his books away and was about to leave when a sharp, furious voice rang out.
"Takumi! You stop right there!"
He turned around casually. "You calling me?"
Ryūko's impressive chest heaved with anger. She gritted her teeth and barked:
"Apologize!"
"Apologize? Nah, it's fine. Even though you threw the umbrella in the trash, I already told you it was okay to throw it away."
Grind—
Ryūko's molars made an audible noise.
Wait—why did it suddenly become her who had to apologize to him?!
Before she could explode, Takumi just shrugged.
"I'm going to eat now. We can talk later, 'kay?"
Humming the "Dango Daikazoku" song, he strolled out of the classroom.
The moment he reached the bottom of the stairs, Aoki Haruto popped out from the side like a meerkat.
"Imperial Brother! Over here! Over here!"
"Now what?"
"That fatty already brought his goons to block the cafeteria entrance! You can't just walk into the tiger's den. Give me your meal card—I'll buy food and bring it back to the classroom for you."
"No need. There are teachers eating in the cafeteria too. He won't dare do anything."
"You have no idea. Goda Taiga is called the 'Little Overlord'—when has he ever been scared of teachers? His mom is even fatter than him and she's a deputy director in the education bureau. Classic mama-bear tiger-mom. A little 'physical disagreement' like this? Teachers will at most give him a half-hearted scolding and make him apologize. Totally useless."
Takumi simply smiled. "It's fine. Don't worry."
He continued walking toward the cafeteria.
Aoki sighed and followed behind him helplessly.
Sure enough, from far away they could see the mountain of flesh standing there like a gatekeeper.
Aoki whispered, "See? I told you. He's waiting specifically for you."
"He can block whatever he wants. I'm just here to eat."
"I'm scared you won't even get to finish the meal… Ahh, whatever. You asked for this suffering. As your friend—practically your brother-in-law—I can't just watch you jump into the volcano."
"That 'brother-in-law' part was unnecessary. And it's not a volcano—it's a meat mountain. …Hey, why'd you close your eyes?"
"Because I said I can't 'watch' you jump into the volcano with my own eyes. So I'm closing them while you do it."
"…!"
Any faint warmth Takumi felt toward his friend was instantly trampled flat by a herd of white alpacas.
He walked straight into the cafeteria, deliberately ignoring the giant blocking the way.
Goda bellowed, "Takumi! You stop right there!"
"Hah, this fatty wants to copy the Golden Sparkling Ojou-sama's style? Even the way he calls my name is the same."
"What's up, Goda-kun? If you think I injured you this morning when I bumped into you, I'll apologize. Medical bills and everything—just mail me the receipt."
"Medical bills? Heh heh… don't worry. I'll definitely send you the bill."
Without another word, the meat mountain swung a massive fist straight at Takumi's face.
The punch carried terrifying force—even a fifty-kilo sandbag would go flying.
Some of the onlookers were so scared they covered their eyes, unable to bear seeing Takumi's inevitable tragic end.
But Takumi simply raised one palm and met the fist head-on.
Goda sneered and poured even more strength into the blow.
BOOM!
Palm and fist collided with a crisp sound.
"AGH—?!"
The next instant, Goda felt an unstoppable, monstrous force explode against his knuckles. It felt like the bones were about to shatter.
Then—
Takumi suddenly lunged forward with a brutal shoulder charge—like a barbarian bull-rush.
BANG!!
The enormous body of Goda actually lifted off the ground.
He flew backward three full meters before crashing down hard, kicking up a huge cloud of dust.
Crack—
That was the sound of everyone's jaws simultaneously dislocating from sheer shock.
Ten thousand alpacas stampeded through their hearts.
They stared in utter disbelief as Takumi—one palm, one shoulder—had effortlessly floored the Little Overlord, who outweighed and outsized him by more than double.
"Ah? Goda-kun, how did you fall over? So clumsy~ Someone be a dear and call the school nurse, will you? …And you—over there, lolicon—your eyeballs are about to fall out. Didn't you say you haven't eaten yet? Let's go."
Takumi casually grabbed Aoki Haruto's arm and strolled into the cafeteria.
Behind them, a whole crowd of students remained frozen, jaws still hanging open.
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