Honor. It was what Depa had built her entire life around. Unlike most Jedi, Depa was not picked up by the Order as an infant. Rather, she'd been born on a planet called Chalacta alongside her sister, Sar Labooda. Together, they had almost half a decade growing up with their parents before tragedy had struck.
Pirates had killed her and Sar's parents and taken the two of them captive with clear intentions of selling them both into slavery. But Depa had been a clever little girl even back then, and her father had taught her a lot about electronics.
At the tender age of five, Depa Billaba had managed to send out an encrypted SOS message from the Pirates' own communications system without their knowledge. And that signal had in turn been picked up by a member of the Jedi Order… Mace Windu.
He was only a Knight at the time, but that mattered little to the two young girls that he'd rescued from captivity. Seeing him and his purple lightsaber flash through their captors and the killers of their parents had been a defining moment in Depa's life… and she knew it was the same for Sar.
They both might never have seen Mace Windu again after that if it wasn't for their Force Sensitivity. At five and four years old respectively, Depa and her sister were closer to the edge than most… but in the end, they were both accepted into the Jedi Order and trained as Jedi.
As a result of the years she'd lived before joining the Order, Depa had always had an issue with attachment and emotion. Her anger and grief over the senseless deaths of her parents were only eclipsed by her love for her sister.
The Jedi had done their best to teach her how to control such things and as the years had gone on, Depa's dark emotions regarding her parents' deaths had eventually faded into a very light, very dull ache. She'd never been quite able to let go of her love for Sar though, instead doing her best to channel it into productive ends.
By the time she was old enough to be taken on as a Padawan, Depa supposed it wasn't surprising that Mace Windu wound up being her Master. By that time, he was a Jedi Master in his own right, a rising flame within the Jedi Order that people spoke of with reverent tones and awed voices.
Depa never blamed them though, her and her sister had been some of his earliest fans, even when Mace was just a Knight. There was a time before they'd gotten such feelings under control, that both Depa and Sar had crushes on the older Jedi.
Fortunately by the time Master Windu took her as his Padawan, Depa had done away with such feelings. She'd been able to dedicate herself to her training completely, no distractions. And it had been… good. She'd trained hard, but ultimately it was Master Windu who elevated her to new heights. He wasn't just one of the most amazing Jedi the Order had seen in centuries, he was also an amazing teacher as well.
Oh sure, he would say it was as much her as it was him, but Depa knew better. She and Sar had been perfectly equal in skill and talent before becoming Padawans, but afterwards a gulf in experience separated the two sisters rather quickly. Depa became a Jedi Knight two full years before Sar, and she was promoted to Jedi Master years later while Sar… Sar never got the chance.
Not that her sister ever cared or complained. Sar never expressed jealousy or envy over Depa's successes, nor even over the fact that she was the one picked to be Master Windu's Padawan. Her sister had been perfectly happy where she was, perfectly content with her place in the Jedi Order… and in Depa's life.
It was interesting the difference one year outside of the Jedi Order could make. Depa had been five, Sar had been four… and despite all of Depa's rapid advancement, Sar had found her place within the Jedi Order much more easily. Depa could never stop, while Sar… knew she was exactly where she belonged.
And they'd taken that from her. From Depa. They'd taken her sister, the competent and content Jedi Knight, from her. Sar had died on Geonosis, laid out in the sands of that arena like so many other Jedi… and Depa hadn't been there. She hadn't been there to save her. She hadn't even been there to hold her as she breathed her last breath.
That was hard, because Depa had managed to set aside her grief and anger over how their parents passed, but she never truly set aside her attachment for her sister. And with the Clone Wars in full swing, she didn't exactly have time to even try either.
Instead, Depa had leaned into the last thing she had left. Honor. Her honor was something that had always centered her. Something that grounded her. There was honor in being a Jedi. Honor in saving lives and rescuing younglings, just like Master Windu had done all those years before.
Depa relied upon that honor to focus her mind and keep her blade sharp… but at the same time, she found herself relying on Vaapad more and more. Unlike Master Windu, Vaapad was not Depa's primary lightsaber style despite her being known as one of its users. She preferred Soresu, otherwise known as Form Three, with Vaapad as a backup of sorts.
And technically, Soresu served much better in this war than Vaapad did. Built around reflecting blaster bolts, a Master of Soresu was unkillable even when facing down a thousand blasters. And given the Separatist Droids certainly seemed endless on some battlefields, a thousand blasters was not an unreasonable expectation.
However… Soresu was too passive for her after Sar's death. Vaapad… Vaapad allowed her to be more aggressive, to sink her emotions into the Force. At first, Depa had fooled herself into believing that she was using Vaapad as a sort of… active meditation.
By fighting with her Master's Lightsaber Form, Depa could bleed her pain and agony and despair out into the Force. She'd managed to delude herself into thinking that this was a good thing for months. Until finally, she could ignore it no longer. Until ultimately, she was forced to accept that she'd Fallen to the Dark Side.
Her, a Jedi Master, a member of the High Council of the Jedi Order… had become a Fallen Jedi. The shame of it was almost enough to do her in right then and there. Only clinging to her sense of honor, only knowing how it would hurt her Master, kept Depa from saying anything.
The Jedi Order had the Lost Twenty, a list of Jedi that had chosen to leave the Order over its history due to irreconcilable differences. The last of the Lost Twenty was Jedi Master Yan Dooku. However, aside from his later reveal that he was a Sith, none of the Lost Twenty were known to have actually Fallen to the Dark Side.
Indeed, if the Jedi Order counted every Fallen Jedi on that list, it would be too many to count. Instead… they didn't honor the Fallen in that way. They didn't so much as acknowledge them.
Depa was a failure of the worst sort. She knew she was tainted, she knew she was corrupted. But by clinging to her honor, she thought that maybe she could at least see the war to its end before turning herself in. Or, if she was truly lucky… she would die on a battlefield somewhere out in the galaxy and nobody, least of all her Master, would ever have to know her shame.
Unfortunately, she'd been called back to the Temple a month ago and told that she needed to take on a Padawan. Something that Depa categorically refused to do. And so she was stuck here, stuck in this place, surrounded by the Light that had forsaken her.
It was an impossible situation. On the one hand, she understood that at this point in time, every Jedi Master and most Jedi Knights had to be training someone. They were losing Jedi too fast to replace them, and for the first time in a long time, there were more Initiates worthy of becoming Padawans than there were Masters and Knights ready to take on a student.
On the other hand… Depa was a Fallen Jedi Master. She couldn't train a Padawan, they would only wind up just like her. Anyone she took on as a student would inevitably be corrupted by the Dark Side just as she was. She refused to condemn any Initiate to such a fate.
And so instead, she was stuck in the Temple, unable to return to the battlefields that called her name, clinging to her fraying, fracturing honor even as each breath she took became harder and harder. Was it any wonder that she spent most of her time in a private room, training with her lightsaber? At this point, combat was her only solace.
… Until it wasn't. Until Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight and reputed Chosen One, had come along and asked for a spar. Depa could think of no good reason to deny him, so in the end she'd agreed. Obviously, she really wished she hadn't now.
Her Master had always doubted whether Skywalker was actually the Chosen One or not, so Depa naturally bent the same way. He was accepted into the Jedi Order at nearly twice the age she was and then allowed to apprentice to a young Knight Kenobi in just a few years.
Jedi did not complain, they did not bemoan, they did not gripe… but Depa had a few dinners with Mace where he explained in detail all of the favoritism that Grandmaster Yoda was showing to the pair. Whether it was because they were part of Yoda's lineage, or simply because the Grandmaster truly believed Master Jinn was correct about Skywalker being the Chosen One, Mace did not know.
And neither did Depa. She did know this though… Skywalker was one of the most annoying, irritating, utterly infuriating opponents she'd ever had the misfortune of crossing sabers with. Depa now knew that he'd come in here with the singular intention of pissing her off and making her lose control… making her discard her honor and draw upon the Dark Side in truth.
He'd succeeded. Maybe Skywalker was the Chosen One after all, because somehow he'd known. He knew Depa was Fallen and he'd forced the truth from her in the most frustrating way imaginable. He had annoyed her into exposing her Darkness to him.
Certain parts of Depa's body still sting from the impact of his low powered saber striking them. But that matters little in the face of what she's hoping will happen next. Before she could kill herself, he'd stopped her… so now she had to hope he would do the deed for her, finishing off the Fallen Jedi kneeling in front of him.
"Kill me. Please."
Only, even as her words hang in the air, Depa gets the impression that Skywalker isn't going to do it. He's not going to end her life. The scoff is a big clue, as is the lack of a saber cutting her down where she is.
Sucking in a shaky breath, Depa looks up at Skywalker, her eyes pleading now.
"Please. They'll already be on their way. I can't… I don't want them to see me like this."
She didn't want him to see her like this. And it would be him. Mace Windu, Master of the Order. Depa had completely lost control and she suspected that the entire Jedi Temple would have felt it. But it wouldn't be your average Knights or Temple Guardians that would come running upon sensing a Fallen Council Member throwing a Dark Side Temper Tantrum.
No, it would have to be her peers. It would be the other Council Members who would show up any second now. And it would be her Master leading the charge. It would have to be.
"Nobody is on their way. Nobody is going to see you like this except for me."
… What? Depa blinks as Skywalker speaks with such surety, such certainty. He stares back at her with impassive blue eyes, his face a blank mask of control and composure. He… he can't be serious.
"What are you talking about Skywalker?! Surely you must know I wasn't in control of myself! The entire Temple will have felt my corrupted presence!"
Finally… Skywalker lets the mask slip a fraction of an inch. Rather than the judgment, disapproval, or disgust that Depa is expecting however… he smiles at her.
"Oh, I'm certainly aware that you lost control, Master Depa. But if you really think the Jedi Temple felt you… then you're underestimating me."
Blinking rapidly, Depa's brow furrows. Skywalker chuckles darkly before gesturing with his hand to around them pointedly. Understanding the meaning behind the motion even if he doesn't say anything, Depa frowns as she hesitantly reaches out with the Force and feels things out.
Her eyes widen in disbelief as she almost immediately runs into a 'wall' of sorts. Immediately, the Jedi Master sends out more of a probe, the mental equivalent of running her hands over an invisible surface she didn't know existed until that moment.
Finally, she's forced to pull herself back, reeling her presence in and staring up at Knight Skywalker in disbelief. He really had come here with a plan, hadn't he?
Because he hadn't just annoyed her into exposing herself and then thoroughly demolished her when she tried to kill him… he'd also made sure to coat every surface of this room with his Force Presence so that her temper tantrum would be contained when he did.
But… why? For what purpose? Depa swallows thickly, eyeing the Chosen One with trepidation and a new level of wariness.
"… What do you want from me, Skywalker?"