The name came to me by accident.
I was standing in line at a café near my office when I heard it spoken softly behind me, wrapped in reverence and fear.
"Crowe doesn't do interviews," a man muttered into his phone. "Sebastian Crowe doesn't need publicity."
My pulse skipped.
I turned slowly, my breath caught somewhere between curiosity and dread. The man noticed my stare and frowned, lowering his voice. "You don't want to cross him," he added, as if speaking to himself now. "No one ever wins."
That night, I searched the name.
There were no social media profiles. No casual photos. Just fragments—business articles that mentioned acquisitions without resistance, competitors that disappeared overnight, companies that fell into his hands as though surrendering willingly. They called him a visionary. A tyrant. A ghost.
Sebastian Crowe.
The more I read, the more unsettled I became. His presence felt too deliberate, too controlled to be coincidence. And yet, nowhere—nowhere—did I find a photo of him. It was as if the world knew his power but had never been allowed to see his face.
My phone vibrated.
Unknown Number: Curiosity is dangerous.
My chest tightened.
Me: Is that your real name?
A pause. Longer this time.
Unknown Number: Names have weight. Mine carries consequences.
I should have been afraid. Any sensible person would have been. Instead, I felt the same pull—sharp, intoxicating, unavoidable.
Me: What do you want from me?
The reply came slowly, deliberately.
Sebastian: Nothing you're not already giving.
I stared at the screen, my reflection faint against the glass. That was when I understood the truth I'd been avoiding since the night he left.
Sebastian Crowe wasn't just a man.
He was a force—and somehow, without asking, I had stepped directly into his world.
My boyfriend noticed first.
Not in some dramatic, explosive way—no accusations, no shouting. Just the quiet things. The way I no longer leaned into his touch. How my laughter came a second too late, like I had to remember how to sound normal. How my mind drifted even when my body stayed.
"Are you okay?" he asked one evening, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.
I nodded too quickly. "Just tired."
It was the easiest lie I'd ever told.
At night, when he slept beside me, I stared at the ceiling, my thoughts betraying me. I replayed moments I had no right to miss. A voice that wasn't his. A kiss that hadn't asked permission. The certainty in Sebastian Crowe's words echoed louder than the guilt tightening in my chest.
You are mine.
My phone buzzed—always when I least expected it.
Sebastian: You're pretending today.
My breath caught.
Me: You don't know that.
Sebastian: I know you better than the man touching you.
The words burned, not because they were cruel, but because they felt true. I felt something crack then, something small but irreversible. Every message from Sebastian widened it. Every forced smile I gave my boyfriend made it impossible to mend.
When my boyfriend kissed me goodnight, I kissed him back out of habit, not desire. And that scared me. Because somewhere between denial and longing, I realized I wasn't waiting for Sebastian to take me away. I was already leaving—piece by piece.
Guilt didn't come all at once. It arrived in pieces. It was there when my boyfriend smiled at me like I was still his safe place. When he talked about the future so easily, like I hadn't already fractured it in my mind. Every kind gesture felt heavier than anger would have. I started to dread his goodness because it reminded me of what I was slowly destroying. And yet… the craving was louder.
It lived in the pauses between my thoughts, in the way my body reacted before my conscience could intervene. I hated how easily Sebastian's presence erased my resolve. How one message from him could unravel an entire day of self-control.
I told myself I missed the attention. The mystery. Anything but the truth.
That I missed the way he saw me—not as fragile or uncertain, but as something worth claiming.
Some nights, I held my phone in my hand, fingers hovering over the screen, arguing with myself. I would promise not to respond. I would promise to choose the life I already had. And then I'd remember his voice.
The guilt whispered that I was wrong.
The craving whispered that I was already lost.
And somewhere between those two voices, I wondered which one would eventually win—or if wanting him was punishment enough.
I almost chose my boyfriend.
The thought surprised me when it came, quiet but firm, as my boyfriend sat across from me, tracing circles on the rim of his mug. He was talking about us—about plans, about next month, about how he'd been thinking we should move things forward. His eyes held hope, uncomplicated and sincere.
For a second, I let myself imagine it. A clean break from temptation. A life that made sense. A version of me that hadn't already crossed invisible lines.
"I love you," he said softly, like it was enough to anchor me.
My throat tightened. I opened my mouth to say it back—to mean it the way I used to.
My phone buzzed.
I didn't have to look to know who it was.
The moment shattered.
I saw it then, with painful clarity: how fragile my resolve was, how easily it bent around the absence of Sebastian Crowe. My boyfriend reached for my hand, mistaking my silence for emotion, not conflict.
"I've missed you," he added. "It feels like you've been slipping away." That should have been it. The final warning. The chance to pull myself back.
Instead, I squeezed his hand and smiled—a performance I had perfected. "I'm here," I said, hating how convincing I sounded.
Later, alone in the bathroom, I stared at my reflection and finally checked the message.
Sebastian: You hesitated.
My chest ached.
Me: You don't know that.
A pause. Then:
Sebastian: You thought about choosing him.
My knees felt weak.
Sebastian: And you still came back to me.
That was the moment I understood the truth I'd been avoiding.
I hadn't failed because I was weak. I failed because part of me didn't want to be saved.
And that part of me was already his.