Chapter 37: The Otaku's Buddy Day, the Apple Juice Bender, and the Failed Contingency
The weekend had officially commenced, and for the first time in what felt like an eternity, the Underworld was actually quiet. There were no Fallen Angels dropping from the sky, no rogue priests trying to slice them into ribbons, and no world-ending threats looming over Kuoh Academy.
For Lucian Gremory, this meant only one thing: he needed to escape the Occult Research Club building before his stamina was entirely depleted.
His demonic core was fully healed, but his physical body was still recovering from the intense, multi-hour "mana transfer" sessions administered by Rias, Yubelluna, and Tamamo. If he stayed in the mansion for one more hour, he was entirely convinced he would be dragged back to the bedroom.
"Lucian! Bro!"
A loud, overly enthusiastic voice shattered the peaceful Saturday morning air.
Lucian stood near the gates of Kuoh Park, wearing a sleek black jacket zipped all the way up to hide the constellation of hickeys currently painting his collarbone. He turned to see Issei Hyoudou sprinting toward him, waving his arms frantically. Trailing behind Issei, looking profoundly uncomfortable and carrying two bags of premium groceries, was Yuuto Kiba.
"Issei," Lucian grinned, his polite 'Prince' facade instantly dropping the moment he saw his friends. "And Kiba. Please tell me you guys are here to rescue me."
"Rescue you? Bro, we're here to recruit you!" Issei gasped, grabbing Lucian by the shoulders. Issei was dressed in his flashiest red jacket. "Look at us! We survived Kokabiel! We are heroes! But what do we have to show for it in the human world? Nothing! We need a 'Buddy Day'! A boys-only day out! No demons, no magic, no terrifyingly powerful women draining our life force. Just three bros hitting the town, eating junk food, and hunting for chicks!"
Kiba sighed, adjusting the groceries. "I was just trying to bring the President her specific brand of Earl Grey tea. Issei ambushed me in the street."
Lucian felt a massive, genuine smile break across his face. In his past life, before he woke up in the body of an abandoned Gremory, he had been a normal, modern otaku. He had watched High School DxD on a screen, laughing at Issei's ridiculous antics and cheering for the chaotic brotherhood of the Occult Research Club. He knew exactly how Issei operated, he knew Kiba was finally free of his traumatic past, and honestly? He missed doing stupid, normal teenage guy stuff. He wasn't about to stand on the sidelines like some broody, distant edgelord.
"Issei," Lucian said, throwing an arm around the Red Dragon Emperor's shoulder. "You son of a bitch, I'm in. Kiba, ditch the tea. The President can survive one afternoon without her Earl Grey. Today, we are men of culture, and we claim this city!"
"HELL YES!" Issei roared, high-fiving Lucian. "The Wildcard is off the leash! Operation Buddy Day is a go!"
Kiba looked at the two of them, his polite hesitation melting into a genuine, bright laugh. "If the King finds out we ditched our duties, she's going to kill us. But... fine. Let's do it."
The Hunt and the Unfair Charisma Stats
The Kuoh Central Plaza was bustling with weekend activity. Groups of high school girls, college students, and young professionals walked through the open-air promenade. To Issei, it was a target-rich environment. To Lucian, it was a nostalgic playground.
"Alright, observe the master," Issei whispered, hiding behind a decorative fountain. He pointed a finger at a group of three incredibly cute girls from a neighboring academy. "Target sighted. Approaching with maximum charm."
"Go get 'em, tiger," Lucian cheered, giving Issei a solid shove toward the girls. "Remember, eye contact and confidence!"
Issei puffed out his chest, slicked back his brown hair, and swaggered over. "Excuse me, ladies," he said, leaning against a lamppost. "I couldn't help but notice you were enjoying those crepes. You know what goes great with sweets? A date with a cool guy like me. Can I get your numbers?"
The three girls stopped laughing. They looked Issei up and down, their expressions instantly turning into masks of profound disgust.
"Isn't that the pervert from Kuoh Academy? The Breast Dragon guy?" one girl whispered loudly.
"He's totally staring at my chest," another shivered. "Let's go, quickly."
"W-Wait! I was just admiring the structural integrity of your buttons!" Issei panicked, grasping at straws. The girls practically sprinted away, leaving Issei standing alone, a figurative gray raincloud materializing over his head.
Lucian and Kiba walked up. Instead of offering polite condolences, Lucian slung an arm around Issei's neck and laughed. "Bro, 'structural integrity of your buttons'? Are you trying to flirt or inspect a construction site? That was a beautiful trainwreck!"
"Shut up, man! I panicked!" Issei wailed. "Why does God hate me?! I have a Sacred Gear!"
"It's not God, Issei, it's your complete lack of filter," Kiba chuckled.
Before Issei could defend himself, the atmosphere in the plaza shifted. The moment Lucian and Kiba stepped out from behind the fountain, a group of college girls walking out of a boutique stopped dead in their tracks.
"Oh my god," one of them gasped. "Look over there. Is that Yuuto Kiba? He looks like a prince!"
"And who is the guy with the red hair?! He's gorgeous! He looks so cool and dangerous!"
Within thirty seconds, a crowd of a dozen girls had swarmed around Lucian and Kiba, completely stepping over Issei's depressed form.
"Uhm, excuse me!" a bold girl blushed, holding her phone out to Lucian. "Could I possibly get your Line ID?"
"Kiba-kun! Please accept these chocolates!" another squealed.
Lucian, refusing to leave his bro hanging, grabbed Issei by the collar and hauled him to his feet, thrusting him toward the girls. "Ladies, ladies, you flatter us. But honestly? Kiba and I are boring. If you want a real man, a guy with the heart of a literal dragon, you want my buddy Issei here! He's loyal, he's brave, and he can do incredible things with his hands!"
Issei puffed his chest out, striking a pose. "It's true! I'm a very hands-on guy!"
The girls took one look at Issei's perverted grin, shrieked, and immediately scattered in the opposite direction.
Issei fell back to his knees, punching the concrete. "YOU MADE IT WORSE, LUCIAN! YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE I'M A SERIAL GROPING MENACE!"
"Hey, I tried to wingman!" Lucian protested, laughing so hard he was tearing up. "You just emit a natural anti-rizz field, bro! It's a scientific anomaly!"
The Feast of the Degenerates
After fleeing the plaza to avoid any more embarrassing rejections, the trio crashed into a massive, all-you-can-eat American-style diner. They snagged a booth in the corner, and Lucian tossed a gold Gremory credit card onto the table.
"Order everything," Lucian commanded. "I haven't had a proper, greasy, artery-clogging burger since I got reincarnated—I mean, since I started training."
Issei's eyes lit up. "Waitress! Bring us ten double cheeseburgers! Four large fries! A bucket of chicken! And your largest chocolate milkshakes!"
When the mountain of food arrived, all pretenses of demonic nobility went out the window. Lucian didn't use a knife and fork; he grabbed a double cheeseburger and shoved half of it into his mouth, matching Issei bite for bite. Kiba watched in mild horror as his two friends inhaled calories at a terrifying pace.
"Lucian, how are you eating that fast?" Issei mumbled through a mouthful of fries. "I thought you only ate fancy Underworld caviar and stuff!"
"Bro, do you know how exhausting it is being 'elegant' all the time?" Lucian groaned, swallowing heavily. "I have to posture for the King, trade verbal barbs with the Queen, and keep a hundred-year-old fox entertained. This greasy piece of processed meat is the best thing I've tasted all week."
"Eat up, Issei," Kiba smiled, finally relaxing and grabbing a piece of fried chicken himself. "We still have the arcade."
"Hell yeah," Issei cheered with his milkshake. "We're going to tear up the dance floor!"
The Arcade and the Apple Juice Bender
To burn off the staggering amount of calories they had just consumed, the trio hit the largest arcade in Kuoh. The neon lights and blaring electronic music were exactly the kind of sensory overload Lucian had been craving.
They started on the Dance Dance Revolution machine. Issei went first, flailing wildly and missing every arrow, relying purely on chaotic energy. Kiba went next, turning the game into a flawless sword kata, his footwork so fast it blurred.
When Lucian stepped up, he didn't hold back. He selected the hardest difficulty, channeled a tiny fraction of his demonic speed, and completely obliterated the high score while striking ridiculously dramatic anime poses on every beat.
"That's how it's done!" Lucian yelled, jumping off the pad and high-fiving Issei. "Top of the leaderboards, baby!"
"You're a monster!" Issei laughed. "Alright, enough dancing. To the karaoke room! We need drinks! Room service! Bring us three massive pitchers of your premium, 100% pure, sparkling... Apple Juice!"
Kiba raised an eyebrow as they entered the VIP karaoke suite. "Apple juice?"
"Bro," Issei explained with utter sincerity, "when you get the sparkling kind, and you drink it fast enough, the sugar rush and the carbonation perfectly mimic the effects of alcohol! It's the ultimate underage party hack!"
"Say no more," Lucian grinned, grabbing a pitcher. "Pour it up!"
Ten minutes later, the room was a chaotic disaster zone. Whether it was a placebo effect, the sheer volume of sugar, or the lingering adrenaline from surviving Kokabiel, the three devils were acting completely wasted on sparkling apple juice.
Issei was standing on the glass coffee table, his tie wrapped around his head like a bandana, screaming the opening theme song to his favorite mecha anime.
"ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWER!" Issei shrieked, pointing at the disco ball.
"YEAH! PIERCE THE HEAVENS, ISSEI!" Lucian roared, standing on the couch and chugging his third glass of apple juice. He was completely invested. He grabbed the second microphone and joined in, his naturally deep, melodic voice harmonizing terribly with Issei's off-pitch screaming.
Kiba had completely lost his filter. The pristine Knight was sitting on the floor, weeping fake tears of joy. "It's so beautiful! You guys are true warriors! Sing it!"
"Kiba, get up here!" Lucian yelled, pulling the blonde Knight onto the couch. "We're doing a three-man chorus of the Dragon Ball theme! Let's go!"
For an hour, they forgot about factions, wars, and demonic politics. They were just three teenage idiots screaming anime songs at the top of their lungs, completely drunk on sugar and brotherhood.
The Pilgrimage and the Failed Contingency
By 4:00 PM, the sugar crash hit them like a freight train. They stumbled out of the arcade, blinking against the late afternoon sun, leaning on each other for support.
"Alright," Issei said, his voice completely hoarse. He looked at Lucian and Kiba with a deadly serious, entirely perverted expression. "The party was amazing. But now... we embark on the true mission. The sacred pilgrimage."
Lucian, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye, knew exactly what Issei was talking about. His otaku knowledge kicked in. The Kuoh Station Overpass. The legendary Marilyn Monroe spot.
"Issei... you don't mean..." Lucian gasped mockingly, playing along perfectly.
"I do," Issei nodded solemnly. "Due to the architectural design of the buildings, at exactly 4:15 PM every Saturday, a massive thermal updraft funnels through the alleyway beneath the station stairs. Any girl walking down in a skirt... it is a guaranteed panty-shot paradise."
"Issei, no," Kiba groaned, holding his head. "I am a Knight. I have honor. I cannot participate in this degenerate behavior."
"Bro!" Lucian grabbed Kiba by the shoulders, shaking him. "This is a rite of passage! A legendary quest! We are brothers in arms! We do not abandon a brother on the battlefield of culture!"
"Preach, Lucian! Preach!" Issei cheered, practically glowing with validation.
"Fine!" Kiba relented, utterly defeated by peer pressure. "But I am keeping my eyes closed!"
"Let's ride," Lucian declared, leading the charge.
But internally, Lucian was sweating bullets. I am a dead man, he thought frantically. Rias has familiars all over this city. Akeno can probably track my electrical signature. Yubelluna has a soul-link with me, and Tamamo can literally smell my intentions. If I get caught peeping with Issei, my harem is going to castrate me.
He needed a backup plan. As they marched toward the station, Lucian subtly let his Red Eyes flare, spinning the tomoe. He discreetly pulled a small, silver coin from his pocket—a teleportation anchor he had copied from one of Sona Sitri's advanced spatial formulas. He imbued it with a fraction of his demonic mana, setting it to trigger a localized displacement field if a hostile, high-level aura approached. It wouldn't stop an attack, but it would instantly teleport him, Issei, and Kiba fifty feet away, giving them a chance to run.
Perfect, Lucian thought, pocketing the glowing coin. Contingency set. Let's look at some anime skirts.
They arrived at the alleyway beneath the massive concrete stairs of Kuoh Station. They hid behind a large advertisement billboard, crouching in the shadows. Issei was practically vibrating, checking his watch.
"Target acquired," Issei hissed.
Walking down the stairs was a group of high school girls, their standard pleated skirts swishing with every step.
"Wait for it," Issei counted down, his eyes wide. "Three... two... one... The Wind of the Gods, blow!"
Exactly at 4:15 PM, a massive gust of wind roared through the alleyway. The updraft hit the stairs perfectly. Issei leaned forward, a grin of absolute perverted joy painting his face.
But Issei didn't see anything.
Because exactly one millisecond before the skirts blew up, the temperature in the alleyway plummeted to absolute zero.
Lucian's eyes widened. He felt the spatial anchor in his pocket shatter into dust. The localized displacement field he had set up didn't just fail; it was instantly crushed by a wave of suffocating, terrifying demonic pressure that made the air itself turn heavy and toxic. The magic was so dense it physically pinned all three boys to the concrete wall behind them.
The girls on the stairs didn't notice a thing, walking past safely as the wind died down. But Issei, Kiba, and Lucian were frozen, paralyzed by sheer, primal terror.
"A spatial anchor? Really, Lucian?" a dark, echoing voice resonated from the shadows directly behind them. "Did you honestly think you could hide from us with a parlor trick you stole from Sona?"
Lucian's blood ran cold. He slowly, mechanically turned his head. Issei let out a high-pitched squeak. Kiba, eyes still tightly shut, began muttering prayers.
Standing ten feet away, blocking the only exit to the alleyway, were the four horsewomen of the apocalypse.
Rias Gremory stood at the front. Her arms were crossed, her crimson hair floating menacingly in the air. Her blue-green eyes had been completely swallowed by a solid, unhinged crimson light. The Power of Destruction crackled around her boots, melting the asphalt.
To her right stood Akeno Himejima. She wasn't smiling, which was the most terrifying thing of all. A violet, highly condensed sphere of lightning hummed violently in her hand, sparking with lethal intent.
To Rias's left was Yubelluna. The Queen held her explosive staff in a white-knuckle grip, her orange eyes narrowed into slits of pure jealousy.
And directly behind them, floating slightly off the ground, was Tamamo in her adult form. All nine of her golden tails were fanned out like a peacock of pure rage, and a massive array of blue spirit-fire foxes snarled viciously around her head.
"We give you one day," Rias said, her voice dropping an octave, sounding less like a high school girl and more like the Lord of the Underworld. "One day to 'blow off steam'. And what do my familiars report back to me?"
"You reject the advances of mortal women at the plaza, which is commendable," Yubelluna spat, glaring at Issei. "Only to let the Red Dragon drag you to a train station to peep up the skirts of strangers!"
"I thought I taught you better than this, Lucian-kun," Akeno whispered, the lightning in her hand scorching the concrete. "If you wanted to look under a skirt today, you only had to ask."
"Master is a bad boy," Tamamo giggled, the sound entirely devoid of warmth. "Bad boys need to be punished. And your little teleportation trick? Very naughty. Trying to run from your wives?"
"B-Buchou!" Issei stammered, falling to his knees and bowing his head to the dirt. "It was all my idea! I forced them! Kiba had his eyes closed, and Lucian was just supporting me as a bro! They are innocent!"
"Silence, Pawn," Rias commanded. The sheer force of her voice forced Issei flat onto his stomach. She didn't look at Issei; her glowing red eyes were locked entirely on Lucian.
Lucian let out a long, heavy sigh. He ran a hand through his red hair, dropping the act completely. "Alright, look. The apple juice gave us a sugar high, Issei made a convincing argument about brotherhood, and my contingency plan clearly sucked. I accept my fate."
Rias took a slow, deliberate step forward, the concrete shattering beneath her heel. "Akeno. Yubelluna. Tamamo," she ordered. "Secure Kiba and Issei. Take them back to the clubroom. They will run punishment drills against the Cerberus holograms until they vomit."
"With pleasure, President," Akeno purred, her sadistic smile finally returning as she advanced on the terrified Red Dragon.
"No! My double cheeseburgers! Mercy!" Issei screamed as Akeno wrapped him in a cage of lightning.
"I accept my punishment," Kiba sighed in defeat, lowering his head as Yubelluna summoned a magical binding rope.
Rias stepped right up to Lucian, the Power of Destruction radiating heat against his skin. She grabbed him roughly by the lapels of his jacket, pulling his face down until they were inches apart. The anger in her eyes was melting rapidly into a dark, overwhelmingly possessive lust.
"As for you, my Wildcard," Rias whispered, her breath hot against his lips, her hand sliding down his chest to grip his belt loop possessively. "You are coming back to my room. And you are not leaving it until Monday morning class. You clearly have far too much excess energy if you're wandering the streets setting up spatial traps. I'm going to drain every last drop of it."
Lucian looked into the eyes of his fiercely jealous King. In his peripheral vision, Tamamo and Yubelluna were shooting him looks that promised they would be joining that 'punishment' the moment Rias let her guard down.
He had wanted a fun, chaotic bro day like the anime. He got it. But now, he had to pay the ultimate ecchi tax.
"Yes, Buchou," Lucian sighed, leaning in to press a pacifying kiss to her lips. "Lead the way."
Buddy Day was officially over. The reign of the crimson harem had resumed,
and Lucian knew, with absolute certainty, that he wasn't going to get any sleep for a very, very long time.