As I looked at my hands, I realized my current predicament.
My Mana Organ was still trash by this time. The system hadn't evolved it yet. By the standards of this world, I was a Z-rank with no magic ability, a rarity in the population.
It was a fact I wanted to be proud of, but I couldn't.
The Mana Organ served as mana's storage and control center as it flowed through the body. Its "perfectness" dictated the rank of a person's magic ability.
Most people were F-rank. They could easily use any magical item, even if they couldn't use any spells themselves.
Aunt Maria was an E-rank herself. She could use simple day-to-day spells like that [Fire] spell, but she wouldn't be able to use any offensive spells.
Just like she had said, it would have been handy during our hunts.
The ranks go on from Z, F, E, D, C, B, A, S, and all the way up to SS and SSS ranks, which were the levels of the gods in this world.
It was a shame, though.
The system's main weakness was magic. It acted like ionizing radiation. The weirdness of mana wasn't compensated for in its original programming.
Its creators were geniuses, no doubt. However, they ultimately came from a universe without magic, or so I've heard from the system.
If I could shut the system off with magic, I would have many ways to hijack it. I know its creator's left a contingency in case the system went rogue.
I want to turn that on. It might save me. It might even be my ticket to controlling the Rogue Evolution System.
"Maybe I should run away…"
My legs started shaking. The thought of running released me from all the stress. It was the choice if I wanted to survive, but…
"…but it will control another person and do the same things I did…"
That thought sent shivers down my spine. It was scarier than being controlled by the system. I knew full well about the fates of everyone else before the evil system.
There was another and more cowardly option: kill myself.
I took out the knife from my pocket and stared at its blade. The glint of its silver surface was blinding, but I was too focused to care.
"No… Aunt Maria is still alive. I need to take care of her."
I spoke out loud to convince myself. My legs stopped shaking as the thought of protecting Aunt Maria drowned out all my cowardly thoughts. She reminded me of the feeling of love just earlier.
I reminded myself that I was a man, and it was a man's duty to protect a woman. Now that I was back, I could right many of my wrongs.
Perhaps that was why the Void Whale took pity on me. Despite a million years under the influence of the system, my heart was still pure according to its words.
I had long reflected upon this. I never wanted to eat people. I'm a good person. I'm sure of it. I really am.
I still maintained a strong sense of right and wrong. It was wrong for a man to let a woman suffer, especially now that I had another chance. That was how I remembered it.
I was related to everyone in the village but I only considered Aunt Maria as my real relative because she was the only one who cared for me. She took me in, and it was her who first taught me right and wrong.
So, staring at the knife in my hand, determination swelled up within me.
I took the knife and raised it high. I slowly faced it towards me, and I stabbed my stomach.
All of my suffering in my past life destroyed all fear and pain as they paled in comparison.
My breath left my lungs like a deflated balloon. I moved it from left to right and opened a large slit under my belly button. I threw the knife to the side as my warm blood poured over my body.
"Fuck!" I screamed.
I still vividly remember the system's words back then. It told me I wasn't talentless given I got good genes from my parents but I grew wrong. In other words, I shouldn't be a Z-rank.
It seemed ironic but it was system who taught me everything I knew after I left the village.
I dug my hands deep into my flesh and in between my skin and other internal organs. My vision was already becoming blurry as the world appeared darker. I could endure the pain but the rapid drop of blood pressure was unbearable for my young body.
And there it was, the kink on my mana organ. Like a hose that was pulled in the wrong direction, my mana organ couldn't pump mana because of this kink which was a birth defect I had.
As soon as I was done straightening it, I pulled my hand out and took a deep breath.
"Heal!"
[Heal] was a magic spell I had seen multiple times in this world. However, I never got to use it, as the system used the flesh I ate to heal my wounds.
Mana gathered from the surroundings and blew a gust of mana that stuck to my wound. The spell slowly worked its magic as it started closing from the edges.
"Heal!" It stopped midway, so I needed to cast another one.
More mana gathered around me and healed my wound. The excess recovered my lost blood and stabilized my condition.
"Ahh… Ahh…"
There I was, staring at the pool of blood under me and the scar marking my reckless action. I had succeeded, but it could have gone awfully wrong.
I needed to be careful next time. I had been so confident solely because I had experienced evolution many times in the past.
I felt thirsty as I stood up and hid the knife back inside my pocket. The [Heal] spell used my body's resources to heal my wound. A higher-level spell could do it itself, but that was out of the question for now.
My mana reserve was also drained.
So I was actually an E-rank all along…, I thought.
It was a risky gamble on my part to trust the words of the system, but I knew that it had no reason to lie about it to me.
On the other hand, the [Heal] spell wasn't something an E-rank like me should be able to conjure. My memories from my past life helped me use magic efficiently enough to use spells a rank above.
After living for a million years, it had been second nature to me. I would use magic from time to time even though the system didn't like it.
I looked up at the sky. It didn't feel like a long time had passed, but the sun was already starting to set. The orange hue covered the world like a blanket.
"Did I pass out and didn't realize it?"
I looked at the blood pool, which had dried up a little. I had passed out without realizing it.
"Whatever… Tomorrow is drawing nearer. I need to mentally prepare myself."
I climbed up the vine and noticed the stark-obvious blood covering me.
Before going back, I visited a hidden part of the river running through the village and washed myself. By nightfall, I returned home without any issues.
Aunt Maria was relaxing in the living room, reading a book she had bought. She lay on the long wooden chair, her legs raised up in a crisscross position. The oil lamp beside her provided ample light for reading.
"Aerus, where have you been?"
"E-err…" I found no words to explain myself.
"Next time tell me, okay? I was worried."
Aunt Maria appeared relaxed, but the tone of her voice wavered.
"Y-yeah…"
I nodded and returned to my room.
Man, it had been such a long time. I had forgotten how to respond when someone expressed their love and care to me, I thought as I closed the door behind me.