Translator: Penny
Chapter Title:2
I'll Definitely Come Back and Fuck Your Wife and Daughter Too
I've always had a bad relationship with the current family head.
'No way we could've gotten along.'
The eldest son of a magic family, but a total dullard. In contrast, the second son was hailed as a genius. Inevitably, we'd get compared.
"Especially in a family like Mars that values strength above all else."
If my parents hadn't died so suddenly. If I hadn't been away from home for so long. I would've surely been the one to take over as head.
So from his perspective, he must've wanted me gone by any means necessary. Never knowing when I'd push him out and steal his seat.
"Whatever, that's not my problem~"
What matters is that bastard sold me off as breeding stock. To a witch over three hundred years old, no less. In that sense, ransacking the family vault is totally justified. That incompetent fuck doesn't even know it exists anyway.
'If you hadn't struck first, I wouldn't have gone this far.'
The archive accessible only to those of the bloodline. It's where all the magic tomes accumulated by the Mars family slumber. I headed even deeper, to a certain bookshelf, and shoved it aside with all my might.
"Urghhhh!"
Not even a grown man could budge it easily. Pouring in every ounce of strength from my nursing days, I finally heard it grind open, revealing the wall behind.
"...Talk about a twisted hobby."
No magic can be used in the family archive. They've put up barriers to protect the grimoires. A secret archive servants can't enter, hidden by a bookshelf too heavy to move without magic, yet relying on raw strength. Those two factors kept the secret safe all this time.
As I said, Mars is a magic family. No noble from such a place would bother with exercise.
'Unless they're a freak like me.'
I bit my thumb, drawing a bit of blood. Smearing it on the wall triggered the magic right away. It didn't look like anything changed at first glance, but when I pressed my hand against it, it passed right through.
"Creating a hidden space like this. Guess the founding genius really was one."
I'd never gone any further than this. Poked around inside with magic—that was it. Whatever is here is reserved for the family head alone.
"But at this point, who gives a shit."
I'd been sold off to some old hag, so my eyes were bloodshot too. I stepped right through the wall into the room.
Unlike the entrance shrouded in all sorts of spells, the interior was a cramped, ordinary room. An empty space, with just a single notebook sitting there all by its lonesome.
"Is this our family's secret technique?"
According to history, the first head of Mars had been a commoner. Which left a lot of mystery about how a peasant became a mage worthy of a title and territory.
'Now the secret of the founder, hailed as the greatest mage of all time, is in my hands.'
Tension building, I picked up the notebook. This is what it said.
[Magic to Fuck Long-Lived Species Over Hundreds of Years Old Like Cake ★]
"...What the fuck?"
A curse slipped out before I knew it. No, seriously, what is this?
"How to fuck long-lived species? What the...?"
This was the secret magic of a mage family, no less. Hidden so thoroughly even from descendants. And the essence of it, the notebook's title, was a long-lived fucking guide?
Was the founder actually a total psycho?
"No, wait. Maybe this is a test."
First things first—verify the facts...!
I forced myself to calm down and opened the notebook.
[If you're reading this, you've uncovered the archive's secret. Well done. You have what it takes to inherit our family's magic...]
"Skip the bullshit."
I skimmed through it like hunting for the juicy bits in some smut story. Finally, I found the important part.
[...And that's when I discovered it: magic to seduce long-lived women. They generally look down on humans as beneath them. But pair this spell with your cock, and they turn into nothing but bitches writhing and moaning beneath you. I raised their affection that way and learned magic from the long-lived species. That's why our family's magic is so superior.]
"Oh, fuck me. Holy shit."
I bet this is how Pandora felt opening that box.
[After that, I returned to the kingdom, made a name as an exceptional mage, and was granted a title and territory. It was all thanks to the power of sex.]
'So the founder seduced long-lived women, learned magic from them, and built the family on that?'
My head was spinning.
'Long-lived species start at least in the dozens even if young, and most live centuries.'
Seducing those grannies to learn magic. In a way, you could call it a human victory.
[For any descendants who find this place, I've recorded the long-lived bitch magic I used here. I hope it proves useful to you.]
"Fuck."
It detailed the magic's structure, how to acquire it, and its effects. Ready to learn right then and there.
"But this is bullshit."
I thought it'd be the foundation to becoming a great mage. And it's seduction magic for long-lived women, of all things. Right before getting shipped off to a witch over three hundred, too.
Is this fate telling me to use it?
"No. Hell no."
No matter how bad I want revenge on the current head, I just couldn't picture seducing a three-hundred-year-old hag. For starters, was the founder some desperate simp?
"...I'll learn it anyway."
I really don't wanna use it. No plans to, either. But you never know what life might throw at you.
The magic was surprisingly systematic, despite its idiotic effect. The notebook had it neatly organized, too.
[1. Long-lived species feel heightened pleasure upon contact with the caster.]
[2. If they feel sufficient pleasure, the magic analyzes their erogenous zones and preferred playstyles.]
[3. The mage can hear fragments of the long-lived species' inner thoughts while they're feeling pleasure.]
"...Only problem is it's all sex-related."
If it just boosted affection easily, it'd be useful. But nope—effects only trigger on touch or during sex.
Of course, I admit the effects are broken. Touch them and they melt, plus you learn their kinks. No better spell for seducing long-lived species, probably. They say the king of kings is pounding pussy, after all.
"But to see the effects, I gotta fuck 'em first."
You think I'm crazy enough to lay hands on a three-hundred-year-old granny? Fuck this. Life really is shit.
'Anyway, I've learned the spell...'
I decided to test it out. For this, Sara was perfect.
"Ahh! W-wait, young master! I gotta get ready... haaa...!"
I jumped the rushing Sara, who'd overslept after last night's fuck and was scrambling. I thrust in just in case, but no effect.
'As expected, only works on long-lived species.'
The magic itself was legit. I could clearly feel the mana flowing through me and its principles.
'He intentionally limited it to long-lived species to amp up the power. Applying it to all women would destabilize the circuits.'
...Looks like it's utterly useless unless you're fucking long-lived bitches.
"Goddamn it."
The prized family secret magic turns out to be total garbage. Nothing but shit's happened since my parents died.
Meanwhile, departure time for the Witch Territory loomed. Helpfully, a carriage waited outside the manor. They really wanted me gone ASAP. Maybe ashamed to be seen, only the head and my sister-in-law came to see me off.
'...She came alone on purpose and dismissed everyone else?'
I'd said my goodbyes to the friends in the family. But this on the way out? Total bullshit.
'And here I am, sacrificing for the family.'
They must be dead set on finishing me off. Well, they probably think they'll never see me again.
"Take care on your journey, young master."
"Thanks, sister-in-law."
My sister-in-law gazed at me fondly, offering her blessing. Wow, check out those insane tits and curves. Honestly, she's too good for the current head.
'Childhood sweetheart, right?'
That's probably why they married unusually young for nobles. She's a stunner worth leering at. Top-tier rack and a huge ass to boot.
'If our age gap wasn't so big, I might've fought him for her ages ago.'
I held back since she was my brother's wife, even if I was tempted. Should've made a move knowing it'd end like this.
"Watch yourself. And don't get any ideas about bolting midway."
"Fuck off. You think I'm a chickenshit pussy like you?"
"You little...!"
He couldn't do shit to me even if he raged. I flipped him the bird and boarded the carriage.
Soon, it set off. Toward the Witch Territory. Toward my three-hundred-year-old wife.
'Just you wait. I'll come back for sure.'
I'll reclaim my parents' family and territory. And as a bonus, fuck your wife and daughter too.