But wala and I realized na what if Bea isn't really her real name at baka ang picture din nito sa profile ay hindi totoo. Dun na ako nakapag-isip na malabo nga ang pag-ibig na ito. Kasi mapagbalatkayo at sabi niya sa akin, makakalimutan ko rin daw siya. Pero, the thing is, after she dumped me, I felt so down na as if I was in my darkest moment of my life that I can't bear to live any more. Pero I think she didn't leave baka ako lang ang sumuko. She didn't block my number kaya I know may pag-asa pa ako. However, it's no use trying since hindi rin naman niya sinasabi sa akin kung anu ang totoo sa kaniya just the words, bahala daw ako!
Mama Vera, kamusta ka? Na-miss kita and I got worried nang naaksidente ka!, Crystal said. I cried and realized na meron pang mga tao na totoong nagmamahal sa akin and they are my family and true friends who never left my side when I needed them. Yet, si Bea naman ang nagturo sa akin magmahal, na kahit di kami nagkita ng face to face, sa calls lang, love can develop out of concern and care sa isang tao.
I was in the dark then but the void was suddenly changed to a spring of hope and anticipation of a meaningful future. Ahh….the pain and feeling of drowning from my own suffering is so unbearable I sobbed like a child. Then prayed to God to help and save me, He did, when I fell for a girl who is unsure of me yet cared for who I really am and made me strong to fight and man-up, not for her or my love for her but for myself and my tomorrow.
Even though, I have the talent and gift, I felt useless or meaningless, but with God and Bea I loved myself, my weaknesses, fears, doubts and uncertainties. During my dilemma, I learned to accept who I am, the real me who is, jealous, overprotective woman with trust issues and more.
I am in-love with her since I cared about her situation and kapag late na at nakikipag-party pa siya sa kaniyang mga ka-officemates or what. I always tell her na umuwi na and that she needs to to take care of herself since babae siya and kung ako ang kasama niya ihahatid ko siya at pag-iingatan palagi. May times pa na nagpapaselos ito at sinasabing may mga guys na nakikipagdate sa kaniya at gusto siya. Sabi ko, kung saan siya masaya, dun siya, since di pa kami nagkikita, though I care for her I want her to be happy. I think duon siya nagalit, kasi as if pinamimigay ko siya. But, I am that type of lover din talaga kasi. I don't want to hold or corner my partner na she tends to get suffocated or imprisoned because mahal ko siya or I care for her. I set my love free and let her do what she loves or intends to do for her to grow and be happier.
I am like that in truth and I let myself go din kasi sometimes once I get serious sa mahal ko, I set her on a pedestal and forget about myself and my own cares just for her. And that is I think my flaw as a lover na di ko pa rin maalis sa akin kasi iyon talaga ako. A free-spirit but passionate and serious lover.