The Lawson house was always filled with noise you know it was never quiet.
I mean there was always something going on at the Lawson house.
The Lawson house was a place where you would hear people talking and laughing all the time. It was like that, for a time the Lawson house was never silent.
The house was full of laughter, from morning till night. Christine told funny jokes that were very loud. Joy sang all the time. Caleb liked to tease people and Jane had a soft giggle. When you put all of these things together it sounded like music. Even Christine and Jane and Caleb and Joys parents got in on the fun.
They made nights at home really special and fun to remember. The. Jokes and singing and teasing all mixed together to make the house feel happy. Christines jokes and Joys singing and Calebs teasing and Janes giggles made the house a happy place.
Back then, happiness was effortless.
The silence was there now. It had taken the place of all the noise. Silence was all you could hear. The silence had really taken its place.
Jane woke up. She noticed it right away. It was the thing Jane saw when Jane opened her eyes. Jane felt something was different. Jane could not figure out what it was that Jane had noticed.
The house was really quiet. There was no music playing in the kitchen. You could not hear her mother singing to herself while she was cooking.
The house was missing the fights, between her brothers and sisters. It was just really quiet. The house was quiet.
She lay on her bed for a moment she was staring at the ceiling and listening to the music of the night the sound of the house being quiet the sound of her bed creaking softly the ceiling fan spinning, above her she was listening to all of these things.
Nothing.
She sat up slowly.
Something was different now. Things were not the same as they were before. Something had changed.
The house was getting quieter and quieter. This did not happen at once. At first it was things that changed. Her father did not tell stories at dinner like he used to. Her mother did not laugh much as she used to. Christine spent time in her room. The house was getting quieter and quieter.
Caleb got angry easily. Christine and her family were changing. Joy was always on her phone now. The house was really quiet now. Christine and her family, like Christine and Joy and Caleb were all changing.
Jane really tried to ignore the thing that was bothering her. She did not want to think about it. The thing was still, on her mind. Jane tried to ignore it again.
She said to herself that it was stress. People have busy lives. People get tired sometimes. She thought that she was, like everyone else and that is why she was feeling this way.
She told herself that it was stress and that the feeling would go away. People get tired. They feel stressed and then they feel better. She thought that this was what was happening to her that she was feeling stressed because she had a lot to do.
Down she had a feeling that it was more than that. She was really sure that there was something to it. The thing is, she knew it was more, than that.
She got up from bed folded her blanket nice and neat and picked up her notebook. Her notebook was really important to her. It had all her thoughts and plans and dreams written down inside her notebook. She loved her notebook because it was where she kept all her thoughts and her notebook was special, to her.
When life got really confusing she would sit down. Write. She found that writing helped her make sense of life when it felt confusing. Writing was what she did when life became confusing.
That morning she put the thing into her bag. Then she walked out of her room. She had the bag with her. She was walking out of her room with the thing, inside her bag.
In the kitchen Abigail, her mother was standing by the stove. She was stirring a pot of stew. Abigails movements were really slow. She looked like a robot or something. Abigail looked very tired.
My mum I said morning to her. Jane said this softly.
Abigail turned around. She made herself smile. She said " morning my dear Abigail" was thinking this. She actually said "Good morning, my dear".
Jane looked at her face. The smile was, on her face. It did not go all the way to her eyes. Jane thought about her face and the smile that was not really a smile of Jane.
Her father was sitting at the dining table with a cup of tea. He was very quiet. The newspaper was right, in front of him. It was still unopened. Her father just stared into space.
Jane said "Daddy" to say hello.
He opened his eyes like he was waking up from a dream. "Oh. Morning Jane."
The mans voice sounded far away. It was like the voice was coming from else. The voice of the man sounded distant.
Jane sat down. Started to pick at her food. Usually breakfast was really loud. Everyone was talking.. Today the only sound you could hear was the clinking of forks and knives, on plates.
After a while the woman could not take it anymore. The woman felt like she was, at her limit and the woman just could not take it anymore.
She looked at him. Said "Is everything okay?" in a soft voice.
Her parents looked at each other fast.
Abigail said yes really fast. She said that everything is fine.
Jane nodded, even though she did not really believe it. Jane just did not think it was true.
Before she left for school she walked by the living room. She was on her way, to school. The living room was right there. The school was where she had to go so she was heading to school.
On the wall hung several framed photographs.
One picture showed her family at the beach. They were all smiling really big. Another picture was of her fathers graduation ceremony. Her mother was holding his arm.
She looked very proud. There was a picture of Christine on the day she got accepted into nursing school. Then there was a picture of Joys first time doing a content creation shoot. I also saw a picture of Caleb wearing his football uniform.
And one of her.
She was ten years old in that picture standing between her parents holding a certificate for being the best student in her class. That day is still really clear in her mind.
They had a time that day they even had ice cream and her parents told jokes. The best student certificate was a deal for her it was something she was very proud of, the best student, in her class.
When Jane looked at the photos she felt something weird happening in her chest. It was, like a feeling that she had never felt before. The photos made Jane feel this way. Jane had an ache in her chest when she saw the photos.
I was thinking about the times and I could not help but wonder where all that joy had gone. The joy that I used to feel is not there anymore. I am trying to figure out what happened to all that joy. All that joy that I had is now gone.