"Huh?" Charles said, surprised. "Why not? Why can't you be together?"
Benjamin was now laying flat on his back, staring into the sky with his hands tucked behind his head.
"Perhaps our paths weren't meant to cross. It wasn't in the stars for us?" Benjamin said, trying to make light of his situation, though he could not hide the sadness in his eyes.
"I think that's nonsense. Did the person reject your confession?" Charles asked, his blood boiling as he imagined different scenarios of a brutish man or a snobbish woman rejecting Benjamin's confession.
"No… I just know…" Benjamin said, letting out a soft, hollow laugh.
"Is that why you looked so sad today when you stepped out of the clinic?" Charles asked, his voice softening with concern.
"How did you know?" Benjamin gave a faint smile, as if he were hiding a frown.
"I just know you well enough now. So tell me who this person is, and I'll go knock some sense into them," Charles declared.
Charles watched Benjamin fidget with the telescope and gaze across at the stars. Here he is, smiling and laughing, pretending he's not hurting anymore. Even if it stings to hear it, I'll help you, Benjamin. It hurts me to see you like this.
"Whoever it is, just tell me. I'll help you, Benjamin, I swear it," Charles insisted. He sipped his wine and sliced a piece of cheese. "Here, have some." He placed a slice of cheese into Benjamin's mouth.
"Thanks. Here, take this," Benjamin said, passing the telescope to Charles. "The stars are beautiful. You should take a look now. I've been hogging the view."
They lay there for a long time, sharing the cheese and wine, taking turns with the telescope. The alcohol began to settle into Benjamin's limbs, a pleasant, fuzzy warmth.
"Who do you think will get married first, you or me?" Charles asked.
"You," Benjamin said without hesitation. "Will you invite me to your wedding? I'm sure it will be grand."
"I will. You can even be my best man," Charles joked, but the words stung and made reality come crashing down. He thought about what Sofia had said about Princess Shirin. And lately, his parents had brought up her name around him too often.
"But I actually think you'll get married first. That Dr. Wren Baek person hardly even knows you and he already asked for your hand. Who's to say there won't be others?"
Benjamin laughed. "That was just strange. People have approached me with interest before, but no one has ever proposed marriage first. And what about you? I'm sure you have a whole line of women just waiting for their turn."
"Me?" Charles scoffed. "Not a chance. I'm pretty sure I've… already found the one for me…"
The words stung Benjamin. He turned over to his side to hide his face, pretending to pick at the grass.
"Ahhh… to be young and in love," Benjamin sighed.
"There you go again, talking like an old man. Does the person you like know you talk like this?"
"Yes, he does. And he nags me about it, too," Benjamin said, forcing a small laugh.
Charles felt a sharp throb in his chest. The parts of Benjamin I thought only I knew... I guess someone else knows them too. "Well, maybe you should stop thinking you're an old man. Is this person older than you or younger?"
"You're relentless," Benjamin said, turning over on his side to face Charles with a lopsided smile. "Do you really want to know?"
"You're getting flushed from the wine. You should slow down," Charles noted.
"Can you give me more cheese with crackers?" Benjamin asked, opening his mouth like a bird.
"Here," Charles said, obliging him. "Better not drink too much. Otherwise, I'll have to sling you over the horse to get you home."
"Just leave me here then."
"Not a chance. There might be bears, tigers, or bandits," Charles said. "I can't have you die before I find out who this mystery person is. I want to see for myself if they're really worth crying over. If they're not, I'm going to make sure that you forget about them."
"So, I'm all ears," Charles said. His heart began to race. He braced himself. Don't get upset. Just breathe. I'll just have to track this person down and deal with them later.
"He's daunting and stern at times, but he's also kind, caring, and thoughtful. He nags me constantly and can be insufferable, though I find it... adorable."
"That's generic, Ben. That could be anyone."
"He excels at almost everything. Well, perhaps with the exception of pottery… and poetry."
Benjamin rolled on to his back, looking up at the sky.
"He has this way about him… He's charismatic. A natural leader. He's also breathtaking in a way that's almost unfair, with luminous purple eyes framed by his dark golden hair."
Benjamin didn't know why he had said all these things. He blamed the wine, but it was a lie. He knew if that if he hadn't said it now, he would have regretted it.
Charles went silent. The only sounds in the clearing were the rustling of leaves and grass.
After he had collected his thoughts, Charles sat with his arms crossed tight, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, and asked, "Are you messing with me?"
Benjamin turned on to his side to face Charles and gazed into his eyes.
"Do you… like… me?" Charles asked, with uncertainty in his voice.
Benjamin looked away quickly, his heart pounding so hard he could feel it through his fingertips. He paused, the silence suddenly feeling deafening, before he offered a slight, hesitant nod.
"I… I like you, Charles," he said quietly.
Charles's brows were furrowed and his arms crossed stiffly across his chest.
"I'm sorry," Benjamin said with resignation. He forced a small, soft smile. "You don't have to reciprocate my feelings. I'd be happy just to be your friend. Truly."
"I like you too," Charles said sternly. He remained sitting with his arms and legs crossed, his gaze fixed intensely on the dirt between his boots.
I've liked him all this time, Charles thought. I thought he would never feel the same way. But now that I know he does, why do I feel upset?
Benjamin sat there, his confusion deepening by the second.
"You… like me?" Benjamin asked, his eyes wide with a mix of wonder and disbelief. "Have you had too much to drink? Perhaps that's why we should both head back now."
Benjamin looked worried and let out a long, shaky sigh, staring down at his own trembling hands. "I don't think I have the energy to carry you if you collapse. The wine has made my arms feel all wobbly."
Charles remained silent as he processed his thoughts. I know why I'm upset. It's because he said we can't be together. It's as if he's already given up on me and given up on us before we've even had a chance to start.
Charles took quiet, deep breaths. Let's remain calm. First, I need to understand how he came to this conclusion. Is this perhaps because of his past?
At last, Charles broken the silence.
"If I like you, and you like me," Charles asked, his voice dropping to a softer, more vulnerable tone, "why can't we be together?"
He was sitting hunched forward now, knees drawn up, his face resting on his crossed arms. He tilted his head just enough to look Benjamin in the eye.
Benjamin lay back down, his arms spread wide and his legs stretched out on the thick blanket, staring up at the night sky.
"You're a prince, Charles. You have duties to the kingdom… Even when it comes to choosing a partner. And, I — I'm bound by circumstances I cannot change, and… And the life I've lived... I — I can't…" Benjamin's voice faltered. He couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. The past that he done so well to hide had almost crept through. "That's just the way it has been and will always be…"
"Why must you talk about the future as if it's already written in stone?" Charles countered. "No one can predict the future. But, with the decisions we make today, we can carve our own path for the future."
I know you're caught in a dangerous situation, Benjamin. I can see from the way you hide parts of yourself, afraid to be discovered. There's someone or something you're hiding from. And from the way you speak… It sounds like you've given up. Please don't give up. Please don't give up just yet. I will protect you, Benjamin. I will do whatever it takes to make sure you won't end up like the other doctors, Charles thought, hoping that the words he had said out loud would suffice.
"That's well said, Charles. You're not wrong," Benjamin replied quietly. "But some things are inevitable, like death. We can't predict when, but we know it will eventually come for us all."
"But there's no point worrying about the inevitable, then," Charles argued. "Why not enjoy life so that even if the end is certain, you know you've made the most of the time you had? Why fear the end if the journey was worth it?"
Charles thought about his own circumstances. Princess Shirin. The Imperial throne. Then, he thought about the grim report of the dead doctors. But seeing Benjamin there, in front of him, sparked a new resolve in him.
"Despite all that... a prince… and a mere doctor?" Benjamin shook his head. "This isn't some fairytale, Charles."
Charles stood up abruptly and took a single, purposeful step toward Benjamin. He knelt down, placing one knee to Benjamin's right and the other on the left. On top of him, Charles placed his arms on either side of Benjamin.
"Aside from titles, you are every part my equal," Charles said, his voice trembling with a fierce conviction. "It hurts me that you don't see that. How could you think so little of yourself?"
He leaned closer, his violet eyes burning with a relentless determination. "I know I am bound by my duties. But, I don't know who or what you are bound by, Benjamin. What I do know is that I will do whatever it takes to free you. I will break apart everything that prevents us from being together. I want to be with you, and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen."
Benjamin searched Charles's face. With him, Charles never hid his intentions. His expressions were always a mirror of his heart. Looking at him now, Benjamin did not see a shred of doubt. Before Benjamin could find his breath to protest again, Charles leaned down and kissed him on the lips.
Benjamin felt the sudden, grounding weight of Charles pressing him into the blanket. The Prince's hands, usually so steady with a sword, were trembling slightly as he cupped Benjamin's face, his thumbs tracing the line of his jaw with a desperate tenderness.
Their tongues entwined, clumsy and hungry. As they moved together, their pheromones began to bleed into the air, wrapping them in the scent of rain-washed earth and strawberries.
In the heat of the embrace, Benjamin felt the Prince's raw desire, the hard length of Charles's penis pressing firmly against his thigh. A matching heat spread over him. Benjamin felt his own body respond with a longing ache soaking through his undergarments.