Chapter Four
The Morning After
Surprisingly, we didn't make it to his bedroom.
We barely made it past the couch.
And in just a moment, I was standing there, still shaking from everything that had already gone wrong that night.
Before I realised, which was definitely too late, his hands were on me, steady and warm, as though he was anchoring me to something real.
The Ava that left home earlier wasn't the girl who wanted to be held in a man's arms. If it was Julian, I probably wouldn't have so much problem with it but still wouldn't want it to be this messy.
She wasn't the girl who wanted to forget her name for a few hours.
That Ava was gone at that moment.
It was unbelievable that everything happened really fast, like we were both scared the moment would disappear if we slowed down even for a second.
Clothes came off in a rush.
Without thinking.
I could swear that my sense had left me at that point.
Buttons were undone too sharply without looking. Zippers caught and tugged at.
His hands were everywhere—my waist, my back, my hair—like he was trying to memorize me all at once. My hands weren't any better. I touched him like I needed him to be closer than he already was.
The kisses were deep. Hungry. Messy.
They were full of too many feelings we didn't have names for.
I guess he's the one having the feeling.
I just wanted to get over the heartbreak I experienced.
It wasn't gentle.
It wasn't wild either.
It was urgent.
Like we were both trying to forget something. Or remember something better. Like stopping would mean thinking, and thinking would ruin the fun.
When it was over, we stayed there on the couch, breathing hard, tangled in sheets and limbs that didn't belong together but somehow fit.
My chest rose and fell too fast. I was feeling my senses return back to me.
His arm was wrapped across my stomach, qgrounding me in a way I wasn't longer comfortable with.
The room smelled like heat and something new. Something dangerous.
And it definitely was.
I stared at the ceiling, my thoughts slowly catching up with my body. Wishing I could rewind time. Or at least pause it long enough to decide if this was really what I wanted.
Reality crept back in quietly.
"Oh God," I whispered. "I just slept with a stranger."
He turned his head to look at me, not amused, not offended. Just calm. "A stranger who saved you from crying in a hallway."
I let out a weak laugh. Not like I appreciated it but maybe yes but I didn't want to admit it.
"My name is Jude," he said. "So now I'm slightly less of a stranger."
"I already know that," I said quickly.
The words slipped out before I could stop them. And the moment they did, irritation rose in my chest. At him. At myself. At how easy this had been. How careless I was.
Silence fell again.
Not awkward.
Just heavy.
And it was so real, like I've never been in a quiet environment. It looked like my world had crumbled right before me.
I sat up, pulling the sheet tighter around my chest like it could shield me from what I'd just done.
"This was a one-night thing," I said quickly. "Right?"
He studied my face, really looked at me. "Is that what you want it to be?"
"What else is it supposed to be?" I snapped, sharper than I meant to.
He didn't react. Just nodded slowly. "I just… I'm not ready for anything messy."
"Good," he said. "Neither am I."
We both relaxed at the same time.
Deal made.
No feelings.
No expectations.
Just a night that happened because it needed to.
We got dressed quietly. It wasn't cold between us. Just calm. Like we were two adults who knew how to walk away without burning bridges.
At the door, he hesitated.
"Are you good to get home?" he asked.
"Yeah. I'll call a cab."
He nodded. "Text me when you get back safe."
I blinked at him.
He smiled, like he realized he'd crossed an invisible line. "Fair."
He kissed my forehead instead of my mouth.
That felt like a mistake.
I left before I could think too hard about it.
The next morning hurt.
My head.
My body.
My pride.
I stared at my ceiling and groaned, pulling the blanket over my face like that could erase the night before. Every movement reminded me of him. The couch. His hands. His voice saying my name like it mattered. I hated myself for remembering the scene every second.
What the hell did I do?
My phone buzzed beside me.
Jude: "hey just checking up"
I stared at the screen longer than necessary.
The irritation came fast and sharp. I didn't like that he was checking in. I didn't like that a part of me wanted to reply. I wanted him gone. I wanted him out of my life.
I didn't answer.
Another message came later.
Then another.
He was persistent. Always asking how I was doing. If I ate. If my head hurts. I never replied to any of them. I wanted him to stay in my past, but he didn't seem okay with that.
By Sunday night, it started to feel like a dream that didn't really happen.
By Monday morning, I was back at school, pretending my life wasn't quietly falling apart. I've always been a strong girl.
University felt too loud.
Too normal.
The foolish part of me expected some stillness for my wrong. As though how I felt was what controlled the universe.
Life went on like nothing had cracked open inside me.
Of course, no one understood, no one would.
Lena met me outside the lecture hall, arms crossed. She looked pissed off
Maybe at me or because of something that had happened. I didn't bother to ask.
I was beginning to loose the part of me that cared too much.
"Where the hell did you disappear to?" she demanded. "You just vanished from your own heartbreak party."
I shrugged. "Went home."
"With who?"
I froze for half about half a minute.
"No one."
She squinted. "You really want me to believe that?."
"I'm tired," I said too quickly. "Can we not do this right now?"
She studied me, then sighed. "Fine. But we're talking later."
I nodded. Not in agreement but to just left the matter slide at that moment.
Inside the lecture hall, I took my usual seat near the middle.
I pulled out my notebook. I tried to focus. I tried not to think about Jude.
About the couch.
About how easily I'd let myself fall into someone else's arms.
I thought about my family.
My father.
My mother.
The name and legacy theyvye built.
How he's always been strict with me because he was trying to protect me from things like this.
"Oh, he will be more than disappointed in me if he finds out" I thought within myself.
I came from money.
From expectations. From rules that didn't leave room for mistakes like this.
How could I have stooped that low?
The room buzzed with chatter.
I then realised I was lost in my thoughts that I had forgotten I was In the lecture hall for class.
The lecturer was late.
Then the door opened.
I didn't look up at first.
I didn't have to.
Then I heard his voice.
Low.
Calm.
Familiar.
"Sorry I'm late."
My pen froze mid-sentence.
Slowly, I lifted my head.
Jude stood at the front of the class.