Rain came crashing down in such fury that was a sight to behold. Thunder and lightning struck each other as if in a competitive situation where they had to outshine the other. The storms raged and the heavens rumbled.
The shimmering darkness now only settled in the chaos, not showing the calmness of the heart, but rather the rage of the mind.
There stood, atop a hill, a young girl—barely the age of 9 or so—clutching her teddy so hard it could have torn, not from the pressure, but from the sheer heartbreak which attacked the young girl's soul.
She stood alone—like she always had—and stared at the 3 souls buried in front of her. Blue was a colour which occupied the deep ends of her eyes and shone out in shimmering streams of grief struck tears.
She stared at those three graves in silence. She was mad at them for leaving her, she felt betrayed that they left her so abruptly, she felt horror when she found out the news and most importantly, she felt lonely.
Loneliness that she hadn't felt in a long time. Ever since they saved her. Ever since they shone light into her painful and horrific days. Ever since they taught her what love was. Ever since they taught her what it meant to be loved.
"Why.." her voice shook, trembling with emotions she felt but couldn't understand, "Why did you leave me... You... You all promised.. You said... You said that.. You'll be.. You will always be there for me.."
Her voice didn't shout nor did it scream, it shivered. It felt hurt but didn't understand how to express that pain.
"You all said you love me" she continued, "But.. If you loved me.. Would you.. Would you leave me..?"
Her tears did not flow in harmony, they threw themselves out of her eyes like bees making nectar. She could care less to wipe them, her heart broken with a soul unstable.
"I—" her voice cracked, her eyes dimmed even more, "I miss you.." She finally said.
It was the words which were caught in her throat, a saying which was never fulfilled no matter how much she tried to do so.
The rain stuck to her clothes, clinging on to the essence of her body. She could have gotten a fever, but she didn't care.
How could she when the things she cared the most about already left. She was late to the party and missed the fun.
"You can't just leave me here" her voice tipped to a range of disbelief, "you can't just leave me here all alone..especially when you said you'd stay..you'd stay.. But.. But did you really stay.."
She continued to mutter her feeling out on the brick of her soul.
The rain calmed as her emotions spiraled, racing across heartbeats and pain.
It hurt more than any physical torture ever could.
Her tears blended with the rain like blended colors in a canvas.
She looked up at the sky, her eyes still full of the streams of purity which hadn't stopped. Or rather, it couldn't stop. No matter how much she would love too.
"Why did you take them from me?" she whispered, "You.. You know they matter to me.. But.. But you took them.." her heart seized the calm which was left, all that was there for her was emptiness.
Something that was always left with her when everything else was gone. Forever existing.
Her head dropped and faced the earth below her, shivering with a soul that couldn't rebuild itself anymore.
"They can't be gone.. No no, they can't"
Her voice faltered even more as she turned to get something she had.
The thing she came for here in the first place. Not that they could tell or anything. But it would give her a tiny amount of peace. Even if peace was non existent to her.
She soon placed the flowers she brought with her frail hands, shivering in neither the cold nor the rain, but with the emotions she could not capture or understand.
"Sunflowers for Noah.." she whispered, placing it on top as softly as she could, "Lavenders for..Zane.." her voice hitched as she said his name. Don't cry, she thought, don't cry.
"And.." she lifted the last bouquet of flowers and placed them with care and affection, "Jasmines for Alice"
She looked at the flowers. She came every week to replace them. To make sure they aren't rotten. If she couldn't have them anymore, the least the stars could let her have was her pleasant memories, fresh and clear.
She gave one last look at the stars, wiping the blue from her drooping eyes; the scenery turning blur. She couldn't feel anymore...
*********************************
It was exactly 6 am when the alarm clock struck its magical threads.
It was that dream, again.
"Good morning, Cae"
I looked up and smiled, Alice.
"Good morning"
"Its your 12th birthday today" Alice continued, "Are you excited?"
"Yeah sorta" I answered. To be frank, I wasn't really open to this 'birthday' thing but it made Noah, Zane and Alice happy, so I just went along with it.
"Is our little Cae finally up" Noah grinned as he came into the room. He has too much energy for an early morning if you ask me.
"Yeah" I said as I slowly got up and sat on my bed, gently rubbing my eyes.
He came and patted my head, giving a kiss on my forehead. It wasn't as warm as it was before, but it still made me feel alive.
"Where's Zane?" I asked looking around.
"Happy birthday, Cae" Zane came walking into the room with a small smile, my birthdays always meant so much more to them than it meant to me.
"Did you make me cake like you used to?" I asked a little hopeful.
"Sorry kiddo, the hospital shift starts early today" Zane frowned a little, "But I could give a hug instead"
"I'd love that"
He came closer to me and pulled me into a soft hug, he felt cold like he did since the past few years, but nonetheless, I felt at ease with him.
"You guys promised to take me to the park today, remember?" I said softly. My heart fluttered with feelings I hoped were true.
They looked at me with the smiles they usually do, warm and bright, too warm and bright.
"Of course, Cae" Noah grinned, "Anything for our angel"
"But first and foremost, get ready for school okay? We'll go to the park this afternoon if we get off early" Alice flicked my nose playfully.
"We'll see you this afternoon then" Zane smiled softly, "Remember that we always love you"
*******************************
"Heyya Cae!" Willow shouted as he ran towards me and gave a rather suffocating hug. I love his hugs.
"Hey Will" I said, "Where is Diana?"
I looked around, wondering where she was, she usually comes with Willow and we go to school together.
"HEYYYYYYYY I'MM... I'M HEREEEE!!" Diana came running as she gasped for air, bumping into me and willow, making us all fall.
Looking at each other, we all laughed.
"Diana, for the stars' sake, walk like a normal human bean" Willow snickered at the joke he sneaked in.
"Well unlike you I'm a human being" Diana smiled.
"Aw shucks" Willow said as he got up, reaching out his hand to me and Diana to help us get up, "I thought we were the bean squad"
"You can have your squad without me and Cae"
"But then how will that be a squad? I don't wanna be 'Willow-the-one-man-squad' you know? It'll be lonely"
"How will it be lonely if you have us, silly?" I smiled at him, "I think I like being a bean"
"Heh, see Diana? It's just you. Have fun in your being squad" Willow grinned with his usual charisma, I liked his smiles. They were warm and lovely.
"And you plan on ditching me, that's it?" Diana feigned betrayal, "Oh wow, I'm so alone now"
This was the second time we laughed, it was fun hanging out with them. It reminded me of back when I was younger and at the hospital, when Alice, Noah and Zane used to take care of me.
Not that they didn't now too but the hospital has been giving them lots of work so they are barely home nowadays, but I'm glad they're with me.
"Maybe we should go to school now, I think the bell will ring soon" I said, looking at the watch Zane bought for me on my 9th birthday.
"Then what are we waiting for?" Willow smiled, holding our hands, he started to run, "Let's get em!"
*******************************
The bell rang and thus school came to an end. Everyone started rushing out the door like prisoners being freed from jail.
"CAEEEEE WHERE ARE YOU??" Diana shouted, rushing into my class.
"Diana come here" Miss Jene called, "How many times do I have to tell you not to not to run inside class and shout?? It's bad manners"
Miss Jene sighed.
"I'm sorry" Diana apologized, "Cae is usually alone you know? Someone has to look out for her"
My teacher stared at me with eyes filled with the blueness of sorrow. She turned back to Diana and then said, "Well, I suppose that is true. Be careful next time. This is your last warning, you hear me? "
"Loud and clear" Diana saluted at her and then came rushing looking for me.
"I'm here" I called as I finished packing my bag, looking at Diana.
As soon as she saw me, she gave me that warm and happy smile of hers, so full of life.
"There you are, silly!" She smiled even brighter and.. Genuine.
"I was always here, you just didnt—you are so gonna kill me with this hug" I barely wheezed out as she hugged me with all the might of the world. Diana and Willow sure know how to k!ll people with a hug...literally.
"You know I love you right?" she said after letting me out of her deathly hug.
"I know"
I smiled at her softly, one of the only smiles left within me.
"Let's go find Willow before he comes crying saying we left him" A mischievous tint grew in the dark corners of her eyes, filling up with lantern lights.
"Okay" I said, "He's probably in the park outside"
"You and you're family are going there today for your birthday right?"
After looking at my expression, she smiled even more, "C'mon, you seriously didn't think I would forget your birthday, did you? Me and Willy have a surprise gift for you on top of this one hill, I heard it was very gorgeous 4 years ago.
But some sort of accident happened. Not sure what but we will figure it out. I love exploring abandoned places, just the 3 of us. Like always"
"Like always" I agreed with my heart pounding with love I hoped was real. "Let's find Will then"
*************************************
"And looks like we are here" Willow said as he plopped himself on the blanket we laid for the picnic, "I wonder why no one comes to this hill, it's pretty chill"
"And gorgeous" Diana added, "Imagine looking at the shooting stars from this place"
"I actually did" I replied, munching on the strawberry cake Diana made for my birthday, it tasted exactly like the ones Zane used to make for me, delicious and warm.
"Wait you did?? How come you never told us" Willow questioned, his eyes turning to gaze into mine.
"Well, I didn't know this was the hill you both were talking about" I started, "I came here for New Years"
"With your family?" Diana asked.
"Yeah, they probably know I came here, they'll come soon" I replied, putting down the fork and plate.
"I can't wait to meet them!" Diana exclaimed, "You showed us your childhood pictures—which you looked very adorable in by the way—and they look like awesome sauce!"
"You all must have lots of fun every day" Willow said as he munched on chips, sharing some with me and Diana.
"Yeah" I smiled subtly, "We do"
After waiting for what seemed like forever, Noah, Zane and Alice showed up. I felt a glittering happiness and jumped into their arms. This time, it felt as warm and happy as it did before. Like it did before 2 weeks passed after my 9th birthday.
"You came" I tried to memorize their scent like the back of my hand, "Do you know how long I was waiting for?"
"Of course we came" Noah ruffled my head, "Wouldnt miss our angel's 12 birthday for the world"
"We got you gifts" Alice continued, "But it's in the box in underneath your bed. We thought to surprise you then but yeah"
"It's still a surprise" Zane bended down and gave me a hug, it was so warm right now that I could melt in it's safety, "So we'll open it when reach home okay?"
"Okay" I smiled.
"Are those your friends?" Noah asked, pointing to Diana and Willow, "They seem like good kids"
"Yeah!" I exclaimed, turning to Diana and Willow, "Guys this is my family! Say hi"
"Uhh.. Cae I don't mean to be rude but.. Who should we say 'hi' to again?" Willow asked me.
Weird. How could he say that infront of them? That's rude.
"What do you mean, Will? That's not nice. They are literally here" I huffed, crossing my arms.
"But where is here?" Diana said, standing up and looking right pass me.
Why are they being so impolite?? Alice, Noah and Zane were right here... They were just...
Huh.
Where did they go?
I turned and looked behind and...
...
Nothing.
But, but how—
"They were just here. They were talking to me, they, they—"
Remember that we will always love you, Cae. So so much. More than you'll ever know.
No
No
No
No
No
This can't be happening. They are alive. They are well. And they are with me, they said—promised that they'll stay with me. Forever.
"Cae, are you okay?" Willow's voice snapped me back to life.
"My family... They.. They were just here.."
"Cae, did you feel any warmth in their hugs?" Diana frowned, as if trying to calculate something.
"Well, I mean—"
"Cae, tell me truthfully" Diana said steadily, "Did you or did you not?"
"No" I whispered with a voice that could barely be heard, "Not since my 9th birthday"
"Did they ever eat with you? Or—or did they ever go out with you?"
"Not.. They said they were busy with work and.. And they never got the time to—"
"Cae snap out of it" Willow looked at me, his eyes filled with a look I could not decipher.
"Did they promise to do things together but never ended up doing it?" Diana continued.
How could she be so calm when everything was screaming?
"They..they promised to cook with me like they used to but—"
"—They never ended up doing it?" Willow guessed.
Stunned, I looked at him, "How did you—?"
"There's some cases like yours" Diana said, "I've seen it in novels. Well, I think they are true"
"But they were just with me.. They couldn't have.. They wouldn't.."
"It's okay, Cae" Willow put his hand on my shoulder, looking at me with so much warmth I could burst, "It's okay.."
"It's not" I snapped quietly.
The blue in my eyes daring to quiver and spread.
"It's not okay"
Diana and Willow pulled me into a hug.
They didn't try to comfort me, they didn't try to advice me. They just...stayed.
They let me cry, they let me take out the emotions I couldn't understand, the emotions I would never understand.
"Are you two real or am I imagining you two too?" I finally squeaked out, "Are you some sort of hallucination too? Are you going to leave me as well?"
"We are very much real" Willow gave a devastating sad smile. How could he look so gorgeous but sad too?
"And we will never leave you" Diana affirmed, "Why would we leave such an angel like you?"
Angel.
"But that's what they said too, they also—"
"But we aren't them, Cae" Willow whispered softly, "We are your friends. We are in the present. We are here...with you"
"How—What" I cracked, my voice hoarse from my eyes still drowning in the deep deep blue, "What am I supposed to do...? How can I live anymore.. If.. If there's nothing to live for.. How can I—"
"You have us, Cae" Diana whispered softly, not letting me break out of the hug I so need but couldn't accept.
"We're always here for you" Willow gently patted my back as he said that. "As for what you should do.."
"How about we first change the flowers on those graves? I take it's your family's graveyard. It has their names after all" Diana suggested calmly.
I looked past them, graves. How did I not see them before?
There stood the graves of my heart, my soul. My saviors. Dried up sunflowers, lavenders and jasmines laid. Their favorites. How were they still surviving no matter the condition for this long?
I slowly nodded.
You got to get yourself together, Cae.
Wipping the ocean which formed itself on me, I gathered myself. It'll be okay... Right?
"Cae.." They both looked at me.
That's right. I should focus on the present. On what's their for me. What has been there for me at this moment.
"Let's.." I muttered, "Let's do that"
"Good" Diana said, "Let's get going then"
**************************************
After changing the bouquets with fresh ones, Diana and Willow helped me with everything and stayed at my place—informing their parents that they are to have a sleep over with me so they don't worry—until late at night until I felt better.
"Thank.. Thank you" I finally spoke up, "I don't know what I would have done without you two.."
"You always have us" Diana smiled as she opened the front door.
Willow gave me one last hug, "Just call us if you nned anything okay?"
I nodded.
Waving goodbye, I closed the door.
I'm alone... Again.
We left a surprise for you underneath your bed. Let's go see your gift when we reach home~!
How weird. Why am I remember these words right now?
But anyway, I decided to listen to this... 'hallucination' Alice and went to check under my bed.
It was there... The gift... It was there.
With trembling hands, I opened it. It was my teddy from when I was young, Alice fixed it. There was also a small robot that Noah promised he would buy for me a week before my 9th birthday.
I smiled tearfully. Oh wait, there's a letter.
My eyes swelled up while reading it. Blue was a colour which was forever engraved in the deep ends of my eyes between the devil and the deep blue sea. It was written in Zane's handwriting.
𝐷𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝐶𝑎𝑒,
𝐼 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙.
𝐻𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 9𝑡ℎ 𝑏𝑖𝑟𝑡ℎ𝑑𝑎𝑦, 𝑚𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑙.
𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑜 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢.
𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑜 𝑣𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑑𝑙𝑦. 𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑 𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑙. 𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑚𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑎𝑟, ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔.
𝐼 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑐ℎ 𝐼 𝑔𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑎𝑟𝑒 9 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑠𝑜..𝐼 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑝𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒..ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦.
𝑇𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓, 𝐶𝑎𝑒. 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑡𝑜 𝐴𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑒, 𝑡𝑜 𝑁𝑜𝑎ℎ 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑙𝑦, 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒.
𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑒𝑠 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑜. 𝑆𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢.
𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝑤𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑝ℎ𝑦𝑠𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦, 𝑤𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑏𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑜𝑢𝑙. 𝐼𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑐ℎ 𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑠𝑜 𝑏𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡. 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑙𝑦, 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠.
𝐼 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑎𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢...𝑚𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑒𝑟.
𝐵𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑠,
𝑍𝑎𝑛𝑒.
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