Tòumíng felt the movie dialogue flowing through him, the theatrical energy taking over. He leaned in even closer to Háo Héng's terrified face, his voice dropping to that dangerous whisper he'd heard in countless crime films.
"So here's how this is gonna work," he said, each word deliberate and slow. "You're gonna give us this house. For free. No rent. No deposit. Nothing. And in exchange, I don't tell my goons to pay you a little visit. Capisce?"
Háo Héng nodded so frantically his whole body shook.
Tòumíng blinked, stepping back slightly. "Wait, what? That was... that was easy."
He'd expected pushback, negotiation, at least some attempt at bargaining. But Háo Héng just stood there, nodding, his face pale and sweating, clearly ready to agree to anything.
"Too easy," Měi Nán observed from the side, arms still crossed. "Add more."
"Right. Yeah." Tòumíng scrambled to think of additional demands, trying to maintain the threatening persona while his brain caught up. "And uhh... you're gonna be our... our retail gopher. Yeah. You're gonna help us acquire merchandise. Gems, minerals, whatever we need. Use your connections, your resources. You got it?"
The logic was sound, Háo Héng clearly had money, had connections in wealthy circles, probably knew dealers and collectors who bought high-end stones. Having someone like that as an unwilling assistant could be useful for moving the quartz and other gems Tòumíng mined.
"Yes! Yes, of course!" Háo Héng nodded again, his voice high and desperate. "Whatever you need! I have contacts! Collectors! I can help you move any merchandise! High-end buyers who don't ask questions!"
"Good." Tòumíng stood back fully now, trying to look casual and threatening at the same time, which was harder than the movies made it seem. "So we're clear? Free house. You help us sell our... acquisitions. And you keep your mouth shut about all of this."
"Absolutely! Complete silence! You have my word!"
"And the cameras?" Měi Nán interjected. "All of them. Every single one. Removed. Today."
"Yes! I'll have them all out within hours! I'll personally come back and—"
"Send someone," Měi Nán cut him off. "Someone discreet. Someone who won't ask questions. And send us proof when it's done. Photos of every location where there was a device, showing it's been removed."
"Of course, of course! Whatever you want!"
Tòumíng pointed toward the door, channeling one more movie line he'd heard. "Now scram before I change my mind."
Háo Héng didn't need to be told twice. He practically ran toward the exit, stumbling over his own feet in his haste to get away. At the doorway, he paused, turned back with his hands clasped together in a gesture that was almost a bow.
"Thank you," he gasped. "Thank you for not killing me. I'll have everything arranged. The property papers, the camera removal, everything. You won't regret this! I'll be the best gopher you've ever had!"
Then he was gone, his expensive shoes clacking against the stone pathway as he ran toward the gate.
The moment the sound of his footsteps faded, Tòumíng dropped to his knees, all the theatrical energy draining out of him in an instant. His hands were shaking, adrenaline crashing, the weight of what they'd just done hitting him all at once.
"Oh my god," he breathed. "Oh my god, that was the hardest I've ever bullshitted in my entire life. I thought my heart was going to explode. Well, our heart. You know what I mean."
Měi Nán burst out laughing, the sound echoing through the empty villa. "The Joker line? Really? 'Wanna know how I got these scars?' And then the Godfather! 'An offer you can't refuse!' You just mashed together two completely different movies!"
"THEY'RE GOOD MOVIES!" Tòumíng defended, still on his knees. "The dialogue works! It's intimidating!"
"It's ridiculous!"
"It WORKED though!"
"Only because you have fourteen bullet holes and look like you actually could kill someone!" Měi Nán was grinning now, the earlier coldness completely gone, replaced by genuine amusement. "The scars sold it. Without those, you would've just sounded like a film student doing a bad audition."
"I'll take the win however I can get it," Tòumíng muttered, pushing himself back to his feet.
Inside his chest, Cupid chimed in, his voice carrying something that might have been approval. "I'm impressed. You two just talked a blackmailer into giving you a multi-million yuan property for free AND turned him into your personal fence for selling stolen gems. That's some quality manipulation right there."
"We didn't steal the gems," Tòumíng protested weakly.
"You smuggled them from a mine that owns the mineral rights. That's theft. Semantics don't change the legal definition."
"Can we not focus on the crime aspects right now?" Měi Nán walked to the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking out at the lake view. "We just got a FREE HOUSE. With an INFINITY POOL. And six bedrooms. And that kitchen. Do you understand what just happened?" (BTW no mei cannot hear cupid rn, since Touming is talking outloud again about stealing gems, he figured)
Tòumíng joined him at the window, the view genuinely breathtaking. The lake stretched out before them, the morning sun making the water shimmer, the hills providing a natural frame that looked like something from a painting.
"We threatened a man into giving us his property," Tòumíng said.
"We stopped a blackmailer from continuing to exploit people AND got a house out of it," Měi Nán corrected. "We're basically vigilantes. With excellent taste in real estate."
"That's not how vigilantes work—"
"Close enough." Měi Nán turned away from the window, his expression shifting to something more practical. "Okay, so now we need to actually figure out logistics. Moving the rest of our stuff here. Making sure Háo Héng actually follows through on removing the cameras. Setting up the house as our base of operations for your whole gem mining empire."
"It's not an empire—"
"Yet. Not an empire yet." Měi Nán started walking through the villa again, this time with the air of someone planning rather than investigating. "We should claim bedrooms. I want the master suite, obviously. You can have the second largest one. We'll use one as a storage room for your gems. Another can be your workout space since you'll probably need to maintain that intimidating physique—"
"I don't work out, the metabolic healing just—"
"—and we'll keep the other two as guest rooms in case we need to look legitimate. Oh, and we need to buy furniture. Real furniture. None of that sad apartment store stuff."
Tòumíng watched Měi Nán transform into full planning mode, his earlier fear and anger at Háo Héng completely replaced by enthusiasm about interior design and logistics.
"This is really happening," he said quietly.
"This is REALLY happening!" Měi Nán spun around, grinning. "We have a villa on Guanlan Lake! For FREE! Do you know how insane that is?!"
"Pretty insane," Cupid agreed. "Though I'm curious how you're going to explain this to the moving crew when they show up. 'Oh yeah, we just convinced the owner to let us live here for free through vague threats of violence.' That'll go over well."
"We'll figure something out," Tòumíng said. "We always do."
He looked around the villa—the high ceilings, the pristine floors, the expensive fixtures, the view that probably cost more than his entire previous existence. Two weeks ago he'd been dying in a dumpster. Now he was standing in a luxury property that was apparently his for free.
Life had gotten very strange very quickly.
"I'm calling dibs on the pool," Měi Nán announced, already heading toward the back where the infinity pool waited. "Right now. Before you get any ideas about morning laps or whatever."
"I don't swim—"
"Then you won't mind me having exclusive pool privileges!"
Tòumíng followed him, still processing, still trying to reconcile the scared teenager who'd smuggled quartz to survive with the person who'd just threatened a property owner into submission using movie dialogue and bullet scars.
The infinity pool was exactly as advertised—stunning, pristine, the edge seeming to blend seamlessly with the lake view beyond.
Měi Nán was already testing the water temperature with his hand, making pleased sounds about the heating system.
This was home now.
Somehow.
Against all odds and logic.
A free villa, an unwilling accomplice in Háo Héng, a femboy escort boyfriend (?) situation that still hadn't been properly defined, and an uncertain future that definitely involved more crime and probably more violence.
But hey, at least the view was nice.